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It's time to compose a frequently asked questions list for the handful of you who read this blog.
Q. ARE YOU REALLY A LUNCHLADY?
A. Unfortunately, I really am. Sometimes I think back to when I was at an age when all things seemed possible and remember that I too thought I could be both a backup dancer for Paula Abdul and an eye doctor. Then I realized that I can't dance and they don't let people who suck at science and math become medical doctors. That being said, as a lunchlady, I have danced backup at many an iRoar assembly and I have been first on the scene when random eyelashes land in random eyes. So I guess you could say that I am sort of a backup dancer/eye doctor/lunchlady, which sounds kind of cool.
Q. DO YOU REALLY WRITE ABOUT SPEED HUMPS?
A. Again, an unfortunate truth. Along with touring with Paula, I had great plans for writing a book. Turns out that unless you sort of know someone who knows someone getting a book published ain't all that easy. The newspaper, however, seems to go through "stringers" like most people go through tissues. A stringer is a fancy term for someone who strings the story together. In other words, you write it, they edit it, you okay it and then, if you are lucky, it runs in the paper. Stringers freelance for the paper and are not staff. Instead of writing fiction, I get to write about things like speed humps, press boxes, driver's ed costs and superintendent raises. The topics might be a little unusual, but my name is in the byline. Published.
Q. ARE YOU REALLY THE SIZE OF AN AVERAGE 7th GRADER?
A. This is false. In fact, most 7th graders are significantly bigger than me. I am the size of an average 5th grader. I am 5'2 and sadly that is all the taller I am going to get. My grandma never broke 5 foot and managed just fine. Of course, height is one of the contributing factors in my failure as a back up dancer. That and the fact that I don't have any rythm.
Q. BECAUSE OF THE ABOVE, DO YOU NEED A BOOSTER SEAT TO DRIVE?
A. Technically, this is likely true, but since I meet the weight requirements it seems like overkill.
Q. DO YOU EXPECT A LOT OF PEOPLE TO READ AND COMMENT ON THIS POST?
A. Of course. Every day, I continue to expect Paula Abdul to call and offer me work. I expect that at any given moment I will be given an honorary doctorate for something--what I'm not sure. I expect that someday a library book will have my name on it next to written by. I expect, but am not hopeful that I will be taller than one of my children. I expect one of you to send me a booster seat as a joke and I expect all 5 of you to leave me some comment love.
Of course, I have been wrong in the past.
This post was brought to you by writing prompt genius Mama Kat whom I am certain has a lot more comment love than I do and I blame it all on the fact that she is significantly taller than me.
- I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some crack...um...I meant some comments.