If you've been reading my blog for any length of time then you'll remember some of the sage advice I like to pass on to my children.

This advice includes "Surround yourself with people who make your world better and avoid those who do not."

Last week I had a really shitty week and all I could do was focus on the negative.

I couldn't find the light.

I was dwelling on all of the negative and not capable of seeing all the positive.  But then I had an epiphany.

I have the best friends and family.  I've followed my own advice and I've surrounded myself with good people.  Granted, there are a few nuts sprinkled in there but that just keeps things fun.

Things happen.  Sometimes they are good and sometimes they are bad.  Sometimes they are very bad.  Life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we react to it.

If I hadn't stopped focusing on the negative, I might have missed all these blessings.

My neighbors mowed my grass.

My friend and neighbor fixed my fence when a storm broke an entire section.

My coworkers made me laugh about noodles.

Other coworkers offered to help in anyway they could.

Another friend offered me a free pass should I need to fly to Singapore to check on my sick hubby.

My blogging buddies also checked in on me.

I received countless text.  Numerous phone calls and even a bring-over-some-wine visit.

Hubby is much better.  Thank you all for your prayers and concerns.

It's truly a blessing to have such wonderful friends.

I have mixed feelings about this quote.  In some ways I think there is a lot of truth to it.

Being the only person making an effort to maintain a friendship will not work.

That being said, friendship takes work. 

You can't expect to stay friends without a little give and take.  In my opinion, the problem lies in the definition of "friend".

Let's clear it up.

A friend is someone you can share ups and downs with. 

A friend is someone who knows your quirks and likes you anyway.

A friend is someone who will listen to you ramble on about the problems you are having at work and nod in agreement with you.

A friend is someone who can order your lunch without asking what you want.

A friend is someone who hurts when you hurt.

A friend is NOT someone you sat beside in English class 21 years ago and haven't talked to since.

A friend is NOT someone who stops talking to you over a simple disagreement.

A friend is NOT someone who needs you more than you need them.

A friend is NOT someone who keeps track of wrongs.

Friendships come down to the golden rule, just treat other people the way you would like to be treated and most of them will do the same. 

The others, well, they aren't worth the effort.

I've been thinking a lot about what makes a good friend. 

My oldest daughter is at the age when fitting in and feeling loved by your peers is so important.  I suppose if we are being honest with ourselves fitting in and being loved is important to all of us no matter what our age.

I've been stressing to her that quantity of friends doesn't matter.  That quality is a better attribute.

Recently I posted as a Facebook status "How did we meet and how long have we known each other".  It was so fun to see some of the answers.

I'm not forty (yet) but I've had friends for over 20 years.  One of my friends commented about how we were on the same peewee cheerleading team.  We were seven!  That means I've been friends with her for 31 years!  That doesn't seem possible.

I recalled dancing at a teen club with one of my other friends.  She was incredibly pregnant!  We were so young.  Both of us flabbergasted by the fact that she was really having a baby.  "Do you think he'll like loud music?" she asked me, as we both danced near the speakers. 

That little boy isn't so little anymore.  He'll be 23 this year and yes, he does like his music loud.  LOL

I had one friend say I was her first "American" friend.  She and her family moved to Ohio from England when our kids were just wee little things. 

When the stay-at-home phase of my life merged with the-kids-are-starting-school phase of my life I met even more wonderful people.  The principal of my daughter's school recalled meeting me when Oldest transferred here from kindergarten in Ohio. 

I vividly remember Oldest getting down on the ground during that meeting and running her hands up and down the principal's pantyhose and saying how soft they were.  That was mortifying.  I didn't really think I would ever be considered her friend.  Yet now she has lunch with me and the other lunch ladies just about everyday.  And to think that my little kindergartner from that story will soon start middle school.

I have friends I've met through work at the paper, through work at the school district.  Many of whom I can share a glass of wine with and laugh about the day.  I have neighbors (and former neighbors) whom I would drop everything for.  Whom I would bail out of jail.  Whom I would give a kidney.

I have had the privilege of meeting some wonderful moms through preschool programs that I truly feel blessed to know.  Many of them (especially K) make me proud to be a parent.  They fill me with hope, with gratitude and with awe.  I secretly want to be them when I grow up.  I think their kids are the luckiest little people in the entire world.  A&J are going to do amazing things and I hope I'm around to see it all!

Without my friend, B, I would likely explode.  She listens to me gripe, she takes care of me when I'm sick, she watches my kids, she picks up gallons of milk for me, she goes on vacation with me and she reads my manuscripts and tells me that she loves them.

We have a secretly language and usually without words we know if the other is hurting.

It is my sincere hope that you have friends that you've known for decades, for years, for months, that bring you great joy.  Whom you can't remember life without.  Whom you don't want to live life without.