Monday, October 5, 2009
Weekend update: What did you accomplish?
Hip, Hip, Hooray! My son's invitation are finally done! I was really procrastinating on these. The party is on the 17th! If I want anyone to come, I really need to distribute them.
I also managed to grocery shop and go to target and get some laundry done. I even went to Michael's and spent less than $25 to get ready for my scrapbook weekend. This probably means that I already have too much stuff. LOL
Soccer was foggy, but not as cold as last week. The Catholic team was unsportsmanlike. That's all I'm going to say about that. Infer what you want to infer from that comment.
I have to share what happened at swim lessons with you as I was complete infuriated and nearly killed that slow talking bitch of a teacher.
Usually the kids swim from the shallow end to the deep end and then back to the shallow end with the teacher along side of them. This allows for them to remain in the shallow end and return to the shallow end.
For some unknown reason Slow talking bitch decided to tell them to stay in the deep end while she went all the way back to the shallow end to get the next swimmer. My son misunderstood and started to swim back to the shallow end. The teacher was no where near him.
He is in level three. He can swim somewhat, but he still panics very easily. He is now about 10 feet from the back wall and 30 feet from his teacher who is already in the shallow end oblivious to the fact that he is treading water in 12 foot.
I yell from the balcony to him and tell him to swim to the side. He can't. He is in a full panic. As you know, I have a serious fear of my kids drowning. I'm about to jump off the balcony. I yell to the other instructor who is in the deed end on the other side of the pool and thankfully she swims over to him and puts him on the side.
He was close to tears but I'm proud to say that he got back in the water.
Slow talking bitch never once asked if he was okay. Never once showed any emotion about the entire incident.
After the class I went up to her and asked her if she was aware of what happened as she was oblivious to everything and was in the shallow end and she said, "He didn't listen to the directions."
WTF! He didn't listen to the directions.
Oh, I must not have read the small print where it says you can let him drown if he doesn't follow the directions.
I have a call into her boss and my little man will no longer be swimming her Slow talkers class.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Too Funny Not to Share
I think I may have to come up with something like this for my house phone....LOL
Friday, October 2, 2009
Friday High Five - what will you accomplish this weekend?
It's time for Friday High Five over at Angela's Adventures and Mishaps. To find out what all the fun is about click here. Link up...it's fun.
Raise your hand if you work better with a list. You can't tell, but my hand is way up! WAAAAYYY UPPPPP. Lately I forget everything...it's probably a bad sign.
So this Friday's list will include five things I want to accomplish this weekend.
- Finish Little G's birthday invites: I need to finish these up if I expect to have a party on the 17th. Hello...note to self it's already October.
- Survive early a.m. soccer: Why oh why do we have soccer at 9 a.m. and have to be at the field at 8:30 a.m. on a Saturday???? It's Saturday. It's October. It's Pennsylvania. It's cold.
- Grocery shop: This is self explanatory. However, I need to stress that we really have NO FOOD. I haven't a clue what we will eat this evening for supper.
- Determine what scrapbook supplies I need for my trip: I said last week that my trip to the beach was falling apart around me, but we managed to pull our sh** together and rent a place and stop bitchin'. Which, with a large group of women, isn't as easy as it sounds.
- Go to Target: I need some supplies for my laminater and Target is the only place that carries them.
If I haven't bored you to death...share what you have planned this weekend.
On a completely separate note, hilarious blogger Jenners is hosting a new game. Which is to write a version of William Carlos William's poem, This Is Just To Say,
Here is the original
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving for
breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
Here is my version of the poem.
I have
decided not to
listen to
the drama
which you
were no doubt
surprised to
learn
that mommys
can indeed ignore
whines and wails
it's true.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Writer's Workshop - Barb and John
It's time for this week's installment of Writer's Workshop with Fabulous Mama Kat. I choose to create a conversation between these two endearing people. It may or may not be based on my real life.
John: "Barb, I told you to water the grass while I was in China. It's all dead. Our yard looks terrible."
Barb: "You were serious about that?"
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Three things I learned at the school cafeteria over the last three days
Regular readers (if I indeed have any) will remember that I accepted a job as Lunch Lady Extraordinaire (or LLE for short) and my first day was this Monday.
Since I have a whopping three days under my belt and feel like an expert on the subject I will enlighten all of you with useless information about the school cafeteria.
- The amount of food wasted by K-3 graders could feed a small country.
- Kindergarten students often have no idea what their first AND last name is.
- Kids love hot dogs; I, on the other hand, hate hot dogs; they make me a little nauseated. I served 191 of them today.
Do you feel enlightened?
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Post It Note Tuesday -- Wachovia Bank has no customer care
An Open Letter to Wachovia Bank:
I don't even know how to begin. Part of me wants to cut to the chase and tell you right up front that this conversation is being recorded to prove that you have no customer quality assurances.
The other part of me wants to ask how you can be so...what's the word...uninformed?
Why on earth would you let someone charge $97.80 on my credit card, via the internet, in the UK and not even once consider this might be fraudulent? Do I often order things from overseas? Do I frequently visit the UK? Nope, Nada. Ever hear the term "Red Flag?"
Not only did you allow the charge you added the conversion rate? Seriously? Thanks.
After I reported it, you closed my account and offered to send me another card....yet again. But let's not talk about that. You also offered to send me the necessary paperwork when we all know that you can fix this with a mouse click.
The "Paperwork" asked two questions. Did you contact the merchant? No. I didn't. All of the phone numbers are bogus as is their website. Hmmmmm....I'm sure that is just a coincidence.
Did you return the merchandise? WTF? How can I return it if I didn't really charge it? If I didn't have it sent to me? If I didn't authorize the charge. Raise your hand if you think this is the stupidest question you ever heard. My hand is raised quite high.
I apologize for replying in black sharpie marker, but I was a little pissed.
The new card conveniently got lost in the mail. We all know what really happened.
Seriously.
Of course, this meant that you had to close that lost account and send yet another card. My third card this year. It also meant that no one could verify my account, could look at it, could open it, could charge on it and ever so important could pay on it.
Let's be perfectly clear, if you charge me a late charge because of this, we are gonna have more than words.
Post It Note Tuesday is brought to you by SupahMommy, click the button below for more info.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Weekend Update - crushing soccer, shitty football, chilly temps, and chicken fries
Happy Monday.
I guess.
It is cold and rainy on this side of Pennsylvania. After surviving my yard sale on Friday, it was time to take Little G. to swim lessons.
I called Becky and said, "Hey do you want to ride together."
She, of course, said "yes" because she loves me and then I asked her if she could drive because there was a Harley parade downtown and last year I got stuck in it trying to get to swim lessons and have yet to recover.
Imagine if you will 3000 motorcycles and one minivan. Would you want to drive during that again?
She said "sure no problem" and then it took us an hour to get to the YWCA. We both couldn't stop laughing. Our kids missed their lesson and the instructor decided to talk really slow to me in order for me to comprehend time, space and the movement of the earth.
She is lucky she was in the deep end. I told her I'm not an idiot, I know his lesson starts at 6 p.m. I'm asking can he swim at 6:40 because I left at 5:30 and this is as soon as I could get here. Bugger...is that so hard to understand.
She again started with this slow tone thing and finally one of the other instructors just said they can swim in my class. I think the slow tone thing was getting on her nerves too.
Because Friday wasn't fun enough with the whole Yard Sale from Hell thing and swim lesson during the Harley Parade my mother in law and her sister decided to spend the night.
This meant there was a strong possibility that I would have to cook dinner but alas my husband did.
Saturday morning we went to soccer in the cold and lost 7-2; I think those girls were eating their Wheaties as they were HUGE! And when I say huge I mean like seriously she is under 10 I would probably serve her in a bar big.
We came home and excitedly got ready for the PSU game. Moved some furniture to project it on the wall and had some friends over. And the game SUCKED. Seriously. The Hawkeyes. It's hard to live in Pennsylvania when Penn State loses. It's like a national day of mourning.
Sunday hubby and the girls went to Sunday school and church. I stayed home with Little G whose nose was draining like Niagara Falls. We watched some TV and then I made him lay down and he was asleep in no time.
The Steelers were on at 4 p.m. and decided to lose two weeks in a row and this time to the Bengals. The Bengals. UGH. This was not a good weekend for football.
Today was my first day as Cafe Lady Extraordinaire and I served 191 lunches to K-3 grade today. The kids are cute and they get excited when they recognize you. I had an entire table of 3rd graders waiving to me and my son, who is in Kindergarten, hugged me like 50 time and told everyone he knew I was his mom.
So being a lunch lady is sort of like being a celebrity only different.
What did you do this weekend???
I guess.
It is cold and rainy on this side of Pennsylvania. After surviving my yard sale on Friday, it was time to take Little G. to swim lessons.
I called Becky and said, "Hey do you want to ride together."
She, of course, said "yes" because she loves me and then I asked her if she could drive because there was a Harley parade downtown and last year I got stuck in it trying to get to swim lessons and have yet to recover.
Imagine if you will 3000 motorcycles and one minivan. Would you want to drive during that again?
She said "sure no problem" and then it took us an hour to get to the YWCA. We both couldn't stop laughing. Our kids missed their lesson and the instructor decided to talk really slow to me in order for me to comprehend time, space and the movement of the earth.
She is lucky she was in the deep end. I told her I'm not an idiot, I know his lesson starts at 6 p.m. I'm asking can he swim at 6:40 because I left at 5:30 and this is as soon as I could get here. Bugger...is that so hard to understand.
She again started with this slow tone thing and finally one of the other instructors just said they can swim in my class. I think the slow tone thing was getting on her nerves too.
Because Friday wasn't fun enough with the whole Yard Sale from Hell thing and swim lesson during the Harley Parade my mother in law and her sister decided to spend the night.
This meant there was a strong possibility that I would have to cook dinner but alas my husband did.
Saturday morning we went to soccer in the cold and lost 7-2; I think those girls were eating their Wheaties as they were HUGE! And when I say huge I mean like seriously she is under 10 I would probably serve her in a bar big.
We came home and excitedly got ready for the PSU game. Moved some furniture to project it on the wall and had some friends over. And the game SUCKED. Seriously. The Hawkeyes. It's hard to live in Pennsylvania when Penn State loses. It's like a national day of mourning.
Sunday hubby and the girls went to Sunday school and church. I stayed home with Little G whose nose was draining like Niagara Falls. We watched some TV and then I made him lay down and he was asleep in no time.
The Steelers were on at 4 p.m. and decided to lose two weeks in a row and this time to the Bengals. The Bengals. UGH. This was not a good weekend for football.
Today was my first day as Cafe Lady Extraordinaire and I served 191 lunches to K-3 grade today. The kids are cute and they get excited when they recognize you. I had an entire table of 3rd graders waiving to me and my son, who is in Kindergarten, hugged me like 50 time and told everyone he knew I was his mom.
So being a lunch lady is sort of like being a celebrity only different.
What did you do this weekend???
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About Me
- kisatrtle
- I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some crack...um...I meant some comments.
