The kitchen is closed and the lessons have all been taught.

The trays are stacked and cleaned and soon the freezer will be emptied and turned off. My first year as manager has come to a close. I must admit that the transition from part time to full time was a lot harder than I expected.

At times I felt like I simply couldn't do all that needed to be done. The funny thing about summer break is it always comes just when you need it.

Here's a few things I learned this year.

Kindergartners are simply my all time favorite. There's been much talk in my district about returning to half day kindergarten and I truly hope they do not. First and foremost, I think this would be a HUGE step backwards and not in the best interest for our district. But the second reason is simply selfish. I would miss those little buggers in the lunch line. Who would ask me for baby grapes (blueberries)? Who would tell me the white broccoli is the bestest? Who would eat the bananas without peeling them?

Lunch participation is a hard thing to predict. I'd like to figure out why my free kids aren't eating. I'd like to figure out why some kids come to breakfast and others don't. I'd like to increase participation. I'd like to make sure the kids that are hungry are getting enough to eat. I'd like to figure out how to do that.

Ordering food isn't as intimidating as I thought it would be. When I first had to do the ordering, I thought I'd never get it down. But as the year progressed, I got a little better at it. Sure, I forgot to order pickles and I sometimes had way too much pineapple but it all worked out.

It's best to be over prepared. I planned for about 300 people at VIP breakfast even though only about 55 RSVP'd. That turned out to be a pretty good estimate. Apparently RSVPing isn't all that fashionable.

Most days, I love my job. Since accepting my position as kitchen manager, I've been offered two other jobs, both which paid significantly more. Turns out, I truly like what I do. Sure, some might not think it all that important. Some might think it beneath them. But in the long run, it only matters what I think. And I think that doing something you feel passionately about makes a difference.

And isn't making a difference what life is all about?

The lights are off in the kitchen. School is out for summer.

It's hard to believe. Some weeks were painfully slow and others flew by.

Here's what I learned.

I love the third grade talent show. Do you remember thinking you could do anything? Do you remember having enough confidence to sing in front of your peers. To dance in front of your peers. To throw caution to the wind and just bust out some karate moves? I watched one of our autistic students sing So Happy Together with his teacher, I saw some fast footwork to the Party Rock Anthem and I heard a cute rendition of Amazing Grace. They played recorders, they sang, the did gymnastics. Those kids are brave.

Chicken nuggets are not a popular face painting selection. This year on fun day I mostly behaved although I did sneak a quick slide down one of the blow ups before Dr. Principal could ban me. (thanks, Kristin). Last year I broke my foot and jacked up my summer plans. Like usual, I face painted and tried to convince the kids that they wanted broccoli, carrots and chicken nuggets on their face. Stupid snakes and pawprints kept winning.

Kids don't notice appearence. My boss busted up her face and nary a kid notice save one little boy we never would have expected too. Not only did he notice but he expressed grave concern for her and wished her well. A few months ago when he opened a fortune cookie proclaiming him a future community leader, I had doubts. But now, I think that cookie may have been onto something.

Every year those kids get to me. Just like my own kids, at times they drive me crazy. But the hugs and the miss yous and the will you sign my yearbooks all sort of wipe the slate clean and help me to remember why I love elementary students.

My boss. For 30 years, my boss has been in a school kitchen. She made me laugh everyday we worked together. She taught me how to properly cut a cauliflower, how to fold a towel and how to put the toliet paper roll on right. I am trying to convince her to allow me to write a book about her. Words cannot express how much I will miss her.

Enjoy your retirement. The kitchen will not be the same without you.

This week was overflowing with knowledge...

Hotdog day is always good for a laugh. It is hard not to laugh when making those little weiners but when your coworker takes the temp of one and announces that she just catheterized the hotdog and it's 190 degrees, you can't help but laugh.

Put your shorts on right. I learned from a kindergartener this week that wearing your cargo shorts backwards and putting bouncy balls in the front pockets is never, ever, a good idea. I also learned that it's possible to get gum in your underwear...that was a 1st grader.

Crying over spilt milk isn't helpful. I found this milk in the top crate of a stack of five. What a mess. I know you're not supposed to cry over it but I kind of wanted to.

Working with the elderly. Sometimes I forget my boss is 67. She was ill this week and I worked with a 70 year old sub and was reminded again just how amazing Sandee is. Does she really only have 22 days left???

Mind your manners. It still vexes me how frequently I have to remind students to be polite. Seriously? What's so hard about treating others the way you'd like to be treated?

Oh... Wait... It's that apple doesn't fall far from the tree thing, isn't it????

What did you learn this week?

This week in the cafeteria I learned:

The bananas will get ripe when the bananas get ripe. I attempted to speed up the ripening process by lying the bananas out on trays and leaving them in the light. My sub told me God would make them ripe when he wanted them to be ripe. While I have no doubt the God grows bananas, I feel confident that he has other more pressing things to worry about. Perhaps we should open canned pineapple.

We are talking about thermometers, right? Conversation overheard: I didn't know you needed to clean it before you stuck it in and after you took it out. Umm yes. You need to clean the thermometer before and after testing. What did you think they were talking about?

Administrators in the kitchen. I've talked before about our awesome principal and how often she hangs out with us. This week we got to work with the district's business manager in his attempt to learn how everyone contributes to the school district. I learned that elementary kids will be angels when there's a man serving the beans.

Passwords, production papers and other random thoughts. If you are going to take the day off please tell your staff the computer password or they might have tech change it to WendyisAwesome and not tell you. Production papers should be entitled production papers not menus. I am starting to wonder if I am going to be able to find anything on my boss's computer next year.

Kids are like parrots. If you call your dog bastard at home it's a pretty safe bet that your child just might say that at school. You might want to reconsider. I hear Benji's a good name for a dog.

In conclusion, I learned to think outside the box when dealing with the elderly and their computers, I refrained from calling anyone a bastard, I kept the thermometers thoroughly clean, I prayed over green bananas and I taught someone who makes just a little bit more money than I do how to work the dishwasher.

What did you learn this week?

This week we had the kitchen open for four of the five days. School was closed today in observation of Good Friday.

Here's what I learned...

Applesauce is a fruit. A kindergartener asked me with total sincerity if the applesauce he was holding was a fruit. "It's made with apples," I replied. "I know, but is it a fruit?". "Um...yes."

Dear Michelle, we are trying but we ain't quite there. As I walked around breakfast this week I noticed only four kids with white milk. The rest either had strawberry or chocolate. There is something utterly repulsive about Fruit Loops floating in strawberry milk or Rice Krispies bathed in chocolate. How do I get the kids to buy breakfast without offering flavored milk?

Autism Awareness. This week a group of kindergarteners visited barring gifts. Magnets supporting autism awareness. Since we have a autistic class in the building, it is very important that all the kiddos in our building understand the things that make us all unique. My magnet had a paper attached that said 1 out of 88 kids will be diagnosed with autism. That's staggering.

A hotdog and 2 oz of fruit. Does that sound like lunch? According to the National School Lunch Program it is. It has three elements--a protein, a grain and a fruit. Personally, I couldn't be happier that the regulations change next year to include at least one more element.

Again, I encourage you all to ask your child what they were offered vs. what they chose. You will probably be surprised.

Easter Egg hunts gross me out. Let me explain...no there is too much...let me sum up. This part of PA insists on using REAL hard boiled eggs in all of their hunts. Not what I am accustomed to. Those eggs arrive at our school before noon. They seldom get "hunted" before 1:30. They don't go home until 3:30. Now I am just guessing, but something tells me they aren't even close to 45 degrees.

What did you learn this week?

This week we learned a ton including

Cheddar soy free cheese kills broccoli. We have some allergies in the building to soy and we like to make our broccoli cheesey. Cheesey broccoli isn't soy free unless you use soy free cheese. Um....bad idea. The broccoli looked like orange goo and the soy free kids didn't want it anyway.

Missing the ice cream treat is upsetting. We have a preschool class in our building that is half day so they don't visit the cafeteria much. We had some leftover ice cream cups we gave them for snack. They came down in a very cute row to thank us. One little boy burst into tears 'cause he was absent. I totally understand...I would have cried too. Good news...the teachers saved his snack and all was well.

Dear Betty Crocker.... Um If you wanna serve food in a school, you may want to reconsider these ingredients. This is every single allergy in our building rolled into an oatmeal bar.

The fly assassin. We had a fly invading our kitchen and as anyone studying for their ServSafe certification can tell you flies can transfer Shigellosis to food which can cause bloody diarrhea. (bet you'll never look at food at a picnic the same again). A ligtle kindergartener to my boss to just call our custodian because he can do anything. Aweee....so cute!

Lessons from the lunchlady the video event.... Apparently if your manuscript makes the top 25 in a national contest the paper might want to make a video documentary of the lunchlady/author. I never thought I'd be videoed doing dishes and serving soup but now I can check it off my bucket list.

In conclusion, they will make a movie about anything, our custodian is a fly killer, Betty Crocker is full of nuts, soy free cheese sucks and it's best not to be absent on ice cream day.

What did you learn...

This week in the cafeteria we discussed the dangers of sugary cereal and how Michelle Obama may be secrectly trying to kill us. We talked about the importance of having things firm...or soft depending on your APPLE preference, we mastered the art of fake fighting and we learned that what we think we hear might not always be the case.

This week I learned:

My co-worker's shorts look good on her bum. I thought I heard a third grader tell her this very thing, which made me laugh so very hard. Of course, when I went out to ask her what she really said..."I ate my hotdog without the bun."

Mini marshmellows are HUGE. According to the bag, Mini marshmellows are supposed to be made smaller for kids under six. Ok..um..why would a mini marshmellow be a chocking hazard? It's mini. It is hardly even a bite. You want me to make it micro?

I have been putting money down the garbarge disposal. This week some idiot bought a chicken nugget for $8,000 and I realized that the kitchen might be a bank filled with ebay gold. Behold the ASSberry. I think it'sworth at least $4,000.

Pronouce your sylables clearly. When the custodian made the microphone feedback and squeal, a second grader said it made him think that he was in a whore movie. Um...the word is HORROR. Both sylables are very important.

Enjoy your food or not...the choice is yours. At breakfast this week we had Belgium waffles with powdered sugar. A kindergartener delighted with his breakfast said "thems good". On hotdog day a different kindergartner told me that he doesn't like dill pickle spears but he loves corndogs. "That's a hotdog," I said. He dipped his head, crestfallen.

In conclusion, we learned that it's important to speak clearly, to learn to enjoy your food, to stop putting money down the garbage disposal and to make sure your bum always looks good.

What did you learn?

This week was filled with rainy weather and wound up children. Apearently those two go together like a spoon and a fork.

Here's what we learned.

It is physically impossible to supress a cough. My boss thought she could fight off her cough through kindergarten and 1st grade serving. Nope. She ended up coughing on me. Fan.freakin.tastic. At least all food and kids were spared.

Vomit continues to plague the building. We almost had a castistrophic event when a kindergarten student came within minutes of tossing his stomach contents into the milk cooler. Wow. The thought of that still makes me shudder.

Kids believe everything the art teacher says. I had to take a day off because I had a puking kid at home and the art teacher offered to help serve. Mostly she did it just so she could tell the kids the black bean empanadas had fudge in them. (insert evil laugh)

Carrots should last at least a week. We recieved produce on Tuesday including a case of 200 individually wrapped bags of baby carrots. Expiration date 3-3-12. Um..guess everyone is having carrots with their pizza.

Pancakes and jelly? We served pancakes with jelly instead of syrup this week and those kids were beside themselves. When they realized no syrup would appear some were surprised by how much they actually liked the jellied pancakes.

In conclusion, please try hard not to vomit in the milk cooler, eat your carrots before Saturday, don't believe the art teacher, everything is better with jelly and never try to hold in a cough...you're gonna hurt yourself.

What did you learn?

This week there was laughter, forgetfulness, singing, dancing and downright silliness and I haven't even told you about the kids.

Here's what I learned.

There is such a thing as a free lunch. I've always been under the impression that there was no such thing as a free lunch but apparently we even offer coupons. I had no idea!

Changing lunch always causes confusion. Some of our students were exceptionally disappointed when they thought we were having popcorn chicken and it turned out we were having egg sandwiches. Um...which came first the chicken or the egg?

Cooking is a job requirement. It's always a little unnerving when you realize that lunch starts in 45 minutes and you have forgotten to make a major portion of it. It also makes you laugh...a lot.

pomegranate slushies make messes. Turns out deep purple slushy messes on spoons will make slasher streaks on the wall near the silverware chute. Sort of like a scene from CSI.

Is there sausage in this sausage? A third grader asked me if there was cooked sausage in his sausage link. I was somewhat confused by the question so he clarified, "Are these like the sausages you get at home where you just have to heat em up?" umm...yes. Our sausage linker is broken... :-)

This week was only four days long but it felt like 40. Here's what I learned the first week back in 2012.

New clothes. If you (or Santa) bring your children summer clothes for Christmas they will wear them even if it is 18 degrees outside. I thought I saw a second grader in a swimsuit but it was just a beaded glamour cami. OMG!

Extra gym class. When one of our first grade class won an extra gym class and it was announced over the intercome one of the maintenance guys asked me if they just won an "estrogen" class. You're laughing because they really do sound so similiar.

Jellyfish. All the wasted food comes back to the dishroom and travels down to the garbage disposal. Sometimes it gets a little backed up. At one point, I could have sworn there was a jellyfish floating in that river of half eaten proccessed food. Alas, it was frozen apple juice.

Old is in the eye of the beholder. I wished a 7 year old a happy birthday this week and asked her if she felt old. Her response. "Not really. My grandma is 52 and she is still alive!". Great. Now I feel old.

Retirement should be a four letter word. My boss keeps tossing this idea around. It feels like she is kicking me everytime she says it. Here's hoping things take a turn in a different direction.

What did you learn this week?

It's time for the holiday break but before we settle down let's review what we learned during what felt like an incredibly long week.

Vomit is not on my Christmas list. Breakfast started like usual when at 8:25 a third grader announced in line that he felt like he was going to vomit. Run! I promptly instructed. Good news = no vomit in the milk cooler. Bad news = vomit in the cafeteria, in the trash and down the hall.

Santa has a skinny beard. I was wearing a shirt similar to this

and all the kiddos kept asking me why my beard was so skinny. After a few grades, I just stopped trying to explain that was my coat not my beard.

Christmas brings out the cheese sandwich in some. This one is a shout out to all the parents that think the holiday break means they don't have to provide any lunch money the month of December. Um...you suck!

The good gifts are free. Looking for a last minute gift idea? How about a hand-written note (spelling errors and all) telling them how much they are appreciated. A 2nd grader put one in my lunchroom stocking this week wishing me and the rest of the "caftera" staff a Merry Christmas.

Sometimes a little "lie" isn't so bad. A little kindergartner on her way out of the lunch line couldn't wait to tell me that she saw me at her dance recitial. Her teacher overheard the entire conversation.

"I saw you at my dance," she said, with much excitement "Did you see me there?"

"Oh yes!" I said, without hesitation. "You looked beautiful and did a wonderful job."

She walked away smiling from ear to ear.

Her teacher asked if my girls were in dance and if that is why I was there.

I just shrugged and said, "I have no idea what she is talking about I haven't been to a dance recitial in years."

What did you learn this week?

This week was full of stuffing balls, turkey hats and lots of laughter.

Sometimes I have so much fun at work that it ought to be illegal and other days I think what they pay me to show up there oughta be illegal.

Here's what I learned...

Kids dont't eat stuffing balls and corn. Actually, I didn't learn this. I already knew it. It is painful watching all the food we disgard going down the garbage disposal.

It hard to look this good. I know. I look like a royal dork, but I had a lot of fun asking co-workers if they wanted to touch my bird and poking people with my drumsticks. Next year I think I may have to add red ribbons. This turkey needs some dressing.

What's up with those lights? My co-worker and I are convinced that they're a little "cheeky". Does it look like someone's mooning you?

Slow Christmas songs make me sleepy. My boss has been playing holiday music since the week before Thanksgiving. I am covinced that the DJs are sick of the holiday song loop and are playing things in a row just to be annoying. Like Ave Maria, Blue Christmas, oh Holy Night and anything by Michael Bolton.

Cheesy broccoli and alfredo noodles. This combination all over the trays makes one long for...dare I say it...stuffing balls. Turns out there are lots of meals that are worse cleanup than the holiday meals.

Five more days until Christmas break. One of them is PJ day, which might be my all time favorite day of the year.

What did you learn this week?

This week we served lunch four out of five days. This is PA people--the first day of buck is a National Holiday

Here's what I learned this week.

Corndogs are not Pigs in a Blanket. We were supposed to have corndogs but our order has been a little off lately. Instead we got one case of corndogs and two identical cases labeled pigs in a blanket. Really? Turns out my grandma's been making those wrong...they are really mini sausages wrapped in pancake. We served the "corndogs" with syrup. No one really noticed.

Playboy makes childrens clothing.. I know...I was a little surprised too until a kindergartener came in sporting a black jacket with the words PLAYBOY across the chest and pink playboy bunnies inside the hood.

Elementary language is contagious. It's true. A kindergartener referred to the cafeteria as the "bacteria" and our beloved custodian asked me to draw a chimley for his Cristmas display. Sadly, I am not immune. I asked if I should cut up some vegibles for the salads. it's a good thing we can laugh at ourselves.

There's no fruit! A third grade boy loudly declared that we were completely out of fruit. We stopped serving to fetch more only to find out that there were numerous cups of peaches. His response..."oh I thought those were carrots."

Santa breakfast is worth the work. We had tons of fun serving pancakes and sausages to the kiddos today. Santa took time out of his busy schedule to visit with us. There were tons of smiling faces.

What did you learn this week?

It's the end of the first marking period and October is almost over. As further proof that mother nature is a fickle bitch we are supposed to have 5-8 inches of snow tomorrow in time for our 1 p.m. Soccer game.

This does not lend me to believe that we are going to have any easy winter,

That being said, here's what I learned in the cafeteria this week.

Processed chicken...it's what's on the menu. I don't eat processed chicken. It scares me. Most likely because I have seen this.

That being said, American school children LOVE processed chicken. It finds its way onto our school menus TWICE a week in the form of chicken balls, chicken sticks, chicken nuggets, chicken patties and tenders. What saddens me most about this, is that my own children want to buy it ALL the time. Ugh.

Don't be rude. Sometimes the lack of manners gets to me. Sometimes the down right rudeness pushes my buttons. Sometimes I have a nervous breakdown and want to writeup all the little brats in second grade as well as a few third graders. This week alone I had a kid stick their tongue out at me, kick me to get my attention, ask what is taking so long, whine because the water dispenser was empty even though the water fountain is less than 10 steps away, bark at me because their was no BBQ sauce, and stab a classmate in the hand with a fork.

Forks are a privledge, not a right. I am looking forward to next week when we no longer provide forks for third grade. Can't be responsible, than your privledge is revoked. Good luck eating your salad with a spoon.

Is it rice or oatmeal? It is never a good sign when the students can't tell what it is you just put on their tray. It's an exceptionally bad sign when the adult aides have to ask if it's oatmeal or rice. Um...I don't think the rice should stay in the shape of the scooper. That's just my opinion.

Cute kids outweigh the rude ones. We had our annual Halloween dance last night complete with crafts, pumpkin painting, and a rockin DJ. I received countless hugs from ninjas, princesses, werewolves and angry birds. One stickin' cute kindergarten pirate asked me to dance and I forgot all about the rude kids above.

What did you learn this week?

Even though this week was short due to the Columbus Day holiday, I can honestly say I am thankful it is Friday.

Here's what I learned.

Offering choices sucks. I am soooo tired of offering kids a choice of a cold veggie or a hot veggie. No one listens. You repeat yourself continuously. And responses often do not include Yes, please or No thank you.

Kids notice everything. Change your haircolor they will notice. Wear bannana earings and they will notice. Nearly drop the pizza and they will definately notice.

Don't try to scare the pee out of someone unless your bladder is empty. My co worker scared me and almost wet herself. This caused me to laugh randomly the rest of the day.

Confetti Fries.. This is our version of a healthy fry. It is regular fries mixed with sweet potatoe fries. Um...this week they battled it out against carrots and when the kids loudly proclaimed fries. Many asked why I mixed the carrots in with them. Something about an orange fry...

I am a rock star. I read a book called Lunch Bunnies to a class of kindergarteners today. I love how they cheer my name and are always glad I came.

Now to get paid like a rock star.

What did you learn this week?