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Monday, January 10, 2011

Close or Distant? What are you?

After reading a recent post by my good blogging buddy Jenner's about the the unexpected death of her mother I began to long for a closer relationship with my own mother.

I tend to be the mediator in my family.  I am the one that everyone calls when they are annoyed with another family member.  I am the one that make amends.

I am the one that acquiesces so peoples feelings don't get hurt.

I am the one that keeps my feelings deep inside.  Even on this blog I rarely go into what I'm truly thinking...what I'm really feeling.  After all, who knows who could be reading it.

It is not as if I'm not friendly with my mom, but we do tend to go quite a few days without talking.  I don't often ask her for advice.  A lot of times I feel like I am the last to know what is going on in her life.  Often I feel like she has little idea what is going on in mine. 

A good example of this happened 7 years ago.  We lived in Ohio then.  It was October and I was due to give birth to my third child within a few weeks.  Little G decided to come early.  He wasn't due until November 1st but instead came in mid October.  It was understood that hubby would take the first week off but then my mom and my MIL were to come out and help me with the kids for the following week.

After all, at the time, I had three kids under 5.

When I called my mom from the hospital to tell her that Little G was here and that he had arrived early she told me that she'd been meaning to tell me that she quit her job and was moving to Virginia to live with her boyfriend.  She had a new position there and would be starting the following week.

Surely I could understand why she couldn't immediately take any time off.

I guess I was surprised that I didn't know she was considering moving three hours further away from me.  When I lived in Ohio that was not an easy day trip.

So as a point of reference, what do you talk to your mom about?  What does she talk to you about?  Why are you close?  Why aren't you close?

4 random thoughts:

David Allen Waters said...

My mother and I shared everything...she would always laugh and say "I can't believe you just told your mother that." :)

Kristie Maynard said...

I'm very close with my Mom, but in recent years things have changed quite a bit. She is now 86 and tends to call me for advice and for help. She doesn't drive, so I do a lot of things to help her out.
I have never been one to talk to her about personal things though. Disagreements with hubby and that sort of thing, don't make it to her ears.
I will tell her when there is something going on in the family that is a problem, but she doesn't like any kind of discord, so that doesn't always go so well.
I would have a very tough time if we lived farther apart. The annoyances of old age can be tough, but it's all worth it in the end.

septembermom said...

Since my dad died 10 years ago, my mom and I have become very close. As the oldest child, I feel somehow responsible to keep in touch with her each day. As I grow as a mom, I see so much of my mom in me. We usually just talk about the kids and managing stress.

Jenners said...

One thing is that it is never too late to try for more closeness ... though it can be hard to create what isn't there. I was always close to my mom, but we had a fair amount of times where we were at odds with each other. We had our own little blowout shortly after my Little One was born that I regret .. but we were able to fix things and work on our relationship and, after she died, I felt thankful we didn't leave that type of stuff unresolved and hanging.

I could imagine that what happened with your mom at that time would be difficult to get over. I hope for both of you that you can.

Hugs.

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kisatrtle
I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some crack...um...I meant some comments.
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