My Fan Club

Friday, March 30, 2012

Lessons from the Lunchlady: four times four is sixteen

This week was a short week as I had Monday off to allow for my brain to grow at ServSafe. Actually they didn't close school just to allow my brain to grow. Teachers were preparing report cards.

Here's what I learned.

We need to put pierogies on the menu more often. Raise your hand if you know what a pierogie is. A lot of our kiddos hadn't a clue and listening to five year olds try to pronounce it was fantastic. We had tacorogies, and rogies, pie-ogies and rearogies. It was delightful!
I haven't outgrown my LD in math. This might surprise all of you but I like to joke around. I am seldom serious. Serious people kind of annoy me. That being said, when I took a taped sign down in the cafeteria this week and pulled paint off of the number one I told the custodian that I messed up the number 416. Much to my surprise our gymnasium is not covered with random weird numbers like I assumed. They are apparently some kind of math idiom. After all, didn't I realize that 4x4 is sixteen and that the window directly across from it in the gym had 16 seriously? I'm not confident I could pass the 3rd grade math PSSA but we'll talk more about my LD next week in a post that I promise will not be serious.

Pizza on Thursday? Some students were very concerned that we perhaps cooked the wrong items this week as we always have pizza on Friday. I am often amazed by what kids will notice and by what they seem oblivious that giant booger about to fall out on the serving line.

Mega Million Mania. We decided to play the lottery because 500 million is too amazing to ignore. The four of us (three lunchladies and the custodian) decided to buy 10 tickets and then our principal wanted in. She is an honorary member of the lunch bunch because she pretty much eats with us everyday, but when she threw a five dollar bill in my boss about lost it...demanding that she be given $2.50 back! "She can't have anymore millions than us" LOL. We agreed that 1/5 of 500 million was definitely enough.

Just don't give him a coat. I have talked about our custodian many times. He cleans up vomit, fixes sinks, refills paper towels and is a fly assassin . Today, however, when a kindergarten kid gave him a multi-layered jacket with many of the sleeves inside out he was stumped. After trying for at least five minutes all while the five year old stared on our fly assassin had to ask for help.

In conclusion, keep your coat on, don't pay more than your share, enjoy your pizza even if it's Thursday, order the rogies and remember that four times four is sixteen!

What did you learn?
Thursday, March 29, 2012

Pish Posh Get Fit Challenge Week Four

I'm linking myself up again with Pish Posh's Get Fit Challenge and I am encouraging you all to do the same.

Do you have any left over New Year's resolutions that are nagging at you? Do you find yourself complaining more than rejoicing? Do you need to write more? To whine less? To take your own advice and avoid people who make you unhappy?

Link up with Pish every Thursday. We can encourage each other. We can share our successes and our failures. She's giving away a cool prize and best of all when it ends, you might just be in a better place than where you were when it started.


My new novel took a back seat to studying this week. I needed to focus. I am still determined and plan on hitting it hard this week! I still feel very confident that I can reach my 50,000-55,000 word goal by May 10th.

I have been ignoring my physical goals. I am trying to monitor my calorie intake, but my physical activity is lacking. My hubby is redoing our basement and has moved the treadmill and I am just using it as a welcome excuse. Shame on me.


I feel confident that I did fairly well on my ServSafe test. I am happy it is behind me. I promise to update you as soon as I get results.


My mental health is improving. Slowly.

Hubby is home but my house has been invaded with LOTS of company and it is an adjustment to say the least. I am trying to adjust my attitude accordingly.

However, it is still exhausting.

It is still draining.

It still makes me feel like I am not doing anything well.

That being said, I am taking one day at a time and I am trying to enjoy each moment. I tell my kids every morning, make it a good day the choice is yours and I am trying to follow my own advice.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

ServSafe Certification: What I learned

Lots of people seemed surprised that school cafeteria managers have to be ServeSafe Certified.

Granted, the school cafeteria isn't a five star restaurant and a National Restaurant Association Certification seems a bit extreme. That being said, I'm actually glad my county requires it.

It was extremely educational. Of course, the likelihood that I will ever eat a a buffet or a pot luck again are extremely slim.

Here's what I learned:

I am even more thankful that I don't eat much meat. Other than Bacillus Cereus and Botulism, most of the food-borne illnesses have one common factor--improperly handled meat. Listeria (deli-meats, hot dogs and soft cheeses), E-Coli (improperly cooked beef), salmonella (poultry and eggs) all like to travel on the meat highway.

Potlucks and picnics are now a problem. Staph is everywhere and can only be prevented by practicing good hygiene. Basically, if the person who made the food didn't wash their hands they may be serving you a big helping of nausea, vomiting and abdominal cramps.

Flies = food-borne illness. Once you read the accompanying ServSafe booklet you will NEVER look at a fly quite the same. He might be carrying Shigellosis and must be eliminated.

Refrigerator placement is important. I never really thought about where things should be placed in the walkin. However, it is extremely important to keep foods with lower internal cooking temperature requirements higher than foods with high internal temp requirements. That means chicken is always on the bottom. No one wants raw chicken juice on their ready to eat veggies.

10-15 seconds under 100 degree water or hotter. That's how you should be washing your hands and trust me, I am a little obsessed! This should happen at the start of work, after you use the bathroom, after eating, handling raw food, touching your hair, your face or any part of your body, sneezing, coughing, taking out the trash, busing dishes, handling chemicals, smoking.....

I guess you get the picture.

Taking this course makes eating anything you didn't physical prepare and temperature difficult, but it also makes you aware of the importance of washing your cantaloupes, wrapping clean apples for service and recognizing the signs of an allergic reaction.

Here's hoping my results reflect how much I learned because I actually feel a little smarter.

Thanks for all your encouragement and support.
Monday, March 26, 2012

Once Upon a Time: Hat Trick

Last night's episode introduced Jefferson, a slight twist on the traditional Mad Hatter:


Mary Margaret flees and is captured and imprisoned by Jefferson, who apparently lives in a giant mansion that no one knows about in the middle of the forest.

Henry thinks the escape is all part of Emma's "genius plan" and is slightly disappointed to learn that not only is his mother not a genius, she is a little slow.  I mean she almost runs a guy over on a dark and rainy street and then she offers him a ride home.  And then she goes inside his house and they she accepts a cup of poisioned tea.  I mean...WORST.  SHERIFF.  EVAH...

Emma uses her McGuire skills to escape and is sneaking down the hallway while Jefferson sharpens scissor in a very creepy way.  She ducks into a room and happens to find MM.  Really?  She's all tied up and looking desperate.

The women try to escape but like traditional Disney Damsels they are once again apprehended and Emma is instructed to "Get the Hat to work".  Um...can you be a little more specific.

Jefferson goes on to tell her that Henry's book is indeed real.  That a little girl named Paige that goes to school with Henry is really Jefferson's daughter Grace.  That he has been trapped in Storybrook for 28 years.  Until she arrived all time had stopped.  That she has magic and that she must make the hat work.

Emma, of course, considers him to be mad but convinces him that she believes his ludicrous tale.  That she, too, believes in this curse and that she even thinks that MM is her mother.  Just as we too start to believe that Emma is sold on the story, she whacks Jefferson with a big stick and runs to save her mom MM.

It's starting to look promising for the women until Jefferson returns.  More fighting.  Gun pointing and then MM knocks him out the window.  All that is left of him...his hat.

Emma gives MM the chance to flee.  She doesn't.  Regina and Gold are not impressed.  They appear to be working together to convict MM.  Why?  Unclear at this time.


Jefferson and Grace seem to be a happy father and daughter.  They like playing in the forest and collecting mushrooms.  One day the EQ decides to visit.  Jefferson sends his daughter off to frolic while he visits with the Queen.

She propositions him.  She tells him that someone has stolen something from her and that she must get it back.  She tells him to stop "foraging for fungi" and to help her.  She promises to make it worth his while.

Jefferson stands his ground.  No.  He is happy with his daughter and with his mushrooms.  He eludes to losing her mother, but doesn't elaborate. 

The queen leaves and the couple head to the market.  Grace wants a stuffed rabbit but Jefferson is unable to purchase it because he doesn't have enough money.  He tries making her the bunny, but is unhappy with his sewing skills. 

Grace seems much wiser than Jefferson.  She tells him that all she needs is him, yet he insists on sending her to the neighbors and doing one last job for the Queen.

In true LOST fashion he takes his hat to the Queen and black smoke comes spewing out of it and the Queen and Jefferson jump into the black hole.  The enter Wonderland through the looking class and he reminds the Queen that two go in and two must go back out.

Wonderland is a little CG for my likes but still clever.  The queen of hearts remains and enigma.  She apparently stole the EQ's father and locked him in a box.  EQ steals him back, has him eat a mushroom and then he and EQ jump through the looking glass leaving Jefferson stranded in Wonderland. 

In both worlds he is separated from his daughter.  No wonder he is mad.

The EQ beheads him but oddly he doesn't die.  Instead she insists that he make her a magic hat and that once he does he will garner his freedom.

At the end of the episode we see him surrounded by hats that don't work and we sort of feel sorry for him.

NEXT WEEK:  More on why the Evil Queen hates Snow White.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Lessons from the Lunchlady: not all fruits and veggies are created equal

This week was filled with processed chicken sprinkled with a little disappointment. On a good note, we had great weather, very little vomit and a mostly cooperative children.

This week I learned...

Hashbrowns vs Salad. Are you kidding me? If you were having pancakes and sausage which one would you want? Hashbrowns kicked salad's ass with only five students picking salad.

Sausage patty vs. link. We serve five year olds. Do you think they can cut up sausage patties? Um...nope. Especially patties the size of their head. Our principal (who sort of has a phobia of people who eat with their hands) was out cutting up sausage patties. The result? Just as many cut up patties went down the garbage disposal as half bitten ones. Draw.

Pear vs apple. Seriously... Do people not buy pears? Why do students think they are weird shaped apples? I mean this isn't that surprising if you're in kindergarten, but third grade? Really?
All things are not created equal. Just like baby carrots aren't all the same some people (me) barely break five foot and others (fridge repair guy) are nearly six foot eight...
Code Red's creep me out. No matter how often we do a code red drill it never fails to creep me out. Remember when you were in school and all you had to do was worry about an occasional fire drill? A few teachers asked what we do during the drill. I'm not sure it matters as violence seems to gravitate to the cafeteria.

That being said, I don't plan to go down without a fight!

I know where the jet dry is and I'm not afraid to use it!

What did you learn this week?
Thursday, March 22, 2012

Pish Posh Get Fit Challenge -- Week 3

I'm linking myself up again with Pish Posh's Get Fit challenge and I am encouraging you all to do the same.

Do you have any left over New Year's resolutions that are nagging at you? Do you find yourself complaining more than rejoicing? Do you need to write more? To whine less? To take your own advice and avoid people who make you unhappy?

Link up with Pish every Thursday for the next 10 weeks. We can encourage each other. We can share our successes and our failures. She's giving away a cool prize and best of all when it ends, you might just be in a better place than where you were when it started.


I'm still plugging away on my new novel. This week it hasn't been on the front burner. However, I feel very confident that I can reach my 50,000-55,000 word goal by May 10th.

I haven't been all that physically active this week. I mean I'm on my feet for at least five hours a day, but what little time I had been spending in the treadmil has dwindled. I did, however, walk 3 miles over the weekend at a benefit walk for my nephew. If you count the 600 I drove round trip I covered a lot of ground this week.


My dreaded ServSafe Certified is this Monday and I'd still like to prove to myself that I'm not as dumb as I think I am. That being said, I still need to retain a lengthy list of foodborne illnesses and their causes which include things like Bacillus cereus gastroenteritis, Shigellosis and Cryptosporidiosis.


My mental health has been pretty low this week. I wrote about one of the reasons and the other one stems from the fact that my hubby has been traveling more for work in 2012 than he has been home.

It is exhausting.

It is draining.

It makes me feel like I am not doing anything well.

I am not mantaining the house well.

I am not parenting well.

I am not writing well.

I am not even cooking processed chicken well, let alone learning all the acurate holding times.

Here's hoping that once he returns and I get this stupid test off my list that things start to turn around because as of this post, I'm officially getting on my own nerves and that can't possibly be good.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A story of a dream that took a slight detour today

Ever since I was a small child, I have been writing stories. Some of these stories are terrible. Some of these stories are incomplete. Some of these stories are still a work in progress.

In November of 2010, I completed a 55,000 word story that is near and dear to my heart. I fell in love with the characters. I became friends with them. I laughed when they laughed and I cried (oh how I cried) when they cried.

For 30 straight days the words of that book flowed out of me. i dreamt about it. I eagerly jumped out of bed at unreasonable times just to write something down.

When the book ended, I felt a little sad. Would I ever know how life turned out for them? Would I ever know if they had regrets? For non-writers, I am sure this sounds like poppycock nonsence but while I was pleased with the ending, I longed to know more.

I walked away from that book for a solid two months and then I actually let someone read it, my dear friend B. It is so hard to let anyone read your words. It is like handing over your heart and asking them to be gentle. I longed for affirmation, but I also sought honesty.

After receiving significantly positive feedback, I offered the manuscript to others to read. A former English teacher turned principal took up the challenge of editing a few things for me and when she came upon a contest she encouraged me to enter.

A national contest.

I let myself dream about what it would be like to win that. To get recognized as the children's book of the year! To finally hold a published copy of my book.

Last week NAESP announced the top 25 finalists and my name WAS ON THERE.

Holy shit!

I let myself imagine just a little bit more what it might be like to be invited to a National conference as a guest of honor so-to-speak. What it would be like to not wear a hairnet and wait on others but to actually have people in line waiting for a signed copy of my book. I visualized it. I saw it.

Doing all of this makes it happen, right?

When I found out that next's years conference is just a hope skip and a jump away in Baltimore, I felt even more certain that I would win.


It was sure to happen.

And then it didn't.

The top five finalists were released today and sadly, my name did not make the cut.

And while I know it is just a detour, and while I continue to be proud of my strong finish, I can't help but feel a little heartbroken, as I was certain it was my turn.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Once Upon a Time: Heart of Darkness

Last night's episode wasn't as fantastic as last week's Red-handed, but it was still impressive.  First, I have to say that Ginnifer Goodwin is an excellent actress and it is great to see her on a show that is showcasing her talents.

While I love her as the porcelain perfect Snow, I liked her even more in tonight's episode when she was fighting with her dark side.


Mary Margaret is arrested and booked and placed is the only jail cell in the county.  I'm surprised they didn't make her wear an orange jumpsuit and pick up trash.

Evidence is piling up against her.  I mean there's the whole dead woman's heart in her jewelry box and then Emma tries to prove her innocence and unearths a large murder weapon conveniently stowed away in a heating duct. 

Of course, it doesn't help that Regina is sitting in on the questioning.  How about the part when Regina tries to get a confession out of her by saying "Losing someone I loved changed me." and "A broken heart can make people do unspeakable things."

The recurring theme of the episode appears to be that Evil isn't born it is made.  That line was said in both Storybrook and Fairytale land.  Do you agree?

David continues to try to be Mary Margaret's savior.  This time he decides that he will go to Dr. Hopper and be hypnotized into remembering what he can't remember.  When this works too well and he sees flashes of his former life he mixes up those memories and thinks that just maybe MM did kill Kathryn.  Oh David.  You are an idiot.  Are you really going to ask her?

Yep.  He is.  And she is pissed.

Meanwhile, Mr. Gold offers his legal services because as we've all come to realize all scummy character's have law degrees.  MM tells him she can't pay him and he says that's okay, "I'm invested in your future."

Later, MM finds one of those skeleton keys that open all doors and decides to flee.  This is after Henry finds those same keys in his mom's house and tells Emma that Regina used them to set up MM. 

In a totally out of place scene, August, our mysterious stranger tells Henry that he believes all the answers are in the book  He tells Henry that some people need proof but that other's can rely on faith.

My favorite scene is when David goes to Regina and says "With all due respect, I don't think you know much about evil." To which Regina replies, "Evil doesn't always look evil."


James continues to look for Snow who has taken the potion given to her by Rumpelstiltskin and has morphed into a rather bitchy kind of person.  I loved when she tried to take the bluebird out.  Priceless.

The dwarfs stage and intervention of sorts and tell her that they are tired of her cooking and cleaning and killing all the bugs.  She has changed.  She is EVIL.

Jiminy Cricket tries to intercede on her behalf imploring that she find a conscience that she stop taking her anger out on his cousins and her poor dwarf friends.  Snow concedes and agrees to take her anger our on the queen. 

She tosses on a cloak and heads out to kill the queen.

Grumpy, who you think would be down with this kinds of plan, follows her and pleads with her to stop.  Knock it off. 

He tells her that he will take her to Rumple and that perhaps they can return her to her old state.

Rumple is not all that impressed with Snow until he learns that she is not interested in remembering what he has helped her to forget.  She is only interested in getting his help in killing the queen.

He is eager to help.  He provides her with a bow and arrow that will not miss and tells her where to take the shot from.  It cost her nothing because he is vested in her future.

James learns of this plan and confronts Rumple.  Rumple tells him that for the price of his cloak he will tell James where Snow is but that she is truly evil.  "How can she remember you when she has lost sight of who she really is?" Rumple tells him nothing can stop it save one thing...true love. Disney.

James leave without his cloak and finds Snow.  She doesn't know him.  He kisses her and she slaps him.  Loved that.  She is not in love with him so the spell is not broken.  They argue more and then she decides she has had enough.  It is time to kill the queen.  She fires but James dives in front of the arrow.

Intrigued she asks why he would do that and he says he would rather die than let her heart fill with darkness.  So she kisses him.  And the spell is broken.

They are free to skip and dance and frolic in the forest  

James is captured by King Midas's men and Snow left to return to the dwarfs. close yet so far away.  The episode ends with Rumple plucking a hair off of Charming's cloak and placing it in a bottle with Snow's hair.  The hairs love each other and apparently we are left to believe that Rumple has bottled love.

Would you consider taking a love potion?

Next week:  The mad hatter.  Love me some Alice and Wonderland!
Saturday, March 17, 2012

Lessons from the Lunchlady: I scream, you scream, sometimes we cry over ice cream

This week we learned a ton including

Cheddar soy free cheese kills broccoli. We have some allergies in the building to soy and we like to make our broccoli cheesey. Cheesey broccoli isn't soy free unless you use soy free cheese. Um....bad idea. The broccoli looked like orange goo and the soy free kids didn't want it anyway.

Missing the ice cream treat is upsetting. We have a preschool class in our building that is half day so they don't visit the cafeteria much. We had some leftover ice cream cups we gave them for snack. They came down in a very cute row to thank us. One little boy burst into tears 'cause he was absent. I totally understand...I would have cried too. Good news...the teachers saved his snack and all was well.

Dear Betty Crocker.... Um If you wanna serve food in a school, you may want to reconsider these ingredients. This is every single allergy in our building rolled into an oatmeal bar.

The fly assassin. We had a fly invading our kitchen and as anyone studying for their ServSafe certification can tell you flies can transfer Shigellosis to food which can cause bloody diarrhea. (bet you'll never look at food at a picnic the same again). A ligtle kindergartener to my boss to just call our custodian because he can do anything. cute!

Lessons from the lunchlady the video event.... Apparently if your manuscript makes the top 25 in a national contest the paper might want to make a video documentary of the lunchlady/author. I never thought I'd be videoed doing dishes and serving soup but now I can check it off my bucket list.

In conclusion, they will make a movie about anything, our custodian is a fly killer, Betty Crocker is full of nuts, soy free cheese sucks and it's best not to be absent on ice cream day.

What did you learn...

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Get Fit Challenge ~ Week 2's week two and it has been a rollercoaster of a ride.  Do you have a nagging New Year's Resolution that you're looking to complete?  Do you need some encouragement to get you moving and up off the couch?  Do you want people to reassure you that punching random ignorant shoppers at the grocery store is not in your best interest?  Then sign up over at Pish's because we love a crowd.

Let's review...

I wrote an additonal 3,000 words on my NaNoWriMo Novel.  I am happy with where I am at with it and most importantly, I can see the ending.  I can visualize it.

Nothing motivates me more than some fantastic news and it turns out that I might actually be a good writer.  I entered a manuscript in a National contest and I MADE THE FIRST CUT!  My manuscript is in the top 25! 

That alone will get your creative juices flowing! Totally on my way to over 50,000 before the end of this challenge.

I have to admit that I probably didn't get much more active than last week.  I've been on the treadmill less than a handful of times and that was only for 20 minutes at a time.  I've decided not to beat myself up about this for three reasons 1) because I am on my feet for a minimum of 5.5 hours a day; because 2) I am walking a couple of miles on Saturday in support of JDRF for my nephew and 3) because I am spread a little thin right now.

This week I am devoting an ungodly amount of time to studying for my big LUNCHLADY test next Monday, March 26th. 

Questions expected to be on the test...

What is the minimum internal cooking temperature for TCS food cooked in a microwave?

An example of a TCS food is?  A. Dried parsley  B.  diced cranberries  C.  chopped celry  D.  sliced cantaloupe

What can cause histamine to form in tuna?

I'm adding something I want to work on this week and that's my relationship with my kids.  Lately I've been struggling with the way my children treat each other.  I've been struggling with the lack of respect.  My middle daughter angers sooo quickly over just about anything.  She can go from 0 - 5000 in two minutes over something as simple as her sister is singing.  It fries my patience.  Fries it...

So I'm gonna try to work on it... which likily means it's gonna get even harder...

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Alexander and the wind up mouse and why I would rather read just about anything else

I am proabably going to piss some people off with this post as I have come to realize that Alexander and Willy have a LARGE fan club. After all, it is a Caldecott Honor Book. What's not to like?

If you have never had the pleasure of reading this grand adventure let me fill you in.

Alexander is a real a mouse and because he doesn't live with us where he would be given lemon cookies and freedom he is treated like a...mouse.

He is chased and shooed and treated like a rodent. Oh how sad (<- sarcasm).

Lucky for Alexander he finds a friend --willy-- a wind up mouse toy that looks just like and is treated like royalty.

Alexander tells Willy how terrible his life is.

Willy tells Alexander how great his life is even though he has a giant peg sticking out of his back and he can't move unless someone winds him.

Alexander wants to be just like Willy.

Willy tells him about the rainbow lizard that lives in the garden and grants wishes. Seriously? Seriously?

First of all how does Willy know about the lizard. Has he ever been to the garden? The worst part about this page...the language.

"Lizard, lizard," he whispered. and suddenly there stood before him, full of the colors of flowers and butterflies, a large lizard. "Is it true you can change me into a wind up mouse?"

"When the moon is round," said the lizard, "bring me a purple pebble." that a yes or a no? And why does it have to be purple. Does that somehow go along with our rainbow theme. Poor Tinky-winky the teletubby was less gay than this lizard and he took a lot more smack.

And looking at the picture I would hardly call that a large lizard...

Alexander searches for days for a purple pebble without luck. He goes back to the house to tell Willy that he is never going to be a wind up mouse only to find Willy tossed out in the used toys box.

He has been replaced by electronics.

Both mice are sad.

As fate would have it lying right there beside the box was a purple pebble.

So Alexander returns to the lizard to tell him to make him in to garbage just like his friend. Chanting (not joking) "Lizard, lizard, in the bush.". Sounds like the start of a really tacky joke...doesn't it.

Just as Alexander is about to begin to adjust to life with a winder sticking out of his back he changes his wish and asks the lizard to make Willy real.

Okay...I don't know about you but wishes are kind of personal. I don't want other people making them for me. Maybe Willy doesn't want to feel hunger. Maybe Willy doesn't want to get hit with brooms or caught in traps. He never once said otherwise.

Alexander returns to the house to find Willy no longer in the trash but making himself at home in his house.

They hug and dance and sing praises to the lizard.

By the time my son is done reading this I want to stick a needle in my eye.

Do you have any children's books that just rub you the wrong way?

Monday, March 12, 2012

Once Upon A Time: Red-handed

This episode made up for last week's lame event. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time!

David and Emma have a little pow wow at the police station and she says "It doesn't matter that you can't explain a damn thing. You are gorgeous and I will let you go."

David leaves and apparently heads to the woods to look for Kathryn.

Ruby has a childlike fit at the diner and quits because Grannie won't let her see the lemurs. She was going to leave town but MM says live with us. Do you get the impression that MM brings home lots of strays and that she probably owns a lot of cats!

Emma works at the only sheriff department in the world with a surplus budget. She gives Ruby a job answering phones and running errands. Some of which are a little questionable.

MM finds David in the woods where she too is looking for Kathryn. He's dazed and confused. She fetches Emma who brings Ruby. Ruby finds him straight away. David has lost his memory.....AGAIN.

Dr. Whale says probably a side effect of his comma and that maybe he could do a lot of things with no memory of them.

Emma says last time this happened he was headed somewhere specific. She sends Ruby out there to look. Ruby digs up a jewelry box with a human heart in it. Really?

It's looking like our man David is finally going to be arrested but alas it is MM. Her fingerprints were all over it.

That complicates things.

Peter the Hot comes knocking on Red's door. Grannie is hard core in Fairytale land. She doesn't want Red out of the house. She doesn't like Peter.

Soldiers come knocking on the door. Grannie says stop fighting the wolf. Hid. It is the only way to be safe. She sends Red to bed. She tells her to stay in her cape.

Grannie stands guard with a mean ass cross bow.

The next morning Red finds Snow hiding in the chicken coop. She lets her stay with them. They find a well full of blood and the entire army slain in the yard.

The men are rallying. They are going to KILL THE BEAST.

Grannie fills them in. She says that when she was a girl she saw the beast. She saw it kill her six brothers and her father. It nearly chewed off her arm. She tells them to stay and hide.

Red tells Snow she feels trapped. That Grannie won't let her out. That she loves Peter but that as long is the wolf is out there Grannie won't let her be with him.

She convinces Snow to hunt the wolf with her. They track it and realize that it's part wolf part man. It looks like Peter is the wolf.

Snow convinces her to tell Peter. To save him. Snow deceives Grannie and pretends to be Red. Red sneaks out to tie up Peter. To save him from himself.

Grannie learns of the defeat and rushes to Peter's aide. For he is not the wolf...RED IS THE WOLF.

Next week: Just how pure is Snow White?
Friday, March 9, 2012

Lessons from the Lunchlady: solving the worlds problems one tator tot at a time

This week in the cafeteria we discussed the dangers of sugary cereal and how Michelle Obama may be secrectly trying to kill us. We talked about the importance of having things firm...or soft depending on your APPLE preference, we mastered the art of fake fighting and we learned that what we think we hear might not always be the case.

This week I learned:

My co-worker's shorts look good on her bum. I thought I heard a third grader tell her this very thing, which made me laugh so very hard. Of course, when I went out to ask her what she really said..."I ate my hotdog without the bun."

Mini marshmellows are HUGE. According to the bag, Mini marshmellows are supposed to be made smaller for kids under six. would a mini marshmellow be a chocking hazard? It's mini. It is hardly even a bite. You want me to make it micro?

I have been putting money down the garbarge disposal. This week some idiot bought a chicken nugget for $8,000 and I realized that the kitchen might be a bank filled with ebay gold. Behold the ASSberry. I think it'sworth at least $4,000.

Pronouce your sylables clearly. When the custodian made the microphone feedback and squeal, a second grader said it made him think that he was in a whore movie. Um...the word is HORROR. Both sylables are very important.

Enjoy your food or not...the choice is yours. At breakfast this week we had Belgium waffles with powdered sugar. A kindergartener delighted with his breakfast said "thems good". On hotdog day a different kindergartner told me that he doesn't like dill pickle spears but he loves corndogs. "That's a hotdog," I said. He dipped his head, crestfallen.

In conclusion, we learned that it's important to speak clearly, to learn to enjoy your food, to stop putting money down the garbage disposal and to make sure your bum always looks good.

What did you learn?

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Week 1: Get Fit Challenge

Regular readers know I am playing along with Pish every Thursday for the next 10 weeks. We are trying to get our lives back on track.

Do you have any spring cleaning to do? Any habits you want to break? Physical fitness goals? Writing goals? Trying to work on your relationship? To just finish tasks or organize your time? Or maybe just not throat punch people at work? or your in-Laws? Then this is for you.

Link up with us every Thursday and tell us how your doing.

Last week I shared with you my desire to complete my NaNoWriMo novel.

Last year I completed a novel in just one month and those who have read the significantly edited version of the book have been heaping it with praise, I'd really like to finish the new book. Since last Thursday I have written nearly 2000 words.

I would like to complete at least 1000 a day, but I am spread a little thin right now.

As for the physically active part of my pledge I am slacking a little. I've been on the tredmill once, danced to the wii once and took the dog for a walk once.

Is three out of seven a failing score. Yes.

I am still studying for servsafe. Ugh. I really am not looking forward to it. But I am progressing.

As for not taking things too can we talk about that one next week?
Tuesday, March 6, 2012

How the Lorax is helping me take less Xanax

My kids have been driving me crazy.  I'm not talking about the normal pick-up-your-clothes and stop-making-that-face-at-your-sister crazy, I'm talking about the slamming doors yelling I hate you kind of crazy.  The kind of rudeness that hangs over you like a Harry Potter dementor--sucking all the joy out of the air.

They are rude to each other, to their friends and to their parents.

They have to be told multiple times to do EVERYTHING!

Brush your teeth.

Get your PJs.

Stop touching each other.

Stop yelling at each other.

They have all taking on an attitude of It's MY way or no way.  Playing games with them is torturous.  Trying to get them to practice musical instruments make me want to cry.  I feel like they are tag teaming me.  They out number me and with daddy traveling more often than not I am at my wits end. 


Even the dog is giving me a look.

Hence my wonderful plan.  My gloriously, wonderful, beautiful plan!

Compliments.  Kindness.  Dinner at the table.

If you speak kindly you get a point.  If you are caught being nice you get a point.  If you are rude, you lose a point.  If you mock someone or speak rudely to anyone you loose a point.  The idea is that once we reach a certain number of points we will all go see the Lorax as a family.

Hopefully a much more civil and less obnoxious family. 
Monday, March 5, 2012

Once Upon A Time: Dreamy

Don't get mad at me, but I really didn't like this episode much. It was kind of lame. Don't get me wrong, it had a little bit of useful information but most of it was, in my opinion, surface fluff.


We open at the only dinner in town were Leroy/Grumpy is enjoying his eggs until Sneezey sprays a sneeze full of staph on them.  Suddenly everyone looses their appetite.

Out of nowhere Mary Margaret/Snow decides to make an announcement about something called Miner's Day.  It is a celebration of when the nuns used to make and sell candles to the miner's in trade for coal.  Really???  This is....really???

Since everyone in Storybrook is free of sin and they all consider Mary Margaret a slut, no one wants to sell candles to help the nuns because they will be associated with Mary Margaret.  What?  That doesn't even make sense.  The nuns are okay with the adulterer, but the rest of the town isn't?

Let me get this straight.  Mary Margaret is a slut and a tramp and she never even slept with David.  What are they calling David?  Oh...that's right.  They are just calling him David.  Except for Sydney/Mirror Mirror and Regina/EQ who are faking his phone records and calling him murderer.

Remind me never to visit this sinless town.

Leroy decides that he will help sell candles after meeting Astrid, who happens to be one of the prettiest nuns I have ever seen.  I went to CCD and Catholic church as a child and I never saw a nun that was even half as pretty as Astrid.

Leroy is in love.  He tries to sell the candles but apparently if you buy candles to support the nuns from a drunk and a whore you catch something.  Seriously?  Not a believable plot line!

Astrid tells Leroy that "You can do anything as long as you can dream it."  He tells her that he wants to take a boat trip around the world.  Soon he finds out that Astrid isn't the smartest nun at the convict and she ordered 12 doz helium tanks instead of 12 and apparently they are non-refundable.  I say it's time for a new helium supplier.

Leroy tells Astrid he sold all of the candles.  No need to worry.  Apparently these are seriously expensive candles because Mary Margaret about falls out when she realizes what Leroy has done.  "That's $5,000, Leroy.  We don't have that." 

Leroy gets a great idea.  I will sell my boat to Mr. Gold and make the money for Astrid.  Seriously.  You've known the woman for about 10 minutes and you are going to sell your dream so you can help her pay for a lot of helium?  Again.  Not a believable storyline.

Gold thinks the nuns need to leave.  He's not interested in the boat.  Astrid stops by with a pie and sees all the candles on the boat.  She is a nun and she is disappointed that Leroy is a liar.  She encourages everyone to paint his boat with the words liar.  Oh no, wait.  We only paint Mary Margaret's car.

Leroy and Mary Margaret decided to have a pity party for each other.  He will never have his moment with Astrid.  She is a home wrecker?  Seriously?  David was in a coma for how long?  How long has he been awake let alone with Kathryn....sorry I keep digressing.

Leroy tells Mary Margaret to shut up and enjoy the memories.  Memories he was never given an opportunity to make with Astrid.  Just when it looks like Leroy is going to kill himself, he cuts all the electric to the entire town and manages to sell all $5,000 worth of candles.

Astrid is impressed.  They agree to go boating sometime.  Awwwweeee.

Meanwhile, like she does every week Regina threatens to fire Emma if she doesn't find out what happened to her friend Kathryn.  I'm shocked that Regina has friends and I didn't think she could fire Emma, just squeeze her heart.

Although Emma has known the entire episode that David supposedly talked to Kathryn 20 minutes before she disappeared, she waits until he is at the Miner's Day celebration in front of the entire town to ask him to come to the station.

Mary Margaret is so sad to see her beloved in the back of a cop car...I started singing bad boys, bad boys...watcha gonna do???


This part of the story was even more unbelievable.  Grumpy hatches from an egg sprinkled with pixie dust dropped by a an incompetent fairy named Nova/Astrid.  Oh my.  Gives a whole new meaning to HIGH ho...

After hatching, Grumpy is cleaned up and handed an ax.  The ax magically gives you a name.  His name...Dreamy.  He meets up with Nova when she is attempting to fill a sack of diamond dust.  She is a DID (damsel in distress) and I'm not a big fan of that.

Grumpy, of course, saves her and she invites him to see fire flies with her that evening.  She isn't happy with her lot in life.  She wants more.  She wants to be a fairy godmother.  She wants her wings.  She wants to see the world.

After learning that he's in love from, who else, Belle, who for some reason is in a dive bar alone, he heads off to the fields to see the fire flies with Nova.  They come up with a grand scheme.  They will buy a boat and sale around the  world...tomorrow.

Really?  Tomorrow.

Once Grumpy returns to the mine, he is greeted by the blue fairy, who quite frankly freaks me out a little bit.  She is one big fairy and I can't figure out if she is a good guy or a bad guy.  She tells Grumpy that if he runs away with Nova she will never get her wings, she will never be a real wait that's a different story.

She will never be a fairy godmother, granting all the wishes of others but never living her own dreams. Wait...wait...I'm paraphrasing.

Grumpy tells Nova he cannot go with her.  She is heartbroken.  He returns to the mines and begins to take his frustration out on the diamond walls.  His ax breaks.  When he is given a new one, his name changes to Grumpy. 

Next week:  Red Riding Hood's back story featuring Granny and Snow and apparently one hell of a wolf.  Maybe the wolf will be named August...or maybe not.
Friday, March 2, 2012

Lessons from the Lunchlady: please don't vomit in the milk

This week was filled with rainy weather and wound up children. Apearently those two go together like a spoon and a fork.

Here's what we learned.

It is physically impossible to supress a cough. My boss thought she could fight off her cough through kindergarten and 1st grade serving. Nope. She ended up coughing on me. Fan.freakin.tastic. At least all food and kids were spared.

Vomit continues to plague the building. We almost had a castistrophic event when a kindergarten student came within minutes of tossing his stomach contents into the milk cooler. Wow. The thought of that still makes me shudder.

Kids believe everything the art teacher says. I had to take a day off because I had a puking kid at home and the art teacher offered to help serve. Mostly she did it just so she could tell the kids the black bean empanadas had fudge in them. (insert evil laugh)

Carrots should last at least a week. We recieved produce on Tuesday including a case of 200 individually wrapped bags of baby carrots. Expiration date 3-3-12. Um..guess everyone is having carrots with their pizza.

Pancakes and jelly? We served pancakes with jelly instead of syrup this week and those kids were beside themselves. When they realized no syrup would appear some were surprised by how much they actually liked the jellied pancakes.

In conclusion, please try hard not to vomit in the milk cooler, eat your carrots before Saturday, don't believe the art teacher, everything is better with jelly and never try to hold in a're gonna hurt yourself.

What did you learn?

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Pish Posh Get Fit Challenge: spring clean your life

I'm linking myself up with Pish Posh's Get Fit challenge and I am encouraging you all to do the same.

Do you have any left over New Year's resolutions that are nagging at you? Do you find yourself complaining more than rejoicing? Do you need to write more? To whine less? To take your own advice and avoid people who make you unhappy?

Link up with Pish every Thursday for the next 10 weeks. We can encourage each other. We can share our successes and our failures. She's giving away a cool prize and best of all when it ends, you might just be in a better place than where you were when it started.


I'd like to finish my NANOWRIMO novel. I'm almost at 40,000 words and I want to get to 50,000-55,000 by May 10th. No excuses.

I want to get a little more physically active. I've been trying to get on the treadmill a couple of times a week, but failing miserably. I feel out of shape phyically and mentally. When I do walk/run in the morning I feel really proud of myself. My goal is three times a week. Let's not get too crazy.


I have to be ServSafe Certified to manage the school cafeteria and my exam is on March 26th. I'd like to prove to myself that I'm not as dumb as I think I am. That being said, I need to retain a legthy list of foodborne illnesses and their causes which include things like Bacillus cereus gastroenteritis, Shigellosis and Cryptosporidiosis.

I'd also like to submit a few more billable articles for the newspaper. Lately I've been attending numerous meetings with little to nothing to write about.


I have never been secretive about my desire to be praised and adored. It is my curse. My Words of Afirmation love language. This makes life challenging, as taking criticism (even well intended criticism) is exceptionally difficult for me. This makes PTO exhausting as I cannot possibly please everyone. This makes letting people read anything I write terrifying, this makes me suffer from blog comment jealousy.

I need to work on that. Just because someone doesn't like my book doesn't mean they don't like me.

What will you be working on? What will you be cleaning up and making to shine like new?

Stop over. Visit Pish and link up with us. We're going to be in each other's corners spreading enough words of affirmation to drowned out all those negative voices in our heads.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

About Me

My Photo
I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some meant some comments.
View my complete profile