Dear Toothfairy,

Let me be blunt...we are not friends. Now that this is out in the open, I feel as if I can again share with you some of your annoying qualities.

You are, by far, the most forgetful fairy I have never met. Have you heard of B12? It's supposed to help memory...oh wait...maybe it helps digestion. Either way, you should seek medical advice for your inability to ever remember to visit my children.

This isn't something new. We've been discussing this a lot and quite frankly I am tired of it.

Consider this my official grievance. I am requesting an official hearing.

Also part of the grievance...you apparently give more money to wealthy children. Really? This seems a little bassakwards. How come some kids get $20 for a tooth. If that's the going rate, I have a few molars I could probably part with.

You need to knock this off...I might start a Facebook group. Down with the toothfairy...or the toothfairy plays favorites...or Dollars for Molars.

Let's set some price guides. $5 for a first tooth or a molar; $2-3 for anything else. Lord have mercy, if it has a cavity perhaps you could leave just a buck and maybe some toothpaste.

In conclusion, set more than one alarm and stop trying to overcompensate with large quantities of money. Afterall, you have never brought more than a $5 here and it's usually at least a day late.

Sincerely,

Kisa