I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I watched a good portion of the Golden Globes last night and I couldn't help but wonder what they would be like with a little less glitter and a little more hairnet.

I present the Golden Corncob awards...

Hosted by Jamie Oliver, the naked chef, the Golden Corncob awards are for those food service employees who remind kids every day that they need to take a veggie or a fruit.

The award for earliest riser goes to...our high school chefs who often arrive as early as 5:30 a.m. just to make sure the kids in their buildings have something hot to eat for breakfast.

The award for veggie least likely to be eaten goes to...refried beans. We know you're not supposed to judge by outwardly appearances but...dude...you look like baby shit.

The award for vegetable most difficult for elementary students to pronounce goes to Ass...Pear...Guts. And yes Refried, even asparagus beats you.

The award for best fruit mix has to go to orange and kiwi slices because orange and green make me happy and I'm handing out the awards.

The award for most creative cafeteria shirt high school level goes to ....

And best shirt elementary level goes to ...

The award for worst place a student could possibly vomit goes to the milk cooler.

The Golden Corncob for best place to have a nervous breakdown goes to the walk-in freezer. It's a wonderful place for a cool down.

The award for craziest thing the milkman has ever said has to be "Please contact your customer service representative. I just don't know anything about the strawberry milk."

We close our first ever Golden CornCob awards with a nod to sexiest hairnet...wink wink...

Thanks for stopping by...