I have to be honest. This week was LooooooooNnnnggggg. I didn't think it would ever end.

Here's what I learned.

FRENCH TOAST LOOKS LIKE CAKE. Confused by the three French toast sticks on his tray one of my favorite little first graders asked my coworker, "Awe we hafin' cake?"

FIFTEEN IS NOT EIGHTEEN. We had one of those math errors this week that makes you go "awe nuts" and causes you to run out of cheese stick Dunkers. It's a good thing elementary kids are pretty easy going and not THIS guy who lost his mind over a piece of cheese.

THERE'S CORN IN YOUR MASH POTATOE BOWL Would you like a cup of veggies? I'll have corn. Um...that's not a choice. Would you like veggies. Nah. I'll have corn.

VOMIT IN THE MORNING. It's not uncommon to have a puker come to breakfast. However it might surprise you to learn that kids are mostly indifferent to this. As adults, if the person we are dining with vomits on their plate, we would likely move away while politely asking if they are okay. Kids?? They just keep eating. Sometimes I actually have to tell them to move down away from the vomit.

STRAWBERRY MILK HAS RETURNED. For unknown reasons, the strawberry milk has been "missing" from my order for the last two weeks. The milkman didn't wanna talk about it. Today it returned to a few loud cheers from the students.

Maybe it just needed a vacation...

What did you learn this week??

I'm convinced there was a full moon this week as we had a lot of significantly strange behavior and it's not snowing yet.

Here's what I learned.

Fire safety week. Nothing screams fire safety week like little kids proudly announcing to you that they know what to do if they catch on fire. "Stop, drop and wool. Thas what you need to do."

Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. Sometimes I take breakfast to teachers. Sometimes I drop off pudding cups with cookies and cream whipped topping to someone I know might need a little pick me up. It never fails to make me smile when, like Norm from cheers, all the kids stop what they're doing to say my name. "Hello, Miss Wendy"

I've got a feeling. In a super odd move this week, I just got done saying that I thought it odd we had not seen the state inspector yet and within five minutes of my statement he was in the kitchen. All remains well in the cafeteria although I may have to have some service on the dishwasher. This is sort of a bonus as the dishwasher repairman is quite pleasant to look at.

Bampire bumpkins are hard to make. I'm usually pretty good at deciphering kid-speak, but when a first grader told his teacher he was making a bampire bumpkin it took me quite a while to figure out just what his Jack-o-lantern was going to look like.

Breakfast for lunch. Kids love pancakes and sausage. It continues to be our most popular meal with the least amount of alternates. It out scores pizza and that's saying a lot.

I also learned that I'm gonna miss having one of my own kids in the building. Here we are embarrassing my son with a birthday basket.

What did you learn this week?

It's hard to believe this is our last Friday installment. I will provide a year ending piece next Wednesday and perhaps a bonus piece next Friday regarding my first cafeteria management training session.

I've been told it will include valuable lessons like conflict management and a personality test. I hope I dont find out I have no personality.

This week I learned...

Returning after a georgeous holiday weekend pretty much sucks. I was sunburned and tired and Tuesday sucker punched me.

Lunch money vs. cheese sandwich. On sucker punch Tuesday it looked like cheese sandwich was winning...but after falling behind lunch money made a comeback. Somewhere out there a lunchlady is feeding a kid who's parent decided lunch was no longer necessary the last week of school. Do her a favor and make sure your kid has money or send some with a kid you know doesn't.

Cook's choice and random sandwiches. As predictable as the back to school sale is at Walmart, so is the end of the year Cook's choice menu option. Personally, I'd like to see it called Totally Random Chicken Chunk Tuesday or Feed Me What's in the Freezer Friday.

Careful what you ask. Dr. Principal said to a student after a long absence "It's good to see you. Are you feeling better now?" His reply, "Yep, I had really bad diarrhea!"

Better than no one. My dad once told me that it's important to remember that you are better than no one and no one is better than you. I'm gonna let you in on a secret (whispering) it was never a dream of mine to work in the cafeteria. Believe it or not, for a short period in my life I wanted to be an eye doctor. Soon I realized I wasn't really wired that way. Totally a left brain profession and I am clearly right brained. Journalism seemed like a better choice but somewhere along the way I took a detour. I've come full circle from food service, to maid, to legal secretary, to mom and back to food service. In the midst of all of that I have written for many magazines, I've written regularly for the newspaper, I have kept a blog for five years and I have completed two books that I hope to someday get published. I still believe that I am better than no one and no one is better than me yet this week twice I felt like I was looked down upon because I do dishes for a living.

Trust me, I do a lot more than dishes.

What did you learn this week?

The curtain is about to set on this week and I learned A LOT.

The oven is an important piece of equipment.  Ever since reading the book Save Me by Lisa Scottoline in which an elementary school explodes and all the lunchladies die, I've been ever so slightly obsessed with gas leaks.  We had a teeny one this week which was promptly fix but then the oven decided that it would not cook the following day.  Talk about plan B.  We got the chicken cooked by the fries mocked us.  So we served salad.

Feta Cheese smells different to children.  The kiddos were learning about Israel this week so we served a lovely fish nugget meal with a feta, tomato and cucumber salad.  More than once, some helpful kindergartners told me they were "pretty sure somebody fro'd up in there."  If I tell em' that's the cheese, do you think they'll still taste it?  In their defense, it has been Puke-a-palooza this week at school.  We've got kids droppin' left and right from the Puke-a-saurus Virus.  Here's hoping I can continue to fend that one off.

Hummus can be mistaken for peanut butter.  Also part of our Tastes of Israel, we served a quarter of a pita bread spread with hummus.  Let's just say that if you're thinking peanut butter and you bite into hummus, you're gonna be disappointed.

I'll have a 1 oz serving of new regulations with a side of Mesclun.   I learned this week that starting next year protein servings for K-8 drop from 2 oz. to 1 oz. of protein.  If the kids are already upset with four chicken nuggets does that mean next year they only get two?  Also dark green and orange veggies need to be served three or more times a week.  I'm not sure about mesclun (pictured above) or butternut squash.  Personally, those are hard sells for grown ups.

There is a good chance that I'm not smarter than a lunchlady manager.  I decided to apply for my boss's position as Cafeteria Manager.  Turns out you have to take a five page written test for this position and I didn't study.  Um...admitting that this test was difficult probably makes me look really stupid, but I feel confident that you guys will give me some comment love.  Here are some examples of the questions.

You have an employee who is refusing to wear a hairnet, what do you do?  Not sure why there were four lines for the answer because my approach needed a lot fewer lines.

After being the manager for one year, give me three words each that the students, the teachers, the administrators, and the Child Nutrition Director will use to describe you?  I hope employed is in there somewhere...LOL

How many cups are in 30 gallons?  If you have 497 students eating cheeseburgers and the burgers come in 30 lbs cases and each case has 6 sleeves of 9 hamburgers how many cases do you need?  How many dozen buns?  How many flats of buns is that if each flat contains 30?  Um....um...umm

Above is a sample menu for breakfast and for lunch.  Under the current Foodservice guidelines are they reimbursable meals?  If not, what would you add? 

Did I mention this was five pages?

What did you learn this week?



Photo credit Terry Border (click photo to see more of his work)

I am happy to report that I have picked myself up off the ground and no longer feel like the downed wooden spoon pictured here.

Fore that I have you to thank.  This funk is getting better because of my great friends both here in blog land and IRL.  Thanks.

This week in the cafeteria I learned a lot.

Most of the kids aren't rude:  I made a new bulletin board reminding the kids to say please and thank you and most of them are.  Sometimes they need a prompt of two (occasionally more) but most of them are doing it.

Our teachers ROCK.  Some of the other lunch ladies complain A LOT about the teachers in their building, but I can honestly say that the teachers in our building treat us with respect.  The kindergarten teachers (who go through the lunchline) have been reminding their kids to be polite and respectful to us and for that I am truly grateful.  After all, you can't fault a child for not using manners until you teach them what manners are.

We laughed a lot. I think laughter is great medicine.  I missed my fall beach trip this year and I think that was one of the reasons I was in such a funk.  This week, however, we laughed a lot in the cafeteria and I think it is helping me get back into the swing of things.

Words of Affirmation.  I've talked a lot about love languages and how I clearly receive love with words of affirmation (hence the reason I am always begging for adoring comments).  That being said, this week I got a lot of positive feedback from my immediate co-workers, from the teachers, from the administration, even from the director of our department.  It meant a lot to me to know that maybe the things we do, while menial sometimes, really do matter.

A kindergartner remembered my name.  I've joked before that our building is small enough that it is possible to know all the students by their name.  This one little boy always seemed amazed when I would call him by his first name.  I joked with him often about when he would remember my name.  One day he told me that he would remember my name when he "growed up and worked here."  A few days ago, when I said hi to him, he said "Hi Miss Wendy. See I tolded you I'd remember your name and I said please and thank you today."

Perhaps, they are listening.

What did you learn this week?

PHOTO CREDIT:  Terry Border

It's Friday.

Time to recap what learned over the last five days in the school cafeteria.

Five days of this stuff is tiring after a week with just one and 1/2 work days.

Here's what I learned.

Line up right.  She means it.  My boss can't stand it when the kids aren't lined up right.  They are supposed to come in PB&J first, than alternate lunch and then regular lunch.  First grade was having a heck of time with this for some reason and my boss, who is convinced that these 6 year olds are switching lunches, says "I'm gonna check with your teacher to make sure this is what you all ordered."  One little girl with her hands on her hips say, "Oh and she means it!"

Cheese food.  Let's be serious.  Nachos are something you get at the fair.  In my opinion, they really aren't a lunch.  Maybe a snack at a football game, but lunch seems like it's asking a lot.  And goodness gracious that cheese frightens me.  It doesn't even come off of things that are rinse in 180 degrees.

Fly away Frisbees.  If you are gonna retaliate by throwing a foam Frisbee back at the janitor who just tossed it at you, it is best to know how to throw one.  Odds are if you don't, then said Frisbee will careen out into the hallway and smack a kid.

Neatly stacked trays.  If you are staff and you need a tray, removing any old tray from neatly stacked, organized and counted trays prior to lunch will not win you points in the lunch room.  Get a tray from the tray rack...I'm using these ones.

Use your manners.  If someone asks, "Would you like rice with that?"  The proper response is "Yes, please."  or "No Thank You."  This week we heard the following... "eww, gross"  "unah"  "Nope"  "Yep" "Sure" but the best one of all...."Oh my yes!  I love rice.  That would be fantastic.  Thanks so much.  I can't wait to eat this!"

Which, of course, made me think of this movie clip.




In conclusion, line up right, stay away from the cheese food, keep your hands off the trays, watch where you are throwing the frisbees and say please and thank you.

What did you learn this week?

Ladies and Gentlemen, the lunch ladies have left the building.

It's official. Summer arrived at about 2 p.m. on Wednesday when I had my first sip of a Sex on the Beach. It was yummy but did little to numb the throbbing ache in my broken foot. This is what I get for putting all my summer goals in a blog post.

Here's what I learned in my second year as elementary lunch goddess.

The kids make it worthwhile. Let's face it. On any given day, my own kiddos can get on my nerves. And just like my kiddos, the kids at school sometimes push my buttons. But most of the time, those little buggers make it all worthwhile. They ask you to sign their yearbook, they cry on the last day because they will "willy" miss you, they think you are awesome even when you break your foot in an inflatable obstacle course and they wait in a long face paint line just so you can paint their cheek.

My elementary family. Some of my friends who are staff in other buildings or even other districts often comment on how nicely everyone treats everyone at our little ol' elementary. Plain and simple: I work with good people. From the lunch staff, the custodial staff, the aides, the teachers and the adminstration--they make my job fun. And like the CHEERS theme song, sometimes you just wanna go where everybody knows your name and they are always glad you came. I hope to see at least a few of them over the summer months.

Childhood Obesity is NOT the schools fault. It surprises me how often regulations change regarding school lunches. Let's be honest here, school lunches aren't great. However, they are not the reason this generation will not out live their parents. Just look around. We are becoming larger by the minute. We need to teach our children how to eat HEALTHY at an early age. If they get to elementary school and don't know bananas need peeled or how to tell the difference between an apple and a pear, we have failed.

You can lead a horse to water. Just like you can't make the horse drink, you can't make a student eat. If your student frequently buys lunch ask them what they are eating. Ask them what they had to choose from. You'd be surprised how few of the students take fruit, how many don't even taste the veggie. MORE FOOD IS WASTED THAN CONSUMED EVERYDAY.

Everyone makes a difference. I have never been embarrassed to say I am a lunch lady. Sure we lunch ladies laughed when the school district decided to display our post secondary education near the kitchen entrance. Each of us attended a business college. We joked that the students could learn by looking at that only one thing. Do not attend business college. You'll just end up in a cafeteria somewhere. Let me just say, I have worked in the field of my degree. I have worked for lawyers of all kinds. Good ones and bad ones. Between you and me...I'd pick a lunch lady any day. I have seen lunch ladies make sure no one gets a cheese sandwich, I have seen lunch ladies sit with lonely kids, I have seen lunch ladies wipe tears and give hugs. Why wouldn't I want to be part of that group?

In conclusion, I look forward to returning to the kitchen, even if I have to offer kale as a veggie choice next year.

This week was very short.  Only three days but for some reason it felt much longer.  I can't really explain it, but these three days felt like nine.

Here's what I learned.

• chicken, chicken, chicken.  We served lunch three days this week.  Two of those days we served chicken.  One day we had chicken tenders--the kids only get two and they complain the entire time.  Of course, if they actually ate the broccoli, the Alfredo noodles, and the fruit they are given they wouldn't be STARVING when they got home, but alas they only eat the processed chicken parts.
• fortune cookies.  Attention fortune cookie manufacturers--I would like to suggest three things: (1) Stop putting SOY in your cookies.  This limits our ability to serve them.  (2)  Pick an oil:  Either peanut, soybean, or vegetable but pick one.  When you put things on your label that indicate that the cookies could have been made with this or may have been made with that you not only look stupid but you limit our ability to serve them.  (3)  This one may be the most important.  Come up with fortunes kids would care about and can understand.  When a 5-year old opens a fortune about meeting love at work it is meaningless to them.  Here are a few suggestions:  Math will be easy for you today-- You are Great at Reading --Your next birthday will be the bestest ever! -- Your Lunch lady is Really a Princess.
• Zippers.  I thought urine in the lunch line was bad but this week we may have had something more...here's what I know.  I'm serving lunch.  It's 1st grade.  Suddenly at least five girls all start saying the same things.  They include:  "He's taking something out of his pants."  "Why is he touching his zipper."  "Don't do that!"  "EWWWWWW...."  I don't know what happened but I sent him to the office with his lunch tray.

Guess where the valve is? **hint**  Carrots really shouldn't have legs..

• Helium balloons.  My co-worker used to work at a balloon factory or something like that.  She is a jack of all trades.  She can easily manipulate a straw into a helium balloon and through the valve so she can suck the helium and manipulate her voice to sound like Alvin from the Chipmunks.  **FYI:  This really isn't a marketable skill** For me, it's difficult to watch if balloon looks like a giant carrot with legs and the valve is located where it's zipper should be.

What did you learn this week?

I've been a blog slacker as of late and for that I apologize.  It's been a while since I've posted what I've learned in the cafeteria and since I've been in charge for half a month I've learned even more.

1. Kids will say the craziest things are the craziest times:  Recently I was serving pancakes with a sub who was pulling them out with tongs.  Occasionally the tongs would rip one of the pancakes.  When this happened to a kindergartner he looked up at me and said "Hey!  Miss W, did you bited my pancake?"  The superintendent was in the kitchen just in time for the remark.
2. Lettuce doesn't last long unless you want it to:  If I want lettuce to last, it can't make it past three days.  If I don't need it, it last for a week.  What's up with that?
3. It's okay to process a chicken but not stuffing:  Seriously, how many of you make your Thanksgiving stuffing from scratch?  Am I the only person thankful for Stovetop?  Imagine my face when I learned I would have to make the stuffing for our Thanksgiving feast from scratch for tomorrow's lunch.  Thank God for retired head cooks willing to help a girl out.
4. No one uses recipes:  For example some of the head cooks put some kind of syrup in their sweet potatoes.  I thought you just added brown sugar.  Have you ever drained baked beans?  I don't drain them when I make them at home.   Who knew you had to drain them at school. 
5. A brain is a terrible thing to waste: The amount of things one has to remember as a head cook is astronomical.  Order the bread, order the food, call for the milk, take into account the holidays, know how this effects the delivery schedule, pull out the breakfast for the next day before you leave, turn in the time cards or no one gets paid, divy out all the jobs, don't offend the substitutes (which is a lot harder than it sounds) take care of all the lunch accounts, feed the teachers.  This is just off the top of my head.
6. Doing the job and not being paid for it.  I understand completely why my boss makes significantly more money than I do.  I wish I made her rate while I was filing in.
7. Thanksgiving is wasteful:  I have visions of Indians watching from the stars as tomorrow the K-3 kids throw away more food than their tribe had in a year.  Most of the fresh stuffing balls, the turkey, the gravy and the corn will go down the garbage disposal.
8. Stewed tomatoes.  Even though I know that most statistic are made up I can tell you that 95 percent of the K-3 students in my building do not like stewed tomatoes.  Apparently it is an Amish tradition to dump those little blobs of goo onto of your mac and cheese.  I know I never heard of that either.  Any who we serve them with mac and cheese and on Friday I offered them to only the students who wanted them.  Not very many takers.
9. Bread, bread, bread:  It doesn't matter what I order we either have too much or not enough.
10. PBJ:  Is it really necessary to offer both grape and strawberry.  If I dethaw more strawberry than grape than we need more grape.  If I dethaw more grape than strawberry than we need more strawberry.  If I dethaw the same of each, we run out.

More than ready for my boss to return.

~KISA

This week in the cafeteria I learned ALOT.

~Kids will say the darndest things. This week I heard one 2nd grader say to another 2nd grader "Hello my brother from another mother."  An aide was also asked by one kindergartner if she would move another kindergartner to a different table because "he has willy smelly bref."

~I don't care what the naked chef says freeze dried mashed potatoes rock.  At school we get these tiny little kernels of mashed potatoes in a bag.  You add water and in minutes you have mashed potatoes.  These aren't the flakes...these are magic mashed potato balls.

~It's my stem.  This was a phrase I said over and over on the day I decided to wear a jack-o-lantern shirt and a "stem" on my head. 

~Drop a tray day.  This week seemed like it was drop a tray day everyday.  I think we are going to have to start adding at least an extra five into the daily count to make up for the "Oh nos" and the "Ought ohs..."

~Kids know how to cheer you up.  Even on days when you think everyone around you SUCKS.  Little kids (and co-workers who care) can really cheer you up.

What did you learn this week?

• Kids will do anything for a sticker.  Children in K-3 will actually eat their green beans if I give them a "prize".  Even if that prize is a Make Your Own Pizza sticker.

Here's what I learned in the cafeteria this week:

• When you are in kindergarten it is possible to lose three coats in one week.  I had to laugh when I showed a little girl where the lost and found was and she found three of her coats.  Her response "My mommy is gonna be willy happy you showed me this place."
• Manners are as out of date as Little House.  Remember when Laura used to say things like "Yes, Paw" and "Right away, Maw."  Now kids say things like "Where's my food?"  "I don't like that"  "Why do we have to have peas?"
• If a student has a balance of negative $10.00 I'm required to serve him/her a cheese sandwich and a milk.  If a teacher has a balance of negative $10.00 I'm supposed to smile and serve them like there isn't a double standard going on here.
• Folding towels is a billable activity in the cafeteria.  Creating bulletin boards for the computer room is not a billable activity in the cafeteria and must be removed from your time card...even if the principal asked you to do it. 
• If you get your picture taken for the yearbook, the company will give you a free portrait package with a bunch of wallets and even a few 5x7s.  Do you think I should put them in my Christmas cards?

What did you learn this week?

I know you have all been patiently waiting to hear what I learned in lunch lady training. 

It began with an hour long seminar on diversity and the importance of not making flash judgments.  Of course, this implies that we have the ability to refuse service to someone.

NO SOUP FOR YOU!

Which, of course, we do not.  Even if we had that ability, I can't imagine any lunch lady refusing to feed a child for any reason but I suppose stranger things have happened.

My favorite part of the diversity training included a piece about apples.  The facilitator lined up six different varieties of apples and challenged us to list their similarities and their difference.

The similarities, which included things like shape, size, the fact that they all grow on trees, that they each have a stem, that they all have seeds, nearly doubled any of their difference.

After diversity training we split up into smaller groups and at one point formed a human knot, played a game of bingo with answers that included things like meat/meat alternate, liquid milk, 40 degrees, and tuna.  We also had a "Find what's wrong with this picture" class that may have depicted the world's most unkempt kitchen in the entire world.

In the mandatory "scare the crap" out of you class they provided us with the following scenario and asked us to tell them what we would do.

The foodservice manager's worst nightmare is coming to life.  The sixth-grade class went on a field trip, and the cafeteria furnished reimbursable lunches to students who ordered them.  The lunches were packed and picked up that morning and put on the bus.  The children ate lunch around noon.

When the students returned to their classroom around 2 o'clock, a couple of them complained of nausea, headaches, and achy muscles.  Some students were vomiting and had to call parents to go home.  Concerned that this could have been caused by the lunch, the teacher tells the principal, who immediately comes to the foodservice manager's office.  The principal decides to call the local public health department because two or more students have reported the same symptoms, and all ate the school lunches packed for the field trip.

What should the manager do?

First, I think it's important to remember that students get sick and that it's not always the foods fault.  Students spend lots of time together and often share the same germs with each other.

Secondly, perhaps the teacher in this scenario was so quick to blame the cafeteria because it was she/he who didn't properly store the lunches.  Was there a cooler on the bus?

Thirdly, I find the Principal's response slightly rash.  Yes, it is protocol to notify health officials if more than two students have symptoms, but I do not believe that would be his/her first phone call. 

That being said all food served that day should be put aside for further investigation, no comments should be made to outside sources to avoid any "sympathy symptoms" and all phone calls should be directed to the food service director because they make the most money.  LOL

Keeping my fingers crossed that this always remains a scenario,

~KISA~

• The amount of food wasted by K-3 graders could feed a small country.
• Kindergarten students often have no idea what their first AND last name is.
• Kids love hot dogs; I, on the other hand, hate hot dogs; they make me a little nauseated. I served 191 of them today.

Do you feel enlightened?

Happy Monday.

I guess.

It is cold and rainy on this side of Pennsylvania. After surviving my yard sale on Friday, it was time to take Little G. to swim lessons.

I called Becky and said, "Hey do you want to ride together."

She, of course, said "yes" because she loves me and then I asked her if she could drive because there was a Harley parade downtown and last year I got stuck in it trying to get to swim lessons and have yet to recover.

Imagine if you will 3000 motorcycles and one minivan. Would you want to drive during that again?

She said "sure no problem" and then it took us an hour to get to the YWCA. We both couldn't stop laughing. Our kids missed their lesson and the instructor decided to talk really slow to me in order for me to comprehend time, space and the movement of the earth.

She is lucky she was in the deep end. I told her I'm not an idiot, I know his lesson starts at 6 p.m. I'm asking can he swim at 6:40 because I left at 5:30 and this is as soon as I could get here. Bugger...is that so hard to understand.

She again started with this slow tone thing and finally one of the other instructors just said they can swim in my class. I think the slow tone thing was getting on her nerves too.

Because Friday wasn't fun enough with the whole Yard Sale from Hell thing and swim lesson during the Harley Parade my mother in law and her sister decided to spend the night.

This meant there was a strong possibility that I would have to cook dinner but alas my husband did.

Saturday morning we went to soccer in the cold and lost 7-2; I think those girls were eating their Wheaties as they were HUGE! And when I say huge I mean like seriously she is under 10 I would probably serve her in a bar big.

We came home and excitedly got ready for the PSU game. Moved some furniture to project it on the wall and had some friends over. And the game SUCKED. Seriously. The Hawkeyes. It's hard to live in Pennsylvania when Penn State loses. It's like a national day of mourning.

Sunday hubby and the girls went to Sunday school and church. I stayed home with Little G whose nose was draining like Niagara Falls. We watched some TV and then I made him lay down and he was asleep in no time.

The Steelers were on at 4 p.m. and decided to lose two weeks in a row and this time to the Bengals. The Bengals. UGH. This was not a good weekend for football.

Today was my first day as Cafe Lady Extraordinaire and I served 191 lunches to K-3 grade today. The kids are cute and they get excited when they recognize you. I had an entire table of 3rd graders waiving to me and my son, who is in Kindergarten, hugged me like 50 time and told everyone he knew I was his mom.

So being a lunch lady is sort of like being a celebrity only different.

What did you do this weekend???