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Wednesday, August 8, 2012

An Open Letter to my Mammogram

Dear Mammogram,

I have been warned about you by many a family member and a friend.  I have been told about your painful nature and tendency to, shall we say, "leave a mark".

All of these thoughts were running through my mind as I went for my first mammogram yesterday.  I wonder if it's really as bad as everyone says it is, I asked myself.

After a short wait I was escorted back to a small locker room/waiting room.  The tech told me to undress from the waist up and provided me with a...wait for it....cape.  Sweet!  I like feeling like a superhero.

After adorning my cape, I was escorted to another room.  This was the room with the vice like contraption I had heard so much about.

My question, mammogram, is this.  Why do so many women have so many negative things to say about you but fail to mention your evil Nemesis the nipple sticker?

I can probably list more than ten terrible things I have heard about you but not one of them includes the nipple sticker.  The tiny sticker with the metal ball attached that "helps the x-ray techs to see my nipple better".

There is a gross injustice going on here.  While I found you to be moderately uncomfortable and slightly absurd, the discomfort was nothing compared to the removal of the nipple sticker.  I simply couldn't decide if a quick rip was better than a slow pull.  I simply felt ridiculous and after I finally got the first one off, I considered leaving the second one in place.

In conclusion, I feel like you are being grossly misrepresented and that while you are clearly not as fun as a good teeth cleaning, you are no more unpleasant than a throat culture.

That nipple sticker, though, she clearly needs to go.



7 random thoughts:

Monkey said...

hahahah, well as someone who has never had one, but has run a marathon or two in his day and worn nipple stickers to keep from chaffing...I always go for the quick pull :)

You rock my friend

Jenny @ flutterbyechronicles said...

I thought the same thing when I had mine :)

Gina said...

Nipple stickers?!?

Moving with Mitchell said...

Oh God! I also had never heard of the nipple sticker, not that many woman have shared their mammogram experiences with me. Thank you ever so much for that!

Kristie Maynard said...

I have long wondered why women tell horror stories about mammograms. I don't think they are all that bad. I do agree about that nipple sticker though, not fun. I'd rather get the mammo done twice than have to pull that stinkin' thing off.

Cap'n Salty said...

Oh, the nipple sticker, I loathe that thing. I can deal with the discomfort of the pushing and squeezing, but that sticker, wow. If I had known you were going for one, I totally would have warned you. And Monkey is right, quick is best for removal of that little beastie. Get it over and done with.

Anonymous said...

I wish I had read your post prior to my visit. I had so much anxiety I put it off for a year. I, like you was told that it would be a horrible experience. It wasn't half bad, in fact I'd rather have a mammogram than a dental X-ray. I didn't like the nipple stickers either.

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I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some meant some comments.
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