At great personal risk, I am not only posting this picture but also a post about the ten things I love about my boss.

You are laughing, aren't you?

I know what you are thinking.  Come on, now! NO ONE LOVES their boss.

Not true. 

On most days, my boss makes me laugh, makes me feel better about parenting, and refuses to fire me even when I'm trying to go home early.

Here are just a few reasons why you would want to be a lunch lady if you worked for S.

1. My boss raised five daughters.  Nothing my kids do hasn't already been done to her.  She is a great sounding board when it comes to mother-daughter drama.
2. She is generous to a fault.  She gives her clothing to the school clothing drive, she buys gift cards for families that are struggling, she provides caps and gowns to students who can't otherwise afford them.
3. She understands that I have a handicap when it comes to being able to stack items properly and often follows me around as I put dishes away and puts them away properly.
4. She understands and appreciates my sarcasm.
5. She is willing to give up her paid personal days to help a co-worker in need.
6. She loves holiday napkins as much as the students do and pays for them out of her own money.
7. My boss LOVES what she does and that makes it easy to work for her.
8. She understands that I took this cafeteria job so I could still do things like go on field trips, paint faces on fun day and attend the 6th grade honor breakfast.
9. She knows that no one is perfect and just shrugs it off when I miscount and make more than 30 extra lunches
10. She is willing to have her hours cut and given to me so that we can continue to work together.

It is truly a blessing to hang out with her!

This week Mama Kat asked us to share a memorable job we had in high school.

Oh high school...how I hate thee.

Regular readers will recall that I met my husband while working at Burger King when we were both 17. I worked in a lot of fast food joints throughout high school and for a short period after high school. But I would have to say my most memorable job was as a housekeeper at the Comfort Inn.

Here are just a few things that happened to me while working as a housekeeper. WARNING: reading anything further will make you consider never staying in a hotel again.

SKIN One time I stumbled upon what I thought was a room covered in baby powder. Nope. SKIN. Tons and tons of nasty dry skin. We needed to call for backup.

FERRETS. The hotel I worked at allowed pets and if the room was occupied by a pet it was indicated on our room chart. Unless they were there illegally. These ferrets were illegal and I opened the door and let them all loose on the 4th floor. We needed to call for backup.

DEEP SLEEPERS. Some people can sleep through anything including to maids cleaning their bathroom and laughing loudly when they go to strip the bed and find someone still in it. We did not call for backup...we just ran.

BIBLE TROUBLE. In my lifetime I have throw away more than one Bible. The things people will do to them is beyond disgusting. I found gum smashed in them, writting all through them and more than once I found a used condom smashed in the middle of Psalms.

Being a housekeeper/maid is labor intensive. It is back breaking work, often disgusting and thankless.

When you stay at a hotel....TIP THE MAID!

For those of you expecting erotica...you are at the wrong blog.  Sorry to disappoint.  **smile**

This story is about one of the most embarrassing incidents of my childhood.

Picture it-- You are in 9th grade.  You are 14.  You are trying terribly hard to be cool. 

You are wearing all the hip things.  At that time, that probably included shoulder pads and leather fringe jackets. 

You are teasing your hair WAAAAAAYYYYY out.

You are "so done" with riding the bus. 

You are not paying attention and talking to your friend behind you when you trip up the steps and land FACE FIRST onto the bus driver's lap.  

This may or may not be the actual bus driver I had in the 9th grade.

It's bad, right?  But your thinking it's not that bad.

I forgot to mention my maiden name -- BLUE.

Enough said.

My sister and I grew up in a neighborhood filled with kids.  Our house was home base for all of our neighborhood games.  We played tag, run-down, kick-the-can and any other game we could fancy in our childish minds.

Directly across the street from us live two boys.  Two boys whom we grew to love but not in that mushy, gushy, romantic love kind of way.  These boys became our brothers.  Our parents loved each other.  Our moms were great friends.  Our dads tolerated each other like most men do.

We camped together.

We played cards together.

We BBQd together.

After school all four of us came home to empty houses.  It wasn't all that unusual back then.  We were referred to as latch-key kids.  We spent the hours of after-school until after-work alone.

My sister and I were given strict instructions not to let those boys into the house.  The boys were given strict instructions not to let us into their house.  Of course, we were always in each others houses.  After all, strict instructions were meant to be broken.

Life has a way of evolving and soon I was a teenager off with friends my own age.  We still talked and waved at each other but in a flash I was out of house and they were left behind.  My sister graduated with the oldest boy and after that graduation we lost track of the brothers for a while.

We'd laugh and catch up at holidays when we all returned from where ever the wind had blown us.

I was living in Ohio when my dad called me to tell me of the youngest brother's death.  He was 20.  A car accident.  His brother was in the car but he survived.  I remember feeling empty and so very sad.  He had grown into such a wonderful young man with a great future ahead of him and in a flash he was gone.

My husband and I drove six hours one way for his funeral.  If I close my eyes I can still hear the guttural sobs coming from his mother as the church goers sang "and he will raise you up on eagles wings; bear you on the breath of dawn; make you to shine like the sun; and hold you in the palm of his hand."

Thirteen years later and I still feel a little empty when I think about him.  I wonder what he would have become and what his children would have been like. 

I still talk to his brother, but not nearly as much as I would like.  God blessed him with a son who shares a birthday with the uncle he never had a chance to meet.

Makes me think maybe God has a plan after all...even if I don't understand it.

If you really knew me you would know that my feelings are easily hurt.

If you really knew me you would know that I feel like the book I wrote will never be read by a publisher.

If you really knew me you would know that I don't eat processed meat.

If you really knew me you would know that my relationship with my mom is a work in progress.

If you really knew me you would know that I care deeply for my friends and would do just about anything to help them.

If you really knew me you would know that my kids fight like beta fish, all puffed up and threatening, but love each other anyway.

If you really knew me you would know that I don't take things very seriously, but the things I do take seriously really mean a lot to me.

If you really knew me you would know that I LOVE to make people laugh.

If you really knew me you would know that I met my husband when I was 16 years old and we both worked at Burger King.

If you really knew me you would know that while I never pictured myself where I currently am in my life I am for the most part happy.

If you really knew me you would know that I am happy (most of the time) writing stories about speed humps and school budgets for the afternoon newspaper.

If you really knew me you would know that I am happy (most of the time) serving lunch to K-3 students.

I'm going to let you on a little secret. 

I am not an organized person.

Don't get me wrong, I don't need to be featured on "Clean House" or heaven-forbid any show featured on TLC.

That being said, I tend to have trouble putting things away.  I tend to have trouble caring if our socks are folded.  I tend to have trouble keeping anything organized or in a drawer in my craft room/office.

I spend an immense amount of time looking for things like nail clippers, Tylenol, and for cryin' out loud where are all the hair brushes in this house.

My husband is an engineer.  He likes all things in order.  If he had his way, the food pantry would be alphabetized.  Everything would have a place and everything would be in its place. 

Living with me must be some sort of penance for him.

Mama wants to know what I was blogging about last year at this time and I thought it might be fun to look back and see.

• LOST.  I spent a lot of time recapping the final season of LOST and as I glance back over the pictures I remember what I loved so much about this show.  I'm pretty sure it had little to do with the plot.
• THINGS NO ONE HAS EVER ASKED ME TO DO.   The list included baptise their baby; cook a gourmet meal, sing at their wedding, gut a deer, change a tire, co-host the View, shingle a roof and build them some furniture.  Sadly, a year later and I have yet to be asked to do any of these things.
• WEATHER.  I spent a lot of time blogging about the evils of Mother Nature and what I may have done to vex her.  If it wasn't snow it was pouring down rain.
• JDRF.  March is the time of the year when my family gets together for a walk in support of my nephew.
• MY PEDOMETER.    I loved game that my husband found for the DS.  You could make your own mii and it came with a little gadget to where on your shoe or belt.  Alas, I ruined it over the summer when I jumped into the pool while it was still in my pocket.  I should think about getting another one.
• A DO OVER.  I spoke candidly about a day in my life I'd like to do over.  It was the last time I could remember having fun as a family unit.  Before my parents divorced, before my sister moved too far away.

I also posted this picture of my son and daughter playing.  She had out her Strawberry Shortcake house and doll set and he brought some Star Wars figures to visit.


Little G said, "It's always nice to stop by and see friends before you go to battle."  That still makes me smile.

What were you blogging about this time last year?

When Mama Kat asked what made me laugh out loud this episode of Modern Family came to my mind.  If it doesn't make you laugh...you have no sense of humor.

I've posted before about my good buddy B.  She is the one I call when I want to complain about the things in my life that push me over the edge.  She is the one that I call when I want to celebrate the fact that it's Friday.

She is the one who makes me laugh when I feel like crying.  She is the one who laughs at all my jokes.

She is the one that picks up my kids when I can't get there.

She is the one who brings me wine when life doesn't go the way I think it should.

She is the one who sends her husband up to snow blow my driveway when my husband isn't available.

Last year after her routine mammogram the doctors office called her the next day and told her she needed to come back for a different more elaborate mammogram--that there may be a problem but they weren't sure.

Lots of things ran through my mind as I assured B that it was most likely nothing.

I imagined her without hair.  I figured I would shave my head too.

I thought about all the things I could do to help her with her kids if it turned out she was ill.

She called me shortly after her second appointment and told me she was fine.

No Cancer.

She was fine.

I was very relieved.



Now if I could only get her to stop looking at me like this every time I take her picture!  She thinks of me as the paparazzi.

It's my only flaw.

Things that make me feel angsty (ie: fear, anxiety, rage)

1. Kids who don't have winter coats.  We live in Pennsylvania.  This is NOT acceptable.  Talk to your social worker.  Visit a clothing bank.   Sign up for an angel tree gift.  Ask the cafeteria staff.  They are softies.
2. Parents who don't get their children off the bus.  Seriously?  It's one thing to have a lazy elf on a shelf who forgets to relocate.  It's a whole other thing to completely fail to get your five year old off the bus.
3. 500 students signed up for Christmas help.  I think I'm sad because I can only help 3.  I think I'm fearful because there may be some without help. On the list of one of my three?  A coat.
4. Cheese sandwiches.  Unpaid cafeteria bills result in cheese sandwiches.

What is eating you?

Helen Keller once said "Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow."

Today I am working hard at keeping my face in the sunshine.

I am taking the high road when I would rather yell a four letter word.

I am swallowing my pride and keeping my head held high.

I often tell my tweenager to remember that if you wouldn't say it to that persons face you shouldn't say it online. That is great advice. I should know, I said it.

Today, I'm following it. I'm keeping my face in the sunshine.

This blog post was inspired by Mama Kat. If you aren't visiting her, you should be.

Enjoy the sunshine.

Imagine having to go into this house to kill all those roaches. No thank you. This makes anything I have to do in the cafeteria look like walking through a bed of roses.





Road kill cleaner. I'm glad there are people willing to do this. I am not one of them.





Sheep castrator. Again. Not. Doing. That! Makes you happy to see scrambled eggs in a bag.

About four years ago, when oldest was in second grade, I noticed a bite mark on her and couldn't fathom in my mind where it came from.

The mark was on her inner thigh!

I asked her about it and she said, "Bobby" bit her at lunch.

My mind reeled.  How could that be?  If someone bit her at school surely the teacher would have called me or at least the nurse, right?

What in the world was "Bobby's" head doing near her va jay jay?

What was going on at lunch?  Was there no supervision?

I called the school the very next morning and asked to talk to the then principal.  He told me that it didn't warrant a phone call because no skin had been broken.

And something inside me snapped.

What about location?

Don't give me any bullshit about your privacy requirements.  My kid is 7 and knows who bit her.  I know he's currently in foster care and I'm concerned why I'm the only one upset about the fact that he bit my daughter on her INNER thigh.

I want you to mark her file with a big red notation that says if she is bit on any part of her body you are to call me.

Also I want to know what disciplinary action was taken and when my daughter can expect an apology.

Seriously....on her INNER THIGH

I was at a birthday party last weekend.

My kids were some of the oldest kids there. 

The birthday girl was turning four years old and most of the party guests were also around this age.

I was sitting with the birthday girls' father, having a beer, and talking about the pros and cons of getting older.  He mentioned something about her having to wait an extra year before the start of kindergarten and I told him that's not the worst thing and he agreed.

Having heard us mention school, one of the party guests chimes in about the evils of the elementary school.

Crazy Mom:  "I heard there is no discipline at UnNamed Elementary.  In fact, I hear it is one of the worst elementaries in our district."

ME:  "Hmmm....really?"

Crazy Mom:  "I'm actually nervous about having to send Crazy Son next year.  He's often misunderstood and I don't want him to be picked on.  I need to know that there will be consequences."

ME:  "Do you have other school aged children?"

Crazy Mom:  "No....no.  Crazy Son is my only.  We don't have any others."

ME:  "So how do you know all this about UnNamed Elementary?"

Crazy Mom:  "My friend's cousin's sister's aunt told me that a lady that I used to play bingo with pulled her kids out to cyber school them because of the fact that there just isn't any discipline."

ME:  "This is very interesting to me since I work there.  I would have to strongly disagree with you.  Don't get me wrong, it's not a military school, but I think most disciplinary infractions are addressed rather quickly and in a age appropriate manner.  You are aware that UnNamed elementary is a K-3 facility, right?"

Crazy Mom:  "Ummmm.....I need to get some water."

And that was the end of our conversation....

Birthday Girl's dad, while taking a swig of his beer, "That was freakin' awesome."

Mama Kat wants to know if you could do it over what would you do?

Hard question.

After reading all the input she received from Twitter, my original answer seems kind of lame but I'm going with it anyway.

I'd name my blog something else.

Something a little shorter.

Something that doesn't have KKK as it's initials.

Something like....

Crap I like to Make, Adventures in Lunch Lady Land, Talking to myself, The Voices in My Head, Thisblognameiseasytoremember, Me and Them, Trapped in Craftopia, What's for Lunch?, Can I have peas with that?, Pass the Whine, Cafeteria Gazzette....

Lady Ga Ga probably feels the same way, but since we're both world famous now I guess we're stuck with our first thought.

If you could do something over....what would it be?

I rented this disc of sorrow from Netflix.

I never read the book.


If I had read the book I would never have let my then 9, 7 and 5 year olds watch this movie.

It couldn't possibly be sadder.

Bridge to Terabithia is the story of fifth grader Jess Aarons, who becomes friends with his new neighbor Leslie Burke after he loses a race to her at school. She is cute and smart and Jess is quite smitten with her.


Jess is a little quiet and unsure of himself and very artistic. In the beginning of the movie he is fearful, angry, and depressed. After hanging out with Leslie, Jess is more sure of himself.

With his love of drawing and with Leslie's love of stories they create Terabithia. A magical place with great special effects and marvelous characters. The story was compelling. The characters endearing.


This all was great. My kids were engaged in the film. But things headed downhill when Jess when to an art show with his teacher and Leslie decided to go to Terabithia alone........AND DROWNED!!

WTF? This is a kids movie? I don't like movies with kids dying in them.

Everyone cried, even daddy, like were were Leslie's friends and we would forever miss her.

What I learned....if it's live action and not a cartoon, it's best to watch it first.

The longer I keep my Facebook account the more certain I become that it's nothing but a virus.

Here is some evidence to that affect.

My status update:

Irritated that a 3rd grader made my kindergartner cry.

What transpired:

Friend one: Is it my 3rd grader.
Me: No it is not your 3rd grader.
Friend 2: Is it my 3rd grader? Because if it is I'm going to kick his ass.
Me: No it was a girl and no ass kicking is required.
Mom of the actual 3rd grader: I guess everyone knows it was ********. She has ADD and she has outbursts and angry issues. I told her she must apologize and she will tomorrow.

WTF: Note to mom of the actual 3rd grader: No one knew who it was or anything about it until you opened your mouth.

In a private message Mom of the actual 3rd grader tells me that I hurt her feelings. Say what. I hurt your feelings? So your kid gets to make my kid cry and somehow this hurts your feelings? Spare me.

Proof enough that FACEBOOK is a virus.