Holy Crap!  I learned a lot this week and I only worked three days!  Imagine the wealth of knowledge I would be able to share with you if I actually worked five days!

Go get the alcohol.  Clearly this means something totally different to me than it does to my boss.  She meant the alcohol wipes we use to clean our thermometers.  I thought she had a secret stash I wasn't aware of.

If you're in your 90s chances are you won't die of congenital heart failure.  Ever have one of those words that just doesn't sound right.  I was trying to relay how my grandma's brother passed away and when I said congenital it sounded so wrong.  My co-workers laughed and corrected me.  They said congestive.  They mocked me most of the day about my congenitals, but I was still convinced that it was a real word.  Those to just wouldn't be swayed until our Dr. Principal concurred.  She must feel like a genius when she eats with us.

Kids have no idea what chili is.  We had chili this week and a lot of our kids were thrown for a loop.  One exceptionally articulate kindergartner nearly started to cry, insisting that he didn't order soup that he ordered hot lunch.  When I offered to (gasp) change his lunch to PB&J or a turkey sandwich his response, "I do so like turkey sandwiches."

Keep the hot water in the pan.  I managed to spill very hot water down the front of my pants.  It involved pulling slotted pans from a steamer and not realizing just how much water was still in there.  This incident prompted two things: an immediate visit to the bathroom to apply burn cream and the idea for a line of injured-at-work greeting cards.  "Heard you got all hot and bothered at work this week."

Everyone looks the same from behind.  Ok...not everyone.  We were all sitting down to lunch when a teacher from another building hollered to us, "Have you seen Dr. Principal?".  Um...no...oh wait.  She's just sitting right here beside me.  The teacher's response, "Oh, I didn't realize.  You look just like everyone else, I mean, well, not that, um...can I talk to you for a minute." 

Wait...are you saying lunch ladies look a certain way?





Say no to crack.  The last thing I learned this week was be careful just how low the rise of your pants falls.  There is a lot of bending in this job and your co-workers might not want to see your ass crack. 

This last one sort of proves that there is a certain look to lunch ladies, doesn't it?

What did you learn this week?

photos credit Terry Border

 It's time again to review what we learned in the school cafeteria this week.

Paper Trays can be confusing.  We were down an employee as my boss took a couple personal days.  Because it was just the two of us we served on paper trays.  It makes me smile when I see the kindergartners lining up at the dish window to drop their plastic spoon and paper tray.  They look so confused when I tell them they can throw those away too.

Are you her other grandma?  A second grader asked my co-worker if she was another students grandmother.  I nearly died of laughter as my co-worker is only in her early 40s.  Ouch...grandma should be a four letter word.

Bye Bye Milk.  We now have to provide water in a fancy-dancy jug for all the kids to play with use.  Unfortunately, because it is such a novelty, those little buggers have taken to tossing out their milk.  We probably had at least 60 unopened milks tossed each day this week.

Kiwi and Pizza.  Our fresh fruit today was sliced kiwi.  I was convinced that few would take it but much to my surprise we ran out before the end of lunch.  I heard a few kindergartners talking about the weird "grapes" and how good they were.  Um...at least they tried it.

In this corner...strawberry milk.  We've been in school for one whole month.  In a never before seen event, strawberry milk is kicking chocolate milk's butt.  Nearly the entire incoming kindergarten class is drinking pink milk.  They've told me that "it's willy good."  I'm not so sure.

In conclusion, we learned that when in doubt take it to the dish room, pink milk is better than chocolate milk but water wins hands down when it comes out of a cute little dispenser, kiwi can be confused with a grape and you are never to young to look like someones grandma.

That last one still makes me shudder.

What did you learn this week?

PHOTO CREDIT:  Terry Border

It's Friday.

Time to recap what learned over the last five days in the school cafeteria.

Five days of this stuff is tiring after a week with just one and 1/2 work days.

Here's what I learned.

Line up right.  She means it.  My boss can't stand it when the kids aren't lined up right.  They are supposed to come in PB&J first, than alternate lunch and then regular lunch.  First grade was having a heck of time with this for some reason and my boss, who is convinced that these 6 year olds are switching lunches, says "I'm gonna check with your teacher to make sure this is what you all ordered."  One little girl with her hands on her hips say, "Oh and she means it!"

Cheese food.  Let's be serious.  Nachos are something you get at the fair.  In my opinion, they really aren't a lunch.  Maybe a snack at a football game, but lunch seems like it's asking a lot.  And goodness gracious that cheese frightens me.  It doesn't even come off of things that are rinse in 180 degrees.

Fly away Frisbees.  If you are gonna retaliate by throwing a foam Frisbee back at the janitor who just tossed it at you, it is best to know how to throw one.  Odds are if you don't, then said Frisbee will careen out into the hallway and smack a kid.

Neatly stacked trays.  If you are staff and you need a tray, removing any old tray from neatly stacked, organized and counted trays prior to lunch will not win you points in the lunch room.  Get a tray from the tray rack...I'm using these ones.

Use your manners.  If someone asks, "Would you like rice with that?"  The proper response is "Yes, please."  or "No Thank You."  This week we heard the following... "eww, gross"  "unah"  "Nope"  "Yep" "Sure" but the best one of all...."Oh my yes!  I love rice.  That would be fantastic.  Thanks so much.  I can't wait to eat this!"

Which, of course, made me think of this movie clip.




In conclusion, line up right, stay away from the cheese food, keep your hands off the trays, watch where you are throwing the frisbees and say please and thank you.

What did you learn this week?

Ladies and Gentlemen, the lunch ladies have left the building.

It's official. Summer arrived at about 2 p.m. on Wednesday when I had my first sip of a Sex on the Beach. It was yummy but did little to numb the throbbing ache in my broken foot. This is what I get for putting all my summer goals in a blog post.

Here's what I learned in my second year as elementary lunch goddess.

The kids make it worthwhile. Let's face it. On any given day, my own kiddos can get on my nerves. And just like my kiddos, the kids at school sometimes push my buttons. But most of the time, those little buggers make it all worthwhile. They ask you to sign their yearbook, they cry on the last day because they will "willy" miss you, they think you are awesome even when you break your foot in an inflatable obstacle course and they wait in a long face paint line just so you can paint their cheek.

My elementary family. Some of my friends who are staff in other buildings or even other districts often comment on how nicely everyone treats everyone at our little ol' elementary. Plain and simple: I work with good people. From the lunch staff, the custodial staff, the aides, the teachers and the adminstration--they make my job fun. And like the CHEERS theme song, sometimes you just wanna go where everybody knows your name and they are always glad you came. I hope to see at least a few of them over the summer months.

Childhood Obesity is NOT the schools fault. It surprises me how often regulations change regarding school lunches. Let's be honest here, school lunches aren't great. However, they are not the reason this generation will not out live their parents. Just look around. We are becoming larger by the minute. We need to teach our children how to eat HEALTHY at an early age. If they get to elementary school and don't know bananas need peeled or how to tell the difference between an apple and a pear, we have failed.

You can lead a horse to water. Just like you can't make the horse drink, you can't make a student eat. If your student frequently buys lunch ask them what they are eating. Ask them what they had to choose from. You'd be surprised how few of the students take fruit, how many don't even taste the veggie. MORE FOOD IS WASTED THAN CONSUMED EVERYDAY.

Everyone makes a difference. I have never been embarrassed to say I am a lunch lady. Sure we lunch ladies laughed when the school district decided to display our post secondary education near the kitchen entrance. Each of us attended a business college. We joked that the students could learn by looking at that only one thing. Do not attend business college. You'll just end up in a cafeteria somewhere. Let me just say, I have worked in the field of my degree. I have worked for lawyers of all kinds. Good ones and bad ones. Between you and me...I'd pick a lunch lady any day. I have seen lunch ladies make sure no one gets a cheese sandwich, I have seen lunch ladies sit with lonely kids, I have seen lunch ladies wipe tears and give hugs. Why wouldn't I want to be part of that group?

In conclusion, I look forward to returning to the kitchen, even if I have to offer kale as a veggie choice next year.

Next week I will posting what I learned in my second year as elementary school lunch lady and that will be the end of our cafeteria adventures until the start of the 2011-2012 school year. Summer vacation officially arrives next Thurday. Two and a half days yet to survive.

Here's what I learned this week...

Asking vs. Expecting. In my mind there is a significant difference between asking someone to do something for you and expecting someone to do something for you. Ask me to run your coffee mug through the dishwasher and I will gladly do that. Leave it for days in the faculty room near the dirty silverware until the ants start marching in and I will, likely, throw it away.

Calorie counting annoys me. For some reason everyone I work with is on a diet. I realize that it is swimsuit season, but I've also been to the pool. Have you looked around? Everyone is someones supermodel. Right now, someone is wishing they were your weight. Join me in celebrating the Titantic diet. Have dessert (at least once a week). After all, you never know when you might just find yourself floating on an iceburg wishing you'd had the cheesecake.

I love the talent show. Third graders are fearless. They sing, they hula-hoop, they dance, they play the recorder, and they attempt to do magic. What happens to us as we grow that makes us care so much about what other people think? I wanna be as fearless as a 3rd grader.

Milkmen cry sometimes. I told you last week that I was pretty sure the milkman asked me to run away with him. Turns out it may have had something to do with his impending retirement. Our milkman is retiring after 53 years of service! That's impressive. He got a little teary-eyed when he said goodbye to us. I wish him green pastures and an always full stomach. Oh wait...he's not actually a cow. LOL. Best wishes, my friend.

Cheese sandwich week SUCKS. We go out of our way to avoid giving kids who have no lunch money at the end of the year a cheese sandwich. We try our damdest to make sure all the parents/guardians know that no lunch money in June = a cheese sandwich and a milk. Yet we had tears and tantrums this week.

On a high note, I actually had a visiting parent offer to pay for the lunch of a student who wasn't his and who was gonna miss out on Friday Pizza. Proving once and for all, that everyone hates cheese sandwich week.

What did you learn this week?

• Eventually there's no more chicken. We laugh often about how many times chicken is on our menu. Hip chicken, chicken balls, chicken stix, chicken sandwiches, chicken fries...we serve ALOT of chicken. So when I found and purchased funny chicken shirts for everyone and then found out we didn't have chicken THE REST OF THE YEAR I was a little peeved. We decided we didn't care and we're wearing our new shirts on Tuesday for honey BBQ ribs.
• Choices, choices and more choices. Next year's menu is gonna include not only a hot lunch and two alternatives but will also give students a choice between a hot vegetable and a cold one. I truly can't imagine having to ask a five year old, "Would you like the cheeseburger, the turkey sandwich or the peanut butter and jelly. Now do you want green beans or a salad or chilled peaches or fruit juice. Pick two."  KILL ME NOW. 
• Taco salad vs. Chef salad. These two items fought it out on the menu this week. Taco salad edged out the Chef salad and it was great to see all those little kids eating lettuce. Even if I'm convinced that most of them thought they ordered a taco.
• Boogers are not on the menu. We had a little boy just diggin for gold in the line this week. Thankfully his teacher stressed that booger pickin' shouldn't be done at school. The little boy behind him said, "I hope I never see that again." It was tooo funny.
• Milkmen deserve their reputation. I'm pretty sure the milkman asked me to run off with him today but I'm hoping that the entire thing was a miscommunication. By miscommunication, I mean I'm hoping he didn't really say, "Hop in the truck and I'll take you with me but I'm certain I'm getting a better deal than you are." (insert flirty tone and smile) Um...he could be my father although in his defense I do look hot in a hairnet!

Six and 1/2 days and only one more milk delivery to go.

What did you learn this week?

• Muffins are better when they aren't all muffiny. We needed to make 200 muffins on a half day and between the three of us no one really wanted to do it so my boss decided to make them like a sheet cake. They turned out much better than, well, muffins.
• Third grade talent show. Turns out my dreams of dressing like ketchup while my co-workers dress up as mustard and a hot dog as we dance and lip sinc to the weird Al classic "Eat It" have been dashed. No one wants to do it even though it would be an instant You Tube classic.
• Hero day. I was feeling a little low on the parental love meter this week because as I have aleady shared with you my oldest daughter wrote this lovely_story_in-which-she-kills-off-her-mother and then out of the blue my youngest daughter invited me to hero day. Before you say "awwwwweeeee" you should know I didn't make the cut. Daddy is her hero. Love tank=empty.
• Video Staff Meetings. We had a video staff meeting to review our district's budgetary woes and to learn more about our district's vision statement. I learned that the Child Nutrition Department, of which I am an employee, is having a contest. The word contest indicates prizes. I can't wait to see what I win.
• Stubborn children make poor customers. We've had some frustrated customers this week. I learned how to serve soup over the top of our serving line so kids could go around a disruptive student and I learned how to serve students who may sneek in from behind. How many more days of school did I say we have?
• Protective Services. Our custodian, Mr. G, gets paged multiple times a day. "Mr. G., please contact the office. Mr. G., please contact the office.". I found out today that some of the kindergarten students have been wondering why he has to protect the office sooooo many times a day. How cute is that?
• Jet Dry & Eyeballs.  They don't really mix.  In fact, splashing jet dry all over your face and into your mouth is not recommended.  Iching and burning will occur.
• Donuts and muffins and fruit We had a big breakfast for the kids today. They were allowed to bring 2 guests to breakfast and we had donuts and muffins and fruit...oh my. We served more than 300 kids and VIPs. However there are always a few breakfast kids that come without anyone...so needless to say I had a lot of donuts this morning. It was for a good cause. No one should eat breakfast alone, especially the day before the end of the world.

What did you learn this week?