This week in the cafeteria we discussed the dangers of sugary cereal and how Michelle Obama may be secrectly trying to kill us. We talked about the importance of having things firm...or soft depending on your APPLE preference, we mastered the art of fake fighting and we learned that what we think we hear might not always be the case.

This week I learned:

My co-worker's shorts look good on her bum. I thought I heard a third grader tell her this very thing, which made me laugh so very hard. Of course, when I went out to ask her what she really said..."I ate my hotdog without the bun."

Mini marshmellows are HUGE. According to the bag, Mini marshmellows are supposed to be made smaller for kids under six. Ok..um..why would a mini marshmellow be a chocking hazard? It's mini. It is hardly even a bite. You want me to make it micro?

I have been putting money down the garbarge disposal. This week some idiot bought a chicken nugget for $8,000 and I realized that the kitchen might be a bank filled with ebay gold. Behold the ASSberry. I think it'sworth at least $4,000.

Pronouce your sylables clearly. When the custodian made the microphone feedback and squeal, a second grader said it made him think that he was in a whore movie. Um...the word is HORROR. Both sylables are very important.

Enjoy your food or not...the choice is yours. At breakfast this week we had Belgium waffles with powdered sugar. A kindergartener delighted with his breakfast said "thems good". On hotdog day a different kindergartner told me that he doesn't like dill pickle spears but he loves corndogs. "That's a hotdog," I said. He dipped his head, crestfallen.

In conclusion, we learned that it's important to speak clearly, to learn to enjoy your food, to stop putting money down the garbage disposal and to make sure your bum always looks good.

What did you learn?

This week was filled with rainy weather and wound up children. Apearently those two go together like a spoon and a fork.

Here's what we learned.

It is physically impossible to supress a cough. My boss thought she could fight off her cough through kindergarten and 1st grade serving. Nope. She ended up coughing on me. Fan.freakin.tastic. At least all food and kids were spared.

Vomit continues to plague the building. We almost had a castistrophic event when a kindergarten student came within minutes of tossing his stomach contents into the milk cooler. Wow. The thought of that still makes me shudder.

Kids believe everything the art teacher says. I had to take a day off because I had a puking kid at home and the art teacher offered to help serve. Mostly she did it just so she could tell the kids the black bean empanadas had fudge in them. (insert evil laugh)

Carrots should last at least a week. We recieved produce on Tuesday including a case of 200 individually wrapped bags of baby carrots. Expiration date 3-3-12. Um..guess everyone is having carrots with their pizza.

Pancakes and jelly? We served pancakes with jelly instead of syrup this week and those kids were beside themselves. When they realized no syrup would appear some were surprised by how much they actually liked the jellied pancakes.

In conclusion, please try hard not to vomit in the milk cooler, eat your carrots before Saturday, don't believe the art teacher, everything is better with jelly and never try to hold in a cough...you're gonna hurt yourself.

What did you learn?

This week there was laughter, forgetfulness, singing, dancing and downright silliness and I haven't even told you about the kids.

Here's what I learned.

There is such a thing as a free lunch. I've always been under the impression that there was no such thing as a free lunch but apparently we even offer coupons. I had no idea!

Changing lunch always causes confusion. Some of our students were exceptionally disappointed when they thought we were having popcorn chicken and it turned out we were having egg sandwiches. Um...which came first the chicken or the egg?

Cooking is a job requirement. It's always a little unnerving when you realize that lunch starts in 45 minutes and you have forgotten to make a major portion of it. It also makes you laugh...a lot.

pomegranate slushies make messes. Turns out deep purple slushy messes on spoons will make slasher streaks on the wall near the silverware chute. Sort of like a scene from CSI.

Is there sausage in this sausage? A third grader asked me if there was cooked sausage in his sausage link. I was somewhat confused by the question so he clarified, "Are these like the sausages you get at home where you just have to heat em up?" umm...yes. Our sausage linker is broken... :-)

This week the sun returned to Pennsylvania and lifted my mood greatly.

Here are a few things I learned.

Silverware chutes are fun. We've had kids put their trays down the chute and plastic ware down the chute. This week we had a cute little Spoon from the movie Cars come down for a visit.

Green beans....um corn. Nope these are peas. It continues to amaze me (and sometimes sadden me) how often the kiddos at our school do not recogonize the vegetable of the day.

Five digit numbers + kindergarteners = headache. At breakfast the students are asked to memorize their student ids so we can easily check them out for breakfast. It's a form of torture trying to teach each number to the kindergartners.

Would you like a super salad? Yes, please. The problem? My boss was asking would you like soup or salad. The kids couldn't figure what made the salad super.

What temperature is my milk? We had a third grader ask us if his milk was the right temperature...um seriously? You should have seen his face when my manager stuck a thermometer right down in it. 41 degrees. Perfect!

In conclusion, remember only school silverware goes down the chute. Peas look nothing like corn. Five digit numbers should not be given to the five year olds. Try salad or soup...it might be less confusing and never ask a person with access to a thermometer what temperature your milk is unless you really wanna know.

What did you learn this week?