I'm going to let you in on a little secret. If you have school aged children or even if you know where a school is, somewhere there is a lunch lady making a holiday meal.

It may not be today, as it was at my school. It may not be tomorrow. Hell, it may have been last week. But somewhere, at some public school, is an underpaid lunch lady making a holiday meal.

If you are thinking about last minute gift ideas for your child's lunch lady (and I mean who isn't), the day of the holiday meal is a great (fan-f*cking-tastic) day to deliver some booze.

Our meal included 225 bowls of turkey and gravy, 230 stuffing balls, 200 servings of mashed potatoes, 150 servings of sweet potatoes, more corn than Idaho, a mint chocolate chip cookie and cranberries.

The stuffing is made from celery, onions, and actual bread. It all gets put through a grinder and formed in to balls and baked. 98 percent of it is put down the garbage disposal. It is painful.

Just imagine cooking Thanksgiving dinner and inviting 200 of your closest friends over. Everyone fills their plates to overflowing and then gets up and dumps it in your sink.

That's how lunch ladies feel after holiday meals.

Wouldn't you need a drink?