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Friday, May 18, 2012

Lessons from the Lunchlady: Crack kills

This week the lunch room was filled with much laughter and a tiny lingering sadness as I truly began to realize just how much I will miss my boss.

I smell like noodles?  When I was at the office a second grader told me that they were "So hungry!"  Then they asked for a hug and told me that I smelled like noodles.  Um...Thanks???

Crack really does kill.  This is a public service announcement.  If you can feel a breeze on your upper ass cheeks when your sitting than you ass is hanging out.  Everyone can see it.  If your ass crack is large enough to conceal a kindergartener than you really need to pull up your pants.  PLEASE DEAR GOD...PULL UP YOUR PANTS.

I am a hazard to myself.  Just like P!NK says, I am clearly a hazard to myself.  This week, I fetched the silverware tray from the shute and was attempting to place it in the dishwasher to run it through but I didn't have it up high enough and successfully rammed it into the countertop and my chest.  Pretty sure I cracked a rib.  Today I was traying juice and when I went to grab one to twist it off the cardboard and onto the tray it sliced my thumb as nicely as if it were a metal can lid.  Stupid thing is still bleeding.

Gravy can be hot.  We poured some gravy into to 2 oz cups to serve with the mashed potatoe bowls.  That crazy gravy melted those cups. realy wasn't THAT hot. 

Sometimes the path to enlightenment needs to be traveled in the dark.  Let's face it, we all like to hear things that please us.  We like to hear things that make us smile.  We tell our kids, if you don't have anything nice to say, then keep your mouth shut.  This week I learned it's okay to exaggerate, to okay to improvise and it most certainly is okay to go to plan B.

What did you learn?

6 random thoughts:

Kristie Maynard said...

That ass crack thing is really getting to you, isn't it? Maybe you need to give the lecture that my friend Shirley always gave to her Junior Participants. She taught a course to college juniors that were going to be teachers, junior participants are like student teachers but a step down (for lack of a better explanation) She always told that NO ONE wanted to see the 3 Bs and if she saw them, they would be sent home and those 3 Bs would be butts, bellys and boobs. There should be no gaps in clothing. No belly should hang out, no boobs should be popping out and no butts should be coming out either. No gaps between the tops and the bottoms. And she was serious too. If a student came in as a JP and had any of these showing she didn't hesitate to send them home. As she said they needed to act like a professional even if they weren't one yet. I think the kitchen staff should have this same rule Keep the 3 B's to themselves and not be showing them to kids or anyone else in the school building.
So get out that Cricut and figure out a sign to make about the 3 Bs! There's your next project. LOL!

Pish Posh said...

Oh I am so glad it is okay to exaggerate! My friend always accuses me of that ;)

Stop hurting yourself, woman!

And who is it that needs to pull up their pants?

Moving with Mitchell said...

I learned that you can smell like worse things than noodles.

I was having breakfast this morning at our trendy (and loved) neighborhood café and it took all my self-control to not walk up to the counter and pull up a guy's pants! Two days in a row: crack war.

Thanks for posting the Pink video. It gave me the chills when it first came out. Still does.

Rebecca said...

i love the part about crack to funny

Pat said...

You smell like noodles. Noodles are comfort food; Therefore you are comfort. Fact.

Who knew that you needed hazard duty pay to work in a school cafeteria? Huh.

Jenners said...

It is a good thing to smell like noodles!

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I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some meant some comments.
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