This week in the cafeteria we discussed the dangers of sugary cereal and how Michelle Obama may be secrectly trying to kill us. We talked about the importance of having things firm...or soft depending on your APPLE preference, we mastered the art of fake fighting and we learned that what we think we hear might not always be the case.

This week I learned:

My co-worker's shorts look good on her bum. I thought I heard a third grader tell her this very thing, which made me laugh so very hard. Of course, when I went out to ask her what she really said..."I ate my hotdog without the bun."

Mini marshmellows are HUGE. According to the bag, Mini marshmellows are supposed to be made smaller for kids under six. Ok..um..why would a mini marshmellow be a chocking hazard? It's mini. It is hardly even a bite. You want me to make it micro?

I have been putting money down the garbarge disposal. This week some idiot bought a chicken nugget for $8,000 and I realized that the kitchen might be a bank filled with ebay gold. Behold the ASSberry. I think it'sworth at least $4,000.

Pronouce your sylables clearly. When the custodian made the microphone feedback and squeal, a second grader said it made him think that he was in a whore movie. Um...the word is HORROR. Both sylables are very important.

Enjoy your food or not...the choice is yours. At breakfast this week we had Belgium waffles with powdered sugar. A kindergartener delighted with his breakfast said "thems good". On hotdog day a different kindergartner told me that he doesn't like dill pickle spears but he loves corndogs. "That's a hotdog," I said. He dipped his head, crestfallen.

In conclusion, we learned that it's important to speak clearly, to learn to enjoy your food, to stop putting money down the garbage disposal and to make sure your bum always looks good.

What did you learn?

This week was full of stuffing balls, turkey hats and lots of laughter.

Sometimes I have so much fun at work that it ought to be illegal and other days I think what they pay me to show up there oughta be illegal.

Here's what I learned...

Kids dont't eat stuffing balls and corn. Actually, I didn't learn this. I already knew it. It is painful watching all the food we disgard going down the garbage disposal.

It hard to look this good. I know. I look like a royal dork, but I had a lot of fun asking co-workers if they wanted to touch my bird and poking people with my drumsticks. Next year I think I may have to add red ribbons. This turkey needs some dressing.

What's up with those lights? My co-worker and I are convinced that they're a little "cheeky". Does it look like someone's mooning you?

Slow Christmas songs make me sleepy. My boss has been playing holiday music since the week before Thanksgiving. I am covinced that the DJs are sick of the holiday song loop and are playing things in a row just to be annoying. Like Ave Maria, Blue Christmas, oh Holy Night and anything by Michael Bolton.

Cheesy broccoli and alfredo noodles. This combination all over the trays makes one long for...dare I say it...stuffing balls. Turns out there are lots of meals that are worse cleanup than the holiday meals.

Five more days until Christmas break. One of them is PJ day, which might be my all time favorite day of the year.

What did you learn this week?

Before we dive right in with what I learned in lunchlady training this week, I would just like to take the opportunity to apologize to the 1/2 dozen male lunch persons who work in school cafeteria's nationwide.

Apparently, three of you are in my very own district and I have yet to change to the correct terminology of lunch person. Seeing as I find this term idiotic and seeing as there are about 400,000 more lunchladies than lunchmen I am gonna keep ignoring it. But please consider this a blanket apology that covers all future incorrect terminology.

Wow...I feel so much better.

Now grab a pen and paper and play along and for crying outloud please resist the urge to google the answers.

1). A student finds a hair in his food. Do you..

a. Say "seriously..like I'm wearin' a hairnet. I know that ain't mine and your trying to get more food.
b. Apologize and fetch them another tray and make a mental note to see if they try the same trick twice.
c. Count your hair to see if any have fallen out.
d. Stare blankly at them until they go away.

2). A parent calls to accuse you of stealing money from his child's account. Do you..

a. Say "I was meaning to thank you for those new clothes."
b. Thank him for bringing the matter to your attention and address the situation promptly.
c. Pray for a new job to land in your lap before he calls back.
d. Stare blankly at your computer screen until he thinks the phone has disconnected.

3). Two students collide while carrying their lunch trays. The cafeteria erupts into cheers. Do you...

a. Applaud and say "for cryin' out loud would you pay attention to what you are doing!"
b. Take a bow drawing attention to yourself while helping the kids clean up and get new food.
c Take pictures with your iphone
d. Stare blankly at the mess until someone else cleans it up.

4). One boy in line says to another boy in line "This food SUCKS". Do you...

a. Nod and agree
b. Tell him that that we don't say that but you'd be more than happy to listen to specific reasons why he didnt like his lunch.
c. Start a food fight.
d. Stare blankly at him while using a robot voice.

Pencils down. Now we will review you score. If you picked all As, it is likely that you are in high school and have yet to get a "real" job. If you picked all Cs, it is likely that you have never been considered proactive. If you chose all Ds, stop staring and do something.

If you chose all Bs, grab a hairnet and meet me in the kitchen at 8 a.m.