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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Writer's Workshop - You don't want to know what my kids are talking about

Mama Kat's prompt this week asked "What are your kids talking about?" and for the many of you reading this with younger kids (Yeah Jenners I'm talking to you)you may cringe a little.

SEX, SEX, SEX.

I have fielded more questions from my 10 year old, as well as my 7 year old, in the last 9 months or so than I ever thought possible.

Let's back up about a year to when I had "the talk" with my then 9 year old.  No matter how prepared you think you are to talk about this, you really aren't.  Her then 3rd grade teacher was unmarried and pregnant.  Before I get a lot a hate email for that last statement let me just say that I think if you are going to work with children than you should have a moral compass that points a little conservative.  Hate me if you want, but that's how I feel. 

My daughter's third grade teacher required the students to call her Ms. and made it quite clear to them that she wasn't married.  At the time she had two children to two previous "relationships".  She got pregant mid-year to a "friend".  This was information that I didn't really think my 9 year old needed to know.

That being said our conversation started something like this:

"Mom, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what?"

"If I like the boy I sit beside in math class a lot and he kisses me, will God give us a baby?  Cause I don't think I'm ready to have a baby."

"No, that isn't how it happens.  Besides you have to be old enough to have a baby and you aren't old enough yet."

"Oh, so how does it happen."

"Well, first you have to be naked (or mostly) and then it's kind of like a puzzle.  He has one part of the puzzle and you have the other part of the puzzle.  He puts his piece inside of your piece."

"He puts that INSIDE me?"

"Yes."

"So you can't really do that accidently, can you?"

"No."

"Does the sperm come out in his pee?"

"No, there is another spot for that.  There is no pee involved."

"That's good because some girls on the bus told me that boys have to pee on you to make babies."

"Don't talk to other girls on the bus, they probably don't have acurate information."

"Does it hurt? You know when you put the puzzle together?"

"It's not supposed to."

"If it only takes one sperm to make a baby, where do all the other sperm go?"

"Um (thinking quickly about this one)....they just die."

"Can I take a bath now?"

"Sure.  Let me know if you have any other questions."

"Thanks."(

*daughter departs with a small peck on my cheek; I pop a few xanax.

8 random thoughts:

InkHearts said...

Wen,
My DD started asking at about the same age. I don't blame you for expecting teachers to be held to a little higher standard...I mean, they are a role model for our kids and spend more time with them in a day than we do ourselves. I don't think she should have been so frank about her personal life with her students. I love your "puzzle" analogy. I will have to remember that one when my boys start asking...oh wait, I was just gonna tell them..."go ask your dad!" hehehe... I told Katie that when a mom and dad are married, they have a special kind of hug that shows how much they love each other. When they hug each other in that special way, it can sometimes make a baby. Not as imaginative, but I think it worked. She had the same response..."oh, okay!" LOL

word is: surear (su-rear) verb: to sue someones butt off!

Jenners said...

Oh My. I am cringing. I'm cringing as I see my future and how uncomfortable it will be. I'm cringing because I know my son already prefers the Kim Kardashian/Paris Hilton type. But this was so funny ... and uncomfortable (I was just dying on your behalf). And I agree with you about the teacher .. it does put you in a bit of an uncomfortable position as parents ... she could have just pretended something. I don't know. Ick ... how can I preserve my son at his age forever?

Cupcake Dessert said...

oh man!!! your puzzle anology is so perfect!!! it is down on her level and helps her understand without freaking her out too bad.. great job!!

blueviolet@A Nut in a Nutshell said...

Oh man, I do remember the talks. Fortunately, it comes in bits and pieces and they don't seem to want to know too much all at once. Good Luck!

pam said...

We have had some discussions. I really like the puzzle, I may be stealing this from you to use in the future.

Jen said...

Oh man, I am so not ready for this talk. I have a few years but I know its coming.

Mama Kat said...

Yeah I'm pretty sure I would not be giving my class any details about my pregnancy or any previous pregnancies. They don't need to know about her private life and she probably should be more careful about what she chooses to share.

That being said, you handled the questions great! Your daughter sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders.

And I am SO sending my kids to you when they come to me with those same questions!

Becca said...

Oh no! I am so not looking forward to this. AGH!!!

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kisatrtle
I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some crack...um...I meant some comments.
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