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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

How to tell if your waitress is on crack

Today I met a friend for lunch and I made two grave mistakes. First mistake. I brought my kids. Second mistake: I forgot to ask for crack free seating.

Here's a small snippet of our lunch.

Before my friend arrives my kids are physically hurting each other over a quarter. Turns out Little G brought a quarter in because he thought there would be a gum ball machine. There wasn't a gum ball machine so he decided to give the quarter to his sister. Then we turned the corner and there was a claw machine. Oh sweet mother. Now HE WANTS THE QUARTER BACK. Big G isn't having it. It's clearly not fair.

I take the quarter, which they probably took from my car to begin with.

The waitress comes and takes our order. She talks faster than an auctioneer on his third red bull. My son is upset because he forgot to order corn. Oldest G is trying to explain that he only gets one side and he picked fries. To which he starts crying, "but I wanted corn."

My kids have nothing to say to me unless I am speaking to someone else. Then they want to tell me about the salt spilling, the quarter Middle G found on the floor, the hole they just found in their pants. ANYTHING TO INTERRUPT...repeatedly.

Just as I begin to understand why some animals each their young, our food arrives. I order corn for little G and say to the waitress that "I think I was supposed to get fries."

To which she replies, "No. You got a salad instead."

To which I replied. "I'm pretty sure I ordered a sandwich and fries and asked you if I could have the salad instead of the soup."

Waitress: "There is only one side. You ordered a salad."

Oldest G rolls her eyes at me as if to say I just got done telling Little G this.

Me: "OK. No big deal my kids will probably have a lot left over."

I figured that was that and started eating. Then said waitress returned with the menu to prove she wasn't "ripping me off". Seriously?

She shows me the ultimate grilled cheese and soup listing and says that it clearly means I get the sandwich and the salad. I pointed to the small print at the top that said "all wraps and sandwiches served with fries."

Waitress: "All sandwiches except this one. This one has soup."

Me: "Okay. It really isn't a big deal."

Five minutes later....

She returns with corn and a F**KING oder of French fries.

Waitress: "I spoke to the manager and he said you're right and I'm wrong so I went ahead and got your fries. I have been working here for eight years and THEY KEEP CHANGING THE MENU. I mean it's hard to keep it all straight you know. I just want you to know that I am not ripping you off. I'm not...okay."

Slightly frightened and concerned that she is indeed ripping me off, I said, "Okay. It's not really that big of a deal."

By the time ice cream ordering came around she was a mess. Insisting that I couldn't have just two scoops in my sundae. That if I did, she would have to charge me extra for the toppings. That I had to have three scoops or pay for each squirt of topping. Why would it cost more to get less?

It was bizzare. It was as if she couldn't possibly grasp the concept that I was the customer and could have any damn thing I wanted.

The kids spent the entire lunch interrupting me, tossing their trash around, touching each other when asked not to and hiding their chicken in their sauces.

"Why was that waitress so weird," asked Middle G when we got to the car. I was surprised she noticed.

"I don't know," I said, "Drugs, bad meds, too many misbehaving children at her tables. It's hard to say."

"Maybe she just likes to be right," said Middle G. "Everyone likes that."

Truer words may never have been spoken.

8 random thoughts:

~Wendy said...

yeah... I get to leave a comment... :O)

I remembered today why I am so delighted to be a member of the OCC... Only Child Club. I also had an epiphany about why we never went out to eat with our mother... there were three of us... I am sure you get the connection...

becca said...

wow and here i thought I was the only one that got weird waitresses

Kenya G. Johnson said...

LOL!!! I'm thinking she broke a plate or something that she had to payback out of her check and she didn't want to make any more mistakes that were going to come out of her pocket. That's just another ridiculous excuse for her behavior. What happened to the quarter? ;-)

Becca said...

Oh my goodness! Sounds like you guys had a time. Apparently the woman still hasn't picked up after 8 years of waitressing that you do your best to cater to the guests. I mean your tip depends on it!!

Mitchell is Moving said...

I got stressed out just reading about your lunch. And then MIddle G put it all in perspective.

Kristie Maynard said...

Don't you wonder after 8 yrs why she is still working there? Some people are just not cut out for customer service.
I've had some of these waitresses too. The one that made me the most upset was the one that I had at Olive Garden. I'm diabetic, but hadn't been for all that long when I went to lunch with my Mom. I didn't take into consideration how long it takes to get places etc with my Mom. She is 87 yrs old after all and pretty slow at times. I had taken my medication but hadn't eaten, knowing that I would be eating soon. Well it wasn't as soon as I thought it would be. When we got to the restaurant, I told the waitress immediatly that I'm diabetic and my blood sugar was getting low, could she bring me something to eat right away so that it doesn't drop too low and I could pass out. We had ordered soup, salad and breadsticks. I told her just bring some breadsticks please. She said "It all comes out together." and takes off almost on a run. And doesn't bring me anything. After a few minutes I'm thinking Okay if it gets too bad I'll just eat some sugar packets. Over 5 minutes later she finally shows up again with our food. Luckily my sugar didn't get too low, but I was really PO'd at this woman. What didn't she get? When you say "I need food now or I will pass out"
I didn't complain to the manager, should have, I know, but I did do the survey online, explained the entire incident and I guess they don't see this as a problem either because even though I provided e-mail addy and phone number, they never contacted me about it.
Can you tell, I'm still abit annoyed about the whole thing?!?!

Pat said...

Yikes....doesn't sound like an enjoyable lunch on many levels!

Too bad they didn't have a comment card!

Jenners said...

Oh Lord … if the whole eating lunch with your kids thing wasn't bad enough, then you got a baby for a waitress.

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kisatrtle
I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some crack...um...I meant some comments.
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