Dear Mother Nature,

I don't like to beat around the bush so let me be blunt. I HATE YOU.

What have we done to you that has your tights in a wad? So far this year we have had record heat, an earthquake, flash flooding and now snow BEFORE Halloween.

I am not impressed.

Are you out to prove a point? Do you have an ax to grind? What is the purpose of all of this?

Let's be serious, pumpkins look stupid in the snow. They are meant to be surrounded by fall colors and hay bails. Not snow.

There is a reason Frosty wasn't a witch. Because witches made out of snow are STUPID. They aren't scarey. What's scarey is my heating bill...what's scarey is the fact that none of my kids have boots that fit.

This is my favorite tree and yet you tried to debranch it. Why? What has it ever done to you?

What about these?

What did they do to deserve this fate?

There is a reason that the leaves fall before the snow. The snow is just too heavy!

I think you and I need to come to some sort of amiable agreement.

Here's my proposal. You can have one snow storm per month in November, december, January and February. Come groundhog day that stupid little rodent better not see his shadow.

In return, I promise to publicly humiliate anyone I see liter, will recycle every recylable in my house including the toliet paper rolls, and will never call you a bitch on my blog again.

These are the terms. You have until the 15th to respond.

Sincerely,

~Kisa~ (my ass)

It's the end of the first marking period and October is almost over. As further proof that mother nature is a fickle bitch we are supposed to have 5-8 inches of snow tomorrow in time for our 1 p.m. Soccer game.

This does not lend me to believe that we are going to have any easy winter,

That being said, here's what I learned in the cafeteria this week.

Processed chicken...it's what's on the menu. I don't eat processed chicken. It scares me. Most likely because I have seen this.

That being said, American school children LOVE processed chicken. It finds its way onto our school menus TWICE a week in the form of chicken balls, chicken sticks, chicken nuggets, chicken patties and tenders. What saddens me most about this, is that my own children want to buy it ALL the time. Ugh.

Don't be rude. Sometimes the lack of manners gets to me. Sometimes the down right rudeness pushes my buttons. Sometimes I have a nervous breakdown and want to writeup all the little brats in second grade as well as a few third graders. This week alone I had a kid stick their tongue out at me, kick me to get my attention, ask what is taking so long, whine because the water dispenser was empty even though the water fountain is less than 10 steps away, bark at me because their was no BBQ sauce, and stab a classmate in the hand with a fork.

Forks are a privledge, not a right. I am looking forward to next week when we no longer provide forks for third grade. Can't be responsible, than your privledge is revoked. Good luck eating your salad with a spoon.

Is it rice or oatmeal? It is never a good sign when the students can't tell what it is you just put on their tray. It's an exceptionally bad sign when the adult aides have to ask if it's oatmeal or rice. Um...I don't think the rice should stay in the shape of the scooper. That's just my opinion.

Cute kids outweigh the rude ones. We had our annual Halloween dance last night complete with crafts, pumpkin painting, and a rockin DJ. I received countless hugs from ninjas, princesses, werewolves and angry birds. One stickin' cute kindergarten pirate asked me to dance and I forgot all about the rude kids above.

What did you learn this week?

Even though this week was short due to the Columbus Day holiday, I can honestly say I am thankful it is Friday.

Here's what I learned.

Offering choices sucks. I am soooo tired of offering kids a choice of a cold veggie or a hot veggie. No one listens. You repeat yourself continuously. And responses often do not include Yes, please or No thank you.

Kids notice everything. Change your haircolor they will notice. Wear bannana earings and they will notice. Nearly drop the pizza and they will definately notice.

Don't try to scare the pee out of someone unless your bladder is empty. My co worker scared me and almost wet herself. This caused me to laugh randomly the rest of the day.

Confetti Fries.. This is our version of a healthy fry. It is regular fries mixed with sweet potatoe fries. Um...this week they battled it out against carrots and when the kids loudly proclaimed fries. Many asked why I mixed the carrots in with them. Something about an orange fry...

I am a rock star. I read a book called Lunch Bunnies to a class of kindergarteners today. I love how they cheer my name and are always glad I came.

Now to get paid like a rock star.

What did you learn this week?

There are certain things that you should be willing to spend more than $1 on. Those things include the following.

A pregnancy test. Seriously? Um. I think you should spend more than a buck finding out if you're going to be a mother.

Condoms. See above. If you don't want to have to buy a pregancy test than you shouldn't get your birth control from The Dollar Tree.

Ovulation predictor. If you really want a baby, spend more than $1 to find out if your ovulating.

Make up. Um...this seems self explanatory.

Underwear. I really don't think those $1 panties are gonna last very long, but maybe I'm wrong about that.

Meat. I don't care if it's on a stick, in a jar or near the check out. Buying meat at the $1 store is just ridiculous.

Backpacks. Do you really think this is gonna last?

Outerwear. Hats, gloves, jackets. Um, people, it's $1. How warm can it be?

In conclusion, the dollar store should not be utilized in the event of a weather related emergency, or for any type if meat product you may consume. It certainly shouldn't be used to predict ovulation, prevent pregancy and or detect it.

What's the strangest thing you bought at the dollar store?

Dear Walmart

It is October. Put the Christmas AWAY.

Put this black Christmas tree away for good.

Seriously? Who would buy a black Christmas tree?

-kisa-

This week the sun returned to Pennsylvania and lifted my mood greatly.

Here are a few things I learned.

Silverware chutes are fun. We've had kids put their trays down the chute and plastic ware down the chute. This week we had a cute little Spoon from the movie Cars come down for a visit.

Green beans....um corn. Nope these are peas. It continues to amaze me (and sometimes sadden me) how often the kiddos at our school do not recogonize the vegetable of the day.

Five digit numbers + kindergarteners = headache. At breakfast the students are asked to memorize their student ids so we can easily check them out for breakfast. It's a form of torture trying to teach each number to the kindergartners.

Would you like a super salad? Yes, please. The problem? My boss was asking would you like soup or salad. The kids couldn't figure what made the salad super.

What temperature is my milk? We had a third grader ask us if his milk was the right temperature...um seriously? You should have seen his face when my manager stuck a thermometer right down in it. 41 degrees. Perfect!

In conclusion, remember only school silverware goes down the chute. Peas look nothing like corn. Five digit numbers should not be given to the five year olds. Try salad or soup...it might be less confusing and never ask a person with access to a thermometer what temperature your milk is unless you really wanna know.

What did you learn this week?

I have always been under the impression that usually people don't have stupid rules unless they have an actual reason to and quite frankly I am terrified by the mere thought!

It is time to reflect on the life of our recently departed hermit crab, Patrick. Patrick was a cranky little critter who was often forgotten in our home. His longevity of four years is mind boggling.

What I will remember most about him was his ability to escape and be found days later alive. Still not sure how he did that.

We will miss his forever digging, his amazing pinching skills, the fact that he actually molted six times whilst he lived here causing us to assume he died repeatedly, and his solidarity. He never once asked for a roommate.

We will not miss the odor that eminated from his tank or his ability to only make noise in the middle of the night.

RIP Patrick. Here's hoping that your resting somewhere salty and sandy.