This week we had a snow day that was really a rain day, we served green eggs, we wore chef hats and we learned what makes a day awesome and what doesn't. Here's what I learned.

I do not like them Sam I am; I do not like green eggs and ham. I had a lot of fun attempting to color the scrabbled eggs on Monday. We had shades from shamrock shake to Oscar the grouch. Turns out if you mix the shamrock with the grouch you get a more authentic green. Who knew?

It is not the greatest day ever! When an entire second grade class squeezed into the elevator because a student with an injury couldn't take the stairs one little boy exclaimed "this is the greatest day ever" to which the teacher replied "one of our classmates has a disability. This is NOT the greatest day ever. "

Hello, I'm Janet. From the Department of Agriculture. AYFKM? Apparently a quick glance into the dry storage and the cold storage was all she needed to see. She was also very interested if I had prominately displayed my federally required poster indicating that all students are welcome no matter their race or economic status. The entire visit lasted less than 10 minutes.

Middle of the week snow day. The blizzard of 2013 turned into a mostly annoying rainstorm. The worst part about having a day off in the middle of the week is that Thursday starts to feel like Monday.

National school Breakfast week can be fun. We had a lot of new faces at breakfast this week and that's always exciting. What I learned from that is if you offer a prize, they will come.

What did you learn this week?

WE'RE BACK!

We eased ourselves back into the kitchen this week with a long three days. Kids were a little deflated after all the hubbub of Christmas and seemed to have forgotten even the basics of instruction like how to form a line.

Here's what we learned at the start of 2013.

Be careful where you place your scratch and sniff sticker. My co-worker went to a pickle drop for the new year (another blog post entirely) and she brought us all back scratch and sniff pickle stickers. I proudly placed it close to my....um...heart only to have an entire class of students attempting to sniff it. Um... That too close to my.... um... I took it off and passed it around. Crisis averted.

That haircut makes you look... Taller??? My co-worker told a third grader that they looked like they grew an inch or two over the holiday. Her response " Well, I did get my haircut." I suppose she has a point. If I make my neck look longer than people might think I'm taller. I'm seriously considering it.

Whole wheat pasta sucks. When I say sucks I basically mean sucks all the Alfredo sauce out of the pan. Next time... More sauce....

Most popular Christmas present... (Drumroll please). The iPad and the iPad mini. Wow. That seems like a pricey present for a 1st grader. Remind me to ask Santa for a MacBook next year.

The strawberry milk is AWOL... again. I returned to work on Monday to take down the holiday decorations and to make sure the milkman delivered some goodness over the break. Again the strawberry milk was replaced with chocolate. Curiouser and curiouser.

What did you learn the first week of the new year?

First let me just say that my heart is still breaking due to the events that occurred in Connecticut yesterday. As an elementary school employee, I am shaken to the core that someone could be so heartless.

That being said, I want to remember the kiddos that made me laugh this week. The kiddos that remind me every day to try and find the good.

Here's a little bit of the good.

You can't bring your dead fish to breakfast no matter how much you love him. I'd like to believe that I'm somewhat hard to surprise. When students ask me if I wanna see what they have in their pockets, I'm game. However, when a third grader brought in a dead fish on Monday, I have to admit I was a little taken back. Because we aren't found of making people throw out their "friends", we let him "store" his fish in a tightly sealed bag in the nurse's fridge.

What do you mean there's no holiday treat? I learned this week that asking the day before the holiday meal what the holiday treat is may result in learning you were supposed to order one. Craptastic! Thankful, ice cream can still be ordered one day before! That was lucky.

Hey Miss Wendy! There's a squirrel in my pants! After the fish, I was a little scared to look. Thankfully, he just had a bad case of the wiggles.

You can't walk around without your pants no matter how hot you get. When the nurse noticed a student in a pair of tights and a tshirt she stopped her and said, "Aren't you supposed to be wearing pants?" Student: "I was gettin' hot so I put them in my backpack." Nurse: "You're gonna need to put them back on. Lets go get them." Goodness I just love kindergarteners.

Have you seen my pink hat? Every day for the last week as we lunch ladies are finishing up our lunch with the custodian and the principal, a little girl approaches and reminds us that she still has not found her pink hat. "Is it light pink or dark pink?" I asked. "It's more of a magenta," she replies. Oy vey. Well played, my friend. Well played.

Photo Credit The Awesome Terry Border

The countdown has begun.

Many neighboring school districts have already started.

We're last out of the starting gate with our Tuesday morning beginning, but barring anything unforeseen, I think (swalling hard), I'm ready.

The food has arrived.

The milk and bread have been ordered, due to arrive on Monday.

Produce may make an appearance on Tuesday.

Fingers crossed.

Guess there's nothing left to do but see what we can learn.

Tune in next week...

As part of my management training, I was required to take a personality test.  At first I thought, hmmm...I wonder what this is all about.  The good news...I have a personality.  The bad news...it wasn't all that surprising.

We were all presented with one sheet of paper that had four columns and we were told to check off the words that applied to us.

Some of the words:  firm, bold, goal driven, creative, fun loving, infectious laughter, accurate, discerning, factual, enjoys routine, adaptable, patient. 

The column you had the most checks in was your personality type.

Not surprising, I am an otter/socializer.  My strengths are that I'm optimistic, energetic, a motivator, an innovator, and a risk taker.  My weaknesses are that I hate structure, I avoid detail, I tend to be impatient and I day dream often.

I AM THE QUEEN OTTER.  I have just about every stinkin characteristic of this category.  There were only six of us in the entire group.  The dominate group was the Golden Retriever.  The peacemaker.  They are warm and friendly, loyal and good listeners.  My second highest column.

These results weren't very surprising since we all work in a school district and people are our business.  The two dominating personalities were people central.  The other two, which are task oriented, the beaver and the lion, were much smaller.

The training held my attention but it didn't really clarify how to work with the task oriented people efficiently.  I mean let's be serious without task oriented people who are firm, bold, goal driven, accurate, discerning, and factual, few things get done.

Knowing this, however, doesn't help me convey information more efficiently with them.  I like to tell a story.  They don't really like to listen.  I seek approval and attention.  They don't like to give it.  I day dream and they find that annoying.

How do I know?  I've been married to a beaver for nearly 16 years and I still haven't figured out how to effectively communicate with him. 

Are you married to someone with a similar or completely different personality?

The lights are off in the kitchen. School is out for summer.

It's hard to believe. Some weeks were painfully slow and others flew by.

Here's what I learned.

I love the third grade talent show. Do you remember thinking you could do anything? Do you remember having enough confidence to sing in front of your peers. To dance in front of your peers. To throw caution to the wind and just bust out some karate moves? I watched one of our autistic students sing So Happy Together with his teacher, I saw some fast footwork to the Party Rock Anthem and I heard a cute rendition of Amazing Grace. They played recorders, they sang, the did gymnastics. Those kids are brave.

Chicken nuggets are not a popular face painting selection. This year on fun day I mostly behaved although I did sneak a quick slide down one of the blow ups before Dr. Principal could ban me. (thanks, Kristin). Last year I broke my foot and jacked up my summer plans. Like usual, I face painted and tried to convince the kids that they wanted broccoli, carrots and chicken nuggets on their face. Stupid snakes and pawprints kept winning.

Kids don't notice appearence. My boss busted up her face and nary a kid notice save one little boy we never would have expected too. Not only did he notice but he expressed grave concern for her and wished her well. A few months ago when he opened a fortune cookie proclaiming him a future community leader, I had doubts. But now, I think that cookie may have been onto something.

Every year those kids get to me. Just like my own kids, at times they drive me crazy. But the hugs and the miss yous and the will you sign my yearbooks all sort of wipe the slate clean and help me to remember why I love elementary students.

My boss. For 30 years, my boss has been in a school kitchen. She made me laugh everyday we worked together. She taught me how to properly cut a cauliflower, how to fold a towel and how to put the toliet paper roll on right. I am trying to convince her to allow me to write a book about her. Words cannot express how much I will miss her.

Enjoy your retirement. The kitchen will not be the same without you.

This week the lunch room was filled with much laughter and a tiny lingering sadness as I truly began to realize just how much I will miss my boss.


I smell like noodles?  When I was at the office a second grader told me that they were "So hungry!"  Then they asked for a hug and told me that I smelled like noodles.  Um...Thanks???


Crack really does kill.  This is a public service announcement.  If you can feel a breeze on your upper ass cheeks when your sitting than you ass is hanging out.  Everyone can see it.  If your ass crack is large enough to conceal a kindergartener than you really need to pull up your pants.  PLEASE DEAR GOD...PULL UP YOUR PANTS.


I am a hazard to myself.  Just like P!NK says, I am clearly a hazard to myself.  This week, I fetched the silverware tray from the shute and was attempting to place it in the dishwasher to run it through but I didn't have it up high enough and successfully rammed it into the countertop and my chest.  Pretty sure I cracked a rib.  Today I was traying juice and when I went to grab one to twist it off the cardboard and onto the tray it sliced my thumb as nicely as if it were a metal can lid.  Stupid thing is still bleeding.

Gravy can be hot.  We poured some gravy into to 2 oz cups to serve with the mashed potatoe bowls.  That crazy gravy melted those cups.  Um...it realy wasn't THAT hot. 

Sometimes the path to enlightenment needs to be traveled in the dark.  Let's face it, we all like to hear things that please us.  We like to hear things that make us smile.  We tell our kids, if you don't have anything nice to say, then keep your mouth shut.  This week I learned it's okay to exaggerate, to okay to improvise and it most certainly is okay to go to plan B.

What did you learn?

This week in the cafeteria I learned:

The bananas will get ripe when the bananas get ripe. I attempted to speed up the ripening process by lying the bananas out on trays and leaving them in the light. My sub told me God would make them ripe when he wanted them to be ripe. While I have no doubt the God grows bananas, I feel confident that he has other more pressing things to worry about. Perhaps we should open canned pineapple.

We are talking about thermometers, right? Conversation overheard: I didn't know you needed to clean it before you stuck it in and after you took it out. Umm yes. You need to clean the thermometer before and after testing. What did you think they were talking about?

Administrators in the kitchen. I've talked before about our awesome principal and how often she hangs out with us. This week we got to work with the district's business manager in his attempt to learn how everyone contributes to the school district. I learned that elementary kids will be angels when there's a man serving the beans.

Passwords, production papers and other random thoughts. If you are going to take the day off please tell your staff the computer password or they might have tech change it to WendyisAwesome and not tell you. Production papers should be entitled production papers not menus. I am starting to wonder if I am going to be able to find anything on my boss's computer next year.

Kids are like parrots. If you call your dog bastard at home it's a pretty safe bet that your child just might say that at school. You might want to reconsider. I hear Benji's a good name for a dog.

In conclusion, I learned to think outside the box when dealing with the elderly and their computers, I refrained from calling anyone a bastard, I kept the thermometers thoroughly clean, I prayed over green bananas and I taught someone who makes just a little bit more money than I do how to work the dishwasher.

What did you learn this week?

We were only in the kitchen for three days this week but, like always, I have learned a lot.

About a year ago, I shared this post about school hamburger. Two products posing as the same thing but containing totally different ingredients,

Pink Slime IS NOT in all school burgers. This week we served 100 percent beef patties that were not precooked. They looked just like the hamburger many of you would buy at the local grocery store. Considering the negative publicity concerning pink slime I expected our hamburger count to plummet. Nope. The count was up. Who'd have thought?

Towels not folded properly can be upsetting. Remember when I talked to all of you about toilet paper and how I don't care about the way it rolls. I kind of feel the same way about the cleaning towels at work. If they are clean and if they are folded I am happy. Apparently, my boss really gets annoyed by my inability to line up all the towels by width and stripe and color. Um..I swear...I didn't know.

Take the temperatures, dammit! In case you didn't know, we temperature EVERYTHING just like I am sure you do at home. Wait? You don't temperature your tots? Seriously? How do you know they're done? LOL All the temps need recorded and sometimes we get distracted. My boss, who rarely says anything harsher than fiddlesticks, told me she didn't give a damn who got the item out of the oven/steamer it still needed recorded. Holy crap...between the towels and the temps she may be looking forward to retirement.

What would you do for a marshmellow treat? The kids were soing funny faces or silly dances for Rice Krispy treats this week. Some of our first graders dance like this. Funny and disturbing all at the same time.

Kids believe anything is possible. . An elementary is an amazing place and often I am so grateful that I get to hang out there. Most of those kiddos believe wholeheartedly that anything is possible. The smallest 1st grader can be a monster truck driver. The goofiest kindergartener...future President of the United States. The smartest sencond grader...they just might cure juvenile diabetes. Having a bunch of third graders telling you to not give up on your book...well it doesn't get much better than that.

What did you learn this week?

This week we had the kitchen open for four of the five days. School was closed today in observation of Good Friday.

Here's what I learned...

Applesauce is a fruit. A kindergartener asked me with total sincerity if the applesauce he was holding was a fruit. "It's made with apples," I replied. "I know, but is it a fruit?". "Um...yes."

Dear Michelle, we are trying but we ain't quite there. As I walked around breakfast this week I noticed only four kids with white milk. The rest either had strawberry or chocolate. There is something utterly repulsive about Fruit Loops floating in strawberry milk or Rice Krispies bathed in chocolate. How do I get the kids to buy breakfast without offering flavored milk?

Autism Awareness. This week a group of kindergarteners visited barring gifts. Magnets supporting autism awareness. Since we have a autistic class in the building, it is very important that all the kiddos in our building understand the things that make us all unique. My magnet had a paper attached that said 1 out of 88 kids will be diagnosed with autism. That's staggering.

A hotdog and 2 oz of fruit. Does that sound like lunch? According to the National School Lunch Program it is. It has three elements--a protein, a grain and a fruit. Personally, I couldn't be happier that the regulations change next year to include at least one more element.

Again, I encourage you all to ask your child what they were offered vs. what they chose. You will probably be surprised.

Easter Egg hunts gross me out. Let me explain...no there is too much...let me sum up. This part of PA insists on using REAL hard boiled eggs in all of their hunts. Not what I am accustomed to. Those eggs arrive at our school before noon. They seldom get "hunted" before 1:30. They don't go home until 3:30. Now I am just guessing, but something tells me they aren't even close to 45 degrees.

What did you learn this week?

This week we learned a ton including

Cheddar soy free cheese kills broccoli. We have some allergies in the building to soy and we like to make our broccoli cheesey. Cheesey broccoli isn't soy free unless you use soy free cheese. Um....bad idea. The broccoli looked like orange goo and the soy free kids didn't want it anyway.

Missing the ice cream treat is upsetting. We have a preschool class in our building that is half day so they don't visit the cafeteria much. We had some leftover ice cream cups we gave them for snack. They came down in a very cute row to thank us. One little boy burst into tears 'cause he was absent. I totally understand...I would have cried too. Good news...the teachers saved his snack and all was well.

Dear Betty Crocker.... Um If you wanna serve food in a school, you may want to reconsider these ingredients. This is every single allergy in our building rolled into an oatmeal bar.

The fly assassin. We had a fly invading our kitchen and as anyone studying for their ServSafe certification can tell you flies can transfer Shigellosis to food which can cause bloody diarrhea. (bet you'll never look at food at a picnic the same again). A ligtle kindergartener to my boss to just call our custodian because he can do anything. Aweee....so cute!

Lessons from the lunchlady the video event.... Apparently if your manuscript makes the top 25 in a national contest the paper might want to make a video documentary of the lunchlady/author. I never thought I'd be videoed doing dishes and serving soup but now I can check it off my bucket list.

In conclusion, they will make a movie about anything, our custodian is a fly killer, Betty Crocker is full of nuts, soy free cheese sucks and it's best not to be absent on ice cream day.

What did you learn...

This week was only four days long but it felt like 40. Here's what I learned the first week back in 2012.

New clothes. If you (or Santa) bring your children summer clothes for Christmas they will wear them even if it is 18 degrees outside. I thought I saw a second grader in a swimsuit but it was just a beaded glamour cami. OMG!

Extra gym class. When one of our first grade class won an extra gym class and it was announced over the intercome one of the maintenance guys asked me if they just won an "estrogen" class. You're laughing because they really do sound so similiar.

Jellyfish. All the wasted food comes back to the dishroom and travels down to the garbage disposal. Sometimes it gets a little backed up. At one point, I could have sworn there was a jellyfish floating in that river of half eaten proccessed food. Alas, it was frozen apple juice.

Old is in the eye of the beholder. I wished a 7 year old a happy birthday this week and asked her if she felt old. Her response. "Not really. My grandma is 52 and she is still alive!". Great. Now I feel old.

Retirement should be a four letter word. My boss keeps tossing this idea around. It feels like she is kicking me everytime she says it. Here's hoping things take a turn in a different direction.

What did you learn this week?