About four years ago, when oldest was in second grade, I noticed a bite mark on her and couldn't fathom in my mind where it came from.

The mark was on her inner thigh!

I asked her about it and she said, "Bobby" bit her at lunch.

My mind reeled.  How could that be?  If someone bit her at school surely the teacher would have called me or at least the nurse, right?

What in the world was "Bobby's" head doing near her va jay jay?

What was going on at lunch?  Was there no supervision?

I called the school the very next morning and asked to talk to the then principal.  He told me that it didn't warrant a phone call because no skin had been broken.

And something inside me snapped.

What about location?

Don't give me any bullshit about your privacy requirements.  My kid is 7 and knows who bit her.  I know he's currently in foster care and I'm concerned why I'm the only one upset about the fact that he bit my daughter on her INNER thigh.

I want you to mark her file with a big red notation that says if she is bit on any part of her body you are to call me.

Also I want to know what disciplinary action was taken and when my daughter can expect an apology.

Seriously....on her INNER THIGH

Last weekend I took the kids to a school fundraiser that was all about Buffalo Poop.

I know...it sounds like a Jeff Foxworthy joke but alas it isn't.



About 50 people gathered around a roped off area on the football practice field (I know that made me laugh too) to watch this baby buffalo named Betsy poop on a square.

The grid had already been laid in place and the names of those who participate, included me, had been randomly placed on the big master board.  We had a middle square and to outer edge squares.  I thought we had a good chance!


Betsy, on the other hand, decided that she preferred pooping in her trailer and not in an open field with lots of onlookers. 

Betsy apparently had bashful bowels.



Those of us on this grid, who paid $10 for three squares, were getting restless waiting for IT to happen.  After all, if Betsy picked your square then you won $400!  That's a lot of dough for a little poo.



And after waiting for more than 20 minutes, Betsy finally let lose and managed to land her patty in the center of a square, thereby avoiding any "The shit was on the line" controversy.

Unfortunately, it wasn't even close to my square.

Oh well, there's always next year.

Name the novel in which the main character announces that he feels like butter that has been scraped over too much bread.   That's me this week.  I'm overloaded and blogging can't be on the front burner right now. I promise to return shortly...even wittier than before.  Upon my return I will enlighten you with the following:

• What it is like to attend a Baby Buffalo Patty drop
• What I learned in the cafeteria
• Why car shows aren't for children
• What happens at an elementary open house
• Why PTOs need your help and how not to kill most or all of their current members
• Why writing headlines for the newspaper is a tricky job
• What to say when a strange lady from NJ calls you and I'm not talking about JENNERS, and
• How to pull out a lose tooth is less than 30 seconds.

Here's hoping you all have a wonderful week.

~kisa~

Another week, another $.32 cents.

Here's what I learned in the cafeteria this week:

• We owe, we owe, it's off to work we go.  It is unethical to tell anyone, child or adult, that they owe lunch money.  Of course, once they become an adult and ignore their electric bill or their phone bill, someone will actually have to tell them.
• Five Digits:  Expecting children to remember a five digit number is like expect grown ups to randomly buy you dinner.  Why is it unreasonable to expect a five year old to remember 16900....a number necessary to access their account at breakfast, as well as their computer account.
• Allergies:  These buggers continue to plague the cafeteria and unreasonable parents who believe that packing their child a lunch takes away from the "full school experience" make things even harder.
• Fruit:  Only 1 out of every 10 students actually takes a fruit.
• Vegetables:  It is possible to make it to 3rd grade having never tasted cauliflower.

What did you learn this week?

I was at a birthday party last weekend.

My kids were some of the oldest kids there. 

The birthday girl was turning four years old and most of the party guests were also around this age.

I was sitting with the birthday girls' father, having a beer, and talking about the pros and cons of getting older.  He mentioned something about her having to wait an extra year before the start of kindergarten and I told him that's not the worst thing and he agreed.

Having heard us mention school, one of the party guests chimes in about the evils of the elementary school.

Crazy Mom:  "I heard there is no discipline at UnNamed Elementary.  In fact, I hear it is one of the worst elementaries in our district."

ME:  "Hmmm....really?"

Crazy Mom:  "I'm actually nervous about having to send Crazy Son next year.  He's often misunderstood and I don't want him to be picked on.  I need to know that there will be consequences."

ME:  "Do you have other school aged children?"

Crazy Mom:  "No....no.  Crazy Son is my only.  We don't have any others."

ME:  "So how do you know all this about UnNamed Elementary?"

Crazy Mom:  "My friend's cousin's sister's aunt told me that a lady that I used to play bingo with pulled her kids out to cyber school them because of the fact that there just isn't any discipline."

ME:  "This is very interesting to me since I work there.  I would have to strongly disagree with you.  Don't get me wrong, it's not a military school, but I think most disciplinary infractions are addressed rather quickly and in a age appropriate manner.  You are aware that UnNamed elementary is a K-3 facility, right?"

Crazy Mom:  "Ummmm.....I need to get some water."

And that was the end of our conversation....

Birthday Girl's dad, while taking a swig of his beer, "That was freakin' awesome."

I told you yesterday that I went out on Friday with some other moms to paint some pottery.  There were six of us and three of us couldn't stop playing with our phones.

Today, inspired by the fact that my friends couldn't be bothered to talk to me while we were out, I decided to post a few things that annoy me about cell phones.

1. Cell phones make people think they are important.  I have a phone, but I can leave it in the car and not be bothered by that at all.  I can go all weekend without even looking at it.  I don't have Internet access on it and I don't care if I ever do.
2. Checking your Facebook status at dinner is rude.  Why do you think you need to tell all 365 of your "friends" that you are at dinner while you are at dinner.  Can't you tell them where you went when you get home?
3. Texting.  I like to send a text, but how many is too many and why do you have to text other people when you are out?  Isn't that like saying, "the person texting me is far more important than you."
4. TWDIS.  That stands for Texting while driving is stupid.
5. Your kids.  Do you text and play with you phone while you are at your kids soccer game?  At your kids swim meet?  At you kids dance recital?  Do you think they are noticing?  If you said they aren't you are mistaken.
6. Abstain.  Can you go an entire day without touching your phone?  If not, do you think you have a problem?  The answer is yes.
7. Internet access.  Just because you have access to the web on your phone doesn't mean that anyone else cares to see it, or surf it or hear what the weather is expected to be next week when you are on vacation.

In short, put down your phone and live in the moment.  You can text, twitter and facebook about it later.  Your friends will appreciate it.

We've been in school just over two weeks and I've learned a lot:

• Soy:  This little ingredient is invasive and in just about everything.  Is there someone out there reading this that has a soy allergy?  What do you eat?  How do you survive?  You must not eat anything processed because we are struggling to come up with anything that can be eaten by a soy-sensitive kindergartner student.
• Breaded cheese sticks:  Is it  mind boggling to you that five breaded cheese sticks and a carton of milk count as a reimbursable meal?  Students can be charged full price even though they declined a fruit and a vegetable...Makes you want to pack your kids lunch doesn't it?
• More on cheese sticks:  Six tiny cheese sticks contain 370 calories.
• Bananas.  There are quite a few elementary students who have no idea how to open a banana.  By doing everything for your child, you are truly depriving them.
• Knives:  Some of our aides were surprised to learn that we would allow kindergartners to have a knife to butter their roll.  Really?  I've been encouraging my children to cut, butter, and mutilate their own food since they could hold utensils.

As parents we should be teaching our children how to live without us.  I know most of us don't want to think about that or focus on it or dwell on it.  But I'm telling you that if you are not teaching your school aged children how to butter a roll or how to tell the difference between a pear and a green apple, you are failing.

We have nine-year olds coming through the line who don't know the difference between peas and green beans.

These aren't subjects that will ever be covered in school.  These are subjects that need to be, and must be, taught at home.

Playing with knives,

~KISA~

How young is too young to have an inferiority complex?

My son's teacher told me today that he has been crying at random times pretty much every day. 

I was sad to learn this as he hasn't said anything to me about it. 

He was excited, and maybe a little bit worried, about first grade for most of the summer.  But, I would never have expected that he would be so emotional so early on in the school year.

I sat down with him tonight and talked to him about it.  I wanted to find out what was making him so sad and you know what he said, through his tears.

"Everyone has four pages written in their journal and I only have one.  No matter how hard I try I will never catch up to them."

Seriously....it's 1st grade.

Why is he so worried about what everyone else is doing?  I tried to explain to him that everyone works at their own pace and that one awesome page is just as good as three.  That school is not a contest.  That doing your best is the most important thing.

This did nothing to alleviate his anxiety about being the last person to complete his journal in the entire classroom. 

We've only been in school for two weeks.  He actually had trouble falling to sleep tonight because he "couldn't stop thinking about it."

I'm sitting here wondering what I've done to him to make him feel like he needs to be the fastest and the best all the time?  How can I make this better for him?  Is he always going to be this hard on himself?

Any suggestions?

As I was searching the tunnels of my mind for a blog post today I began to wonder.  Wondering takes you down many a rabbit hole.  So today's post is a little bit random but please stick with me here.

• MEATLOAF:  Let me start by saying I eat very little meat.  VERY LITTLE MEAT.  For some reason, my MIL was perplexed by my refusal to eat meatloaf.  Seriously?  She has known me for nearly 20 years.
• BELCHING:  Why is it okay for some women to belch like truckers in front of my husband?  Really?  I can honestly say that I would never do that in front of their husband.
• GRANDPARENTS DAY:  Who made up this holiday?
• UNHAPPY WAITRESSES:  If your income is based, in part, on your attitude, wouldn't you want to have a positive attitude.
• BBQ RIB SANDWICHES.  Did you know that some BBQ sauce contains Worcestershire sauce which contains Anchovy paste which means it cannot be served to students with seafood allergies.

Okay...this is all very stupid.

I promise a better post tomorrow.

Using Random.org the winner of the Once Upon a Princess Cartridge is

KarelJ who wrote:

"This is my second time around...I just had to check out that worm again. He's just so cute! Thanks for blog hopping with me...I had a great time!"

Karel shoot me an email and give me your addy so I can get this cart out to you this week.  And thanks so much for hoping a long with me.

twgarman@comcast.net

Welcome to the 2nd Cricut Fairy Blog hop.  Cricut what?  That's right I said Fairy.  This blog hop is being hosted by our commandor Crystal who started this group over two years ago to spread good cheer around the world.

Since then the cricut fairies have participated in over 650 card creating missions all over the world, sending a little cheer to those that need a smile or a good thought. If you are interested in becoming a fairy please let Crystal know but sending her an email at cricutcardfairyarmy at gmail dot com.

Our hop today is being sponsored by Regina at the The Cutting Cafe. She generously donated all of the digital stamps we are working with today and has agreed to provide a random commenter with three cutting cafe stamp sets of their choice. To win, you must comment on all the blogs participating in the hop. Crystal will be posting the winner on Monday afternoon.

Dear Little G.


Are you ready to tackle all that 1st grade has to offer?  There will be homework.  There will be reading and there will be math.

You may even have to sing in music class instead of just faking it.

I loved that you were both excited and nervous at the start of this year.  I think you are going to do just fine.  I am really looking forward to hearing you read to me again.  Don't tell your teacher, but I kind of let you slack off on that a little this summer.

You had a way of looking at me and convincing me that we were both on vacation.

I am excited to be taking just you to school this year.  It will give us a little extra one on one time in the morning.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you make a few more friends this year.  Some of your good buddies are in different classes this year and you are going to have to break out of your shell a little and talk to someone new.

Here's hoping for a great year, filled with firsts!

Love,

Mommy

My nephew C turned 10 years old yesterday.  Double digits!  I wish I was close enough to give him a hug!  I guess a blog post about the 10 things I love most about him will have to do. 

1. His smile.
2. His laugh.
3. His strength.
4. His willingness to learn new things.
5. His beautiful eyes.
6. The way he says Aunt Wendy
7. How he never gives up.
8. His tech savvy skills (if you ever need help with any game just let me know and I'll ask him.)
9. His adaptability.
10. His awesome hugs.

I love you, C man!  Talk to you soon.