The kitchen is closed and the lessons have all been taught.

The trays are stacked and cleaned and soon the freezer will be emptied and turned off. My first year as manager has come to a close. I must admit that the transition from part time to full time was a lot harder than I expected.

At times I felt like I simply couldn't do all that needed to be done. The funny thing about summer break is it always comes just when you need it.

Here's a few things I learned this year.

Kindergartners are simply my all time favorite. There's been much talk in my district about returning to half day kindergarten and I truly hope they do not. First and foremost, I think this would be a HUGE step backwards and not in the best interest for our district. But the second reason is simply selfish. I would miss those little buggers in the lunch line. Who would ask me for baby grapes (blueberries)? Who would tell me the white broccoli is the bestest? Who would eat the bananas without peeling them?

Lunch participation is a hard thing to predict. I'd like to figure out why my free kids aren't eating. I'd like to figure out why some kids come to breakfast and others don't. I'd like to increase participation. I'd like to make sure the kids that are hungry are getting enough to eat. I'd like to figure out how to do that.

Ordering food isn't as intimidating as I thought it would be. When I first had to do the ordering, I thought I'd never get it down. But as the year progressed, I got a little better at it. Sure, I forgot to order pickles and I sometimes had way too much pineapple but it all worked out.

It's best to be over prepared. I planned for about 300 people at VIP breakfast even though only about 55 RSVP'd. That turned out to be a pretty good estimate. Apparently RSVPing isn't all that fashionable.

Most days, I love my job. Since accepting my position as kitchen manager, I've been offered two other jobs, both which paid significantly more. Turns out, I truly like what I do. Sure, some might not think it all that important. Some might think it beneath them. But in the long run, it only matters what I think. And I think that doing something you feel passionately about makes a difference.

And isn't making a difference what life is all about?

It's been awhile since I've shared some cafeteria adventures. I was feeling a little burned out from blogging but I'm ready to make a comeback.

Here's hoping that a few of you are still reading and that maybe you'll bring a friend or two with you.

Being a superhero is pretty darn cool. May 3rd was School Lunch Superhero day and we were treated to some really cool cafeteria decorations, thank you notes and even a dance number. My favorite were the notes depicting my hairnet.

Sunflowers are my favorite. The preschool class gave me a sunflower they planted from a seed and told me "Happy Mudder's Day". It may have been the single cutest thing that happened to me this week.

Old people make me laugh. While serving lunch to a ton of grandparents this week, I was asking if they'd like milk or water. One grandpap asked "Got any beer back there?"

Vanilla milk takes down chocolate. Can you believe that there is a milk flavor that can take down chocolate as the champion?? Turns out my kiddos are in love with vanilla milk. It sort of tastes like melted vanilla ice cream. I'm still shocked that so may of my students love this milk.

"I don't wike the wed things." I don't know how you feel about red peppers but I think they are delicious. The students, on the other hand, are not all that fond. They are totally convinced that they are spicy. Now they've started asking me to take put all the "wed" ones.

They don't know what's good!

What have you learned while I was gone??

This week we had a snow day that was really a rain day, we served green eggs, we wore chef hats and we learned what makes a day awesome and what doesn't. Here's what I learned.

I do not like them Sam I am; I do not like green eggs and ham. I had a lot of fun attempting to color the scrabbled eggs on Monday. We had shades from shamrock shake to Oscar the grouch. Turns out if you mix the shamrock with the grouch you get a more authentic green. Who knew?

It is not the greatest day ever! When an entire second grade class squeezed into the elevator because a student with an injury couldn't take the stairs one little boy exclaimed "this is the greatest day ever" to which the teacher replied "one of our classmates has a disability. This is NOT the greatest day ever. "

Hello, I'm Janet. From the Department of Agriculture. AYFKM? Apparently a quick glance into the dry storage and the cold storage was all she needed to see. She was also very interested if I had prominately displayed my federally required poster indicating that all students are welcome no matter their race or economic status. The entire visit lasted less than 10 minutes.

Middle of the week snow day. The blizzard of 2013 turned into a mostly annoying rainstorm. The worst part about having a day off in the middle of the week is that Thursday starts to feel like Monday.

National school Breakfast week can be fun. We had a lot of new faces at breakfast this week and that's always exciting. What I learned from that is if you offer a prize, they will come.

What did you learn this week?

First let me just say that my heart is still breaking due to the events that occurred in Connecticut yesterday. As an elementary school employee, I am shaken to the core that someone could be so heartless.

That being said, I want to remember the kiddos that made me laugh this week. The kiddos that remind me every day to try and find the good.

Here's a little bit of the good.

You can't bring your dead fish to breakfast no matter how much you love him. I'd like to believe that I'm somewhat hard to surprise. When students ask me if I wanna see what they have in their pockets, I'm game. However, when a third grader brought in a dead fish on Monday, I have to admit I was a little taken back. Because we aren't found of making people throw out their "friends", we let him "store" his fish in a tightly sealed bag in the nurse's fridge.

What do you mean there's no holiday treat? I learned this week that asking the day before the holiday meal what the holiday treat is may result in learning you were supposed to order one. Craptastic! Thankful, ice cream can still be ordered one day before! That was lucky.

Hey Miss Wendy! There's a squirrel in my pants! After the fish, I was a little scared to look. Thankfully, he just had a bad case of the wiggles.

You can't walk around without your pants no matter how hot you get. When the nurse noticed a student in a pair of tights and a tshirt she stopped her and said, "Aren't you supposed to be wearing pants?" Student: "I was gettin' hot so I put them in my backpack." Nurse: "You're gonna need to put them back on. Lets go get them." Goodness I just love kindergarteners.

Have you seen my pink hat? Every day for the last week as we lunch ladies are finishing up our lunch with the custodian and the principal, a little girl approaches and reminds us that she still has not found her pink hat. "Is it light pink or dark pink?" I asked. "It's more of a magenta," she replies. Oy vey. Well played, my friend. Well played.

I have to be honest. This week was LooooooooNnnnggggg. I didn't think it would ever end.

Here's what I learned.

FRENCH TOAST LOOKS LIKE CAKE. Confused by the three French toast sticks on his tray one of my favorite little first graders asked my coworker, "Awe we hafin' cake?"

FIFTEEN IS NOT EIGHTEEN. We had one of those math errors this week that makes you go "awe nuts" and causes you to run out of cheese stick Dunkers. It's a good thing elementary kids are pretty easy going and not THIS guy who lost his mind over a piece of cheese.

THERE'S CORN IN YOUR MASH POTATOE BOWL Would you like a cup of veggies? I'll have corn. Um...that's not a choice. Would you like veggies. Nah. I'll have corn.

VOMIT IN THE MORNING. It's not uncommon to have a puker come to breakfast. However it might surprise you to learn that kids are mostly indifferent to this. As adults, if the person we are dining with vomits on their plate, we would likely move away while politely asking if they are okay. Kids?? They just keep eating. Sometimes I actually have to tell them to move down away from the vomit.

STRAWBERRY MILK HAS RETURNED. For unknown reasons, the strawberry milk has been "missing" from my order for the last two weeks. The milkman didn't wanna talk about it. Today it returned to a few loud cheers from the students.

Maybe it just needed a vacation...

What did you learn this week??

Our yummy black beans!

This week was a pile of chaos wrapped around some lunch. We had a TON of laughs, some stray teeth and a lot of trouble understanding each other.

Look at the bread and stop calling me BIMBO. Seriously? Who names a bread company BIMBO? Every time they come to the door, I think they're calling me a name. Also, it's important to look at what they deliver or else you might find out that they dropped off a boatload of hamburger rolls when you were expecting bread for toasted cheese.

Is there teef in these beans? Due to the Healthy Hunger Free Kids Act of 2012 I have additional bean requirements. Last week we tried refried beans and this week black beans were on deck. Since black beans alone are a little bland, I decided to mix in a little salsa and corn. Fan.freakin.tastic! All the grown ups, LOVED it. The kids...um...well they are all about appearance. One little boy asked if the corn was teeth. Seriously?

You said underwear... Like small children, when my coworker and I got a teacher to say underwear we burst into gut busting laughter. She was looking for plates and I told her they were under the table. She said, "under where?" Bahahahahahaha

Apparently I can't hear the difference between pudding and pooping. When my coworker disappeared while serving I thought she said she went pooping and I was like WTF? But what she said is that she was going for pudding! Talk about a snort laugh!

Miss Wendy, what does ripped mean? Me: "It's kind of like when you have a lot of muscles. People say your ripped." Third grader "Oh..then why is it on that grave stone." Dohl... Stupid Halloween decorations making me look like an idiot.

What did you learn this week?

This week in the school cafeteria the kids learned that it's good to try new things and that a little green won't kill you.

I learned:

It's possible to run out of asparagus. Seriously? I never would have guessed those kids would not only be open to trying asparagus but that some would actually be excited about it.

Refried beans did not meet with the same enthusiasm. Sadly the refried beans I served with nacho dippers this week were not nearly as popular. It's all about appearence with K-3 kids and if it looks like baby poop well then... Honestly, they weren't that bad.

Say my name, say my name. I'm happy to report that I now know about 95% of the names of the new students in our building who actually eat lunch. The others remain a mystery....

If you're waiting for the milk man... Wait, what did you think I was gonna say? I had only 12 milk in the house for breakfast as I had significantly high breakfast countd. Milkdude is supposed to arrive BEFORE breakfast. Not at the start of breakfast. Oh well... Everything worked out.

Guard your va jay jay. I mean who would have thought that by simply bringing dishes into the dish room you could be plowed in the crotch by a random dish rack. My coworker didn't see me. I need to make A LOT more noise.

What did you learn this week?

PS. I'm going to attempt to feature photos from our actual lunches. This week's photo features our Tuesday Chef Salads. They tasted just as great as the looked.

This week was typically chaotic but filled with lots of laughter. Thankfully I didn't implode any noodles.

Here's what I learned in the lunchroom:

Pass the cheese balls, I mean the sweet tots. This week we served sweet potato tator tots that looked exactly like cheese balls. "Ooooo I'll have the cheese balls!". How cute is that?

It's all about the slushies. A little kindergartener came wondering on through the line. When she didn't pick up her tray or even stop we called to her. "Don't you want your lunch?" "No, I just wanna a slushy." Sorry, hon, they may be 100% fruit juice but they alone don't make a qualifying meal.

Meatballs + cheese = yes please. It's super cute when the little ones get excited about their food. "Yous guys put cheese on the meatball subs! Wow this is the bested day ever."

Pass the rockoli. Today we had broccoli dippers which are just raw pieces of broccoli and low fat ranch dressing. Listening to those little kids ask for rockoli, brickoli, and trees made me smile.

Name the cafe. Turns out our cafeteria is the only one in the district without a name so I thought it would be fun to hold a contest and have the kids come up with the name. Winner gets some really cool Lunch Lady books and other reading material along with their winning name on the menu starting in November.

What did you learn this week?

The first four days I'd school are in the books and we managed to feed the kids with little to no complaints in a somewhat timely fashion.

Here's what I learned the first week of school.

There's a lot of guesswork that goes into ordering. Quick, how many kindergarteners will eat a hotdog on the first day of school? How should you know? Exactly my point. I figured more buns was better than not enough.

The great milk debate. I am only offering white milk/skim milk for breakfast and so far it is going great. About 90 percent of the kids are taking it and I've had few questions about it. One 1st grader amazed herself when she "made" her own chocolate milk by pouring it onto her coco puff (Before I get any crap about serving coco puffs, please note that they are half cup servings of reduced fat/low sugar coco puff and contain only 12 grams of sugar).

I'll just have the hot dog. One little kindergartener told me at breakfast that he liked the hotdog so much that he came back for another one. He was amazed to learn that we served different foods for breakfast. He jumped excitedly when I told him we were having eggs.

Is there popcorn in the chicken? A kindergartener asked her mom if the popcorn chicken was made out of popcorn or mixed with popcorn. Goodness, that might be one of my favorite questions of all times.

Being on my feet all day. It's hard to get back into the swing of things after chillaxin at the pool all summer. My feet are still mad at me for making them wear shoes.

What did you learn?

Photo Credit The Awesome Terry Border

The countdown has begun.

Many neighboring school districts have already started.

We're last out of the starting gate with our Tuesday morning beginning, but barring anything unforeseen, I think (swalling hard), I'm ready.

The food has arrived.

The milk and bread have been ordered, due to arrive on Monday.

Produce may make an appearance on Tuesday.

Fingers crossed.

Guess there's nothing left to do but see what we can learn.

Tune in next week...

As part of my management training, I was required to take a personality test.  At first I thought, hmmm...I wonder what this is all about.  The good news...I have a personality.  The bad news...it wasn't all that surprising.

We were all presented with one sheet of paper that had four columns and we were told to check off the words that applied to us.

Some of the words:  firm, bold, goal driven, creative, fun loving, infectious laughter, accurate, discerning, factual, enjoys routine, adaptable, patient. 

The column you had the most checks in was your personality type.

Not surprising, I am an otter/socializer.  My strengths are that I'm optimistic, energetic, a motivator, an innovator, and a risk taker.  My weaknesses are that I hate structure, I avoid detail, I tend to be impatient and I day dream often.

I AM THE QUEEN OTTER.  I have just about every stinkin characteristic of this category.  There were only six of us in the entire group.  The dominate group was the Golden Retriever.  The peacemaker.  They are warm and friendly, loyal and good listeners.  My second highest column.

These results weren't very surprising since we all work in a school district and people are our business.  The two dominating personalities were people central.  The other two, which are task oriented, the beaver and the lion, were much smaller.

The training held my attention but it didn't really clarify how to work with the task oriented people efficiently.  I mean let's be serious without task oriented people who are firm, bold, goal driven, accurate, discerning, and factual, few things get done.

Knowing this, however, doesn't help me convey information more efficiently with them.  I like to tell a story.  They don't really like to listen.  I seek approval and attention.  They don't like to give it.  I day dream and they find that annoying.

How do I know?  I've been married to a beaver for nearly 16 years and I still haven't figured out how to effectively communicate with him. 

Are you married to someone with a similar or completely different personality?

The lights are off in the kitchen. School is out for summer.

It's hard to believe. Some weeks were painfully slow and others flew by.

Here's what I learned.

I love the third grade talent show. Do you remember thinking you could do anything? Do you remember having enough confidence to sing in front of your peers. To dance in front of your peers. To throw caution to the wind and just bust out some karate moves? I watched one of our autistic students sing So Happy Together with his teacher, I saw some fast footwork to the Party Rock Anthem and I heard a cute rendition of Amazing Grace. They played recorders, they sang, the did gymnastics. Those kids are brave.

Chicken nuggets are not a popular face painting selection. This year on fun day I mostly behaved although I did sneak a quick slide down one of the blow ups before Dr. Principal could ban me. (thanks, Kristin). Last year I broke my foot and jacked up my summer plans. Like usual, I face painted and tried to convince the kids that they wanted broccoli, carrots and chicken nuggets on their face. Stupid snakes and pawprints kept winning.

Kids don't notice appearence. My boss busted up her face and nary a kid notice save one little boy we never would have expected too. Not only did he notice but he expressed grave concern for her and wished her well. A few months ago when he opened a fortune cookie proclaiming him a future community leader, I had doubts. But now, I think that cookie may have been onto something.

Every year those kids get to me. Just like my own kids, at times they drive me crazy. But the hugs and the miss yous and the will you sign my yearbooks all sort of wipe the slate clean and help me to remember why I love elementary students.

My boss. For 30 years, my boss has been in a school kitchen. She made me laugh everyday we worked together. She taught me how to properly cut a cauliflower, how to fold a towel and how to put the toliet paper roll on right. I am trying to convince her to allow me to write a book about her. Words cannot express how much I will miss her.

Enjoy your retirement. The kitchen will not be the same without you.

It's hard to believe this is our last Friday installment. I will provide a year ending piece next Wednesday and perhaps a bonus piece next Friday regarding my first cafeteria management training session.

I've been told it will include valuable lessons like conflict management and a personality test. I hope I dont find out I have no personality.

This week I learned...

Returning after a georgeous holiday weekend pretty much sucks. I was sunburned and tired and Tuesday sucker punched me.

Lunch money vs. cheese sandwich. On sucker punch Tuesday it looked like cheese sandwich was winning...but after falling behind lunch money made a comeback. Somewhere out there a lunchlady is feeding a kid who's parent decided lunch was no longer necessary the last week of school. Do her a favor and make sure your kid has money or send some with a kid you know doesn't.

Cook's choice and random sandwiches. As predictable as the back to school sale is at Walmart, so is the end of the year Cook's choice menu option. Personally, I'd like to see it called Totally Random Chicken Chunk Tuesday or Feed Me What's in the Freezer Friday.

Careful what you ask. Dr. Principal said to a student after a long absence "It's good to see you. Are you feeling better now?" His reply, "Yep, I had really bad diarrhea!"

Better than no one. My dad once told me that it's important to remember that you are better than no one and no one is better than you. I'm gonna let you in on a secret (whispering) it was never a dream of mine to work in the cafeteria. Believe it or not, for a short period in my life I wanted to be an eye doctor. Soon I realized I wasn't really wired that way. Totally a left brain profession and I am clearly right brained. Journalism seemed like a better choice but somewhere along the way I took a detour. I've come full circle from food service, to maid, to legal secretary, to mom and back to food service. In the midst of all of that I have written for many magazines, I've written regularly for the newspaper, I have kept a blog for five years and I have completed two books that I hope to someday get published. I still believe that I am better than no one and no one is better than me yet this week twice I felt like I was looked down upon because I do dishes for a living.

Trust me, I do a lot more than dishes.

What did you learn this week?

This week the lunch room was filled with much laughter and a tiny lingering sadness as I truly began to realize just how much I will miss my boss.


I smell like noodles?  When I was at the office a second grader told me that they were "So hungry!"  Then they asked for a hug and told me that I smelled like noodles.  Um...Thanks???


Crack really does kill.  This is a public service announcement.  If you can feel a breeze on your upper ass cheeks when your sitting than you ass is hanging out.  Everyone can see it.  If your ass crack is large enough to conceal a kindergartener than you really need to pull up your pants.  PLEASE DEAR GOD...PULL UP YOUR PANTS.


I am a hazard to myself.  Just like P!NK says, I am clearly a hazard to myself.  This week, I fetched the silverware tray from the shute and was attempting to place it in the dishwasher to run it through but I didn't have it up high enough and successfully rammed it into the countertop and my chest.  Pretty sure I cracked a rib.  Today I was traying juice and when I went to grab one to twist it off the cardboard and onto the tray it sliced my thumb as nicely as if it were a metal can lid.  Stupid thing is still bleeding.

Gravy can be hot.  We poured some gravy into to 2 oz cups to serve with the mashed potatoe bowls.  That crazy gravy melted those cups.  Um...it realy wasn't THAT hot. 

Sometimes the path to enlightenment needs to be traveled in the dark.  Let's face it, we all like to hear things that please us.  We like to hear things that make us smile.  We tell our kids, if you don't have anything nice to say, then keep your mouth shut.  This week I learned it's okay to exaggerate, to okay to improvise and it most certainly is okay to go to plan B.

What did you learn?

This week in the cafeteria I learned:

The bananas will get ripe when the bananas get ripe. I attempted to speed up the ripening process by lying the bananas out on trays and leaving them in the light. My sub told me God would make them ripe when he wanted them to be ripe. While I have no doubt the God grows bananas, I feel confident that he has other more pressing things to worry about. Perhaps we should open canned pineapple.

We are talking about thermometers, right? Conversation overheard: I didn't know you needed to clean it before you stuck it in and after you took it out. Umm yes. You need to clean the thermometer before and after testing. What did you think they were talking about?

Administrators in the kitchen. I've talked before about our awesome principal and how often she hangs out with us. This week we got to work with the district's business manager in his attempt to learn how everyone contributes to the school district. I learned that elementary kids will be angels when there's a man serving the beans.

Passwords, production papers and other random thoughts. If you are going to take the day off please tell your staff the computer password or they might have tech change it to WendyisAwesome and not tell you. Production papers should be entitled production papers not menus. I am starting to wonder if I am going to be able to find anything on my boss's computer next year.

Kids are like parrots. If you call your dog bastard at home it's a pretty safe bet that your child just might say that at school. You might want to reconsider. I hear Benji's a good name for a dog.

In conclusion, I learned to think outside the box when dealing with the elderly and their computers, I refrained from calling anyone a bastard, I kept the thermometers thoroughly clean, I prayed over green bananas and I taught someone who makes just a little bit more money than I do how to work the dishwasher.

What did you learn this week?

We were only in the kitchen for three days this week but, like always, I have learned a lot.

About a year ago, I shared this post about school hamburger. Two products posing as the same thing but containing totally different ingredients,

Pink Slime IS NOT in all school burgers. This week we served 100 percent beef patties that were not precooked. They looked just like the hamburger many of you would buy at the local grocery store. Considering the negative publicity concerning pink slime I expected our hamburger count to plummet. Nope. The count was up. Who'd have thought?

Towels not folded properly can be upsetting. Remember when I talked to all of you about toilet paper and how I don't care about the way it rolls. I kind of feel the same way about the cleaning towels at work. If they are clean and if they are folded I am happy. Apparently, my boss really gets annoyed by my inability to line up all the towels by width and stripe and color. Um..I swear...I didn't know.

Take the temperatures, dammit! In case you didn't know, we temperature EVERYTHING just like I am sure you do at home. Wait? You don't temperature your tots? Seriously? How do you know they're done? LOL All the temps need recorded and sometimes we get distracted. My boss, who rarely says anything harsher than fiddlesticks, told me she didn't give a damn who got the item out of the oven/steamer it still needed recorded. Holy crap...between the towels and the temps she may be looking forward to retirement.

What would you do for a marshmellow treat? The kids were soing funny faces or silly dances for Rice Krispy treats this week. Some of our first graders dance like this. Funny and disturbing all at the same time.

Kids believe anything is possible. . An elementary is an amazing place and often I am so grateful that I get to hang out there. Most of those kiddos believe wholeheartedly that anything is possible. The smallest 1st grader can be a monster truck driver. The goofiest kindergartener...future President of the United States. The smartest sencond grader...they just might cure juvenile diabetes. Having a bunch of third graders telling you to not give up on your book...well it doesn't get much better than that.

What did you learn this week?

This week we had the kitchen open for four of the five days. School was closed today in observation of Good Friday.

Here's what I learned...

Applesauce is a fruit. A kindergartener asked me with total sincerity if the applesauce he was holding was a fruit. "It's made with apples," I replied. "I know, but is it a fruit?". "Um...yes."

Dear Michelle, we are trying but we ain't quite there. As I walked around breakfast this week I noticed only four kids with white milk. The rest either had strawberry or chocolate. There is something utterly repulsive about Fruit Loops floating in strawberry milk or Rice Krispies bathed in chocolate. How do I get the kids to buy breakfast without offering flavored milk?

Autism Awareness. This week a group of kindergarteners visited barring gifts. Magnets supporting autism awareness. Since we have a autistic class in the building, it is very important that all the kiddos in our building understand the things that make us all unique. My magnet had a paper attached that said 1 out of 88 kids will be diagnosed with autism. That's staggering.

A hotdog and 2 oz of fruit. Does that sound like lunch? According to the National School Lunch Program it is. It has three elements--a protein, a grain and a fruit. Personally, I couldn't be happier that the regulations change next year to include at least one more element.

Again, I encourage you all to ask your child what they were offered vs. what they chose. You will probably be surprised.

Easter Egg hunts gross me out. Let me explain...no there is too much...let me sum up. This part of PA insists on using REAL hard boiled eggs in all of their hunts. Not what I am accustomed to. Those eggs arrive at our school before noon. They seldom get "hunted" before 1:30. They don't go home until 3:30. Now I am just guessing, but something tells me they aren't even close to 45 degrees.

What did you learn this week?