I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I watched a good portion of the Golden Globes last night and I couldn't help but wonder what they would be like with a little less glitter and a little more hairnet.

I present the Golden Corncob awards...

Hosted by Jamie Oliver, the naked chef, the Golden Corncob awards are for those food service employees who remind kids every day that they need to take a veggie or a fruit.

The award for earliest riser goes to...our high school chefs who often arrive as early as 5:30 a.m. just to make sure the kids in their buildings have something hot to eat for breakfast.

The award for veggie least likely to be eaten goes to...refried beans. We know you're not supposed to judge by outwardly appearances but...dude...you look like baby shit.

The award for vegetable most difficult for elementary students to pronounce goes to Ass...Pear...Guts. And yes Refried, even asparagus beats you.

The award for best fruit mix has to go to orange and kiwi slices because orange and green make me happy and I'm handing out the awards.

The award for most creative cafeteria shirt high school level goes to ....

And best shirt elementary level goes to ...

The award for worst place a student could possibly vomit goes to the milk cooler.

The Golden Corncob for best place to have a nervous breakdown goes to the walk-in freezer. It's a wonderful place for a cool down.

The award for craziest thing the milkman has ever said has to be "Please contact your customer service representative. I just don't know anything about the strawberry milk."

We close our first ever Golden CornCob awards with a nod to sexiest hairnet...wink wink...

Thanks for stopping by...

This week was a sprinkle of snot and vomit wrapped around a pesky little flu virus. My middle daughter is down and out with the flu virus. Sickest I've seen her in a long while ;-(

Here's what I learned:

No matter how you slice it, kids are all alike. While having lunch this week, I listened to a coworker complain about how humorous her kids find flatulence all while slicing her orange as daintily as possible. Clearly, farting is funny. No matter how you slice it.

I wallowed my toof. A kindergartner was crying at breakfast. That pancake and sausage did the trick with his loose tooth. Of course, he wasn't expecting it and promptly swallowed it.

Breakfast and blood. A kindergartner came through the line at breakfast with a bloody gash over his eye. Me: "do you know your bleeding?" Him: "Yep... (Nameless) accidentally hit me with a wooden block in my face." Hmm... I didn't realize I could accidentally hit people in the face with wooden blocks. Thanks for the tip. The school nurse patched him up and all was well.

Happy birthday! I said to a first grader whose name was announced in the morning as having a birthday that day. Her facial expression was complete confusion. Me: "Isn't it your birthday?" Student: "I don't know? I'm not sure when my birfday is? Now that I'm 40...I've decided that's an excellent approach.

Beans kids will eat. I've been charged with coming up with a kid friendly recipe that elementary student will like. I'm leaning towards jelly beans. What will Michelle Obama think?

What did you learn this week?

I'm blessed to have awesome friends.

Friends who give you love even after you write a letter to your tonsil.

Friends who tell you normal is boring.

Friends who support you when you start a ridiculous adventure.

Friends who help you through the boring moments of life.

Friends who share a glass of wine with you.

Friends who read your writings.

Friends who know when you need a hug.

Friends who get your jokes.

Friends who share lunch with you.

Thanks for being the best!!!

Dear right tonsil:

I don't even know where to begin. I thought we were friends. I thought I treated you well. I thought we were on the same page. Then Christmas Eve happened.

I mean seriously? You got to wig out on Christmas Eve. There are no doctors working on Christmas Eve and yet this is the day I wake up and feel like there's something stuck in my throat.

That is a terrible feeling.

I tried hot tea.

I tried milk.

I tried alcohol.

You just couldn't chill out. You just had to keep looking weird and puffing up, decorating yourself with a nice white spot. I mean I was traveling. That whole Christmas thing. Remember?

So I ended up at a clinic.. You know one of those open all the time come see our "doctor" places. My husband touched the magazines and ended up with a sinus infection but that's another blog post.

The doctor insisted it was strep. I insisted it was not. I didn't feel sick. I felt like I had something stuck in my freakin throat.

Of course, I took the antibiotic. It did nothing and you knew it wouldn't. Didn't you?

I reached my breaking point.

My lets take my absessed tooth out with an ice skate moment. You know the one.

I went back to the doctor. This time I went to my family practitioner and said, "I'm not leaving until you fix my tonsil."

He looked in there and said, "I see the problem and I'm gonna take it off."

After three tries of stabbing me repeatedly with a Popsicle stick cleverly disguised as a tongue depressed, he removed a narley looking tonsil stone.

A what?

I mean why? Why tonsil? Is it because I'm 40? Is it because you just felt like shaking things up?

Let's come up with a truce. I'll gargle with warm salt water and a crushed aspirin at least once a week if you promise never, ever, ever to do this to me again.

I mean I thought we were friends.

Sincerely,

~Kisa~

WE'RE BACK!

We eased ourselves back into the kitchen this week with a long three days. Kids were a little deflated after all the hubbub of Christmas and seemed to have forgotten even the basics of instruction like how to form a line.

Here's what we learned at the start of 2013.

Be careful where you place your scratch and sniff sticker. My co-worker went to a pickle drop for the new year (another blog post entirely) and she brought us all back scratch and sniff pickle stickers. I proudly placed it close to my....um...heart only to have an entire class of students attempting to sniff it. Um... That too close to my.... um... I took it off and passed it around. Crisis averted.

That haircut makes you look... Taller??? My co-worker told a third grader that they looked like they grew an inch or two over the holiday. Her response " Well, I did get my haircut." I suppose she has a point. If I make my neck look longer than people might think I'm taller. I'm seriously considering it.

Whole wheat pasta sucks. When I say sucks I basically mean sucks all the Alfredo sauce out of the pan. Next time... More sauce....

Most popular Christmas present... (Drumroll please). The iPad and the iPad mini. Wow. That seems like a pricey present for a 1st grader. Remind me to ask Santa for a MacBook next year.

The strawberry milk is AWOL... again. I returned to work on Monday to take down the holiday decorations and to make sure the milkman delivered some goodness over the break. Again the strawberry milk was replaced with chocolate. Curiouser and curiouser.

What did you learn the first week of the new year?

JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and I will accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearence, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I will refrain from improving anyone but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I will quit. If I'm overweight I will eat healthfully -- if only for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.

What will you do today???

~adapted from the original Al-Anon credo by Pauline Phillips