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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

LOST: The Substitute

This week's episode will center around Fake Locke (Flocke) on the island and poor pathetic John off the island.  Terry O'Quinn is a fantastic actor and has me totally convinced that these two people aren't actually played by the same person.

Poor pathetic John is pulling into his driveway and can't get his vehicle ramp to cooperate and kind of flings his crippled self out of the van and into the yard which results in his becoming a limp rag on the grass being pummeled by the sprinkler.

Just went you thought all hope was lost Peg Bundy comes out the front door to rescue him.

He calls her Helen at least six times in the first five minutes so that we can all be reminded of who the hell she is.  Oh yeah....I remember her.

She's the lady he met at that anger management class.
She wanted him to stop obsessing over his jackass of a father.
She left him when he wouldn't.

Hold up didn't John visit her grave?  I'm so confused.

On the island, Flocke is all "You people have disappointed me.  I'm taking Richard for a walk.  We need to go recruiting some backgammon players."  He storms off the beach and suddenly we are treated to an IMAX movie...which, quite frankly, I'm not a big fan of.

Flocke give Richard one more chance to join him.  For dinner? For world domination?  For and eyebrow wax?  We aren't sure.

Richard politely declines and looks like he is about to meet his death when suddenly Flocke is distracted by that creepy boy from "Children of the Corn".

Say what?


Soon Flocke stumbles upon our grieving cowboy Sawyer and says "Come with me, James and I will teach you how to be fishers of men." 

Oh wait that is a different story all together...or is it?

After a few shots of whiskey, Sawyer says "Okay, what the hell."

Then they both stumble upon the corn boy.

Flocke takes after him and Sawyer hollers, "You have fun with that I've had too much rum to run."

Back in LA:

John's boss, Randy, gets all Donald Trump on him and fires him and we all hope that John will jump out of his chair and run him through with a knife but then we remember that Oceanic Airways is incompetent and lost his luggage.

Leaving in dismay, John comes to find out that he can't get into his car because some dumbass parked too close to him and his ramp won't come down.

That dumbass?

Hugo.  He apologize to John for his obnoxiously large mutton chops and says "I keep forgetting it's not the 70s anymore"  Hugo tells him that he owns the company and that Randy is a douchbag and that John should contact this number and "chin up."

Back on the island:  Flocke comes back from hunting children empty handed and leads Sawyer deeper into the woods.  Sawyer continues to follow him despite a desperate pleading from Richard not to.

"Look here, Dick.  I'll follow whoever I want to follow."

Sawyer tells Flocke the story of Mice and Men and then pulls a gun on him.  Flocke says "I already told you that I'm dead, James.  Shoot me if you must but I'm about to tell you everything."

Liar, liar, pants on fire!

Back at the big foot on the beach:

Ilana mourns her friends for 30 seconds and then says "Let's go to the temple."

Sun say, "Yeah, right.  The last person I followed turned out to be a Flocke and now you want me to follow you."

Ilana says, "If Jin is on this island he will be there."

Sun says, "It has been years since I've seen Jin but first we must bury Locke.  Screw all your dead friends inside the foot."

Ilana, Sun, Ben Linus and LePenis the pilot bury John Locke.

Ben's eulogy goes something like this.  "Roses are red, violets are blue.  I am very sorry that I killed you."

LePenis says "This is the weirdest damn funeral I've ever been too."

Back in LA:  John is applying for another job and who is coming to his aid?  Rose!

John's all "I want to do construction."
And Rose is all "Be serious, man, you are in a wheelchair."
And John's all, "you are prejudice."
And Rose is all, "I'm dying from stage four cancer because I never landed on the island."

She gets John a job as a teacher.

With Ben. 

Who apparently knows nothing about fashion but a lot about European history.

Back on the island:

Flocke nearly kills Sawyer with a mountain climb but in the end reveals a scale with the balance of good and evil represented by a white rock and a black rock.  He pitches the white rock out to sea and shows Sawyer the writing on the wall.  Literally.

Names and numbers.  Some crossed out and some not.

Flocke says "You can do nothing, you can stay and protect the island, or you can leave."

Sawyer says, "Let's catch the next sea serpent out of here."

5 random thoughts:

Gina said...

Perfect recap.

I somehow find John Locke attractive even though he could be my grandfather.

And I. Love. Hugo.

Steven Anthony said...

I loved how they showed so much about his life back home in the wheel chair, very interesting, and how they had all met is really clearing up allot of the questions, very well done I think..

septembermom said...

You're great at recaps! Love all the photos too! Lots of good looking guys on that show.

The Penny-Pinching Mama said...

You crack me up. Excellent summary.

Becca said...

I went to check your blog the other day and I had to use all of my strength to exit when I saw this recap because me and the hubby had yet to watch it. I love your recaps, they make me laugh. I have started using "Flocke" in convo with my hubby too!

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I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some meant some comments.
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