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Thursday, November 3, 2011

FAQ about me

It's time to compose a frequently asked questions list for the handful of you who read this blog.

Q. ARE YOU REALLY A LUNCHLADY?

A. Unfortunately, I really am. Sometimes I think back to when I was at an age when all things seemed possible and remember that I too thought I could be both a backup dancer for Paula Abdul and an eye doctor. Then I realized that I can't dance and they don't let people who suck at science and math become medical doctors. That being said, as a lunchlady, I have danced backup at many an iRoar assembly and I have been first on the scene when random eyelashes land in random eyes. So I guess you could say that I am sort of a backup dancer/eye doctor/lunchlady, which sounds kind of cool.

Q. DO YOU REALLY WRITE ABOUT SPEED HUMPS?

A. Again, an unfortunate truth. Along with touring with Paula, I had great plans for writing a book. Turns out that unless you sort of know someone who knows someone getting a book published ain't all that easy. The newspaper, however, seems to go through "stringers" like most people go through tissues. A stringer is a fancy term for someone who strings the story together. In other words, you write it, they edit it, you okay it and then, if you are lucky, it runs in the paper. Stringers freelance for the paper and are not staff. Instead of writing fiction, I get to write about things like speed humps, press boxes, driver's ed costs and superintendent raises. The topics might be a little unusual, but my name is in the byline. Published.

Q. ARE YOU REALLY THE SIZE OF AN AVERAGE 7th GRADER?

A. This is false. In fact, most 7th graders are significantly bigger than me. I am the size of an average 5th grader. I am 5'2 and sadly that is all the taller I am going to get. My grandma never broke 5 foot and managed just fine. Of course, height is one of the contributing factors in my failure as a back up dancer. That and the fact that I don't have any rythm.

Q. BECAUSE OF THE ABOVE, DO YOU NEED A BOOSTER SEAT TO DRIVE?

A. Technically, this is likely true, but since I meet the weight requirements it seems like overkill.

Q. DO YOU EXPECT A LOT OF PEOPLE TO READ AND COMMENT ON THIS POST?

A. Of course. Every day, I continue to expect Paula Abdul to call and offer me work. I expect that at any given moment I will be given an honorary doctorate for something--what I'm not sure. I expect that someday a library book will have my name on it next to written by. I expect, but am not hopeful that I will be taller than one of my children. I expect one of you to send me a booster seat as a joke and I expect all 5 of you to leave me some comment love.

Of course, I have been wrong in the past.

This post was brought to you by writing prompt genius Mama Kat whom I am certain has a lot more comment love than I do and I blame it all on the fact that she is significantly taller than me.

8 random thoughts:

Cath @ Constance Reader said...

This is too funny! I love your way of looking at the world. Very informative! :)

Kristie Maynard said...

I gotta tell ya, I love reading your blog. You have again brought smiles to my face.
I am not a vertically challenged person, but I am the shortest other than my Mom, in my immediate family. She is now, at almost 87, shrunk to about 4'10" and at 5'
8" I tower over her. It's all in your frame of reference, I don't consider myself tall and when people used to ask me if my brothers were tall, I would say no, not really. When you are 5'8" and your brothers and father are all 6' tall, you don't think that is all that tall. And actually you are taller than my Mom ever was.
I knew a kindergarten teacher that was under 5' tall and the kids would come back and say "Hey Mrs. Y. I'm taller than you!" Her response always was "I'm not impressed that you are taller than me, when you come back and are smarter than me, then I'll be impressed!" I think you should use the same line if you get flack from the kids in lunch.
Now that I've rambled on, I want to end by saying thanks for answering those burning questions!

Patty Ann said...

Love it!! and good for you for writing and publishing in the paper! It might not be a book yet, but one dream at a time. I thought this one was fun to read!

Mitch Block said...

You don't sound at all vertically challenged. (My grandmother was 4'10" at the "height" of her life. My mother is 5'1". But I'm 6'2" and my sister was 5'11". It was those daily Vitamins.

If you find someone to put your name on a book (officially, not just scrawled on the flyleaf), please give them my name too.

Kelly said...

Stopping by from Mama Kat's. I am sure Paula is reading currently and will comment soon. :) Love your booster seat question. So funny! Thanks for sharing.

Jess said...

Love your post!! I hope Paula calls one day at least to say hi!!!
Stopping by from Mama Kat's... Have a great weekend!

Jenners said...

Hey … I'm 5'2*. Sure we are on the short side but wer'e not freakishly short!! I hope to find a library book with your name on it someday … mine too.

ourpiepshow said...

Love it. I work in a school and at 5'2" the kids revel in their ability to outgrow me. I am using the mentioned, "when you are smarter than I am, I will be impressed" next time a kid goes back to back with me.
- stopping in from Mama Kat's

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kisatrtle
I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some crack...um...I meant some comments.
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