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Monday, July 16, 2012

Down on the Donkey Farm (oh how I wish I were kidding)


Here's a story about a donkey.

Actually it's a story about a donkey farm.

My mom and stepfather decided to buy a donkey farm in West Virginia and tomorrow I am taking a road trip with two of my three kids and my BFF and her two kids. We are picking up my grandmother and all seven of us are heading to the farm.

I have some serious reservations about this next phase of my mother's life. This entire property purchase feels like a bad reality series.

My mom is about the farthest thing from a farmer as you can get. She has manicured nails. She used to fight me a lot about my dislike for lipstick. She enjoys shopping. My stepdad isn't exceptionally handy. It's unclear if he can actually shoot predators. I'm kind of glad that the miniature donkeys have vacated the property with the prior owner.

My mom and her husband currently live in a freaking townhouse outside of Washington DC. I do not think they even own a lawnmower. They don't really have a yard and soon they will be living on multiple acres.

Last year they grew a tomato tree that was six foot tall and never sprouted a single tomato. My mom seldom cooks. How will she live miles from take out? How will she live more than 40 minutes from the grocery store.

I should be proposing this reality series to the networks. It would be a significant improvement over HOARDERS.

Anyway, my mom is supposedly meeting me at a McDonalds 45 minutes away from her house because my GPS cannot actually locate it. She is prone to exaggeration, but claims that my cell will not work.

There is currently no internet and no TV.

My kids are already freaking out.

It's gonna be an adventure for sure which I promise to share with all of you upon my return. For now, I'm unplugging and heading to the donkey farm, which is clearly a sentence I never expected to type.

8 random thoughts:

Monkey Man said...

Ok seriously, the title of this post alone is priceless. Maybe they want a simpler life? although Im not sure moving from a town home to a donkey farm qualifys...

cant wait to hear all the details

Mitchell is Moving said...

This is already riotous. Can't wait to read your further stories about this. And, yes, this would make a brilliant reality series -- and the only one I would ever be interested in watching!

~Wendy said...

I am so jealous!!! I want to hear all about it and if you find your way out of there and ever want to go back again, please keep me in mind for a co-pilot!

TortugaRachel said...

This promises to be an awesome story if nothing else! Have fun!

Jules said...

OMG! This is the funniest thing I have read in so long! Adventures are fun, think of the stories your kids will have for their grandkids!

Kristie Maynard said...

OH BOY!!!! I just don't know what else to say! Well, maybe have fun and good luck. They kids should have fun exploring right?!?!

Jenners said...

Oh My Lord … this doesn't sound good. If nothing else, you should get TONS of blog fodder. What is posessing them to do this?????

Pat said...

This sounds like the old TV series Green Acres. Or something similar! Good luck! I'm dying to hear how it all went!

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kisatrtle
I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some crack...um...I meant some comments.
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