Showing posts with label West Virginia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label West Virginia. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
The Donkey Farm (part two) What I learned
My mom's new property is not exactly close. Currently she is about three hours away and when I childishly complained about her doubling the distance between us with this move she retaliated with a "You don't come see me anyway."
I will admit, that is true. This is the reason why...
Oh don't let him fool you with that cute face and almost smile. He's secretly plotting my death. Just look how intensely he is staring.
I have already written an unanswered letter to him about his manners (or lack thereof) and quite frankly I am tired of him.
In a nutshell, here's what I learned down on the farm.
- Breaking up the trip. This was a fantastic idea! We drove halfway and stayed with my 85 year old grandmother, who is just a peach. She cooked dinner for everyone, let my inlaws come for food, prepared a breakfast and made us all chuckle with her funny stories. When it came time to leave, grandma, who was coming with us, decided to ride in the back with the kiddos so she could watch the movies. Talk about a hoot.
- Middle of nowhere. My mom's new place is isolated. It is eight-miles-on-a-dirt road isolated. I think they should keep a chainsaw in the truck just in case they need to cut a fallen tree out of the road. This "roughing it" mentality seems to appeal to some, but it doesn't appeal to me. While I imagine my husband would love a place like my mom's, he would not be living in it with me.
- Horses and flies. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Horses kind of freak me out. When depicted on TV they are always so cute and odor free. In real life they tend to be covered in flies and odoriferous. While I harbor no ill will to horses of any kind, I have no desire to own one, ride one or clean up after one.
- Rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey. After hours of rain with no TV, no Internet and not enough whiskey, the kids (and the adults) were excited to run around the playground, even if it took nearly an hour to get there.
- Not convinced. I hoped to find my mother excited about this next phase of her life and eager to take on all the challenges and opportunities that lie in store for her. Instead, she seemed depressed and uncertain and honestly, a little miserable. There are few things I know for sure and one is that life is too short to be miserable
I hope that life on the farm, formerly known for it's donkeys, turns out to be what both my stepfather and my mother are looking for.
Monday, July 23, 2012
The Donkey Farm (part one) By the Numbers
We have returned from the farm safe sound albeit a little tired.
Here's a look at the place by the numbers.
Number of minutes it took us to get to the house from the nearest McDonalds = 45
Number of miles we were on a dirt road before actually coming to my mom's house = 8
Number of bug zappers on the wall at the same McDonalds = 4
Number of acres my mom and stepfather own = 47
Here's a look at the place by the numbers.
Number of minutes it took us to get to the house from the nearest McDonalds = 45
Number of miles we were on a dirt road before actually coming to my mom's house = 8
Number of bug zappers on the wall at the same McDonalds = 4
Number of acres my mom and stepfather own = 47
Number of horses my mom's neighbor is boarding on her property = 4
Number of miles to my mom's closest neighbor = 1
Number of times I received a text = 0 (no cell coverage at all)
Number of bears in my mom's bathroom = 1 holding the toilet paper, one on the shower curtain and quite a few on the wall.
Number of times my grandma won at cards = 0
Number of dirty looks my grandma gave my good friend B when B was winning at cards = 29
Number of gifts my mom gave me = 40 (an early birthday present)
Number of times I wanted to kill my mom's dog = 3,298
Number of times the pony got an apple = 6
Number of times the other three horses got apples = 4
Number of time the kids (and my grandma) made me laugh = countless
Monday, July 16, 2012
Down on the Donkey Farm (oh how I wish I were kidding)
Here's a story about a donkey.
Actually it's a story about a donkey farm.
My mom and stepfather decided to buy a donkey farm in West Virginia and tomorrow I am taking a road trip with two of my three kids and my BFF and her two kids. We are picking up my grandmother and all seven of us are heading to the farm.
I have some serious reservations about this next phase of my mother's life. This entire property purchase feels like a bad reality series.
My mom is about the farthest thing from a farmer as you can get. She has manicured nails. She used to fight me a lot about my dislike for lipstick. She enjoys shopping. My stepdad isn't exceptionally handy. It's unclear if he can actually shoot predators. I'm kind of glad that the miniature donkeys have vacated the property with the prior owner.
My mom and her husband currently live in a freaking townhouse outside of Washington DC. I do not think they even own a lawnmower. They don't really have a yard and soon they will be living on multiple acres.
Last year they grew a tomato tree that was six foot tall and never sprouted a single tomato. My mom seldom cooks. How will she live miles from take out? How will she live more than 40 minutes from the grocery store.
I should be proposing this reality series to the networks. It would be a significant improvement over HOARDERS.
Anyway, my mom is supposedly meeting me at a McDonalds 45 minutes away from her house because my GPS cannot actually locate it. She is prone to exaggeration, but claims that my cell will not work.
There is currently no internet and no TV.
My kids are already freaking out.
It's gonna be an adventure for sure which I promise to share with all of you upon my return. For now, I'm unplugging and heading to the donkey farm, which is clearly a sentence I never expected to type.
Actually it's a story about a donkey farm.
My mom and stepfather decided to buy a donkey farm in West Virginia and tomorrow I am taking a road trip with two of my three kids and my BFF and her two kids. We are picking up my grandmother and all seven of us are heading to the farm.
I have some serious reservations about this next phase of my mother's life. This entire property purchase feels like a bad reality series.
My mom is about the farthest thing from a farmer as you can get. She has manicured nails. She used to fight me a lot about my dislike for lipstick. She enjoys shopping. My stepdad isn't exceptionally handy. It's unclear if he can actually shoot predators. I'm kind of glad that the miniature donkeys have vacated the property with the prior owner.
My mom and her husband currently live in a freaking townhouse outside of Washington DC. I do not think they even own a lawnmower. They don't really have a yard and soon they will be living on multiple acres.
Last year they grew a tomato tree that was six foot tall and never sprouted a single tomato. My mom seldom cooks. How will she live miles from take out? How will she live more than 40 minutes from the grocery store.
I should be proposing this reality series to the networks. It would be a significant improvement over HOARDERS.
Anyway, my mom is supposedly meeting me at a McDonalds 45 minutes away from her house because my GPS cannot actually locate it. She is prone to exaggeration, but claims that my cell will not work.
There is currently no internet and no TV.
My kids are already freaking out.
It's gonna be an adventure for sure which I promise to share with all of you upon my return. For now, I'm unplugging and heading to the donkey farm, which is clearly a sentence I never expected to type.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
About Me
- kisatrtle
- I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some crack...um...I meant some comments.
