My Fan Club

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

An open letter to my mom's dog

Dear M,

I know it is not your fault that your head is the size of the average Thanksgiving turkey. I realize that if my mom and step dad didn't crate you regularly that perhaps I may be able to tolorate you. That being said, I still find you difficult to like.

You eat everything and by everything I mean stuffed animals, prescription glasses and candles. You never tire. Is there Red Bull in your water dish? Speaking of your water dish, it is not for swimming in. You can drink without immersing your entire head and spilling the water dish. In fact, with a tongue as large as yours, you could probably drink without bending your head.

Drool grosses me out and I am pretty sure someone told you. Is that why you like to coat my dog in your drool? Is that why you decorated my glass door in it? A word of advise, shaking your spit on people = bad manners. Stop it.

Knocking over my children will not win you any accolades. They don't like it and neither do I. Apparently banning you from my house has little effect since you can't drive and those who can ignore the ban.

Let me bark it out for you. While I find you to be a significant improvement from my mother's previous dog, which I was convinced was plotting my death, I still find you unacceptable. I was hoping my mom would get a purse sized dog. Instead she got you.

You are impossible to control. You don't walk well on a leash. You outweigh most of my family members. I don't want you at or in my house and I likely will not visit you at your house. We are at an impass.

Stay. You at your house and me at mine.

Annoyed in PA,


9 random thoughts:

Mitch Block said...

Aw, but he's so cute in the picture. (However, I empathize.)

Gina said...

I love big dogs, but when you aren't use to them, having them in your house is no fun indeed!

Kristie Maynard said...

I'd have a problem with him too. The unfortunate thing is, many of these things are not his fault, he just isn't trained and disiplined right. Sorry to say it.

Handy Housemom said...

drool... BLEH!! i hear ya! Good luck!!

hopping over from welcome wednesday! i'm a follower now!

Becca said...

I am not a fan of big dogs at all. Especially the ones that feel it is their duty to slobber all over me. Gross.

DeepBlue said...

I love every dogs... execpt pit bulls. I agree with K. Maynard, it is rarely the dog's fault.
Please, allow me to propose you the link to a great cynologist if you ever want to learn how to communicate with your dog. Her name is Jan Fennell! Check her out, she amazing!

septembermom said...

Adorable dog. When my husband and I were dating, he had a boxer. Talk about drool!! I was always covered in it when I visited.

Jenners said...

Sounds like he needs some etiquette training. Eating candles!??

~Wendy said...

this made coffee come out my nose because those were traits my dogs had until we all went to obedience school. I was laughing out loud at the memories. Granted - some of those characteristics are just big dog traits and go with the territory. The good thing he is now farther away. :O)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

About Me

My Photo
I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some meant some comments.
View my complete profile