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Monday, October 31, 2011

An open letter to mother nature

Dear Mother Nature,

I don't like to beat around the bush so let me be blunt. I HATE YOU.

What have we done to you that has your tights in a wad? So far this year we have had record heat, an earthquake, flash flooding and now snow BEFORE Halloween.

I am not impressed.

Are you out to prove a point? Do you have an ax to grind? What is the purpose of all of this?

Let's be serious, pumpkins look stupid in the snow. They are meant to be surrounded by fall colors and hay bails. Not snow.

There is a reason Frosty wasn't a witch. Because witches made out of snow are STUPID. They aren't scarey. What's scarey is my heating bill...what's scarey is the fact that none of my kids have boots that fit.

This is my favorite tree and yet you tried to debranch it. Why? What has it ever done to you?

What about these?

What did they do to deserve this fate?

There is a reason that the leaves fall before the snow. The snow is just too heavy!

I think you and I need to come to some sort of amiable agreement.

Here's my proposal. You can have one snow storm per month in November, december, January and February. Come groundhog day that stupid little rodent better not see his shadow.

In return, I promise to publicly humiliate anyone I see liter, will recycle every recylable in my house including the toliet paper rolls, and will never call you a bitch on my blog again.

These are the terms. You have until the 15th to respond.


~Kisa~ (my ass)

Friday, October 28, 2011

Lessons from the lunchlady: can I have this dance?

It's the end of the first marking period and October is almost over. As further proof that mother nature is a fickle bitch we are supposed to have 5-8 inches of snow tomorrow in time for our 1 p.m. Soccer game.

This does not lend me to believe that we are going to have any easy winter,

That being said, here's what I learned in the cafeteria this week.

Processed's what's on the menu. I don't eat processed chicken. It scares me. Most likely because I have seen this.

That being said, American school children LOVE processed chicken. It finds its way onto our school menus TWICE a week in the form of chicken balls, chicken sticks, chicken nuggets, chicken patties and tenders. What saddens me most about this, is that my own children want to buy it ALL the time. Ugh.

Don't be rude. Sometimes the lack of manners gets to me. Sometimes the down right rudeness pushes my buttons. Sometimes I have a nervous breakdown and want to writeup all the little brats in second grade as well as a few third graders. This week alone I had a kid stick their tongue out at me, kick me to get my attention, ask what is taking so long, whine because the water dispenser was empty even though the water fountain is less than 10 steps away, bark at me because their was no BBQ sauce, and stab a classmate in the hand with a fork.

Forks are a privledge, not a right. I am looking forward to next week when we no longer provide forks for third grade. Can't be responsible, than your privledge is revoked. Good luck eating your salad with a spoon.

Is it rice or oatmeal? It is never a good sign when the students can't tell what it is you just put on their tray. It's an exceptionally bad sign when the adult aides have to ask if it's oatmeal or rice. Um...I don't think the rice should stay in the shape of the scooper. That's just my opinion.

Cute kids outweigh the rude ones. We had our annual Halloween dance last night complete with crafts, pumpkin painting, and a rockin DJ. I received countless hugs from ninjas, princesses, werewolves and angry birds. One stickin' cute kindergarten pirate asked me to dance and I forgot all about the rude kids above.

What did you learn this week?

Monday, October 24, 2011

Right Now

Right now...I am wondering why I blog.  I probably just need to take a break.  I am approaching my 1000 post which could burn anyone out.  This post could happen before the end of the year, depending on how often I actually post.

Right now...I am listening to my husband play guitar and have the football game on in the background.

Right now...I am wearing lounge pants and a baggy t-shirt.  I just got home from hearing a wonderful presentation by Henry Winkler.  Some of you may remember him as The Fonz on Happy Days, others may only recall him as an extra in Adam Sandler movies.  My kids know him as the author of the Hank Zipzter books. 

Right now...I am thinking about making a bulletin board out one of Winkler's quotes.  Negative Thinking has no nutritional value. 

Right now...even though I am thinking that negative thinking has no nutritional value I am still feeling negative.  Why?  I don' know. 

Right now....I should be sleeping.

Good night, my friends.
Saturday, October 22, 2011

Lessons from the lunchlady: i'll have spear guts

This week was filled with adventure in cafeteria land. In all honesty, the cafeteria is just one of those places where nothing is ever a certainty.

Here's what I learned.

I can not draw corn. Every day I put the veggie choices on a white board and attempt to draw them because half of our building cannot read. Above is today's picture. A first grader asked for spear guts aka asparagus. So much for that drawing...

Bullys come in all sizes. I smiled a little bit when one of the biggest boys in our school told me he was being bullied by a kindergartner. I think (and hope) it was a misunderstanding as they seemed like friends at the end of the day.

Miss Clavel from the Madeline stories came to visit. Actually, I'm not sure why she was at lunch but I feared if I did something wrong she may smack my hands with a ruler.

Chicken?? It is possible to have chicken twice a week and forget to order it!

If you throw up, go to the nurse. Seems logical, right? Nope. Sometimes you barf on your shoes and go to recess.

Kids love getting their pics taken. Take a camera out and you will get some smiles right away. What happens to us that changes that?

What did you learn?
Wednesday, October 19, 2011

An open letter to my son on his 8th birthday

Dear Little G,

Eight years ago today I was in the hospital having you, my third baby in less than five years. Your sisters were 4 and 2.

We lived in Ohio about 6 hours from our closest family and to say I was a little overwhelmed would be an understatement.

Unlike your sisters, you seemed to sense it. You seemed to know from the very beginning that I needed you to be easy.

And you were.

You spent a lot of time in your car carrier or your vibrating chair. You ran with me to take Oldest G to preschool. You slept through Middle G's gymboree class. You just went with the flow.

For the most part, you still do. You don't complain about going to your sister's soccer games and you just ride along when we have to go to the middle school for the umpteeth time to pick up Oldest G.

I hope this means that you will be an easy going tween too. I hope this means that when you are grown you will see the benefits of being flexible.

My advice this year is simple...

Fill your life with people who make you happy and avoid those who do not.

Do not be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and try something different. Is is good to push yourself beyond what you think you are capable of doing.

Remember to always say thank you. Thank people for their time, for lunch, for their help and for just being there for you. You will be surprised how thanking them will be a blessing to you.

You are loved so very much and no matter how old you get I am afraid that you will always be Little G to me.

My heart forever,

Monday, October 17, 2011

5 Reasons why I am not a good bloggy buddy right now

I just want to give a shout out to all of my readers who are still stopping by even though it has been a while since I've been able to visit any of you.

A thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continued readership.

Here are a few reasons why I haven't been by:

PTO.  I am feeling a little overwhelmed by the roll of president.  Between you and I, I often feel like I am not devoting enough attention to any one area of my life.  For example, if I give more time to PTO I have to take more time for family, blogging, crafting, name it.

DEMANDING CHILDREN.  I blogged about my oldest breaking her toe.  She is acting like she broke her leg.  I am having trouble feeling bad for her.  Son is crying about everything again and middle daughter has had more drama on the bus the past few days than anyone should ever have.

HOUSEWORK.  Um...I haven't been doing any so I'm not sure why it's interfering but damn is this house a mess.

BIRTHDAY PARTIES.  Just once I'd like to just be invited to our kids birthdays.  I feel like that's pretty much what my husband does every year.  Little G's birthday is Wednesday and his party is Saturday.  Ugh...I can't believe he'll be 8!


Sorry I haven't been around.  I need a mental health day.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Lessons from the Lunchlady: is that a carrot or a fry?

Even though this week was short due to the Columbus Day holiday, I can honestly say I am thankful it is Friday.

Here's what I learned.

Offering choices sucks. I am soooo tired of offering kids a choice of a cold veggie or a hot veggie. No one listens. You repeat yourself continuously. And responses often do not include Yes, please or No thank you.

Kids notice everything. Change your haircolor they will notice. Wear bannana earings and they will notice. Nearly drop the pizza and they will definately notice.

Don't try to scare the pee out of someone unless your bladder is empty. My co worker scared me and almost wet herself. This caused me to laugh randomly the rest of the day.

Confetti Fries.. This is our version of a healthy fry. It is regular fries mixed with sweet potatoe fries. Um...this week they battled it out against carrots and when the kids loudly proclaimed fries. Many asked why I mixed the carrots in with them. Something about an orange fry...

I am a rock star. I read a book called Lunch Bunnies to a class of kindergarteners today. I love how they cheer my name and are always glad I came.

Now to get paid like a rock star.

What did you learn this week?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

OUCH! What's the last thing your child cried about?

There was a time in my life when I had three children under five.

The house was filled with crying.  Honestly, most of it was me.

Of course, as my children grew the crying was slowly replaced with whining and I became pretty good at deciphering when the cry was real and when the cry was not.

Now a days, my 12 year old whines....A LOT.

She doesn't often cry, and when she does she likely has a good reason..

Today the cry was real and I wasn't there.

Today strangers came to her aid after she dropped a drafting tablet on her foot.  The corner of the tablet landed directly on her great toe and she was wearing open toe sandals. 

To say her toe was a bloody mess seems anti-climatic.

I am very thankful to the three teachers that ran to her help her.  I thought it was exceptionally nice that one of them called her at home this evening to make sure she was well.

She is in a shoe similar to the one I wore this summer after I broke my foot in an inflatable bounce house  What can I say?

Like mother like daughter...

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Things you shouldn't buy at the dollar store

There are certain things that you should be willing to spend more than $1 on. Those things include the following.

A pregnancy test. Seriously? Um. I think you should spend more than a buck finding out if you're going to be a mother.

Condoms. See above. If you don't want to have to buy a pregancy test than you shouldn't get your birth control from The Dollar Tree.

Ovulation predictor. If you really want a baby, spend more than $1 to find out if your ovulating.

Make up. Um...this seems self explanatory.

Underwear. I really don't think those $1 panties are gonna last very long, but maybe I'm wrong about that.

Meat. I don't care if it's on a stick, in a jar or near the check out. Buying meat at the $1 store is just ridiculous.

Backpacks. Do you really think this is gonna last?

Outerwear. Hats, gloves, jackets. Um, people, it's $1. How warm can it be?

In conclusion, the dollar store should not be utilized in the event of a weather related emergency, or for any type if meat product you may consume. It certainly shouldn't be used to predict ovulation, prevent pregancy and or detect it.

What's the strangest thing you bought at the dollar store?

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

A short note to Walmart

Dear Walmart

It is October. Put the Christmas AWAY.

Put this black Christmas tree away for good.

Seriously? Who would buy a black Christmas tree?


Friday, October 7, 2011

Lessons from the Lunchlady: peas please

This week the sun returned to Pennsylvania and lifted my mood greatly.

Here are a few things I learned.

Silverware chutes are fun. We've had kids put their trays down the chute and plastic ware down the chute. This week we had a cute little Spoon from the movie Cars come down for a visit.

Green corn. Nope these are peas. It continues to amaze me (and sometimes sadden me) how often the kiddos at our school do not recogonize the vegetable of the day.

Five digit numbers + kindergarteners = headache. At breakfast the students are asked to memorize their student ids so we can easily check them out for breakfast. It's a form of torture trying to teach each number to the kindergartners.

Would you like a super salad? Yes, please. The problem? My boss was asking would you like soup or salad. The kids couldn't figure what made the salad super.

What temperature is my milk? We had a third grader ask us if his milk was the right seriously? You should have seen his face when my manager stuck a thermometer right down in it. 41 degrees. Perfect!

In conclusion, remember only school silverware goes down the chute. Peas look nothing like corn. Five digit numbers should not be given to the five year olds. Try salad or might be less confusing and never ask a person with access to a thermometer what temperature your milk is unless you really wanna know.

What did you learn this week?

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Are you reserving a space for me?

I have mixed feelings about this quote.  In some ways I think there is a lot of truth to it.

Being the only person making an effort to maintain a friendship will not work.

That being said, friendship takes work. 

You can't expect to stay friends without a little give and take.  In my opinion, the problem lies in the definition of "friend".

Let's clear it up.

A friend is someone you can share ups and downs with. 

A friend is someone who knows your quirks and likes you anyway.

A friend is someone who will listen to you ramble on about the problems you are having at work and nod in agreement with you.

A friend is someone who can order your lunch without asking what you want.

A friend is someone who hurts when you hurt.

A friend is NOT someone you sat beside in English class 21 years ago and haven't talked to since.

A friend is NOT someone who stops talking to you over a simple disagreement.

A friend is NOT someone who needs you more than you need them.

A friend is NOT someone who keeps track of wrongs.

Friendships come down to the golden rule, just treat other people the way you would like to be treated and most of them will do the same. 

The others, well, they aren't worth the effort.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Signs -- um seriously

I have always been under the impression that usually people don't have stupid rules unless they have an actual reason to and quite frankly I am terrified by the mere thought!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

A eulogy for Patrick the Hermit Crab

It is time to reflect on the life of our recently departed hermit crab, Patrick. Patrick was a cranky little critter who was often forgotten in our home. His longevity of four years is mind boggling.

What I will remember most about him was his ability to escape and be found days later alive. Still not sure how he did that.

We will miss his forever digging, his amazing pinching skills, the fact that he actually molted six times whilst he lived here causing us to assume he died repeatedly, and his solidarity. He never once asked for a roommate.

We will not miss the odor that eminated from his tank or his ability to only make noise in the middle of the night.

RIP Patrick. Here's hoping that your resting somewhere salty and sandy.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Weekend Update: Hello Fall

My BFF and I took our husbands to the PA Renaissance Faire for some adult only fun. 

We had a good time but as you can see from my sexy hat, the weather has changed from Poolside Party to Crap it's Cold.

We had some drinks, saw some funny shows, watched a human chess match and saw an overly dramatic joust.  It was a fun way to spend a Sunday.

Saturday was also cold.  The in laws were visiting and we managed to actually squeeze in a soccer game.  The first game Middle G has played in this season.  Two were cancelled for flash flooding and the other one we were at a wedding.

Even though her mom told her is was damn cold outside this is how Middle G. dressed.

Does she look cold?

What does mom know anyway?  We found some sweatpants in the van and for awhile she actually wore them.  Of course, keeping them on would have been admitting she was wrong.

Friday night was a blast.  Went to a breast cancer fundraiser with a bunch of friends.  Danced a little, ate a little and drank a little.  Late night filled with tons of fun--one of those evenings where your face hurts from smiling and laughing so much.

How was your weekend?

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I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some meant some comments.
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