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Friday, July 8, 2011

Poolside Perspective: what I learned (week 2)

Last week I started this column to educate you and to share all of the valuable life lessons I am learning while relaxing poolside this summer. If you missed the first installment, you can find it here.

BUSES. I think I should get a discount or something if three buses are gonna come to the pool on the same day. I mean I finally took my broken-toe-bootie off and I don't want to fight some 12 year old for pool space.

PREGNANT BIKINIS. I may take some heat on this one, but I'm gonna say it anyway. Cover your pregnant belly. Your belly is gonna be just fine without sun this year. This week, I kid you not, there was a woman close to 60 hugely pregnant in a white bikini designed to fit a teenager. I am pretty sure I could see her babies feet pressing along her rib cage and at one point she double over and B and I thought she might be trying for a water birth.

PDA. A young, not attractive couple, decided that the area near the slide exit was a fantastic place to make out. At one point I started to get concerned that they may actually be having sex. Middle G is a lot like my sister and she doesn't put up with much. She marched over to the lifeguard with a gaggle of her friends and asked if they could do something about all the "grossness". Sure enough a lifeguard swam over and asked them to "Tone down the PDA". PDA is now Middle G's favorite word.

BE SURE YOUR FRIEND WENT HOME. I still find this-story unblievable, but yet it really happened in Massachusettes. Marie Joseph was reported missing at the pool on a Sunday and her body was not recovered until Tuesday. It remains unclear why no one noticed and it goes without saying that the pool has been closed. I can't figure out why no one could see her or why her body did not surface.

DRUNK TATTOOS You can always tell the difference between a thought out, planned ahead tattoo vs. a oh-crap-I-was-so-drunk-that-night tattoos. For example, getting the word BABY DOLL in cursive starting at the top of your thigh and running down the entire length of your leg could only fall into the later of the two.

In conclusion, field trip day at the pool should be avoided, if you are considering a water birth do it at home, keep your sex crazed teens away from the deep end, avoid tatoos when drunk and for goodness sake, if your friends towel and chair are still there you may want to do a head count.

7 random thoughts:

kt moxie said...

You always make me laugh (I think I've said that before...) I think the lifeguard should have said "Can you tone down the GROSSNESS!" Glad it's just not the adults that are grossed out.

Amanda said...

Good thoughts. Middle G is my new hero!

Anonymous said...

I will take the heat with you my friend....pregers should stay covered :)

Pat said...

Funny and all great words of wisdom!

Jenners said...

This series is shaping up to be juicier than the Lunchlady series!! Love that your daughter put a stop to all the grossness!

May said...

I am thinking there are way too many things you can learn at the pool! What happened to Marco Polo and non-pregnant belly busters?!

Kristie Maynard said...

I'm really glad my brother has an inground pool that I can use whenever I want. There is way too much going on at the public pool!
You are just too funny!
60 and pregnant and in a bikini? None of those things go together as far as I'm concerned. Just tonight when hubby and I were waiting for our table at Outback, I was remarking on a woman who was near 60, or at least looked it, and was wearing cut off shorts that the pockets were hanging out the bottom of the legs. Some things are just not right for some ages!

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I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some meant some comments.
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