I am proabably going to piss some people off with this post as I have come to realize that Alexander and Willy have a LARGE fan club. After all, it is a Caldecott Honor Book. What's not to like?

If you have never had the pleasure of reading this grand adventure let me fill you in.

Alexander is a real a mouse and because he doesn't live with us where he would be given lemon cookies and freedom he is treated like a...mouse.

He is chased and shooed and treated like a rodent. Oh how sad (<- sarcasm).

Lucky for Alexander he finds a friend --willy-- a wind up mouse toy that looks just like and is treated like royalty.

Alexander tells Willy how terrible his life is.

Willy tells Alexander how great his life is even though he has a giant peg sticking out of his back and he can't move unless someone winds him.

Alexander wants to be just like Willy.

Willy tells him about the rainbow lizard that lives in the garden and grants wishes. Seriously? Seriously?

First of all how does Willy know about the lizard. Has he ever been to the garden? The worst part about this page...the language.

"Lizard, lizard," he whispered. and suddenly there stood before him, full of the colors of flowers and butterflies, a large lizard. "Is it true you can change me into a wind up mouse?"

"When the moon is round," said the lizard, "bring me a purple pebble."

Um...is that a yes or a no? And why does it have to be purple. Does that somehow go along with our rainbow theme. Poor Tinky-winky the teletubby was less gay than this lizard and he took a lot more smack.

And looking at the picture I would hardly call that a large lizard...

Alexander searches for days for a purple pebble without luck. He goes back to the house to tell Willy that he is never going to be a wind up mouse only to find Willy tossed out in the used toys box.

He has been replaced by electronics.

Both mice are sad.

As fate would have it lying right there beside the box was a purple pebble.

So Alexander returns to the lizard to tell him to make him in to garbage just like his friend. Chanting (not joking) "Lizard, lizard, in the bush.". Sounds like the start of a really tacky joke...doesn't it.

Just as Alexander is about to begin to adjust to life with a winder sticking out of his back he changes his wish and asks the lizard to make Willy real.

Okay...I don't know about you but wishes are kind of personal. I don't want other people making them for me. Maybe Willy doesn't want to feel hunger. Maybe Willy doesn't want to get hit with brooms or caught in traps. He never once said otherwise.

Alexander returns to the house to find Willy no longer in the trash but making himself at home in his house.

They hug and dance and sing praises to the lizard.

By the time my son is done reading this I want to stick a needle in my eye.

Do you have any children's books that just rub you the wrong way?