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Friday, June 15, 2012

Poolside Perspective: that color looks terrible on you (week 1)

The pool is open and the water is freeeeeeezzzzzzing.

This week we learned.

Bathing suits shouldn't come in flesh color. If you are Caucasian you should not wear a Caucasian colored swimsuit. If you are Black, you shouldn't wear a black swimsuit. If you are Asian...okay you get the picture. If you do, YOU WILL LOOK LIKE YOU ARE NAKED.
If you can see your child's privates outlined in their floatation device than it is too small. Now this seems self explanatory, but apparently it isn't. Look at the picture above. Look how roomy and comfortable the children look. If you're now looking at Little Johnny and realizing you can see his junk as plain as day while he is squeezed into his life preserving swimwear, it is time to move to a bigger size. PLEASE. MOVE. TO. A. BIGGER. SIZE.

Don't take my kid's ball. I watched as some little bratty misunderstood child took the water ball my son and his friend were playing with an threw it as far as she could to the deep end. When I saw her do it again, I jumped up off my seat so fast friends thought I was rescuing a drowning child. Nope. I was reaming one out. I think she may have peed herself a little.
Headgear goggles are stupid. I really can't figure out how this makes you look like a shark. Sharks don't have fins on their head. This makes you look like a rhino. I think they are stupid, which is saying a lot from a mother who let's her kid go in the pool like this...
Sunburn is my kryptonite. I am a crybaby when I am sunburned. This week I managed to fry my chest to the point where I couldn't wear a bra. Thankfully, I'm not large chested. This burn, which is already my second of the season, has caused me to reach a new level of anxiety as I had to fight off the urge to spray down with sunscreen anyone who walked passed me looking even slightly pink.

Marvel are you listening. I've created your newest superhero. The Sunscreen Sultan..fighting skin cancer one ozone destroying aerosol can at a time.

What did you learn this week?

8 random thoughts:

Paulette said...

Definitely good things to know ;)

Gina said...

We finally made it to the pool this afternoon and hardly anyone else was there. I'll keep looking for life lessons to share, though. :)

Ange said...

This week I learned that although ending friendships can be lonely, it makes life better in the long run.

I also learned that there is good reason why Jason hates 99.9% of his family, it is because they are all fucking selfish assholes.

Pish Posh said...

I learned that I can make big decisions.

Also I think that weird things happen in public pools. Poor ignored kids reach out to other families in such sad ways.

Also I think you should get that shark goggle hat and take a picture.

With you in it :)

Staci said...

I wouldn't dare wear a brown/flesh colored swimsuit! ;-)

Kristie Maynard said...

You are coming out of the gate with some great Poolside Perspectives! Great stuff I tell ya and things that we all need to hear about and know. Keep up the good work! (and I know you will)

Jon, the blogger formerly known as DeepBlue said...

Er... sunscreen come in biodegradable cream too you know??? ;)

And I second than mention for a pic of you in that shark hat!

Wish you a happy and safe summer.

Jenners said...

See, now I saw that shark goggle set and thought "I gotta get that!" : )

Flesh-colored swimsuits should be outlawed!

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I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some meant some comments.
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