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Thursday, February 28, 2013

An Open Letter to Myself

Dear kisatrtle,

It seems like this time every year, you get a little negative.  Is it a seasonal thing?  Last year, I wrote you this letter and it could easily be copied and pasted below. 

What's wrong?

Usually you can shake these funks off rather easily.  Usually you can carry on.  Lately, however, I'm starting to get sick of you and your constant bitching. 

You are doing it again.

You are becoming one of "those" people. 


People aren't gonna wanna hang out with you if every word out of your mouth is a complaint.  Shake it off.  Take the high road.  Follow your own advice.

Surround yourself with people who make you happy.  Resume the activities that bring you joy.  Cut ties with those that hurt you.  Just because they text you, doesn't mean you have to reply.  Go to the beach.  Take time to visit your sister.  The kitchen will be fine without you.

Christopher Robin would want you to know that you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

Stop complaining.


Monday, February 25, 2013

An open letter to my oldest daughter as she turns 14

Dear Oldest G.

You're 14. Congratulations. You made it another year. Sure we fought. And this won't surprise you, we're gonna fight some more. But I'd like to think that you have learned some things from me over the last fourteen years.

I know that you like to roll your eyes at me. Those very eyes that used to look at me with awe and wonder now often glare at me in contempt. That little body that used to fit so neatly inside me is now taller than me. Those hands that used to hold mine so tightly now can't be bothered to pick up their dirty laundry.

I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Because no matter how old you get, I still see you as that curly haired cutie that used to worries that I would have fun while you were at school.

Since you still have a fondness for all things Harry Potter, this year I will offer my advice in Harry Potter quotes.

If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals. Who said this? Sirius Black. What does it mean? It means that you can tell a lot on a date by how your boyfriend treats the wait staff. Remember, no one is better than you and you are better than no one.

The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing and should, therefore, be treated with caution. Spoken by Albus Dumbledore. So be cautious with your words. Be cautious in your actions. Speak the truth kindly. Refrain from intentional hurt.

Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain, said Arthur Weasley. Don't depend on Google. Don't believe it just because you read it online. Don't repeat it on Facebook without verifying it.

You'll soon find out some wizarding families are much better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there," said Draco Malfoy. Don't let others tell you what to think. Have an opinion. Have your own ideas. Never be afraid to disagree with the pack. It's okay to think differently.

Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect. Who doesn't love Luna Lovegood? We aren't guaranteed a life free from loss or pain. Often it is these losses or pains that help us grow. They help us become the people we are meant to be.

Take chances.

Take risks.

Don't sit on the sidelines.

Try something new.

Step out of your comfort zone.

Make a difference.

All my love, always and forever.


Sunday, February 24, 2013

Lessons from the Lunchlady: slightly behind schedule

This week we passed our inspection without a single violation, learned that the pest control specialist secretly wants to be a meteorologist and found out its possible to run out of refried beans.

Is that a valentine in your pocket? When a kindergartener tried to take his tray with one had firmly in his pocket his teacher stepped in and told him to leave that valentine in his pocket alone or he would have to lose it and wouldn't get it back. And all the adults reading said "snicker...snicker". Just for the record, he really HAD a valentine in his pocket.

Bumps are entertaining. Apparently when you are five and you break out in hives, it is really hard to keep from showing your bumps TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON YOU SEE. Even in the lunch line.

Bumps aren't nearly as entertaining as smiley fries. Our imaginations go into hyperdrive when we serve smiley fries. At least this guy is eating his vegetables...right??

Even the lunchladys knew what shirt to wear? When an aide in our building seemed surprised that even the lunch ladies knew what special shirt to wear on a certain day, we decided to mess with her later in the week and have nearly everyone in the building send her a text telling her something different to wear. Insert evil laugh.

"I'm gonna eat a man". The lunch ladies weren't the only ones with active imaginations this week. A first grader seemed thoroughly excited that we put his mini corndogs on his tray in the shape of a man. Um...really? Yep. We did. And we weren't even trying.

What did you learn this week?

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Made by me Monday on Thursday

Um...I was totally gonna post this on Monday and now here it is Thursday and I haven't posted since Friday. Sigh.

Here are some pics of a baby brag book I made for a friend of mine. Can't wait to see it with the little guys photos in it.

The album is cut at 10 inches from the NewArrival Cricut Cartridge. Two rings hold the book together and these rings have decorative ribbon on them.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Lessons from the Lunchlady: can you fetch me the salt? And have you seen my bowl?

This week the kitchen was full of laughter and a few AYFKM moments.

Here's what I learned.

Wholy Cwrap! That's alot of milk. Yesterday I ran out of chocolate milk and when a first grader saw the milkman there at breakfast this morning he asked me if he brought the chocolate milk. I said "oh, he sure did" and then the little guy asked me how many. "This week he only brought about 650." He responded with a heartfelt "wholy cwrap." I don't even serve it a breakfast and we are the smallest school in the district. It really isn't all that much but I suppose its all about perspective.

Heart shaped egg patties and toast: I had a valentine themed breakfast on Thursday complete with matching napkins. Too bad it was our lowest count of the week. It was freakin cute.

Have you seen my bowl? It's possible that when someone is frantically search through the snacks and looking for their bowl that they really are just looking for a soup bowl. Who knew?

Valentine's Day can bring out the awkward. Whether that be kindness misinterpreted as something more or a big punch in the face on the playground. It really is just another Thursday.

Can you grab me the salt? Um is it appropriate to ask the very pregnant teacher to fetch you the salt so you don't have to get up. I'm leaning towards no.

What did you learn this week?

Thursday, February 14, 2013

An open letter to my mammogram

Dear mammogram,

It's always a bitch to see you. It's particularly annoying when you land on Valentine's Day.

That was not what my right breast had in mind.

Since my 40th birthday in July, I have had three mammograms. Two of them were diagnostic mammograms which, simply put, are discomforting.

I have this irrational fear that I will somehow piss off the tech and they will just leave me clamped in the machine and not return.

I mean where would I go? What would I do?

But mamomogram, that didn't happen and for that I am grateful. In fact, I feel truly lucky. There are no changes and I'm counting my blessings but I'm praying for all the ladies who I shared a waiting room with.

The women without their hair.

The women wearing medical masks so they don't catch any common germs that might drop their blood count.

The women fighting for what we all take for granted.

Our health.

And that health, well it can change with one unusual calcification.

And when you're in that room, mammogram, it all looks and feels so very random.

A spin of the wheel and what will you land on.

Today I spun the wheel and it said proceed as usual until July and then we'll take another look.

Until then, I will inhale and exhale.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I stole it from Pinterest Tuesday

My son HATES to write out valentines.

He hates to write his name.

He over thinks which ones to give to whom.

Today we solved the problem.

No writing.

No deciding.


And easy.

Just take a picture making a fist; make a slit, slide in a treat.

You're done!!

Thank you, Pinterest.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Lessons from the lunchlady: did you just pull that out of your bra?

I have been a big blog slacker. I haven't written. I haven't visited and for that I apologize.

This week has been bizarre. Here's a few things we learned in the kitchen.

People will help themselves to just about anything. Last year I had signs up all over the kitchen that said, "This food is not free. Please do not eat it." This week I watched a visiting outside employee help themselves to some breakfast cereal and sneak it out under their salad plate. I can't wait till the next time she visits the kitchen. I plan on asking if she'd like some cereal with that. (Insert evil kitchen laugh)

Marijuana is an actual name. For 40 years I thought it was a drug. Who knew it could be your first name. The "J" is pronounced like an "H". Seriously? I'm changing my name to Ecstasy. it has a nice ring to it.

The Spanish word of the day. This week we introduced the kids to a Spanish word of the day. I only did it twice but the third graders LOVED it. We had frijoles (beans) and ensalada (salad)this week. Turns out if I put it in Spanish, more will order it just so they can try to say it. Who knew?

The hot dog dropped some beans on the pancake this week. Just when I thought that nothing could beat breakfast for lunch hot dog came out of nowhere and kicked the fluffy out of the pancakes. I almost had to run to fetch more buns.

Where do you keep your money? Is it appropriate to pay your cafeteria worker with money you just fished out of your BRA???? Let me be clear. I do not want you to fish around in your bra and hand me a nasty $10 bill. That makes me want to shove your $7.50 worth of change down my pants and ask you how you like it. Ugh.. THIS AIN'T WALMART. Have some respect.

BONUS LESSON OF THE WEEK: Have you ever once shown up at a Subway with $1.15, plopped it down on the counter and said, "How much lunch can I get for this?" haven't? Then why do some people think its okay to do this at an elementary school?


What did you learn this week?
Friday, February 1, 2013

Lessons from the Lunchlady: Even Wunch Wadies need hugs

After having a very abbreviated week last week due to weather, this five day week felt LLLLLOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG.

I would be remiss if I didn't start this post with a HUGE thank you for all the kind words, private messages and Facebook posts regarding the sudden death of my father in law. There's nothing quite like a virtual hug and it was very much appreciated.

Here's what I learned in the cafeteria this week.

Even Wunch Wadies Need Hugs. A kindergartener hugged me super tight this week and proudly announced that he was hugging me even though I was a "wunch wady". I'm not really sure what that meant, but I needed a hug so I really didn't mind.

Ranch dressing looks ALOT like snot. I shook my head at this one too, but it's true. If you let that dressing dry up and congeal, you get the best looking fake snot on the market. It's quite realistic.

Pear, bananas, grapes and oranges. Guess which one kids cannot identify? That's right...they think pears are funny shaped apples. And no matter how hard they try, they cannot pick any of them up with tongs.

"Does the green milk give you more muskkills than the orange milk?" Huh? That was my original reaction. Then I realized the question was "Which milk gives you bigger muscles? The skim (orange container) or the 1% milk (green container)". My response... Milk is good for your muskkills no matter what color the carton is.

Some days feel more like this than others.

What did you learn this week?
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I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some meant some comments.
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