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Saturday, April 21, 2012

Lessons from the Lunchlady: Dear Lord, the bananas are still green

This week in the cafeteria I learned:

The bananas will get ripe when the bananas get ripe. I attempted to speed up the ripening process by lying the bananas out on trays and leaving them in the light. My sub told me God would make them ripe when he wanted them to be ripe. While I have no doubt the God grows bananas, I feel confident that he has other more pressing things to worry about. Perhaps we should open canned pineapple.

We are talking about thermometers, right? Conversation overheard: I didn't know you needed to clean it before you stuck it in and after you took it out. Umm yes. You need to clean the thermometer before and after testing. What did you think they were talking about?

Administrators in the kitchen. I've talked before about our awesome principal and how often she hangs out with us. This week we got to work with the district's business manager in his attempt to learn how everyone contributes to the school district. I learned that elementary kids will be angels when there's a man serving the beans.

Passwords, production papers and other random thoughts. If you are going to take the day off please tell your staff the computer password or they might have tech change it to WendyisAwesome and not tell you. Production papers should be entitled production papers not menus. I am starting to wonder if I am going to be able to find anything on my boss's computer next year.

Kids are like parrots. If you call your dog bastard at home it's a pretty safe bet that your child just might say that at school. You might want to reconsider. I hear Benji's a good name for a dog.

In conclusion, I learned to think outside the box when dealing with the elderly and their computers, I refrained from calling anyone a bastard, I kept the thermometers thoroughly clean, I prayed over green bananas and I taught someone who makes just a little bit more money than I do how to work the dishwasher.

What did you learn this week?

8 random thoughts:

SparkleFarkle said...

Thank God there's always next time, especially in the lunchroom kitchen, eh? Here's a little trick my Gramma Tex taught every "I need a banana NOW" body and their brother, back in the day: Hide a bunch of green bananas in a paper sack that also holds an apple. Crinkle the bagtop tight so the bananas can "breathe in" some sort of gas (I can't remember what it's called, but I'm sure she said it was magical.) the Snow White fruit gives off, which will cause the bananas to be next day-ripe. Be sure to take the morphed bananas out of the paper sack PRONTO! or you'll soon have soup encased in black-yellow pods!

Jan Wilberg said...

Liked this. I'm partial to lists anyway but liked this for how real it is. Thanks!

Jennifer Worrell said...

HA! I loved your post! Funny!

Mitchell is Moving said...

You always make me smile ... and think. I love your blog. I don't know how you keep a straight face (or maybe you don't) at conversations like 'the thermometer' or 'God will make the bananas ripe.'

When my niece was 4, she was walking with her mother and said "damn" when she tripped. Her mother told her that wasn't a nice word. She said, "You say it all the time, Mom. Are f@*k and s#@t bad too?"

Jenners said...

I vaguely remember hearing something about putting bananas in paper bags to ripen them faster? Or is that peaches? I have no idea what I'm talking about.

Jon, the blogger formerly known as DeepBlue said...

Mmm! Have you tried dressing up in a shirt and tie and lowering your voice to see if kids would be angels when YOU are serving the beans?

You might also need to stick on a fake beard!!!

Have a great week.

Kristie Maynard said...

It never ceases to amaze me just how many interesting things you learn being a lunchlady!
Let me think about what I learned this week, I'm sure there's something.
Oh I can tell you that I learned that it isn't easy being a diabetic, not at all!

JULIANA said...

Reading your lunchlady thoughts always puts a smile on my face! Thanks for your visit to my blog!

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I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some meant some comments.
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