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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Tuesday Tribute: my friend Don

Eight years ago this month my friend, Don, passed away.

He was so many things.

He was a lawyer and my boss.

He was a fan of all kinds of music.

He was funny.

He was honest, and

He was gay.

I worked with him for nearly four years and he never once tried to make me gay.

He did however help me organize and carry out an intervention with his law partner about her drinking problem. It was emotional and difficult but when it became clear that I was practicing law and she no longer was we knew we had to do something.

Difficult isn't really a strong enough word to describe that afternoon.

He let me cry on his shoulder.

When a somewhat violent ex-husband of one of our clients came in causing quite the stir, Don was quick to intervene and put himself in between me and any danger I might have been in.

When I was leaving his law firm for greener pastures in another state, he gave me a recommendation that could have landed me a job in any courthouse in any state.

The things I will always remember about him include his goofy laugh, the way he would encourage me to put love stamps on the envelopes of all the divorce papers, the kindness he showed to everyone, and the genuine concern he had for even the smallest of someones problems.

I also will never forget that his partner, the love of his life, was not allowed access to him after he suffered a massive heart attack at the age of 42. I will always remember that because his "spouse" was male, Don died alone.

I will always remember the anguish in his best friend's voice when he called me to tell me of Don's passing. I will always feel robbed that he never met my son.

Would things be different today?

Sadly, they would not.

I miss you, my friend, and I continue to believe you deserved better.

6 random thoughts:

Pish Posh said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend, and for the agony of his partner as well. But what an eloquent ode to a friend.

And yes we treat humans inhumanely. Picking and choosing which civil and human rights to allow is moral corruption. It is a disgrace.

carrie said...

I'm so sorry. I wish things could be different in your country. How horrible that this should happen. It just boggles the mind.

~Wendy said...

I think the one thing I see coming out of all this discussion about same-sex partners is.... the discussion. It is now on the tables... people are talking about it.

A few weeks ago I read or heard (sorry... cannot recall if it was radio or internet or maybe internet radio)... Love is love.

That is the bottom line. I might not have the capacity to love someone who eats brussel sprouts but I should surely be given the right to do so.

I hope your friend Don's partner found comfort through others who loved him.

Kristie Maynard said...

I'm sorry for your loss of your friend! I'm sorry that things weren't different for him and for his partner. Things are changing, little by little. Here in NY gays can marry now and that is a good thing. I wish it were changing faster though. Unfortunately there will always be narrow minded people in the world and all we can do is try to counter that.
Don sounds like someone I would have loved to know.
I really love the idea of the love stamps on the divorce papers. Too funny!

kisatrtle said...

Pish. Thank you for your kind words

kisatrtle said...

He really was a wonderful man. A wonderful person

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I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some meant some comments.
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