Poolside Perspective: pardon me, but are you swimming in a bra?
It's time once again for Poolside Perspective. The time of the week where we sit back, contemplate and wonder what the heck is happening.
It's week five and we are still experiencing record highs and that is bringing everyone (and I mean everyone) to the pool.
Here's what I learned.
It's hard to keep track of your kids when you have nine under 10. Seriously, unless you're on a reality show that pays for the children's every whim, how do you afford it? The lady with the infield usually sits on the other side of the pool from us near the baby slide. This week, we noticed two of her kids on our side long before she did.
Um..your bra is distracting me. I'm pretty sure the lady on the blanket next to us was swimming in a swim skirt and a pink bra. I don't know who she thought she was kidding.
Make a new friend day. I told my kids it was make a new friend day and I ended up making one too. An elderly lady inched her way into our gaggle and just started chatting away. Before we knew it she was sharing life stories and trying out our floats. Guess make a new friend day worked out for everyone.
The goggle tomahawk. It's the new rage. My friend's daughter has goggles with these uniques straps that just kind of stick out in the back. They almost look like a feather. I kind of want a pair.
Monokini's continue to vex me. This week a nude colored monokini. Seriously? Enough said.
A huge shout out to W and B for helping me recall all of this week's lessons. You guys make hanging at the pool a huge stress relief.
What did you learn this week?
Suggestions for the DMV on ways to improve customer service
I went to get my driver's license renewed yesterday. Needed a new photo. Decided to go to a photo only location of the DMV thinking that it just might be faster.
Nope not really. Pulled a number 61. Now serving 50. Could be worse.
While waiting I came up with some minor suggestions on how the DMV could improve customer service.
Where's the TV? The CVS pharmacy has a TV. Why not the DMV?
Might it be possible to hire someone who is not an octogenarian? Someone who actually knows how to work a computer?
Let's be serious. I'm not one of those women who cares much about her photo. But when it's digital and the first take looks something like this is it necessary to ask me if that's ok?
Oh...wait here's an idea... a magazine rack. Something that doesn't just have the Pennsylvania motor vehicle code on it.
Off the top of my head you know what else might come in handy, chairs. More than six when you apparently normally have a 10 person wait.
Employees who do not sound out each letter of each word... But this probably goes back to the under the age of 80 thing.
Other than the above, the 40 minute wait was relaxing.
My chair mate (literally, she was practically siting on me) and I conversed about driving restrictions and how she probably shouldn't be allowed to drive at night (or at all)
I learned that she walks 3 miles everyday as long as it isn't below 17 degrees outside, which made me feel a bit inadequate since I pretty much just walk from my car to my pool chair.
I also learned that I will never have hair that doesn't look like Nick Nolte's no matter how many times they take the frickin' picture.
Stop being so accepting...and I mean it
No. It's not the food. It's the teachings of accepting the differences in others that is doing it. I mean, seriously, what were we thinking?
Last night, while at a school board meeting, I listened as a speaker lambasted the school district for teaching...of all things...tolerance.
I tried wholeheartedly not to roll my eyes while she mocked their diversity mission statement, while she said things like "When we stopped forcing people to believe like our founding fathers we took morality out of our schools."
They fled from organized religion and as a group decided not to establish religious requirements under the constitution. It is true that they recognized a “Creator” or “Nature’s God” but they did so without ascribing to one particular religion.
They also believed that women had no rights and were appalled by the suggestion that they might one day own property.
They also believed that whites were superior to blacks. Of the first five presidents four of them were slave owners. It is reported that George Washington owned more than 200 slaves.
I, personally, don't want my kids to believe like that.
Acceptance and tolerance should be taught not only at school but also at home.
Respecting the beliefs of others, while still holding firmly to your own beliefs, would make the world a better place.
I have friends who do not believe in God.
I have friends who are gay.
I have friends who are black.
I have friends who have far different religious beliefs than my own.
They have never mocked me for my beliefs, my skin color, or my gender and I would never mock them for their beliefs, skin color or gender.
It is a sad state of affairs when a religious nut protesting under the guise of Christianity can proclaim publicly that our schools, by teaching our children tolerance and acceptance, are poisoning our children.
That's simply absurd.
Sunscreen vs a blanket
I've been using 30 SPF since SPF became a word.
It works most of the time.
Sometimes you gotta remember to put it on more than once.
When my kids were little (like under 3) I'd put 50 SPF on them.
But seriously, what is up with the 110 SPF?
Who uses this and why? If you need 110 SPF than I think you should stay indoors. I think you should be covered with a blanket at all times.
I imagine 110 SPF like an invisible shield that allows you to remain as pale as you were during the winter months. I mean once you get above 50 SPF does it even work?
Your thoughts?
Poolside Perspective: It's a juggle out there, don't forget the Aquanet (Week 4)
That means everyone wanted to swim. And I mean everyone. Here's what I learned during week four of Poolside Perspective.
Holy Hair Batman. We took a step back in time this week and paid homage to that ever so stylish 1980s big hair. Big hair + Aqua Net = no amount of splashing is getting that thing wet. The shields are up.
You juggle, I juggle, why not at the pool? Words are just escaping me. Was it too hot to practice for the big juggling show at home? Was it safer to start with balls in the water and then move on to knives? I just don't have an explanation. You?
I'm done with the whistle. You're in time out. After blowing her whistle numerous times at some kids sliding headfirst and all at once, our cute little lifeguard had enough. She calmly walked across the pool, pointed to each of the offenders and put them in timeout directly behind her lifeguard chair. She is my hero.
Mr. Dick is a funny name. I encourage my children to show respect by referring to adults by Mr.or Miss and then their first name, but honestly it is hard for me to keep a straight face when that name is Dick. "Mr. Dick is throwing us the ball." "Is it okay if he plays with Mr. Dick?" "I told Mr. Dick I could flip off the dive." "At least she's not climbing all over poor Mr. Dick." See what I mean.
Again with the monokinis. Last year I blasted these suits for being simply tasteless. We saw them on every body size from tiny toddlers to obese adults. This week I saw one on a pregnant lady. It was as if that tiny piece of fabric along the front was the only thing keeping her from a public water birth. It, my friends, was not pretty. If you're considering the look, I implore you to reconsider.
What did you learn this week?
Writer's Workshop: It's only a mere bunny rabbit
This is a story about a bunny. This is a story about what happens if you don't give your bunny things to chew on. This is a story about a drive by pet dumping.
When my kids were very small, about 4, 2 and new, a car drove by our house and apparently threw out their pet rabbit.
Seriously? Who does that?
The girls were immediately smitten with the little black and white cutie. "Can we feed the wabbit?" they pleaded.
This clip from Monty Python and the search for the Holy Grail was playing in my mind.
Of course, that's not really going to happen. Is it?
We venture out and attempt to give our house guest a carrot. However, no matter how hard he tries, he cannot eat it.
Why?
Because his teeth are so freaking large he can't actually open his mouth wide enough to get a bite. I sort of felt bad for him, but I really didn't want my kids playing with him. I mean there must be something wrong with him.
After watching him struggle to eat the clover in my yard with the side of his mouth, I called our vet. She told me that it is a very common problem when domesticated rabbits aren't given the proper chews.
She said, "quick fix. Bring him in and I'll take care of it."
Me, "What will happen to him if they're not fixed?"
Vet, "He'll either starve to death or his teeth will just keep growing and will eventually puncture his skull."
That is just some kind of torture, right there.
We headed to the vet.
For their records I had to name the bunny, so the girls picked Lucky. "He is wucky we found him," said my two year old.
Wucky, indeed.
As further proof of his luck, I sold him to a little old lady along with a small dog kennel at our previously scheduled for the following weekend yard sale. Everyone kept pointing to him just grazing like a starving child in my yard. "Your bunny is loose," they'd say.
"Oh vats just Wucky," Middle G would say. "He's not our wabbit. We just chopped off his teef."
Publication: that thing just outside my grasp
I was cleaning off a book shelve the other day as part of my never ending quest to throw shit out on Tuesday and I came across these little gems of goodness.
Thinking they might be my kids, I opened them up and may have actually gasped. They are filled with writings of mine from the 1990s. Writings and dreams of publication.
What I can keep track of now on querytracker I used to keep track of in this book. We have talked many times about my dreams of publication and I haven't been shy about sharing with you how badly rejection hurts. But seeing it in my own hand writing, is painful. Realizing I have had a dream, a goal if you will, for more than half my life that I have yet to accomplish sort of feels like a swift kick in the gut.
Seeing books excel with little plot and no storyline except for graphic sex is deflating.
Inside the covers of these books are copies of the above cartoons. Even then I was convinced that Dogbert's take on the publishing industry was accurate.
Inside they contain sample query letters as well as actually pieces I had forgotten I'd written. I jotted down the 30 steps necessary for becoming a published writer and believe wholeheartedly that I need only to cross off the last one. Find an agent/publisher that believes in you.
Eight words. Fifteen years.
I guess we all realize our dreams at different paces and if I'm being honest, there are some of us out there that simply won't. Some dreams become unattainable. I'm never going to be an eye doctor and I'm okay with that. Other dreams get under our skin and simply force us never to give up.
Dr. Seuss was rejected to many times to count. Stephen King received countless rejections for his first novel. Anne Frank was told her heroine lack interest and JK Rowling was dismissed by numerous publishers including powerhouses like Penguin and HarperCollins and had her book published by a tiny London based publishing company at the insistence of the CEOs 8 year old daughter.
I remain steadfast and confident (most days) that I will persevere.
About Me
- kisatrtle
- I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some crack...um...I meant some comments.
