Let me start this post by saying that there isn't a school employee anywhere that didn't have a difficult time going back to work this week.

That being said, elementary kids are capable of making you focus on all that is good. All that is positive.

Here's what I learned this week.

Making cookies will cheer you up. We have a kindergarten class who is buddies with a third grade class and this week they had a Christmas cookie baking party. They learned things like how to break eggs and read recipes. I had the pleasure of baking them. Some of those little kids never made a cookie before and they saw the pure magic in such a simple thing. It was awesome.

Even the garbage disposal looks pretty at Christmas. With all the fresh fruits and vegetables that we are required to serve we often end up with beautiful trash.

It's possible to have never seen Rudolph. A kindergartener animatedly told our janitor about the movie he was watching in class and how he just couldn't wait to find out tommorrow what happened to the "willy scary snowman".

Where is the chocolate milk? The cafeteria ran out of chocolate milk on Friday which actually resulted in giant tears from some if its customers. This never ceases to amaze me and I believe is a direct result of being shielded from all of life's little disappointments. There was white milk...there was juice... There was even fruit Slushies. But life remains unfair because there is no chocolate milk. Sigh.

Merry thanksgiving! We were showered with tons of holiday greetings on Friday from Happy Holidays to Merry Kissmass. But my favorite was a kindergartener who wished us a Merry Thanksgiving to which we replied have a great Fourth of July!!

The lunch ladies are now on a much deserved holiday break.

Wishing you a Merry Thanksgiving Kissmass and a Happy New Year!!

 

This week we had the kitchen open for four of the five days. School was closed today in observation of Good Friday.

Here's what I learned...

Applesauce is a fruit. A kindergartener asked me with total sincerity if the applesauce he was holding was a fruit. "It's made with apples," I replied. "I know, but is it a fruit?". "Um...yes."

Dear Michelle, we are trying but we ain't quite there. As I walked around breakfast this week I noticed only four kids with white milk. The rest either had strawberry or chocolate. There is something utterly repulsive about Fruit Loops floating in strawberry milk or Rice Krispies bathed in chocolate. How do I get the kids to buy breakfast without offering flavored milk?

Autism Awareness. This week a group of kindergarteners visited barring gifts. Magnets supporting autism awareness. Since we have a autistic class in the building, it is very important that all the kiddos in our building understand the things that make us all unique. My magnet had a paper attached that said 1 out of 88 kids will be diagnosed with autism. That's staggering.

A hotdog and 2 oz of fruit. Does that sound like lunch? According to the National School Lunch Program it is. It has three elements--a protein, a grain and a fruit. Personally, I couldn't be happier that the regulations change next year to include at least one more element.

Again, I encourage you all to ask your child what they were offered vs. what they chose. You will probably be surprised.

Easter Egg hunts gross me out. Let me explain...no there is too much...let me sum up. This part of PA insists on using REAL hard boiled eggs in all of their hunts. Not what I am accustomed to. Those eggs arrive at our school before noon. They seldom get "hunted" before 1:30. They don't go home until 3:30. Now I am just guessing, but something tells me they aren't even close to 45 degrees.

What did you learn this week?

This week we learned a ton including

Cheddar soy free cheese kills broccoli. We have some allergies in the building to soy and we like to make our broccoli cheesey. Cheesey broccoli isn't soy free unless you use soy free cheese. Um....bad idea. The broccoli looked like orange goo and the soy free kids didn't want it anyway.

Missing the ice cream treat is upsetting. We have a preschool class in our building that is half day so they don't visit the cafeteria much. We had some leftover ice cream cups we gave them for snack. They came down in a very cute row to thank us. One little boy burst into tears 'cause he was absent. I totally understand...I would have cried too. Good news...the teachers saved his snack and all was well.

Dear Betty Crocker.... Um If you wanna serve food in a school, you may want to reconsider these ingredients. This is every single allergy in our building rolled into an oatmeal bar.

The fly assassin. We had a fly invading our kitchen and as anyone studying for their ServSafe certification can tell you flies can transfer Shigellosis to food which can cause bloody diarrhea. (bet you'll never look at food at a picnic the same again). A ligtle kindergartener to my boss to just call our custodian because he can do anything. Aweee....so cute!

Lessons from the lunchlady the video event.... Apparently if your manuscript makes the top 25 in a national contest the paper might want to make a video documentary of the lunchlady/author. I never thought I'd be videoed doing dishes and serving soup but now I can check it off my bucket list.

In conclusion, they will make a movie about anything, our custodian is a fly killer, Betty Crocker is full of nuts, soy free cheese sucks and it's best not to be absent on ice cream day.

What did you learn...

This week in the cafeteria we discussed the dangers of sugary cereal and how Michelle Obama may be secrectly trying to kill us. We talked about the importance of having things firm...or soft depending on your APPLE preference, we mastered the art of fake fighting and we learned that what we think we hear might not always be the case.

This week I learned:

My co-worker's shorts look good on her bum. I thought I heard a third grader tell her this very thing, which made me laugh so very hard. Of course, when I went out to ask her what she really said..."I ate my hotdog without the bun."

Mini marshmellows are HUGE. According to the bag, Mini marshmellows are supposed to be made smaller for kids under six. Ok..um..why would a mini marshmellow be a chocking hazard? It's mini. It is hardly even a bite. You want me to make it micro?

I have been putting money down the garbarge disposal. This week some idiot bought a chicken nugget for $8,000 and I realized that the kitchen might be a bank filled with ebay gold. Behold the ASSberry. I think it'sworth at least $4,000.

Pronouce your sylables clearly. When the custodian made the microphone feedback and squeal, a second grader said it made him think that he was in a whore movie. Um...the word is HORROR. Both sylables are very important.

Enjoy your food or not...the choice is yours. At breakfast this week we had Belgium waffles with powdered sugar. A kindergartener delighted with his breakfast said "thems good". On hotdog day a different kindergartner told me that he doesn't like dill pickle spears but he loves corndogs. "That's a hotdog," I said. He dipped his head, crestfallen.

In conclusion, we learned that it's important to speak clearly, to learn to enjoy your food, to stop putting money down the garbage disposal and to make sure your bum always looks good.

What did you learn?

This week was filled with rainy weather and wound up children. Apearently those two go together like a spoon and a fork.

Here's what we learned.

It is physically impossible to supress a cough. My boss thought she could fight off her cough through kindergarten and 1st grade serving. Nope. She ended up coughing on me. Fan.freakin.tastic. At least all food and kids were spared.

Vomit continues to plague the building. We almost had a castistrophic event when a kindergarten student came within minutes of tossing his stomach contents into the milk cooler. Wow. The thought of that still makes me shudder.

Kids believe everything the art teacher says. I had to take a day off because I had a puking kid at home and the art teacher offered to help serve. Mostly she did it just so she could tell the kids the black bean empanadas had fudge in them. (insert evil laugh)

Carrots should last at least a week. We recieved produce on Tuesday including a case of 200 individually wrapped bags of baby carrots. Expiration date 3-3-12. Um..guess everyone is having carrots with their pizza.

Pancakes and jelly? We served pancakes with jelly instead of syrup this week and those kids were beside themselves. When they realized no syrup would appear some were surprised by how much they actually liked the jellied pancakes.

In conclusion, please try hard not to vomit in the milk cooler, eat your carrots before Saturday, don't believe the art teacher, everything is better with jelly and never try to hold in a cough...you're gonna hurt yourself.

What did you learn?

except with a hair net...

What did you learn this week?

This week there was laughter, forgetfulness, singing, dancing and downright silliness and I haven't even told you about the kids.

Here's what I learned.

There is such a thing as a free lunch. I've always been under the impression that there was no such thing as a free lunch but apparently we even offer coupons. I had no idea!

Changing lunch always causes confusion. Some of our students were exceptionally disappointed when they thought we were having popcorn chicken and it turned out we were having egg sandwiches. Um...which came first the chicken or the egg?

Cooking is a job requirement. It's always a little unnerving when you realize that lunch starts in 45 minutes and you have forgotten to make a major portion of it. It also makes you laugh...a lot.

pomegranate slushies make messes. Turns out deep purple slushy messes on spoons will make slasher streaks on the wall near the silverware chute. Sort of like a scene from CSI.

Is there sausage in this sausage? A third grader asked me if there was cooked sausage in his sausage link. I was somewhat confused by the question so he clarified, "Are these like the sausages you get at home where you just have to heat em up?" umm...yes. Our sausage linker is broken... :-)

This week was full of stuffing balls, turkey hats and lots of laughter.

Sometimes I have so much fun at work that it ought to be illegal and other days I think what they pay me to show up there oughta be illegal.

Here's what I learned...

Kids dont't eat stuffing balls and corn. Actually, I didn't learn this. I already knew it. It is painful watching all the food we disgard going down the garbage disposal.

It hard to look this good. I know. I look like a royal dork, but I had a lot of fun asking co-workers if they wanted to touch my bird and poking people with my drumsticks. Next year I think I may have to add red ribbons. This turkey needs some dressing.

What's up with those lights? My co-worker and I are convinced that they're a little "cheeky". Does it look like someone's mooning you?

Slow Christmas songs make me sleepy. My boss has been playing holiday music since the week before Thanksgiving. I am covinced that the DJs are sick of the holiday song loop and are playing things in a row just to be annoying. Like Ave Maria, Blue Christmas, oh Holy Night and anything by Michael Bolton.

Cheesy broccoli and alfredo noodles. This combination all over the trays makes one long for...dare I say it...stuffing balls. Turns out there are lots of meals that are worse cleanup than the holiday meals.

Five more days until Christmas break. One of them is PJ day, which might be my all time favorite day of the year.

What did you learn this week?

This week we served lunch four out of five days. This is PA people--the first day of buck is a National Holiday

Here's what I learned this week.

Corndogs are not Pigs in a Blanket. We were supposed to have corndogs but our order has been a little off lately. Instead we got one case of corndogs and two identical cases labeled pigs in a blanket. Really? Turns out my grandma's been making those wrong...they are really mini sausages wrapped in pancake. We served the "corndogs" with syrup. No one really noticed.

Playboy makes childrens clothing.. I know...I was a little surprised too until a kindergartener came in sporting a black jacket with the words PLAYBOY across the chest and pink playboy bunnies inside the hood.

Elementary language is contagious. It's true. A kindergartener referred to the cafeteria as the "bacteria" and our beloved custodian asked me to draw a chimley for his Cristmas display. Sadly, I am not immune. I asked if I should cut up some vegibles for the salads. it's a good thing we can laugh at ourselves.

There's no fruit! A third grade boy loudly declared that we were completely out of fruit. We stopped serving to fetch more only to find out that there were numerous cups of peaches. His response..."oh I thought those were carrots."

Santa breakfast is worth the work. We had tons of fun serving pancakes and sausages to the kiddos today. Santa took time out of his busy schedule to visit with us. There were tons of smiling faces.

What did you learn this week?

It's the end of the first marking period and October is almost over. As further proof that mother nature is a fickle bitch we are supposed to have 5-8 inches of snow tomorrow in time for our 1 p.m. Soccer game.

This does not lend me to believe that we are going to have any easy winter,

That being said, here's what I learned in the cafeteria this week.

Processed chicken...it's what's on the menu. I don't eat processed chicken. It scares me. Most likely because I have seen this.

That being said, American school children LOVE processed chicken. It finds its way onto our school menus TWICE a week in the form of chicken balls, chicken sticks, chicken nuggets, chicken patties and tenders. What saddens me most about this, is that my own children want to buy it ALL the time. Ugh.

Don't be rude. Sometimes the lack of manners gets to me. Sometimes the down right rudeness pushes my buttons. Sometimes I have a nervous breakdown and want to writeup all the little brats in second grade as well as a few third graders. This week alone I had a kid stick their tongue out at me, kick me to get my attention, ask what is taking so long, whine because the water dispenser was empty even though the water fountain is less than 10 steps away, bark at me because their was no BBQ sauce, and stab a classmate in the hand with a fork.

Forks are a privledge, not a right. I am looking forward to next week when we no longer provide forks for third grade. Can't be responsible, than your privledge is revoked. Good luck eating your salad with a spoon.

Is it rice or oatmeal? It is never a good sign when the students can't tell what it is you just put on their tray. It's an exceptionally bad sign when the adult aides have to ask if it's oatmeal or rice. Um...I don't think the rice should stay in the shape of the scooper. That's just my opinion.

Cute kids outweigh the rude ones. We had our annual Halloween dance last night complete with crafts, pumpkin painting, and a rockin DJ. I received countless hugs from ninjas, princesses, werewolves and angry birds. One stickin' cute kindergarten pirate asked me to dance and I forgot all about the rude kids above.

What did you learn this week?

photos credit Terry Border

 It's time again to review what we learned in the school cafeteria this week.

Paper Trays can be confusing.  We were down an employee as my boss took a couple personal days.  Because it was just the two of us we served on paper trays.  It makes me smile when I see the kindergartners lining up at the dish window to drop their plastic spoon and paper tray.  They look so confused when I tell them they can throw those away too.

Are you her other grandma?  A second grader asked my co-worker if she was another students grandmother.  I nearly died of laughter as my co-worker is only in her early 40s.  Ouch...grandma should be a four letter word.

Bye Bye Milk.  We now have to provide water in a fancy-dancy jug for all the kids to play with use.  Unfortunately, because it is such a novelty, those little buggers have taken to tossing out their milk.  We probably had at least 60 unopened milks tossed each day this week.

Kiwi and Pizza.  Our fresh fruit today was sliced kiwi.  I was convinced that few would take it but much to my surprise we ran out before the end of lunch.  I heard a few kindergartners talking about the weird "grapes" and how good they were.  Um...at least they tried it.

In this corner...strawberry milk.  We've been in school for one whole month.  In a never before seen event, strawberry milk is kicking chocolate milk's butt.  Nearly the entire incoming kindergarten class is drinking pink milk.  They've told me that "it's willy good."  I'm not so sure.

In conclusion, we learned that when in doubt take it to the dish room, pink milk is better than chocolate milk but water wins hands down when it comes out of a cute little dispenser, kiwi can be confused with a grape and you are never to young to look like someones grandma.

That last one still makes me shudder.

What did you learn this week?