Ready or not... Christmas is coming.

This year lets open peace for Christmas.

This year lets be gentler to those around us.

This Christmas lets remember those we lost and realize everyday that another Christmas isn't a guarantee.

This Christmas lets put down some of our new electronics and break out a board game.

This year lets make a vow to treat others the way we would like to be treated. Lets he more gracious. Lets be more forgiving. Lets be more understanding.

This Christmas lets make friends and forget wrong doings lets elementary students.

This year lets be the friend we'd like to have.

This year lets teach our kids that violence is never the answer.

This year lets open some peace.

Whether we are friends IRL or just the blogspere, my wish for you is that the blessings of Christmas last throughout the year.

Be a blessing.

Good can over come evil.

Merry Christmas, my friends.

Let me start this post by saying that there isn't a school employee anywhere that didn't have a difficult time going back to work this week.

That being said, elementary kids are capable of making you focus on all that is good. All that is positive.

Here's what I learned this week.

Making cookies will cheer you up. We have a kindergarten class who is buddies with a third grade class and this week they had a Christmas cookie baking party. They learned things like how to break eggs and read recipes. I had the pleasure of baking them. Some of those little kids never made a cookie before and they saw the pure magic in such a simple thing. It was awesome.

Even the garbage disposal looks pretty at Christmas. With all the fresh fruits and vegetables that we are required to serve we often end up with beautiful trash.

It's possible to have never seen Rudolph. A kindergartener animatedly told our janitor about the movie he was watching in class and how he just couldn't wait to find out tommorrow what happened to the "willy scary snowman".

Where is the chocolate milk? The cafeteria ran out of chocolate milk on Friday which actually resulted in giant tears from some if its customers. This never ceases to amaze me and I believe is a direct result of being shielded from all of life's little disappointments. There was white milk...there was juice... There was even fruit Slushies. But life remains unfair because there is no chocolate milk. Sigh.

Merry thanksgiving! We were showered with tons of holiday greetings on Friday from Happy Holidays to Merry Kissmass. But my favorite was a kindergartener who wished us a Merry Thanksgiving to which we replied have a great Fourth of July!!

The lunch ladies are now on a much deserved holiday break.

Wishing you a Merry Thanksgiving Kissmass and a Happy New Year!!

Dear spammers and other assholes,

For some reason, my blog has been attracting alot of annoynomous comments lately all with links to porn sites.

Awesome (insert sarcasm font)

I'm trying to figure out why. Is it because I made a joke about mixing peas with corn and calling it porn?

Um... Maybe it was all that talk about God in the last post.

Probably not.

If there's a Lunchlady market on that I am soooo not interested in learning more about.

In short, because of spammers and assholes I had to turn on my word verification AGAIN.

Can't we all just treat each other the way we would like to be treated??

Everyday, at school, I listen to our elementary kids recite what we call the ilearn pledge. It goes something like this:

In order to learn...

I will follow directions the first time they are given.

I will accept the differences in others and treat others as I want to be treated.

I will do my part to keep my school orderly, safe, and clean.

I will be responsible for myself. No one else is responsible for my actions.

We should all strive to be more like elementary kids.

For the handful of you that comment, sorry about the verification. I know it's a pain.

When tragic events happen at our schools, people start grasping hopelessly for answers. The religious blame the non-religious and the law abiding gun owners blame the crazies.

You hear the same rhetoric over and over and over again. "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." "Dear God, why didn't you save our school children?" His reply,"I'm not allowed in schools."

That couldn't be farther from the truth.

I see God everyday.

I see him in the faces of the kindergarteners the first week they are there when everything is amazing and such a grand adventure.

I hear him reading for the first time in a childlike voice.

I see him when I watch as a group of students stop to help another student pick up each individual pea they dropped when they accidentally dumped their tray.

I feel him in every hug I get from little arms telling me they "wuv" it when I serve breakfast for lunch.

I see him when I watch an aide walking hand in hand with a child who has scraped his knee and won't feel better until he has a bandaid.

I see him in the teacher's face as she comforts a student who has stained a loss, be that a grandparent, a parent or a pet.

I see him in my principal when she accompanies a scared child who just had a seizure to the hospital in an ambulance.

I know he's there when a watch a gaggle of little girls getting off the bus and coming to breakfast holding hands.

And he was most definitely there when Dawn Hochsprung, the principal at Sandy Hook attempted to stop the heartless gun man who invaded HER school. If she is anything at all like my principal, she didn't stop trying until she took her last breath.

He was there with that little boy who offered to lead his class and his teacher to safety because he knew karate.

He was there with all of those students and teachers, the ones who died and the ones who survived.

He was there with the janitor, who risked his own life to warn others.

He was there with the "good guys", the men and women who had to see that destruction first hand. Who had the foresight to tell those little ones to close their eyes as they led them to safety.

Why he didn't stop it completely, I do not know.

If I'm being truthful, the entire event makes me question him. It makes me doubt he truly has a plan. It makes me wonder if he's real. And it makes me ANGRY!

And that's okay. It's okay to be angry with God.

But it is not okay to spew the same arguments back and forth. We must take action. We must admit to ourselves that owning assault weapons is not exactly what our forefathers meant when they said we had a right to bear arms.

We must come to the realization that guns do, indeed, kill. That Fox Sports columnist Jason Whitlock was right when he said, "Handguns do not enhance our safety. They exacerbate our flaws, tempt us to escalate arguments and bait us into embracing confrontation rather than avoiding it."

There are more gun dealers in American than there are McDonalds basically ensuring that crazy can get a gun if crazy wants one.

How do we stop it?

How do we keep our children safe?

I wish I knew.

First let me just say that my heart is still breaking due to the events that occurred in Connecticut yesterday. As an elementary school employee, I am shaken to the core that someone could be so heartless.

That being said, I want to remember the kiddos that made me laugh this week. The kiddos that remind me every day to try and find the good.

Here's a little bit of the good.

You can't bring your dead fish to breakfast no matter how much you love him. I'd like to believe that I'm somewhat hard to surprise. When students ask me if I wanna see what they have in their pockets, I'm game. However, when a third grader brought in a dead fish on Monday, I have to admit I was a little taken back. Because we aren't found of making people throw out their "friends", we let him "store" his fish in a tightly sealed bag in the nurse's fridge.

What do you mean there's no holiday treat? I learned this week that asking the day before the holiday meal what the holiday treat is may result in learning you were supposed to order one. Craptastic! Thankful, ice cream can still be ordered one day before! That was lucky.

Hey Miss Wendy! There's a squirrel in my pants! After the fish, I was a little scared to look. Thankfully, he just had a bad case of the wiggles.

You can't walk around without your pants no matter how hot you get. When the nurse noticed a student in a pair of tights and a tshirt she stopped her and said, "Aren't you supposed to be wearing pants?" Student: "I was gettin' hot so I put them in my backpack." Nurse: "You're gonna need to put them back on. Lets go get them." Goodness I just love kindergarteners.

Have you seen my pink hat? Every day for the last week as we lunch ladies are finishing up our lunch with the custodian and the principal, a little girl approaches and reminds us that she still has not found her pink hat. "Is it light pink or dark pink?" I asked. "It's more of a magenta," she replies. Oy vey. Well played, my friend. Well played.

Just sharing a silly Christmas stamp I just got. Love, love, love that he's wearing an ugly Christmas sweater.

I wish I had more time but alas... I don't.

I have to be honest. This week was LooooooooNnnnggggg. I didn't think it would ever end.

Here's what I learned.

FRENCH TOAST LOOKS LIKE CAKE. Confused by the three French toast sticks on his tray one of my favorite little first graders asked my coworker, "Awe we hafin' cake?"

FIFTEEN IS NOT EIGHTEEN. We had one of those math errors this week that makes you go "awe nuts" and causes you to run out of cheese stick Dunkers. It's a good thing elementary kids are pretty easy going and not THIS guy who lost his mind over a piece of cheese.

THERE'S CORN IN YOUR MASH POTATOE BOWL Would you like a cup of veggies? I'll have corn. Um...that's not a choice. Would you like veggies. Nah. I'll have corn.

VOMIT IN THE MORNING. It's not uncommon to have a puker come to breakfast. However it might surprise you to learn that kids are mostly indifferent to this. As adults, if the person we are dining with vomits on their plate, we would likely move away while politely asking if they are okay. Kids?? They just keep eating. Sometimes I actually have to tell them to move down away from the vomit.

STRAWBERRY MILK HAS RETURNED. For unknown reasons, the strawberry milk has been "missing" from my order for the last two weeks. The milkman didn't wanna talk about it. Today it returned to a few loud cheers from the students.

Maybe it just needed a vacation...

What did you learn this week??

Dear underwear designers,

What are you thinking???

I was looking for some new underwear for my 11 year old and let me just tell I AM NOT IMPRESSED?

What are your design meeting like?

Do you sit around and just think of Disney cartoons you can sell out too? What is wrong with (gasp) plain old white? Striped? Polka dots??

Let's just go over a few things that are inappropriate.

Hello Kitty.

Simply inappropriate. Especially if you put the words Hello Kitty on there anywhere. If your kid is older than 5 they shouldn't have kitties on their undies.

Lightsabers!!!

Just plain old lightsabers??? I mean why not weiner dogs, hot dogs and sausages???

These are children's underwear???

Can't we just go back to plaid? Heck, I'd settle for a solid color. I mean why do they have designs at age 11 anyway? It's not like my child is refusing to wear they have One Direction on them.

How about some simply polka dots???

What say you?

When it comes to Christmas presents, in my 40 years I have had some serious duds but we aren't talking about those today. Today we are talking about the most unusual.

For me, this question is simple. The answer is a set of cookbooks.

I know what you're thinking. How is that unusual? Let me finish. I recieved a set of three cookbooks from a dead person.

I was at the funeral of a longtime member of our church. While she was older, her death was still rather sudden and brought about quickly by the onset of thyroid cancer. Her family traveled from overseas to be there. Her ten year old grandson gave one of the most memorable eulogies I ever heard.

He spoke of a grandmother that he seldom saw but whom he knew loved him dearly. He shared many small things that she did that he would never forget from taking the time to mail him the smallest trinket to compiling and entire book of his writings.

His love for her filled the entire church.

I'm pretty sure everyone was crying.

After the funeral meal, as I was heading to the car, a tall slender woman said my name in the form of a question.

"Yes," I replied.

"I'm Caroline's daughter," she said, "My mom was your secret sister. I think she knew she wouldn't see the holiday. A gift from her, to you," she said handing me a wrapped package. "Happy Christmas."

It's been many years since Caroline's death and I still have those cookbooks.

A simple gesture from a dying woman.

What was the most unusual present you've ever recieved?

I'm trying to post some Christmas Crafts this month and a coworker graciously offered to do a guest post.

According to her, this is one simple craft. She is doing it with her entire class and the example features her own son's pic.

Basically, you need a plastic ornament, a picture mounted on some holiday paper and some of that fake crystal snow or glitter. Pour some snow in, plop the picture in and ta da...

What did you make this weekend?

This week in the cafeteria we learned:

Not all cupcakes are created equal. When a kindergartner offered me a leftover cupcake from her classroom birthday celebration, I graciously accepted. When the cupcake holder popped open and all the remaining cupcakes came tumbling out into the hallway her 1st grade companion said, "Don't worry that icing's like cement. No germs can get through." Is it wrong that I helped them put them back into the container and continue with their deliveries?

Wanna hear a funny story? asked a 1st grader. "Sure," I said. She was laughing so hard in the breakfast line that it was almost hard to understand her as she recounted how her dad shot a deer the size of a dog and how he was embarrassed by its tiny size. Only in Pennsylvania.

If you give a teacher a garbage disposal... It might just make their day. When a teacher came down to the kitchen with some rancid fruit, we just told her how to operate the garbage disposal. She was giddy with power!!! LOL

I'll have hashbrowns, said a kindergartener. Confused I replied, "today's choice is corn or veggies with dip. I don't have any hashbrowns." His response... "Awe nuts."

There's no strawberry milk and I don't want to talk about it. For the second week in a row, we didn't recieve any strawberry flavored milk. When I asked the milkman why, he said "I don't really want to talk about it"... Um... Ok. I don't like talking about my flare either.

What did you learn this week?

Hello Strangers! How have you all been? I took a little blogging break over the thanksgiving holiday to spend time with out of town family.

I hope all of you were at a table surrounded by those you love.

This week's made by me Monday features two wreaths. And let me just tell you, they are a lot easier than they look.

All you need are some plastic Christmas balls and a wire hanger. Take the hanger apart and shape it into a circle. String the Christmas balls on. If you are using multiple sizes and colors be sure to alternate them.

Once you get to the end, secure the hanger back together and add a bow. Perferably not as outlandishly large as mine.

Total cost of this project = about $5.00.

1. I work full freakin' time.  Of course if you asked my husband about this he would say "by choice."  Still pissed off about that one.
2. I'm still writing part-time for the newspaper.  This might not be the most effective use of my time, but damn I love having a byline.  It might be some sort of sickness that I am having trouble giving it up.
3. Three kids live with me and they keep expecting me to feed them.  This is becoming increasingly difficult as I haven't yet made it to the grocery store.
4. My housekeeper is AWOL.  Ever since my BFF got a housekeeper I have been incredibly jealous.  I mean sure she only comes one day, but dang...one day would be fan.freakin.tastic.
5. I am suffering from a severe case of blog envy.  I've been told I'm funny.  I've got a fair shake of funny, sentimental, crafty and ranty on this blog, but yet the comments rarely come.  I totally love my fan club (they know who they are) and they comment always, even when i can't seem to return the favor because of all of the above.  AND I LOVE THEM!  I just wish there were more of them.
6. November is filled with what feels like one half day after another.  Holy Moly--there are a lot of half days of school in November.
7. Thanksgiving is next week.  We're hosting.  I'm most thankful that my husband likes to cook turkey as there is no way I'm touching that thing, let alone eating it.
8. Is it really time to talk about Christmas?  Ever get the feeling that your kids are spoiled rotten and don't deserve much, if anything, for Christmas.  Is it wrong that I'd just like to get them socks and underwear and wrap up all the shit they don't play with but asked for last year?
9. NaNoWriMo.  Seriously??  Don't I have enough to do?  Why am I writing another book?  I'll tell you why...because Ally and Sue (the two main characters) won't LEAVE ME ALONE.  For all my non-writing friends, no I haven't lost my mind.  For all my writing friends, you know what I'm talking about.  They show up in your dreams.  They bug you while you're looking for mac & cheese in the freezer.  They holler at me for writing this blog post instead of writing their chapter.  Crap.
10. PTO is sucking the life out of me.  If one more person complains about fundraising, fall fest, fun fest, conference dinners, allergies, time management, membership, or field trips, I'm going to punch them.

Seems my county is about to have an extended visit from Hurricane Sandy. She's one big old pile of wind and rain. It's already been raining since yesterday. Sump pump is already running.

Wind is starting to pick up.

No school today.

Already cancelled for tomorrow.

My mums are not going to make it. Especially this one.

My yard is getting kind of mushy.

I'm hoping my little trees make it and my fence. But as with a good old fashioned blizzard there really isn't much we can do except ride it out.

Fingers crossed that the electric stays on!

Look at me! Ain't I cute?

I came on Saturday to live with my new family and they still haven't picked out a name for me.

My foster mom was calling me Darby.

Little G wants to call me Fishy.

Oldest G liked Ashes until others pointed out it sounded like, well, something else.

For awhile, they called me Sharpie (like the marker) but... turns out it, ironically, wasn't permanent.

Mommy was obsessed with the Adams Family and suggested things like Wednesday and Mortisha. But they really don't fit my cute, playful personality.

Friends have suggested Midnight, Sunday and Blackie.

Mommy is now trying to convince the kids that "Inky" is really cute and one of her favorite pacman characters.

Sigh???

Do you have a great unique name suggestion???

Dear Little G,

Age is a sneaky thing which is why I'm guessing its so hard for me to believe that I am 40 and you are nine.

It doesn't seem like it was that long ago when I said to your dad during church, "I think I'm in labor. Contractions are seven minutes apart." You were two weeks early and we were both kind of relieved that we didn't have to stay for that church pot luck/congregational meeting.

Flash forward and here we are nine years later and I'm about to write some annual life lessons down for you. It's my hope that one day, you look back on them with a smile and maybe a knowing nod.

It's important to remember that effort matters. If you're gonna do a half assed job, you're gonna get half assed results. If the project is worth your time, it is worth your effort.

Always be carefree. I love the fact that you're not afraid to wear a birthday crown or dance when the music moves you. Sometimes as we grow older, we forget the importance of fun. We forget to laugh at ourselves. We forget how to dance. Don't let that happen to you.

Step outside of your comfort zones. I hate sports but I'm playing against the Harlem Wizards in a PTO event because a friend asked me to. Will I likely embarrass myself and laugh about it for years to come? Without a doubt. But those are the little things that make life fun. The moments where you can say, "Remember when...." Don't miss out on a remember when.

Follow your passion. I know what your thinking and it's true. I never sat in my third grade class and wrote down, "When I grow up, I wanna be a lunchlady". I'm sure none of your classmates did either. But here's what I know, I always wanted to work somewhere where I had a lot of fun, I always wanted to work somewhere where my coworkers and my boss were more like my friends, I always wanted to work somewhere where when I woke up I thought "I get to go to work today" instead of "I have to go to work today". Here's hoping that whatever you become you wake up thinking "I get to" instead of "I have to".

Be yourself. No matter where you're at or who your with, be true to yourself.

Your number one fan,

Mommy

I'm convinced there was a full moon this week as we had a lot of significantly strange behavior and it's not snowing yet.

Here's what I learned.

Fire safety week. Nothing screams fire safety week like little kids proudly announcing to you that they know what to do if they catch on fire. "Stop, drop and wool. Thas what you need to do."

Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. Sometimes I take breakfast to teachers. Sometimes I drop off pudding cups with cookies and cream whipped topping to someone I know might need a little pick me up. It never fails to make me smile when, like Norm from cheers, all the kids stop what they're doing to say my name. "Hello, Miss Wendy"

I've got a feeling. In a super odd move this week, I just got done saying that I thought it odd we had not seen the state inspector yet and within five minutes of my statement he was in the kitchen. All remains well in the cafeteria although I may have to have some service on the dishwasher. This is sort of a bonus as the dishwasher repairman is quite pleasant to look at.

Bampire bumpkins are hard to make. I'm usually pretty good at deciphering kid-speak, but when a first grader told his teacher he was making a bampire bumpkin it took me quite a while to figure out just what his Jack-o-lantern was going to look like.

Breakfast for lunch. Kids love pancakes and sausage. It continues to be our most popular meal with the least amount of alternates. It out scores pizza and that's saying a lot.

I also learned that I'm gonna miss having one of my own kids in the building. Here we are embarrassing my son with a birthday basket.

What did you learn this week?

I was trying to decide what to make for my son's birthday invites when I came across these cute Halloween boxes in the Target $ section.

I hit AC Moore up for the paper and went to work. Each card front is 4 1/4 by 5 1/2. They were super easy to make with basically just hair and circles to cut out.

For the scar, I used sticklers.

Please feel free to pin my work as I have no idea how to ad a pin it button.

Our yummy black beans!

This week was a pile of chaos wrapped around some lunch. We had a TON of laughs, some stray teeth and a lot of trouble understanding each other.

Look at the bread and stop calling me BIMBO. Seriously? Who names a bread company BIMBO? Every time they come to the door, I think they're calling me a name. Also, it's important to look at what they deliver or else you might find out that they dropped off a boatload of hamburger rolls when you were expecting bread for toasted cheese.

Is there teef in these beans? Due to the Healthy Hunger Free Kids Act of 2012 I have additional bean requirements. Last week we tried refried beans and this week black beans were on deck. Since black beans alone are a little bland, I decided to mix in a little salsa and corn. Fan.freakin.tastic! All the grown ups, LOVED it. The kids...um...well they are all about appearance. One little boy asked if the corn was teeth. Seriously?

You said underwear... Like small children, when my coworker and I got a teacher to say underwear we burst into gut busting laughter. She was looking for plates and I told her they were under the table. She said, "under where?" Bahahahahahaha

Apparently I can't hear the difference between pudding and pooping. When my coworker disappeared while serving I thought she said she went pooping and I was like WTF? But what she said is that she was going for pudding! Talk about a snort laugh!

Miss Wendy, what does ripped mean? Me: "It's kind of like when you have a lot of muscles. People say your ripped." Third grader "Oh..then why is it on that grave stone." Dohl... Stupid Halloween decorations making me look like an idiot.

What did you learn this week?

I'm working on this brain retrain where you teach yourself to focus on the good and not the bad.

It's a lot of fun and I can truly see how it makes you feel better. The things I've been doing are simple at best. Checking in on my grandma, emailing those close to me and telling them what they mean to me, buying a child a book, sending my mom a package.

If your not playing along, I highly recommend it. Focus on the good things in your life. The time you have with family, the time you made a teacher say "underwear", the time someone surprised you with a monetary donation for your kid. The time you aunt called to check on you and your kid. The time your daughter made you belly laugh. The time you had cheesecake for your 16th anniversary.

What are you grateful for today?

Storybrook:

This season opens in storybrook right where last season ended. Magic is coming. I had high expectations for this episode and it really fell flat for me.

The purple smoke arrives and suddenly everyone remembers who they are. Hugs abound. Old wounds, like the fact that Charming thought you capable of cold blooded murder, are forgotten.

A super cheesy moment between Charming and Snow and Emma occurs that concludes with Henry calling them grandma and grandpa. Gag.

Dr. Hopper aka jiminy cricket come running asking for help. Please stop the angry mob from killing Regina. Seriously?

Our fearless threesome agrees to save the evil queen. Why? We're not sure. It looks like Dr. Whale is the most upset but again the reason behind that seems unclear. Oddly, even though everyone's memories have returned. Regina's magic seems to still be missing.

Emma remands Regina to custody and puts her in the only jail cell in town.

Meanwhile, Belle has been reunited with Rumple who is overjoyed with the prospect of having her around again. He is harboring a deep hatred for Regina and hopes to seek revenge. Belle doesn't want him to hurt anyone.

Rumple promises but then concocted a plan that would allow him to bring a dementor to town to suck the soul out of Regina. Seriously? What fairy tale is this?

Rumple digs out a spooky charm and heads over to the jail where he puts the charm in Regina's hand and tells her that she'll now get what she deserves.

Regina is marked and now waits for her soul to be sucked. When the dementor arrives Snow, charming and Emma fight it off and the. The four of them devise a plan to send it back.

This plan involves the mad hatters hat, Regina's inability to do magic unless Emma touches her and really bad CG. It ends with Snow and Emma being sucked into the vortex too and landing in the fairy tale land.

Meanwhile back in fairy tale land...

Mulan looks like she wants to run a few people through. Starting with Sleeping Beauty. The opening scene shows a stranger receiving a letter simply stating "broken".

We then join Phillip and Mulan at the bedside of SB. Sleep is about to be kissed by Phillip and Mulan, although her face is concelled, appears agitated.

Shortly after the kiss of life, the threesome are attacked by a dementor. Great. More bad CG.

Philip becomes marked by the same bracelet that marked Regina. He knows his time is limited. He attempts to lead the women back to safety but soon realizes that he must leave them

There's a lot of making out and why not? Did you see Prince Philip?

After sticking his tongue down SBs throat, he goes off into the forest to pretend to gather firewood but we all know he's going to meet his fate with the dementor.

Mulan isn't about to sit around and let this happen even if she knows that Phillip will never stick his tongue down her throat.

She leaves SB behind and try's to find Phillip. SB follows. Great. Just what we need to make the battle complete--a girl in a dress.

Philip gets his soul sucked and Mulan and SB return to the castle just in time for the arrival of Emma and snow.

Tune in next week to find out if this is going to get better or not...

What did you think if the first episode?