We have returned from the farm safe sound albeit a little tired.

Here's a look at the place by the numbers.

Number of minutes it took us to get to the house from the nearest McDonalds = 45

Number of miles we were on a dirt road before actually coming to my mom's house = 8

Number of bug zappers on the wall at the same McDonalds = 4

Number of acres my mom and stepfather own = 47

Number of horses my mom's neighbor is boarding on her property = 4

Number of miles to my mom's closest neighbor = 1

Number of times I received a text = 0 (no cell coverage at all)

Number of bears in my mom's bathroom = 1 holding the toilet paper, one on the shower curtain and quite a few on the wall.

Number of times my grandma won at cards = 0

Number of dirty looks my grandma gave my good friend B when B was winning at cards = 29

Number of gifts my mom gave me = 40 (an early birthday present)

Number of times I wanted to kill my mom's dog = 3,298

Number of times the pony got an apple = 6

Number of times the other three horses got apples = 4

Number of time the kids (and my grandma) made me laugh = countless