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Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Weekend Update: Suckation 2009--oh yeah...it's really that bad

We are back from our Suckation two days earlier than we expected because we (maybe it should say I) couldn't possibly stand another day of it. Don't let the picture above fool you...we are totally faking it.

Let me recap:

  • We left the house around 10:30 for what was supposed to be a 4 hour drive. The van was pack so tightly that the only spot the dog could fit was either on my daughter's lap or mine. Great. 30 pounds of dog that needs his nails clipped.
  • Our four hour drive took 6 1/2 hours. There was a traffic delay; plus my husband insisted on taking his route and not the route the GPS was recommending. Needless to say, by the time we got there we all needed to GET. OUT. OF. THE. CAR.
  • The rest of Friday was spent getting our camp set up and getting our car unloaded. However, we were able to enjoy the free Watermelon Festival.

  • Saturday was by far the highlight of the trip. The weather was nice and my sister and I and the kids took advantage of the swimming pool. Much to my annoyance my husband decided to stay at the campsite with the dog instead of with his family. Why couldn't he bring the dog over to the pool and tie him up under a shade tree? My brother-in-law did that with his dog. He couldn't because if hubby so much as gets out of the dog's line of sight he barks like someone is running him over with a steamroller. This gets old really quick. The kids didn't seem to notice that daddy and Copper were missing...but I really wanted to swim with him.
  • Just to make sure that we could not just relax by the pool, Pedophile Pete showed up. This 15 year old boy wanted to "play" with my 10 year old and 8 year old girls. I didn't like the placement of his hands when he was throwing the kids. I had to tell him three times to stop handling them. I had to take my kids out of the pool and then I had to send my 6 foot 4 brother-in-law into the pool to kick his ass.


  • Sunday was the pits. We woke up to rain and we went to bed in the rain. It rained from 6:30 until 8 p.m. Everything we had was wet. The tents were flooded, muddy and smelled like mold. The dogs were disgusting to say the least. Mine smelled like an earthworm rolled around on the bottom of a leather sole shoe. I did not want him to come into the tent. I slept in the van.
  • We couldn't make anything for lunch because we couldn't get a fire going and we didn't want to attempt to get food out in the rain (I know we are spoiled) so my sister and I decided to run to Chick-fila, forgetting it was Sunday and they are closed. We had to settle for Wendy's
  • When we came back I had her drop me off at the picnic pavilion by the game room and I set up lunch for everyone. It was dry there, the dogs could get some shelter and we could all eat together. My husband and BIL did not come up. They couldn't leave the fire, or the dogs, or (insert whatever you want here) Either way...it's me and my sister and all the kids again.
  • The highlight of Sunday...doing laundry with a bottle of wine. We had to wash and dry our mudfest. The kids are still having fun. Damn...don't you wish you were a kid???
  • My husband got overwhelmed by the rain, the bored kids and the chaotic bedtime routine that he yelled at my sister and I about it just when we were finishing things up.

  • You should know that if you yell at me, I probably won't yell back. I just won't talk to you for three or four days and I will secretly hate you. If you yell at my sister she is going to tell you to F**K OFF repeatedly and point out all the asinine things you did over the course of the last few days and then tell you to F**K OFF again. Especially if she has been drinking cheap wine for the last two hours.
  • My sister and my husband had it out over the campfire Sunday night. She told him that he likes his dog more than his kids. I'm not sure if she is right. Joy. Don't you just love family gatherings. They both apologized to each other the next day but the tension was thick.
  • I decided I had enough fun for one holiday weekend and changed our check out from Wednesday to Monday. We were hog-tied to our dog and because of that we couldn't do anything as a family. My sister was already set to leave on Monday and once she left what was I going to do alone with all my kids in the forest while my husband babysat the dog??
  • No thanks. I'll pass.

  • As we were packing up on Monday, my oldest was complaining she wasn't feeling good and said she might throw up. I thought great all we need is a little vomit to make this trip complete. I went over to feel her head and started playing with her hair a little and found two ticks embedded at the base of her neck.
  • Quite frankly, that makes me a little nauseated.
  • After the removal of those disgusting little critters, an immediate tick check started and thankfully no more were found.
  • However during the tick check the dogs were off leash and mine decided to end his trip by topping off his nastiness by rolling around in the carcass of dead mole.
  • YOU. CAN'T. EVEN. MAKE. THIS. KIND. OF. STUFF. UP.
  • That resulted in his being hosed off and washed in tear free Suave for Kids Mango flavor. I have to say this was a significant improvement.

My sister and I said our goodbyes. We hugged each other and all the kids. I hugged my brother-in-law and I think my husband and sister may have chest bumped but that could have just been a dream.

I got to toss the rest of the camp garbage into the dumpster (joy) and upon my return saw my husband darting through the woods trying to catch my sister and her hubby.

Did he want to give her a hug after all?

No. Our van wouldn't start. Turns out if you leave the GPS plugged in and then your kids plug all of their video equipment into the remaining outlets and you leave the doors open while you pack, you drain the battery.

Who knew?

Best of all we had no jumper cables because we took them out to make room for all of our sh...I mean stuff.

After scrounging up some cables, I found some other camper to jump us and we blew out of that joint faster than a sparkler burns out on the 4th of July.

The best news...it only took us 5 1/2 hours to get home.

How was your weekend?

12 random thoughts:

Megan said...

Dude. I don't even know what to say. That sounds like a horrible trip and I can imagine any family would reach its breaking point.

Want to write a novel? That's your novel. Kind of like National Lampoon's vacation, haha.

Anyway, sorry it was so bad. Good call on coming home early. Here's hoping you have some time to yourself this week... with wine.

Jenny said...

All I can say is Wow that was a suckation. Hopefully your next trip will be awesome and you will forget this ever happened.

Jenners said...

I'm so sorry that this was so awful for you ... but it does start to almost get funny at just how awful it was. Seriously, I couldn't imagine a worse time. But I swear ... you will always talk about this trip for years to come...the bad ones always stand out in the memories!

septembermom said...

That is one rough vacation. I should try doing laundry with a bottle of wine. May make the time go by nicely. I hope your next vacation is 100% better:) Like the photo of the kids on the washing machines.

Janis said...

Honestly, I feel really bad for you... but I did crack a smile at your retelling everything... not that I think the vacation from h#ll was funny, because I'd be pulling my hair out and everyone else's... The good news is... aren't you glad you're home now? Where it's safe, dry, smell and tic-free? I'm sort of thinking maybe those pics were of the neighbor campers? :)

Janis said...

There is a blog award on my site for you:
http://pausedreamenjoy.blogspot.com/2009/07/blog-award-time.html

Mama Kat said...

Oh. My. God.

I'm not gonna lie...I was in a pinch last night and scrolled right past this longer post.

Is it safe to say you will never ever ever go camping again? Holy Hell that sounded like...well...Hell. And your sister cracks me up. I'm glad she gave your husband a piece of her mind. I bet he's really glad he chose the silent treatment giver instead of the f*ck off-er.

But your dogs really are quite cute...can't really blame your husband on that one. ;)

June Freaking Cleaver said...

One thing about camping: When I'd get home after days in a tent, I'd think how luxurious my home is (and believe me, it's NOT), even though I couldn't wait to leave the place when I was starting my vacation.

When I read the part about doing laundry with wine, I thought it was some new stain-fighting tip! I felt like I was outta the loop because I still use detergent.

Jess said...

Holy Crow!!!

Hey biut how about those memories.... lol... sorry it was a bad time... and good call for sure on coming home sooner than planned..... who knows what else would have happened if youd stayed!!

And on the dog.... there is this stuff called rescue remedy... mellows the dog out very well indeed.... My dog does the incessant barking when out of sight..(drives me nuts) and so I just does him up with this stuff and it helps.. lol... and no it is a homeopathic remedy.. it does NOT hurt him.. and so it not animal cruelty. lol..

Becca said...

I am sorry that you had such a bad vacation or... Suckation. At least you got some cute pictures out of it all!

Sarah Eliza @ devastateboredom said...

OH CRAP! I'm so. so. sorry. LOL LOL (are you to the point where you can laugh about it yet?? If not I'll stop laughing)

If it makes you feel better, I totally know the feeling of waking up in a flooded tent. And finding ticks. The needy dog thing is new to me though, I imagine that would get old fast...

Here's hoping for a much better vacation next time...

Kelly said...

Remind me agian why I don't like camping? One day you'll laugh about it,.....one day!

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kisatrtle
I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some crack...um...I meant some comments.
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