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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

An Open Letter to my cold sore

Dear Cold Sore,

I just want to let you know that I hate you.  Many moons ago, my mother told me that I shouldn't hate but I have come to realize that I do, indeed, hate you.

First, you show up whenever you feel like it.  You are never invited, you never ask permission.  Second, you tingle and hurt and lets face it you are downright UGLY.

I have tried everything to get you to go away with little to no success.  I understand that you are a virus and perhaps there isn't anything I can do to make you go away except wait, but that doesn't stop me from trying.

When you show up, I loose common sense.

I buy things that say "Guaranteed to make you go away in 24 hours".  I laugh inside my head, but yet I shell out $18 for 1 oz of goo.

The active ingredient is benzalkonium chloride which apparently should not be swallowed as the directions that came with it say and I quote "administer several glasses of a mild soap solution, milk or egg whites beaten in water.  This may be followed with gastric lavage with soap solution."

Does the warning really say drinking soap is a better idea than drinking this solution?  And does it really indicate that even after performing any of the above I still may need to have my stomach pumped.  Say what?

Against my better judgement I have decided to use this expensive medicine and surprisingly it appears to working though not as fast as it promised too.

In closing, I would like to remind you of a few things before we part ways.  1.) no matter how stressed I get, you are not invited back; 2.) if I want to enjoy either a caffeinated beverage or an alcoholic beverage that is not your cue to return  3)  I know you are friends with Miss Monthly and you guys have worked out some kind of pimple-cold sore combo deal and to that I say "bite me".

Never excited to see you,


4 random thoughts:

septembermom said...

You know the song Rain Rain Go Away? Well, here' my version for you: Sore, Sore go away never come back another day. Clearly I'm no songwriter. LOL.

ScrappyScavenger said...

HeHehehehe! Not laughing at you, buy with you....

Kristie Maynard said...

Hopefully, I am not cursing myself by saying this, but I have never had a cold sore in my life! And I'm hoping I never, ever get one. They look painful! I hope yours is gone before you know it!

Jenners said...

I'd spend any amount of money to get rid of an unwanted friend like C.S.

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I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some meant some comments.
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