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Thursday, November 13, 2008

How to survive the holidays, without bodily injury to you or your loved ones

I'd like to give a shout out to mama at Mama's Losin It. She posts great writing prompts every Wednesday. You should check out her site. She's a hoot.

Now for the list, loosely translated as a How to get along with your Enemies. **smile**

With Thanksgiving fast approaching, it is never too early to brush up on your family etiquette. Here are a few things to remember.

1. No one really likes green bean casserole, and, quite frankly, it is still Thanksgiving if you choose not to have it.


2. Divorced parents and their spouses should be required to sit close together. I mean you've got to have a little fun right. I'm all about bringing back the awkwardness of the first Thanksgiving.

3. Under no circumstances, should you discuss the following at the dinner table a.) recent doctor visits; b.) upcoming doctor visits; c.) doctor visits you plan on making in the future.



4. NEVER deep fry a turkey. The reasons for this are endless, but the most important reason is because it tastes like shit. You will get endless complaints about it and your MIL will offer to take over hosting duties until your untimely death. This may appeal to some, but remember that means you going there every year until you die.


5. It is important to remember that most children feel full after eating one bite of everything. Do not stress over the fact that you will be finding peas or corn in odd places for the next few weeks. It could be worse, it could be green bean casserole.


6. Repeat after me...it's is only one day...it is only one day. I will survive. I will survive.



7. Your mom is trying to help. It is best to commit this phrase to memory. "I couldn't have done this without all your help." It is best when said without clench teeth.


8. When it comes to putting an annoying relative at the kids table for lack of chairs at the "big" table, there is no time like the present.


9. Stuffing from a box is just as good as stuffing made from...wait a minute...I don't think I know how to make it any other way, and


10. Whatever you do don't forget the alcohol. It takes the edge off of the roughest of holidays. Especially when inadvertently slipped to the non-drinkers.


4 random thoughts:

MaryNSC said...

O LORD have MERCY!!
TOO FUNNY!!!
But its too late I done bought the green bean casserole stuff..HAHAHAHAHA
what do u do if most your family are nurses..and your hubbie is 72???
OO and we have 2 dinners.. But U know what I having Thrusday U made me change my mind I will have HOME MADE VEG SOUP!! ANd CORN BREAD!! HHAHAHHA
Saturday I eat TURKEY!!

Denise said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAAA! I LOVE this post! I am going to have to tell myself "I will survive" about 3950832058320583205823058 times this year!

You made my night - this was a perfect post for me to read!

Enfys said...

I so enjoy reading your blog. I got a cup of coffee and settled down to a good read and chuckle. Thanks!
hugs
Enfys x

Mama Kat said...

Great list and SO right on...leave the tatertot casserole at home too! No one wants to see that. :)

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kisatrtle
I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some crack...um...I meant some comments.
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