The always endearing Jenners at Life with Little One challenged us to write up some six word memoirs.

As usual, I'm a day late and a dollar short. So without further delay I give you me, in six word snippets.

• Tiny, tough and often quite funny.
• Thrives on all words of affirmation.
• Has her feelings easily hurt often.
• crafts, blogs, writes, draws, sews, makes.
• Enjoys reality TV; shhhh don't tell.
• missed her calling, stand up comedian.

How would you describe yourself in six words?

 

Blogging buddy Jenners challenged us to rewrite a fairy tale by mixing it up with pop culture.


I picked the disturbing tale of Hansel and Gretel.

You know the awesome tale of the evil bitchy step-mother who demands the poor woodcutter father abandon his children in the woods because they have no food to share with them. In the woods the children are rescued by a child-eating witch. Things go from bad to worse until the kids manage to cook the witch and steal her gold.

They find there way back to the father who tells them the step-mom is dead. We don't know how that happened but he was woodcutter after all and had a lot of sharp objects in the house. He hugs his kids and tells them he won't leave them for dead again and they tell him the found some gold and life will not be great.


Blah blah happy ending.

My version merged with the characters of LOST.

Once upon a time there was a very drunk doctor who died in Austrailia.  His HOT son Jack went to fetch his body.  On the way home Jack's plane crashed and he found himself lost in the words.

Soon Jack awoke and found Kate who helped the poor doctor sew up his side.

When it became apparent that rescue wasn't coming, Jack led Kate and the rest of their group into the forest.

"Do not worry," he said, "I can find the beach again and I will get us home."

In the woods, the group encounters all sorts of dangers including a polar bear, a smoke monster, and a visit from Jack's dead father.

Just when the group is about to revolt and name a new leader, they come under fire and are taken hostage by the OTHERS.

The OTHERS want to fatten them up and eat them.  They trick the others by offering a chicken bone instead of their fingers everytime they come over to their cage to see if they have fattened up.

Soon a man from the future named David Faraday arrives at camp and the entire show begins to really  Jump the Shark

It's truly sick just how much I love this totally outlandish tale.

I'm playing Game 11 over at Jenner's Life with Little One and more. Her challenge: Write and Over-The-Top Holiday letter. This was a lot of fun. As someone who actually writes one of these, I found this one to be more entertaining and am considering sending it instead of the one I usually send. LOL

Thanks for the fun, Jenners.

Season’s Greetings from Nome, Alaska.

We decided to take a spur of the moment trip to the amazing state of Alaska. Thankfully, Inez, our children’s’ live-in tutor was able to make some changes in her schedule and travel with us. This allowed hubby and me some well-deserved kid-free time to go deep see arctic fishing. Hubby was fortunate enough to catch yet an undiscovered fish. The deep sea arctic fishing board is entertaining naming the species for him.

The kiddos are doing great. Oldest will soon be 11 and can speak six languages fluently. She is currently involved in soccer, tia-kwo-do, softball, cheer leading and all-state figure skating. As you can imagine this keeps us hoping.

Middle turned 8 over the summer and mastered Chinese. She was invited to speak at an all girls' school in China about her American culture. It was a great time for all of us as we were able to take in the many sights China has to offer. She continues to grow artistically and currently has paintings on display in museums in New York, Paris and California. If you are interested in purchasing any of her pieces, you may contact her agent directly at 555-1212.

Youngest is and always will be our little spitfire. He is six years old and in the 4th grade. Because of his amazing intelligence we are uncertain if we will be able to continue to school him in the United States. We are looking into doctoral programs abroad.

Hubby is excitedly awaiting word from the Arctic Fishing Board about the name of his newly discovered fish species and continues his work with the Center for Disease Control. He is making great progress with his research involving cures for Diabetes, Cancer, ALS and Weiner dog dwarfism.

I have been busy working on my 200th novel, which has been selected as the Oprah book of the month for March 2010. Look for my wink and ear tug when we premiere the book on her show early that month.

Our family missions’ trips to Cambodia, India, Russia, Indonesia and Shrelanka were a great success and we hope to be able to travel even more in 2010.

May the blessings you receive next year be as abundant as the exaggerations contained in this letter!

 



So what if you made a different choice at a key moment in your life??? 

• Finish Little G's birthday invites: I need to finish these up if I expect to have a party on the 17th. Hello...note to self it's already October.
• Survive early a.m. soccer: Why oh why do we have soccer at 9 a.m. and have to be at the field at 8:30 a.m. on a Saturday???? It's Saturday. It's October. It's Pennsylvania. It's cold.
• Grocery shop: This is self explanatory. However, I need to stress that we really have NO FOOD. I haven't a clue what we will eat this evening for supper.
• Determine what scrapbook supplies I need for my trip: I said last week that my trip to the beach was falling apart around me, but we managed to pull our sh** together and rent a place and stop bitchin'. Which, with a large group of women, isn't as easy as it sounds.
• Go to Target: I need some supplies for my laminater and Target is the only place that carries them.

If I haven't bored you to death...share what you have planned this weekend.

On a completely separate note, hilarious blogger Jenners is hosting a new game. Which is to write a version of William Carlos William's poem, This Is Just To Say,

Here is the original

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving for
breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold


Here is my version of the poem.

I have
decided not to
listen to
the drama

which you
were no doubt
surprised to
learn

that mommys
can indeed ignore
whines and wails
it's true.

I'm going to let you all in on a little secret. I suck at math. Seriously. I was in the "special" class in high school, which I have to tell you was mortifying and convinced me there was something wrong with my brain.

I do not know how to add things that have letters of the alphabet in them.

I have trouble balancing my check book.

I loathe word problems.

So how can I pass up the opportunity to write a few pointless one and play along with Jenners. How does she come up with all this nonsense???

1. If a monkey insulted my sister four times and then spit at me, who would kick the monkey but six times over?
2. Sally bought six apples for her trip to the beach; Alex brought two apples and Billy brought zero apples. How many apples should Sally and Alex share with Billy to make sure everyone has the same amount of apples?
3. If you subtract my net worth from that of say Oprah's net worth, then add those two figures together, whose funeral would be more widely watched on National TV?
4. Two dogs, plus five kids, plus four irritated adults equals?
5. If x equals the sum of y then how many x's does it take to equal 57 whys?
6. Blog comments, plus blog followers, plus words of affirmation equals what?

The answers:

1. Obviously my sister; I would just not talk to the monkey and secretly hate it for up to five days.
2. Sally, Alex and Billy are siblings. They aren't sharin' nothin'!
3. This is a trick question. The answer is, of course, is my funeral would be more widely watched. Everyone knows that net worth is not measured in dollar amounts but in how many people feel better for having known you.
4. One disastrous camping trip.
5. One two year old
6. A shameless plug for followers and comments, and my love language---so spread some love and leave a comment. Better yet follow me here and on twitter. Everyone is doing it and you know you want to.

Thanks for visiting today! To read more of these crazy word problems click on Jenners button above.

Seeing as I've been credited with inspiring this game over at Life with Little One and More, I figured Jenners would hunt me down like good chocolate if I didn't play along.

That being said it sounded like a hoot.

When I learned that I was going to have an opportunity to speak tonight, I thought long and hard about what advice I would give all of you. Then I remembered what Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway."

Some people will judge you and find fault in the decisions you make following high school, they will find fault in what school you choose or don't choose, they may find fault in what major you choose. But it is important to heed Roosevelt's advice and do what you feel in your heart to be right.

Do not make life changing decisions based on what college your boyfriend is attending. Do not pick your career path solely on how much money you think you will make. And most importantly, do not let the criticism of others be the loudest voice in your head.

This is likely the last time all of you will gather in the same room in the same place in your lives. And while the memories of high school will remain, you will all go on now and forge separate memories without each other, creating your life.

As Dr. Seuss once said, "Sometimes the questions are complicated, and the answers are simple."

Remember to be you in all that you do.

My second alternative would, of course, be this.

Jenners is having fun on her blog with mixed up book genres.  I told her I wanted to give it a try and then I forgot about it.  If you have a chance to pop over to her blog you have to read her take on this challenge.  It is snort-out-loud funny.  Seriously, girl, you have out done yourself.

Here's my not nearly as funny entry:

Jenners at Life with Little One and More is hosting a silly game on her website today.  It looks like you have until the end of the  month to enter.

The idea is to write the worst opening to a novel ever.  Here are my entries...

• It was raining and everything was wet.  Sarah didn't want to go outside for she had a terrible fear of melting. ~ from Adventures of a bar of soap.
• Aliens were picketing on my front yard and I knew from the very beginning that today wasn't going to be a good day. ~ from the Top 10 Reasons I Lost My Job
• Earthworms live in dirt.  They mate with themselves.  After what just happened with my last boyfriend, I think I may want to be an earthworm. ~ from My boyfriends name is Jack.  It's short for something.

If you want to play along, Mr. Linky is up on Jenners blog.