My Fan Club

Friday, July 15, 2011

Poolside Perspective: what I learned (week 3)

It's time once again to share with you what I learned at the pool this week.

It was a HOT one this week and it brought out tons of people who, most likely, called in sick to work.

More than one day this week it was uncomfortable to sit anywhere other than completely submerged in the water. 

At one point, I was convinced the air was too hot to breathe.

Here's what I learned.

  • Crack.  It's not just a street drug.  Why, oh why, is it so hard for boys of all ages to keep their butt crack from making an appearance at the pool.  How can that be comfortable?  Can't you feel the breeze on your....cheeks?
  • Guests.  This week we had multiple guests come and spend the day with us, one of my son's friends came on Monday, a co-worker of mine spent the day with us on Wednesday, and today a co-worker of B's is coming to hang.  Such a wonderful time to catch up with good friends and to share a laugh.  One of our guests found themselves in quite a predicament only to be saved by Middle G.  Tiny toads and pool filters do not like each other.

  • Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeney.  I continue to be amazed at how much boobie is on display at the pool.  I realize that I am not a large breasted woman and therefore I may just not understand the problems faced by my big chested friends but...come on.  Seriously, the only top you could find just covered your nipples.  Really?  They didn't have any other tops?  Perhaps it's time to get out of the junior section and pick a bathing suit that fits.
  • Hot Stuff...your fries are ready.  My kids have decided that providing their real name at the snack shack isn't nearly as funny as having someone say "Hot stuff.  Hot Stuff.  Please come get your cheese fries."  My son is especially fond of having them call him "Bob" and B's son is known as "Sweetheart."  Lord, help us.
  • Synchronized swimming for idots.  B and I have been critized for our "hard" schedules in the summer.  I think it's just jealously.  But since some people (mostly our husbands) think we don't do much of anything we decided to start training for a synchronized swimming team.  So far it looks something like this....

In conclusion, may I suggest that you pull up your pants when your butt is hanging out, get a swim top that covers all of your areola, pick a new name and use it proudly, join us for a day at the pool but, by all means, be prepared to join us in the shallow for a little synchronized fun.

Hold it...hold it.  Feel the burn!  You're gonna need ice for that burn!

7 random thoughts:

kt moxie said...

My skinny little guy can never keep his shorts up, so I was worried about swim trunks. Then hubby showed me the little string inside *almost all* boy's swim trunks that tie so they will not fall down. Clearly, not all boys bother to tie their trunks... lazy...

Anonymous said...

what ive learned by reaDing these are one smart cookie.

Pat said...

You are one funny lady!

becca said...

my son's butt crack is very familiar to the breeze no matter how tight i tie the string those little cheeks sneak out and oh the names i could come up with just to get a giggle. no i'll be good. loved the post and nice to know you are studying hard this summer

Becca said...

This was hilarious!!! Your kiddos and the name changing is great! I am so glad you are really enjoying yourself this summer!

Kristie Maynard said...

You are too funny! I love the idea of giving them a different name. I must try that sometime.
As for the butt crack problem, well let me tell you this is one of my pet peeves. I have some friends who are quite a bit younger than I am and no matter what they do, if they squat down they show their butt crack, it's sometimes just the way pants are made. Personally, I wouldn't buy them. And that hanging down pants thing is the fashion too, I hate it and don't want to see anyones boxers or butt.
Love the video, I bet you and your friend would give them a run for their money! LOL
Great things you learned last week!

septembermom said...

You are too funny!! I need to hang out at the pool with you.

Way too many butt cracks and bursting bathing suit tops at my pool too!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

About Me

My Photo
I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some meant some comments.
View my complete profile