Lessons from the lunchlady: can I smell your pickle
WE'RE BACK!
We eased ourselves back into the kitchen this week with a long three days. Kids were a little deflated after all the hubbub of Christmas and seemed to have forgotten even the basics of instruction like how to form a line.
Here's what we learned at the start of 2013.
Be careful where you place your scratch and sniff sticker. My co-worker went to a pickle drop for the new year (another blog post entirely) and she brought us all back scratch and sniff pickle stickers. I proudly placed it close to my....um...heart only to have an entire class of students attempting to sniff it. Um... That too close to my.... um... I took it off and passed it around. Crisis averted.
That haircut makes you look... Taller??? My co-worker told a third grader that they looked like they grew an inch or two over the holiday. Her response " Well, I did get my haircut." I suppose she has a point. If I make my neck look longer than people might think I'm taller. I'm seriously considering it.
Whole wheat pasta sucks. When I say sucks I basically mean sucks all the Alfredo sauce out of the pan. Next time... More sauce....
Most popular Christmas present... (Drumroll please). The iPad and the iPad mini. Wow. That seems like a pricey present for a 1st grader. Remind me to ask Santa for a MacBook next year.
The strawberry milk is AWOL... again. I returned to work on Monday to take down the holiday decorations and to make sure the milkman delivered some goodness over the break. Again the strawberry milk was replaced with chocolate. Curiouser and curiouser.
What did you learn the first week of the new year?
Lessons from the Lunchlady: I'll have corn... Sigh.
I have to be honest. This week was LooooooooNnnnggggg. I didn't think it would ever end.
Here's what I learned.
FRENCH TOAST LOOKS LIKE CAKE. Confused by the three French toast sticks on his tray one of my favorite little first graders asked my coworker, "Awe we hafin' cake?"
FIFTEEN IS NOT EIGHTEEN. We had one of those math errors this week that makes you go "awe nuts" and causes you to run out of cheese stick Dunkers. It's a good thing elementary kids are pretty easy going and not THIS guy who lost his mind over a piece of cheese.
THERE'S CORN IN YOUR MASH POTATOE BOWL Would you like a cup of veggies? I'll have corn. Um...that's not a choice. Would you like veggies. Nah. I'll have corn.
VOMIT IN THE MORNING. It's not uncommon to have a puker come to breakfast. However it might surprise you to learn that kids are mostly indifferent to this. As adults, if the person we are dining with vomits on their plate, we would likely move away while politely asking if they are okay. Kids?? They just keep eating. Sometimes I actually have to tell them to move down away from the vomit.
STRAWBERRY MILK HAS RETURNED. For unknown reasons, the strawberry milk has been "missing" from my order for the last two weeks. The milkman didn't wanna talk about it. Today it returned to a few loud cheers from the students.
Maybe it just needed a vacation...
What did you learn this week??
Lessons from the LunchLady: um..wait...whose birthday is it? OH CRAP
Here's what I learned this week.
Vowels make a world of difference. While serving Frudels for breakfast, a student paused after taking his tray and said... "Wait, are there worms in this?" This is why vowels are really important. There is a huge difference between worm and warm.
Helium makes life fun. If you suck some helium out of a balloon and then tell kids to "use your walking feet", you will get their attention (and maybe even a smile).
Peas look nothing like green beans. Peas are round and green beans are long. Why can't kids tell them apart?
I willy wike carrots, said a kindergartener as a way of asking me if I could take the celery out of his cup and give him more carrots. Have I ever told you that I have a soft spot for willy cute kindergarteners.
Birthday basket disaster thankfully avoided. Know anyone with the exact same birthday as you? Imagine if you are turning six and can barely contain your excitement. Imagine if all your lunchladies and your custodian came to your classroom bringing treats for everyone, wearing hats and singing TO SOMEONE ELSE! Yep...that's what happened. We came to sing to one boy only to find out he shared the exact same birthday as another boy in his class and only one parent ordered a birthday basket. We did what any reasonable lunch ladies would do. We added the other boy to the song and I returned with an extra birthday crown and a little goodie bag.
Lets be serious, you just can't go walking around newly six thinking that the lunch ladies forgot your birthday. You just can't...
What did you learn this week?
Lessons from the Lunchlady: just keep smiling...
Here's what I learned:
Smiley fries always keep smiling. It seems that no matter how we try to torture them, they just keep right in smiley. We should all strive to be smiley fries.
Crazy sock day. It's red ribbon week. The time of the year when we learn about drugs and why we shouldnt do them. In order to celebrate it, we wear different items each day. Team jerseys to "team up against drugs" and crazy mismatched socks so we can "sock it to drugs". It's always a good day when you can dress like you're at Walmart and still get paid.
Under no circumstances can you quit. I lost my mind a little when my coworker asked if she could quit. After a rousing speech that included all the reasons why she just could not quit, she told me she was simply talking about the computer program. At least she knows now just how much we love her.
Bagging it to Sandy. I've already been instructed to plan for a bagged lunch on Monday in case of an earlier release due to the Hurricane that is barreling down upon us. Here's hoping that the Frankenstorm is a Frankendud, but it doesn't look like its gonna be.... Praying we all make it through safe and sound!
What did you learn this week?
Lessons from the Lunchlady: I only wike gween beggies
Anyway, here's what I learned in the cafeteria.
Ask and you shall recieve. When a little kindergartener told me that he would wuv some beggies but he only wiles the gween ones I just had to fill his cup with cucumbers.
PB&J is missing today. So there was a large voluntary peanut butter recall this week. LARGE. if you eat it, you should google it. Anyway, I actually had to destroy Smuckers uncrustables by dumping bleach on them to protect anyone who might be dumpster diving. Um.. If you're eating out of the dumpster aren't you assume a certain amount of risk??
Broccoli dippers vs green beans. It's official. No one likes green beans. If raw broccoli wih a little cup of ranch dip can beat you, than you're pretty pathetic.
Milk... Oh how you vex me. I can't seem to order the right amount of milk to save my life. Just when I think I've got it figured out our breakfast count doubles and all those kiddos take white milk. I was told that if I only offered white milk they'd just keep walking. Um... That, my friends, is not true.
Expect the unexpected. Sometimes you a blessed with student writings declaring that if they were the principal they would demand NO MORE BROCCOLI and other times you get cards thanking you for the awesome Mac and Cheese.
What did you learn this week??
Lessons from the lunchlady: You can't fill another's shoes, you have to make your own path
When I took the manager's job, I realized that there would be a learning curve. That being said, I don't think I realized just how much of a learning curve. After telling my old boss that I found her shoes hard to fill, she said "You can't fill another's shoes, you have to make your own path."
This week was trailblazing. Here's what I learned.
Noodles can disintegrate. Apparently steaming noodles is an art form that I clearly have not yet mastered. Turns out depending on the size, shape and thickness of the noodle some steam a lot faster that others. For example, egg noodles steam very quickly. Rotini...not so fast. Wanna know what happens to them if you steam them to long? Mashed potato noodles... And NO we did not serve these ones.
The walk-in hates me. The walk-in cooler has a way of breaking only when I am having a stressful week. While I realize that it is an inanimate object who cannot possibly know my stress level, it always sounds its alarm when my stress level is already high.
Some kindergarteners have a lot of nerve. This week I took a break from serving and headed to the check out register. After only six kindergarten days of school some of those little angels actually get irritated If they still have to say their name. One of them rolled her eyes at me and said, "I say this everyday. How long till you remember?" I asked if she knew my name and she said, "No." So I told her that I will remember her name and all 67 others kindergartners names once she remembers mine. Until then, she can stop at the register and say her name EVERYDAY.
Birthday baskets lift my mood. If you order one in advance, our kitchen will deliver a birthday basket snack to your kiddo. It was an initiative established to help stop the onslaught of cupcakes brought to the school. We had our first basket on Friday. It was sooo much fun to deliver.
What did you learn this week?
Lessons from the lunchlady: let the countdown begin
Fire drills in the rain. I was glad my boss was still in charge when we had a fire drill in the rain this week. The fire department was there evaluating our exit procedures and asked what we would do if we had a fire during lunch. Here's hoping that never happens because that would be a nightmare!
Help wanted: lunchlady with common sense and computer skills. Filling the open spot in our kitchen is proving difficult. Seems no one over 50 likes learning the computer and those under 50 asks me things like "Do you expect me to work everyday?". Um...yes?
VIP breakfast. We had nearly 300 people show up for our annual VIP breakfast. We used to do two events Muffins for Mom and Donuts for Dads but it is much easier to just combine the events and let the kids bring up to two guests. I always eat with the breakfast kids that show up without an adult. This year we ran out of seats and me and the kiddos ended up having a picnic on the floor. It was, no doubt, more fun for me than for them.
What did you learn this week?
Lessons from the lunchlady: that is not a good pocket for your balls
This week was overflowing with knowledge...
Hotdog day is always good for a laugh. It is hard not to laugh when making those little weiners but when your coworker takes the temp of one and announces that she just catheterized the hotdog and it's 190 degrees, you can't help but laugh.
Put your shorts on right. I learned from a kindergartener this week that wearing your cargo shorts backwards and putting bouncy balls in the front pockets is never, ever, a good idea. I also learned that it's possible to get gum in your underwear...that was a 1st grader.
Crying over spilt milk isn't helpful. I found this milk in the top crate of a stack of five. What a mess. I know you're not supposed to cry over it but I kind of wanted to.
Working with the elderly. Sometimes I forget my boss is 67. She was ill this week and I worked with a 70 year old sub and was reminded again just how amazing Sandee is. Does she really only have 22 days left???
Mind your manners. It still vexes me how frequently I have to remind students to be polite. Seriously? What's so hard about treating others the way you'd like to be treated?
Oh... Wait... It's that apple doesn't fall far from the tree thing, isn't it????
What did you learn this week?
Lessons from the Lunchlady: anything is possible as long as you take the damn temp
We were only in the kitchen for three days this week but, like always, I have learned a lot.
About a year ago, I shared this post about school hamburger. Two products posing as the same thing but containing totally different ingredients,
Pink Slime IS NOT in all school burgers. This week we served 100 percent beef patties that were not precooked. They looked just like the hamburger many of you would buy at the local grocery store. Considering the negative publicity concerning pink slime I expected our hamburger count to plummet. Nope. The count was up. Who'd have thought?
Towels not folded properly can be upsetting. Remember when I talked to all of you about toilet paper and how I don't care about the way it rolls. I kind of feel the same way about the cleaning towels at work. If they are clean and if they are folded I am happy. Apparently, my boss really gets annoyed by my inability to line up all the towels by width and stripe and color. Um..I swear...I didn't know.
Take the temperatures, dammit! In case you didn't know, we temperature EVERYTHING just like I am sure you do at home. Wait? You don't temperature your tots? Seriously? How do you know they're done? LOL All the temps need recorded and sometimes we get distracted. My boss, who rarely says anything harsher than fiddlesticks, told me she didn't give a damn who got the item out of the oven/steamer it still needed recorded. Holy crap...between the towels and the temps she may be looking forward to retirement.
What would you do for a marshmellow treat? The kids were soing funny faces or silly dances for Rice Krispy treats this week. Some of our first graders dance like this. Funny and disturbing all at the same time.
Kids believe anything is possible. . An elementary is an amazing place and often I am so grateful that I get to hang out there. Most of those kiddos believe wholeheartedly that anything is possible. The smallest 1st grader can be a monster truck driver. The goofiest kindergartener...future President of the United States. The smartest sencond grader...they just might cure juvenile diabetes. Having a bunch of third graders telling you to not give up on your book...well it doesn't get much better than that.
What did you learn this week?
About Me
- kisatrtle
- I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some crack...um...I meant some comments.
