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Friday, July 29, 2011

Poolside Perspective: What I learned (Week 5)

It is time once again to review what we have learned this week at the pool.  The weather was spotty with rain on Monday and a sky full of clouds on Thursday.  Cloudy days at the pool are the best as it keeps most of the sun-lovers away and allows for the entire pool for the kids to play.

Here's what we learned:

  • Monokinis are mocking me.   I have already lamented about these dreadful swimsuits and this week I had the pleasure of seeing a toddler in one.  Seriously?  Have you lost your butterfly size mind? 
  • Concessions are addicting.  Apparently the most disgusting of concession stand foods is more appealing than whatever Mommy has packed in the cooler.
  • "Devious" is the new IT word.  My son has started calling everything devious.  My favorite line from the Princess Bride, "I do not think that word means what you think that word means" comes to mind often as I listen to him.  "That slide is devious."  "That diving board is devious."  "That little girl's eyes are devious."  Okay...he may have been on to something with that last one.
  • Umbrellas are temperamental.  As we were leaving for the day, a big gust of wind picked up one of the picnic table umbrellas, tossed it over the fence into the parking lot and directly onto of my son.  Like an episode of Bay Watch, cute & petite lifeguards (with 0% body fat) rushed to our van.  Both the van and my son were unharmed.
  • Planking.  I am finding this unusual activity somewhat annoying.  I watched at the pool as two grown adults decided to have their pictures taken planking both the high dive and the low dive.  Needless to say, it wouldn't surprise me if their kid was a toddler in the monokini.
In conclusion, we learned that umbrellas can, indeed, be devious, cheese fries really are addicting, monokinis are simply wrong at any age and the welcome new trend of de-planking needs to begin as soon as possible.

What did you learn?
Thursday, July 28, 2011

Writer's Workshop: what I miss about the school year

Since starting to work in the school cafeteria, I have an entirely new perspective on the start of the school year. Summer has an entirely different feel to it. It used to be something I looked forward to ending. Now? I embrace it. I enjoy every fleeting moment of it.

However, I will admit that come August I start to long for my routine, I start to look forward to my return to the kitchen.

This week Mama Kat had great prompts including how you knew your child was growing up. Since I have already posted this letter to my 12 year old as well as this post about the tortures of puberty, I decided to skip the first prompt.

So today I will share with you five things I miss about the school year and five things I don't miss.

I miss the daily interaction with my co-workers.

I DO NOT miss the chaos that is our morning routine.

I miss having lunch with my principal.

I DO NOT miss my hairnet.

I miss the kindergartners.

I DO NOT miss the mess the kids make of the cafeteria.

I miss (most of) the teachers.

I DO NOT miss government meat products.

I miss, dare I say it, my boss.

I DO NOT miss the dish room and the dreaded GREEN SCRATCHY.

What do you miss about the school year?
Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Hump Day Craft Post: a few scrapbook pages

My goal this summer was to make 30 scrapbook pages.

I figured, "How hard could that be?  That's only 10 pages a month."

I am failing miserably.

This is my son, circa (2008) with his beloved blue blankie.  Yes, he still has it. 

I think he always will.

I love to make an entire page of photos.  I love the clean look it give and how each photo just rolls right into the other photos.  This is a creek near our house.  We are playing there with some friends.  In case you can't read the the title, it says "Creekside Adventure"
circa: 2008

This is one of my favorite pictures of Middle G.

She is missing so many teeth she looks like a hockey player.

It's not all that flattering.

The fairy is from the first Cricut Paper Doll cartridge.

Thanks for stopping by.  Let me know if you are posting a craft by linking up below.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Five of my most favorite movies

While touring the great state of Florida this past week, my hubby and I decided to discuss our all-time favorite movies. I couldn't pick just one. As of today, these are my top five. (who knows...they might change tomorrow)

In no particular order...

The Princess Bride

This movie has everything...romance, violence and, of course, true love. I love the character that Billy Crystal plays and his line "Have fun storming the castle" has become a sort of mantra around our house. Who wouldn't cheer for Inigo? And who doesn't love Andre the Giant.

Favorite line: "I do not think that word means what you think it means."
Undercover Blues

Jane and Jeff Blue are ex-spies on maternity leave visiting New Orleans and finding themselves caught up in all sorts of mayhem, including multiple mugging attempts by the worst criminal in the world...Muerte.

Best quote:

Muerte: My name is Muerte, my name is death!
Jeff: Oh, hi, Morty.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

This is a classic. If you have ever had an overdose of family, especially during the holidays, then this movie is sure to make you laugh yourself silly.

Best quote...

Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.

My Cousin Vinny

This movie makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. From the moment the duo gets arrested through the arrival of Vinny and his learn-as-you-go approach, this movie kills me.

Favorite quote:

Mona Lisa Vito: Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along, you get thirsty, you spot a little brook, you put your little deer lips down to the cool clear water... BAM! A fuckin bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are laying on the ground in little bloody pieces! Now I ask ya. Would you give a fuck what kind of pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?

Alice in Wonderland

This is a masterpiece. The visual effects in this movie are stunning AND it has Johnny Depp in it. It doesn't get much better than that.

Favorite quotes...

The Mad Hatter: [to Alice] You used to be much more..."muchier." You've lost your muchness.

The Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?
Alice Kingsley: I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

Leave me a comment and share with me your top five movies.

Monday, July 25, 2011

What do you mean you were in Florida without your kids?

Stealing from bloggy genius Jenners her Q&A format and I will attempt to interview myself about my recent Florida vacation.
Did you really stay on a golf course?

Yes. This is the beautiful resort where we stayed. Our friends L&D have a vacation club that booked this placed for them for the week. We stayed with them on Thursday and Friday night. They left Saturday and because we had a very early Sunday flight, we decided to stay close to the airport Saturday night.

The best part is that grammie and pappy agreed to stay with all three kids.

Did you see any turtles?

Yes. Someone actually caught this little guy while we were on the Naples Pier. He was released from the beach and he swam away, quite irritated.

There were nests everywhere and I so hoped to see some babies breaking through in a mad dash to the water, but no luck.

Was the wedding as beautiful as you thought it would be?

Even more so. Our friends were blessed with many guests, beautiful weather and each other. It was great to see them and we had a a fantastic trip to a part of Florida I had never been to.

Did you really wear a dress?

Ummm...yes. I know it is surprising, but that really is me on the far a dress.
Don't get used to it.

Did you see any gators?

We saw BoBo, who at first I thought was a statue.

We took a tour of the Everglades on a air boat...on alligator infested water.  We may not be that smart.

We had to wear this sexy ear protection.  We look like we're at a NASCAR event.

Did you learn anything new about southern Florida?

I learned that Florida has exceptionally beautiful flowers....

in lots of colors.

I learned that Florida is home to an endangered species of panthers that apparently cannot cross the road very well and may be related to the Pennsylvania white tailed deer.  The panthers, contrary to popular belief are not black.
I learned that seahorses make cute mailboxes and...

that gopher tortoises get signs too!

It was a fantastic trip full of sun, fun and laughter. Hopefully someday I will return.
Friday, July 22, 2011

Poolside Perspective: What I learned (Week 4)

It's time, once again, to review what we learned at the pool this week.

It was again hotter than the surface of the sun in Pennsylvania and that tends to bring people in droves to the pool.

All kinds of people.

You just never know when a life lesson might present itself.  Best to have a notebook.

  • Get your own table.  Imagine if you got to the pool before everyone else.  You sat your cooler down on a picnic table with an umbrella and started to spray your kids with sunscreen only to be accossted by a freak and his whining 12 year old implying that you "stole" their table.  Say what?  I don't see you name on it.  There is one there, and there, and there and oh look there is even one over there.
  • Butterflies have small brains.  This really isn't all that hard to imagine when you think of how tiny their heads are but seriously you have an entire open meadow to fly around in and yet you can't stopp landing on the water?  Are you suicidal?  There's a kids book for you--Ben the Suicidal Butterfly and how he learned that life is worth living.  My kids had to save his sorry butt like four times.  Finally they released him on the other side of the fence.
  • Friends vs. siblings  My kids can play for hours at the pool without annoying me as long as they have a friend.  God forbid that friend is on vacation and they have to play the same game with each other.  This will result in incredible amounts of whining, physical assaults, and crying.
  • Rafts, Rafts and Rafts.  We have a handful of rafts.  Some of which we store at the pool and some of which we don't.  The raft room has become so overcrowded as of late that it takes at least 20 minutes to find your raft.  The kids love to search for the raft (which works out well for me) but this week they learned why keeping them there isn't the best idea when the found out their beloved innertube was trampled and popped.
  • You took a bite of what?  My neighbors little girl has these foam squirt guns.  They are really cool and the squirt really far.  She left it by the stairs when she realized she had to go to the bathroom.  Some little boy picked it up and took a HUGE bite out of it.  Really?  Who does that?  Even if you're four, that still seems like an unacceptable behavior.  Him mom took it off of him, sat it back down and walked with him to the other side of the pool.  No I'm sorry.  No Nothing.
In conclusion, we learned rafts pop, toddlers bite, butterflies aren't one of God's smartest creatures but still might be smarter than the guy and his tween who attempted to claim our table as their own and life is always better shared with a friend vs. a sibling.

What did you learn this week?
Thursday, July 21, 2011

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (part 2) - a review

I, like many others, ventured out late Thursday night to watch a midnight showing of the Harry Potter finally.

I went with two of my friends and took my 12 year old daughter, as well.  My daughter started counting down the hours as soon as she woke up.

She spoke of nothing else the entire day.

She was wired from about 6:30 in the morning until the previews finally started rolling at 12:06 a.m.

Amazingly, we ran into a boy from her class (whom she may have a crush on) and his mom and they were able to join us and we moved the overly talkative tweens to the seats in front of us.

I shared with you my thoughts on the first movie so I thought I would do the same for the series finally.

If you haven't seen the movie or you are one of 20 people who hasn't read the book, stop now.  Spoiler alert.

This movie is much better than the one before.  Part 1 is exceptionally slow and I was glad that Part 2 didn't follow in it's footsteps or I'm not sure I would have made it until the 2:30 ending.

HP7 part 2 opens just where part 1 ended.  Harry is burying Dobby and Voldemort is securing the Elder Wand.  Action is just around the corner as Harry begs the goblin, Griphook, to help the famous trio break into Gringotts.

One of the best parts is watching Helena Bonham Carter portray Belletrix as Hermione.  Fantastic acting and exceptionally believable.

The special effects were flawless, as I truly believed that the trio was riding a blind dragon to safety after securing yet another horocrux from the LeStrange vault.  It becomes quite obvious that Harry must sacrifice himself in order to truly eliminate Voldemort.

The final scene featuring Snape was excellently portrayed by Alan Rickman.  However, I was disappointed that the screenwriters felt it necessary to imply that he could have fathered Harry Potter.  I heard many people, including my friend, articulating this at the movies end. 

This was never even hinted at in the book.

The final battle was reminiscent of the Lord of the Rings and the Pirates of the Caribbean combined.  It had moments that made you chuckle, moments that made you cry, moments that made you applaud.

When Harry finds himself in the train station with Dumbledore my favorite line of the movie was spoken.

Dumbledore:  "Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

Of course, when Molly Weasley finally kills Bellatrix by denouncing her attempt to kill Ginny with a out of character shout, "Not my daughter, Bitch."  I couldn't help but cheer.

Having already shared with you the seven things I learned from Harry Potter, I guess I will close this by saying that I hope some day J.K. Rowling takes the other stories playing out in her head, those of the newest wizards, and writes them down for all of us to share.

Because the adventures of a little wizard girl named Lily, with parents as sweet as Harry and Ginny, could be just as unforgettable as those of her parents.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Hump Day Craft Post Hump: The Craft Room Redo

Last week I showed what my craft room look like before I destroyed reorganized it.  It has been a SLOOOOOOw process attempting to clean it back up.  I started this project because I wanted to get rid of the brown desk that was taking up so much space and to actually know where things like googly eyes and eyelets were hiding. 

I can honestly say that I am happy that the desk is gone but I would be lying to you if I said that I knew where the googly eyes are.  I can tell you that I am working on it.

This is my newest addition.  I bought it, along with the drawers, at Target.  I really like that it goes with my current color scheme.  As you can see, I still have stuff on the floor that I need to go through. 

I am working diligently in attempting to organize my paper and have come to the conclusion that I am a paper whore.  I mean I have 15 different shade of red.  What?  Really?  Yep.  It's bad.  So bad that I may need to join a support group and attempt to not buy a single sheet until January 1st.

January 1, 2014.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Oh crap...summer vacation is half over

Near the end of the school year, I came up with this list of all the things I'd like to accomplish this summer. Since (gasp) summer vacation is already half over, I thought we'd take a look at my progress.

Complete another edit I have successfully completed another edit of my YA novel and I am planning on actually submitting it for consideration before the end of summer! I am anxious and excited to see what lies ahead.

Paint my bedroom. I am taking baby steps towards this project. I picked out some colors I like and I am waiting for feedback from my hubby. Might have a girls night in painting party.

Enjoy my kids. For the most part, I have been doing fairly well with this. Of course, oldest did spend a week at camp and middle is leaving for camp next week. Plus, they have been participating in summer playground which may or may not be the only thing keeping me sane.

Visit the Crayola Factory. I have my doubts on this one. It is rather pricey and I'm not sure I am gonna attempt to swing it.

Clean and organize my craft room. The brown desk is out and the organization has begun. Pics to be posted tomorrow.

Fly to Florida. We leave on Thursday! White sand beaches and a wedding to celebrate. Doesn't get much better than that.

Summer Reading Club. We are signed up, but out of the 30 savenger hunts available we have only participated in 2. But I do have plans to do one tomorrow....

Scrapbook. My summer goal was 30 pages and so far I am at 4. This one might turn into an epic fail.

Bulletin boards. I promised some friends and co-workers help with their bulletin boards and I am making a lot of progress on this. The craft rooom is starting to look like a barnyard as I have about 30 cows and barns in the works.

Visit friends in Ohio. I don't think we are gonna make it out there, but out of the blue I found out some friends from Ohio will be staying with us in August.

Survive Camp. Done. The best part was all the visits from our friends. They made the week fly right by.

Visit family. The in-laws are coming to keep the kids when we are in Florida and my sister and her family will be visiting at the end of the month for my birthday. Life is good.

Have a fire (or 2 or 3). On Saturday, I had a rockin' good time with lots of friends from school as well as my neighbors. Food, a fire and some friends...who could ask for anything more.

Birthday books and school albums. Seeing as I've only made four pages it is pretty easy to figure out how this one is going...

Recharge. My favorite goal and the one I am having the most success with!

Come August 24th I'll be able to handle anything.

Including kale.

Monday, July 18, 2011

When did liberal become a bad word?

It seems to me that many people I know are hung up on labels.

Everything needs a label.

In your mind, take a stroll through the halls of your old high school. Can you hear the labels? Can you remember where you fit in? Fitting in meant getting the label needed. The right label could get you just about anything in high school. It could get you an invite to THE party or it could break you. Popular vs. Unpopular. Bitch vs. Diva.

Have you ever been somewhere, like a big birthday party or a block party, where you know most of the people but not all of the people? You need to mingle with some people that you don't know. You need to perfect your "surface" conversation. The "how are yous?" and the "what do you dos?"

Some people aren't good at surface conversation. You know who you are. You are the person who announces that you just had a boil removed from your ass to the person to your left whose last name you don't even know. You are this-lady. You are the person who blurts out someones name and calls them (gasp) liberal.

It doesn't matter to you if the person you just denounced as liberal may or may not be a friend of anyone at the party. You don't care because 1) all reasonable people think and believe like you, and 2) that's what Jesus would do.

Hold your horses...I know what you are thinking. Am I at the right blog? We don't talk about religion or politics on this blog. We talk about boobies exposed at the pool and what's for lunch in the cafeteria. Don't fret. We will get back to our regularly scheduled program soon, but today I wanna talk about the word liberal.

According to the, the word liberal means open to new behavior or opinions; favorable to or respectful of individual rights and freedoms.

Of course there are more political definitions of liberal that say that a liberal is someone who rejects logical and biblical standards, often for self-centered reasons.

I am assuming that this acquaintance, when denouncing my friend as a liberal, meant the latter, but who can really tell. When asked to elaborate on how they came to this conclusion with limited interaction with said individual they simple said "It's obvious. They wear tie-dye."

Wow. I like tie-dye.

Who knew I was giving away so much of my personal beliefs simply by picking out a shirt. Did you know that people can tell, just by what you are wearing, what you believe? What you value?

Based on this simple conversation with a delusional person, I have decided I will no longer keep you guessing what I believe.

I believe that people who were open to new ideas ended slavery, I believe people who rejected the mainstream way of doing things gave women the right to vote. I believe that Jesus was welcoming and forgiving not only to the woman who committed adultery but also to the tax collectors. I believe that allowing someone to die alone because they are not "legally" bound to the person they have shared their life with should be a illegal.

I believe there is only one that should ever be allowed to judge me (or any of my friends) and I hope when I get there he is wearing tie-dye.
Friday, July 15, 2011

Poolside Perspective: what I learned (week 3)

It's time once again to share with you what I learned at the pool this week.

It was a HOT one this week and it brought out tons of people who, most likely, called in sick to work.

More than one day this week it was uncomfortable to sit anywhere other than completely submerged in the water. 

At one point, I was convinced the air was too hot to breathe.

Here's what I learned.

  • Crack.  It's not just a street drug.  Why, oh why, is it so hard for boys of all ages to keep their butt crack from making an appearance at the pool.  How can that be comfortable?  Can't you feel the breeze on your....cheeks?
  • Guests.  This week we had multiple guests come and spend the day with us, one of my son's friends came on Monday, a co-worker of mine spent the day with us on Wednesday, and today a co-worker of B's is coming to hang.  Such a wonderful time to catch up with good friends and to share a laugh.  One of our guests found themselves in quite a predicament only to be saved by Middle G.  Tiny toads and pool filters do not like each other.

  • Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeney.  I continue to be amazed at how much boobie is on display at the pool.  I realize that I am not a large breasted woman and therefore I may just not understand the problems faced by my big chested friends but...come on.  Seriously, the only top you could find just covered your nipples.  Really?  They didn't have any other tops?  Perhaps it's time to get out of the junior section and pick a bathing suit that fits.
  • Hot Stuff...your fries are ready.  My kids have decided that providing their real name at the snack shack isn't nearly as funny as having someone say "Hot stuff.  Hot Stuff.  Please come get your cheese fries."  My son is especially fond of having them call him "Bob" and B's son is known as "Sweetheart."  Lord, help us.
  • Synchronized swimming for idots.  B and I have been critized for our "hard" schedules in the summer.  I think it's just jealously.  But since some people (mostly our husbands) think we don't do much of anything we decided to start training for a synchronized swimming team.  So far it looks something like this....

In conclusion, may I suggest that you pull up your pants when your butt is hanging out, get a swim top that covers all of your areola, pick a new name and use it proudly, join us for a day at the pool but, by all means, be prepared to join us in the shallow for a little synchronized fun.

Hold it...hold it.  Feel the burn!  You're gonna need ice for that burn!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Five Reasons You Need a Book Club Like Mine

I am gonna let you in on a little secret.  I am a slow reader.  I have to be totally engrossed in a book (or trapped in the wilderness without an Internet connection) to finish it in a timely manner.

That being said, I truly enjoyed the book that was picked for our first ever book club.  Look Again by Lisa Scottoline (who apparently has A LOT of books) was an easy summer read.

So if you are a slow reader like me, here are are few reasons why I think a book club like mine might help.

  1. Laughter.  I laughed so hard and so often last night that my face hurt the next day.  If you haven't had a GNO that left you with a hurting face from laughing lately you may want to start a book club.
  2. Small Snacks.  Our host had a plethora of dipable snacks and a fondue pot filled with chocolate.  I actually had a small smore, which was as delicious as it was cute.
  3. Adult conversation.  Sometimes I feel like my day revolves around children fighting over who can get sprayed with sunscreen first, who sings better, and who gets to pick the Wii game.  Last night we discussed topics that involved some thought, like whether or not single parents should adopt, if we, ourselves, have a go-to parent, and what we would do if  we found out our child belong to someone else.
  4. Motivation.  Nothing motivates me more than not-being-last.  I don't like to be the last to cross the finish line, I don't like to be the last to try a new dish, and I certainly don't want to be the only person who doesn't finish the book.  Nothing like a little peer pressure to motivate ya.
  5. Something to Toast.  It's no secret that I need little reason to raise a glass in a toast to friends.  Book Club is the perfect opportnity for that.
Happy Reading.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Hump day craft post: craft room clean up

I am attempting to clean out my craft room. The big brown desk is taking up space that I need so it is getting the boot. I am organizing the paper and getting rid of what I don't use. It is taking FOREVER!

I may have too many cricut cartridges as I am now out of shelf space. Do you think this indicates a problem?

The brown desk was sooooo heavy that even after it was empty I couldnt move it. Hubby had to dismember it and carry it down the steps piece by piece.

I have a new shelving unit up now and I am working on the organizational portion of the project, which is my least favorite part.

You will have to wait until next week to see finshed project.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Puberty: Why the second time around may kill me.

Oldest G is growing up and I don't really like it.
She's 12 1/2 and sometimes I do not recognize her.
What happened to the little baby that looked at me with awe and wonder?  She has turned into a pre-teen adolescent who looks at me with contempt and usually annoyance.

It's a challenging time for us both.  I feel like I should have stock in a deodorant company and possibly an acne cream company.  Don't get me started on the fact that we are now experiencing the joys of PMS together.  (pray for my husband)

She looks so much older than she is.  She asks much younger than she looks.  She doesn't want to brush her hair.  She fights with me about everything.

I remember when she couldn't wait to have pig tails or a pony tail.

I remember when tiny barrettes used to make her smile. 

I remember when she thought I was the only person who knew how to braid.

Now she likes to paint her fingernails black.  She consistantly forgets to put on deodorant.

She calls me MOM not Mommy (although every now and then she slips)

She looks so much like me some people mistake us for each other.

She's in a perpetually bad mood.

Don't let the smile fool you.

She is faking it.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Seven things I have learned from Harry Potter

With the big premiere of the final installment of the Harry Potter films just a few short days away I thought I would share with you what I have learned from this book/movie series.

1. Friendship can see you through anything. No matter the problem, whether it be facing a giant three headed dog, battling your arch nemisis, killing a troll, or picking out dress robes for a Yule Ball, life is better with friends to share it with. They can help you battle through just about anything.

2. It's all in how you react. We all have asked questions such as the ones that Harry asks. Why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this? When will this cup pass from me? My dad always says "Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it."

3. We will always live on. Those familiar with the books know that some of the most beloved characters, starting with Harry's parents, to Dobby, to Fred Weasley, to Dumbledore, to Hedwig, all the way down to Snape do not make it to the end of the story. What we learn though is that what we leave behind is part of who we are.

4. Always trust your instints. From the very first movie, Harry learned to trust his gut. Harry learned to surround himself with people who make him happy and tried, for the most part, to avoid those who didn't.

5. Never give up. No matter how hard the task seems to be, whether it be as simple as getting a good grade on your O.W.L.S. or finally overthrowing a Dark Lord, the trick is never to give up.

6. Magic is all around us. I don't have any friends that carry wands, but I do know some magical people. I know people who teach kids to read, who care for the dying, who preach about truth, who make me laugh, who hug me when I feel like crying. They may not chant any spells but they are no less magical.

7. Love is the most powerful of all magic. Most Harry Potter fans know that the love of Harry's mom is what saved him from Voldemort when he was a child. One of the best parts in the Order of the Phoenix is the part when Harry fights off The Big V by telling him he has something worth fighting for. "You're the weak one. You will never know love or friendship."

LOVE. FRIENDSHIP. Something worth fighting for.
Friday, July 8, 2011

Poolside Perspective: what I learned (week 2)

Last week I started this column to educate you and to share all of the valuable life lessons I am learning while relaxing poolside this summer. If you missed the first installment, you can find it here.

BUSES. I think I should get a discount or something if three buses are gonna come to the pool on the same day. I mean I finally took my broken-toe-bootie off and I don't want to fight some 12 year old for pool space.

PREGNANT BIKINIS. I may take some heat on this one, but I'm gonna say it anyway. Cover your pregnant belly. Your belly is gonna be just fine without sun this year. This week, I kid you not, there was a woman close to 60 hugely pregnant in a white bikini designed to fit a teenager. I am pretty sure I could see her babies feet pressing along her rib cage and at one point she double over and B and I thought she might be trying for a water birth.

PDA. A young, not attractive couple, decided that the area near the slide exit was a fantastic place to make out. At one point I started to get concerned that they may actually be having sex. Middle G is a lot like my sister and she doesn't put up with much. She marched over to the lifeguard with a gaggle of her friends and asked if they could do something about all the "grossness". Sure enough a lifeguard swam over and asked them to "Tone down the PDA". PDA is now Middle G's favorite word.

BE SURE YOUR FRIEND WENT HOME. I still find this-story unblievable, but yet it really happened in Massachusettes. Marie Joseph was reported missing at the pool on a Sunday and her body was not recovered until Tuesday. It remains unclear why no one noticed and it goes without saying that the pool has been closed. I can't figure out why no one could see her or why her body did not surface.

DRUNK TATTOOS You can always tell the difference between a thought out, planned ahead tattoo vs. a oh-crap-I-was-so-drunk-that-night tattoos. For example, getting the word BABY DOLL in cursive starting at the top of your thigh and running down the entire length of your leg could only fall into the later of the two.

In conclusion, field trip day at the pool should be avoided, if you are considering a water birth do it at home, keep your sex crazed teens away from the deep end, avoid tatoos when drunk and for goodness sake, if your friends towel and chair are still there you may want to do a head count.
Thursday, July 7, 2011

Mini Book Reviews

I have a short attention span. When fellow blogger Jenners started writting mini book reviews, I was sold. Just enough information to decide if I would want to read it. In case you are unaware, Jenners is a genius.

Since I am feeling like my genius is running low and I have little to nothing to blog about I thought I would review the three books I have actually managed to reax this summer. Trust me, at this rate, I may set a record or something.

I picked this book because the author Sonnenblick had a speaking engagement at my daughter's intermediate school last year, Oldest G was impressed with him even though he doesn't write fantasy, which is her favorite genre. My husband got a chuckle out of the title and he was thankful that it wasn't a self help book designed to teach, well, faking it.

The main character is San Lee and he finds himself in nowhere PA (which may or may not be my home town) starting at a new school again, this time he decides to basically reinvent himself by creating an entirely different life for himself. It works great for a while until the girl he likes unravels his secrets and San finds out why faking it isn't a great idea.

I am facinated by popular YA fiction and while this book would engage both boys and girls, I found the book to be a little slow for me. It was cleverly written and the twists were seemless. Would recommend it to a 5th or 6th grade boy, especially if they like basketball.

My friend B was turned onto these books by our local librarian. More than one person has recommended them to me as a fun, humorous series so while I was at camp I read the first book. I was hoping to go on a road trip to Jersey to meet the author, but unfortunately that didn't work out.

The main character, Stephanie Plum, is relatable and funny. She's an unemployed discount lingerie buyer that is so poor at the moment that she just drank her last bottle of beer for breakfast. She blackmails her cousin Vinnie into giving her a bail bond recovery job worth $10,000.

I loved her family and became convinced that we may share the same grandmother. The characters of Morelli and Range are fantasticly written and th e book made me chuckle aloud more than once.

What more can you ask for. A fast and essy summer read!

Scottoline has more than a dozen books and I have never read any of them. This was a book club pick and the premise of the story involves a reporter named Ellen Gleeson who recieves a HAVE YOU SEEN THIS KID postcard in the mail only to do a double take on how much the child looks like her adopted son.

The reporter in her won't let the sleeping dog lie and the more questions she asks the more questions she has. It was well crafted and one of those books I had to find out how it ended. Some of the writing was bizzare. For example, near the beginning the author descibed the sky as looking like frozen blueberries which I found strange. Scottoline also tried to conivince me that Playdoh smells like almonds. It is clear that she has no children.

Other than some strange language and an occassional unbelievable plot twist I found the book to be quite the page turner. One of those books where you can't figure out how anything good could possibly happen and need to know the ending.

Another easy to read summer book.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Hump Day Craft Post: oh crap!

I was playing around with the Cricut Campin' Critters cartridge and just because this port-a-potty skunk made me chuckle I thought I'd cut it out. In my warped mind it would make a clever invitation. You could put a little "Oh Crap" sign on the potty door and on the back you could write "Summer's almost over. Join us for a picnic on ......". You get the picture.

The only thing I don't like about this cartridge is the eyes. I recommend having some googly eyes lying around because the eye cuts from the cart don't look realistic.

Are you sharing a craft today? Leave me a link

ON A PERSONAL NOTE: The biopsy I wrote about last week came back absolutely fine. A big thank you to everyone who left me a supportive comment. You are all awesome!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

RemembRed: Life Lessons From The Muppets

When I was a child, I never missed an episode of The Muppet Show. I loved all the characters and I learned a lot of things while watching. Here are a few...

You can't control who you fall in love with. In my opinion, odd couples are strong couples. My hubby and I might as well be a pig and a frog. He is shy until you get to know him. I have never been described as shy. I am loud. He is quiet. Miss Piggy and Kermit taught me to trust my heart.

You don't always look like your voice. When Beeker burst into song he gave us a new understanding that it is possible to look one way and be another. Never judge a book by it's cover.

Life isn't always rosey. Sometimes you're gonna feel a little low (maybe even green) and that's okay. Sing about, talk about and embrace what makes you you.

Be Honest. Statler and Waldorf always told the truth. Maybe they told it harshly, but they called it like they saw it.

Friends stick together. Fonzie and Kermit stuck by each other even when others thought they were crazy. True friends will stick with you even when others are tossing tomatoes.

Be yourself. Animal banged his drums and never gave a thought to whether or not people thought he could play, Beeker kept tinkering no matter how many things blew up in his face, Gonzo never knew his family but had friends closer than brothers, and Kermit pursued his dreams no matter the obstacles.

Queen is awesome no matter who sings it. This song is awesome. Period. End of story.

This post was inspired by a prompt on The-Red-Dress_Club. Go visit them. You're gonna like em.

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I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some meant some comments.
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