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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Once Upon A Time: the stranger


This week's episode was chocked full of one revelation after another.

IN FAIRYTALE LAND

Pinocchio and Geppeto are out on the ocean and about to get eaten by a whale. Pinocchio graciously gives up the life vest to save his father. When the duo washes onto the shore the blue fairy arrives and makes him a real boy.

The duo are working on a clock when the blue fairy returns and tells him of the impending doom known as the curse. Geppeto is asked to make a vessel to save the Charming's and their unborn child.

He is concerned about what will become of pinocchio if the curse comes to be. Will he be made of wood again. The blue fairy doesn't know. Seriously? She can make wood into flesh but she doesn't know what will happen to the boy?

Geppeto says he will only make the waredrobe if Pinocchio can travel in it too. The blue fairy agrees and we see a recap of the round table when the plan is revealed. However upon completion, the blue fairy says pinocchio cannot go because the baby is already arriving. Snow White must go with her to raise her and guide her,

Geppeto says no. Pinocchio will go and he makes the boy promise to care for her and to teach her how to believe in magic. Pinocchio agrees and Jiminy says he cannot fail as long as he is brave, truthful and unselfish. Oh that sounds like a piece of cake for a seven year old!

Both Pinocchio and Emma burst through a tree in our world. The little boy then takes Emma to safety and ends up in foster care with her. They, of course, live in the worst possible place (it is Disney after all) and Pinocchio decides to run away with the other boys. He tries to take Emma with them but the older boys veto the plan. He says he is sorry and kisses her goodbye.

IN STORYBROOK

August continues his annoying crazy man pleas to get Emma to believe in magic and it is starting to appear like he might be spending too much time in the mushroom garden. He continues to have pain in his leg and when he pulls up his pant leg we see why... He is turning back to wood. He's freaking pinocchio. He is, indeed, looking for his father and he didn't lie to the nuns last week.

Conveniently, Henry finds out that the story of Pinocchio has been added to the book of fairytales but the ending has been left off.

August meets up with Gold in his pawn shop just as Marco aka Geppeto is leaving and gold asks him why he didn't say anything to his father. August asks Gold to trust him and he says that given who you are, that is a lot to ask.

Gold tells August that he will nudge Emma in his direction and when she comes to him seeking legal representation to take Henry away from Regina he declines. She storms off and seeks out August who promised to show he how to win.

He takes her to the tiny diner outside of STORYBROOK where she was found as an infant and tells her that he is the seven year old boy who brought her there. This is a twist I hadn't seen coming.

Meanwhile, MM has returned to teaching. Henry tells his mother off. She decides to attempt and fail at seducing David who continues to be one of the biggest dorks on the show.

August pleads with Emma to believe him. He found her near this tree and not on the road. They came from a magic land. He is, indeed, a character in Henry's book. He is Pinocchio.

She says she cannot wrap her head around this. He tells her he was halfway around the word ignoring the promise he made to his father when at 8:15 the day she arrived in STORYBROOK he got a very painful reminder.

He tries to show her his wooden leg, but she cannot see it.

She tells him she does not want to be responsible for everyone's happiness. She tells him that she just wants to make things right with Henry.

In a very touching moment, August shows up at Marco's shop while he is attempting to fix the very clock he taught Pinocchio to fix so many years ago.

He shouts out to him how to fix it and Marco asks, "how did you know that?"

"My father taught me," he replies.

"He must be very proud of you," says Marco.

"I don't think so. He counted on me to do something and even though I tried I think it is too late."

"You realized your mistake and you tried to fix it," said Marco, " Your father would understand."

August offers to work for Marco and is told that he cannot pay him. August says, "That's ok...I just want to fix things."

In the worst ending of all time, Emma attempts to flee STORYBROOK with Henry.

Has she lost her mind?

Friday, April 27, 2012

Lessons from the Lunchlady: Have you checked your congenitals?


Holy Crap!  I learned a lot this week and I only worked three days!  Imagine the wealth of knowledge I would be able to share with you if I actually worked five days!

Go get the alcohol.  Clearly this means something totally different to me than it does to my boss.  She meant the alcohol wipes we use to clean our thermometers.  I thought she had a secret stash I wasn't aware of.

If you're in your 90s chances are you won't die of congenital heart failure.  Ever have one of those words that just doesn't sound right.  I was trying to relay how my grandma's brother passed away and when I said congenital it sounded so wrong.  My co-workers laughed and corrected me.  They said congestive.  They mocked me most of the day about my congenitals, but I was still convinced that it was a real word.  Those to just wouldn't be swayed until our Dr. Principal concurred.  She must feel like a genius when she eats with us.

Kids have no idea what chili is.  We had chili this week and a lot of our kids were thrown for a loop.  One exceptionally articulate kindergartner nearly started to cry, insisting that he didn't order soup that he ordered hot lunch.  When I offered to (gasp) change his lunch to PB&J or a turkey sandwich his response, "I do so like turkey sandwiches."

Keep the hot water in the pan.  I managed to spill very hot water down the front of my pants.  It involved pulling slotted pans from a steamer and not realizing just how much water was still in there.  This incident prompted two things: an immediate visit to the bathroom to apply burn cream and the idea for a line of injured-at-work greeting cards.  "Heard you got all hot and bothered at work this week."

Everyone looks the same from behind.  Ok...not everyone.  We were all sitting down to lunch when a teacher from another building hollered to us, "Have you seen Dr. Principal?".  Um...no...oh wait.  She's just sitting right here beside me.  The teacher's response, "Oh, I didn't realize.  You look just like everyone else, I mean, well, not that, um...can I talk to you for a minute." 

Wait...are you saying lunch ladies look a certain way?





Say no to crack.  The last thing I learned this week was be careful just how low the rise of your pants falls.  There is a lot of bending in this job and your co-workers might not want to see your ass crack. 

This last one sort of proves that there is a certain look to lunch ladies, doesn't it?

What did you learn this week?

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Pish Posh Get Fit Challenge: The Beach Version




Let's start with the good news. 

I started the edit on my new book and I am starting to like the protagonist.  I had concerns that I wouldn't be able to, but she is growing on me.  This book is significantly different than the book I wrote last year. 

The main character lost her entire family in a tornado when she was only eight.  The story revolves around her attempts to move forward nearly a decade later.

When this post goes live I will be on my way to the beach with some of my besties.  These women know how to bring me up when I feel down.  I love each and every one of them and I can't figure out why we only do this twice a year.

I plan on walking along the beach a lot this weekend and will update you next week on just how many miles I covered.  I also plan on scrapbooking and partaking in a lot of alcohol so that will most likely cancel out any excerise I get.  LOL




Now for the not so great news... I heard from the editor that threw me a worm last week.  Sadly she was not interested in my earlier book.  I was so hoping that she would give me a chance, but alas it wasn't meant to be.

Am I giving up hope...absolutely not.  I fully expect to receive a lot more rejections.  I am building up my resistance.

Thanks for checking in on me.  I hope to pop by your blog this weekend.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Awkward Parent Teacher Conference Moments

I was reading this post about artwork created by children and was reminded of just a few awkward parent-teacher conferences I have experienced.

The fact that I have had so many may indicate that this is destined to be a new series.

Many moons ago, I went to my middle daughter's kindergarten conference expecting to hear wonderful things about her like she is exceptional and we are moving her to all day first grade instead I was greeted with this.

I thought it was pretty colorful but it concerned her teacher.

As did this one.

And this one was the reason she wanted to bring it to my attention. You see her accompanying story really made her wonder.

Did you figure it out? My husband isn't wearing clothing in any of the pictures. For crying out loud, he took her to the mall naked!

We had a long talk after that conference on the importance of wearing clothing.

In all seriousness, it turned out that middle G had no idea how to draw boy clothing. After that conference we spent the weekend learning how to draw shirts and pants on stick figures.

Who cares she thought there was a 'z' in the word the! What we needed to focus on was what daddy wore to the mall!

Do you have awkward parent teacher conference moments?

Come back next week to hear more of mine.
Monday, April 23, 2012

Once Upon a Time: The Return

Once Upon a Time returned last night and it was worth the wait. 

IN STORYBROOK:

August appears to be ill.  He is coughing and having trouble getting up.  He clearly needs a doctor but instead goes to see Henry.

He convinces Henry to distract Mr. Gold while he looks for something.  What he s looking for remains a mystery. 

Meanwhile, back at the house Mary Margaret is home and the entire town has forgiven her for being a whore now that she is not a murderer.  They are all at her house and bringing gifts and eating food.  It's sort of ridiculous.

Kathryn remembers nothing accept being locked in a mysterious basement and being given food.  She was released in a field and hiked her way back.  Regina is clearly pissed about the entire situation and feels like Gold broke their deal.

He tells her that he has only broken one deal in his entire life and it was not the deal she is talking about.

David continues to be one of the hottest and most idiotic characters on the show.  I like him much better in fairytale land where he is sure of himself and not a moron.  He visits Kathryn and tells her how wonderful she is and attempts to attend MM homecoming but he isn't invited.

Later the duo have a scene together that is reminiscent of a Hallmark Movie and kind of nauseating.  "I thought you were the one person who would always be there for me when you weren't with your wife...blah blah blah."  I don't really like these two together.

Gold breaks into August's apartment and finds a sketch of the knife that can kill Rumpelstiltskin.  Curiouser and Curiouser.  I mean how in the world does August know about that?  Could he be Rumple's son, Bay?

Gold follows August to a convent where he learns he is wrestling with the decision to reveal himself to his father.  Maybe he really is August.

The have a confrontation.  August calls him papa.  There is an awkward hug and then things get really weird.  They dig up the sword together and August tries to summon the dark lord.  Um...seriously?  Rumples says if he were Bay then he would know that there is no magic in this world.

August says he needs magic because he is sick.

In a rather unsurprising twist, Sydney confesses to kidnapping and holding Kathryn hostage.  He claims he did so he could get the inside story but it is clear that he is lying to protect Regina, whom he still loves.

IN FAIRYTALE LAND

We are given some more background into Bay and Rumpelstiltskin's life.  After Rumple becomes the dark lord, Bay begins to loathe him.  He brings fear in everyone and because of that fear people are also afraid of Bay.

After a minor accident, Rumple kills the man who bruised Bay's leg.  After the maid overhears them talking about the sword, he kills her. 

Bay makes Rumple promise that if he finds a way to save him without killing him that Rumple will take it.  Rumple agrees.

Bay visit the RuleGollum also known as the blue fairy who gives him a magic seed that grows into a beanstalk.  Oh...wait...wrong fairytale.  This bean grows into a wormhole that will take the person willing to travel it to a world with no magic.

Rumple backs out on his deal and Bay goes through the wormhole alone.

Immediately Rumple regrets the decision and goes to the blue fairy demanding another wormhole seed.  She simple doesn't have any others.

Rumple learns that a curse can take him to the place where his son is and he vows to figure out how to conjure it.
Saturday, April 21, 2012

Lessons from the Lunchlady: Dear Lord, the bananas are still green

This week in the cafeteria I learned:

The bananas will get ripe when the bananas get ripe. I attempted to speed up the ripening process by lying the bananas out on trays and leaving them in the light. My sub told me God would make them ripe when he wanted them to be ripe. While I have no doubt the God grows bananas, I feel confident that he has other more pressing things to worry about. Perhaps we should open canned pineapple.

We are talking about thermometers, right? Conversation overheard: I didn't know you needed to clean it before you stuck it in and after you took it out. Umm yes. You need to clean the thermometer before and after testing. What did you think they were talking about?

Administrators in the kitchen. I've talked before about our awesome principal and how often she hangs out with us. This week we got to work with the district's business manager in his attempt to learn how everyone contributes to the school district. I learned that elementary kids will be angels when there's a man serving the beans.

Passwords, production papers and other random thoughts. If you are going to take the day off please tell your staff the computer password or they might have tech change it to WendyisAwesome and not tell you. Production papers should be entitled production papers not menus. I am starting to wonder if I am going to be able to find anything on my boss's computer next year.

Kids are like parrots. If you call your dog bastard at home it's a pretty safe bet that your child just might say that at school. You might want to reconsider. I hear Benji's a good name for a dog.

In conclusion, I learned to think outside the box when dealing with the elderly and their computers, I refrained from calling anyone a bastard, I kept the thermometers thoroughly clean, I prayed over green bananas and I taught someone who makes just a little bit more money than I do how to work the dishwasher.

What did you learn this week?

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Pish Posh Get Fit Challenge Week 7


PishPosh


I didn't link up last week and I have no real valid reason why.

But here's the good news...I finished my book.  It's complete and it's only week seven.  Did you hear me...the book is complete.  Now for the bad news....I'm not sure I like it.  Speaking from experience, I need to walk away from it for a little while.  I need to let is sit and then I'll be able to determine why I don't like it.

I like Mandy, the protagonist, but I find her story to be a little choppy.  I need to tie in her need to feel connected with the rest of the story.  In other words, I have some rewrite and edits ahead of me.  But did I mention that the book is done.

Along those same line, I had an agent throw me a worm.  And by worm I mean they asked for the first five pages of my first book.  I'm trying not to get too excited about it, but come on, it's hard not too.  What will be will be, right?

PROFESSIONAL

I'm getting a little bit worried about the fact that we don't have a new employee lined up to work in the kitchen yet.  Since I'm taking over the kitchen (insert chuckle here) we still need someone to replace me. 

There are only three of us there and we really mesh well.  I continue to hope that whoever comes is not only reliable but appreciative of my sarcasm.  Maybe that's too much.

PERSONAL

PTO continues to kick my ass.  I'm trying to be a diplomatic leader but it is clear that I want to tell quite a few people to shut up and deal.  This attitude will not garnish me any new volunteers.  I am reminded that we attract more flies with honey, however, flies carry shigellosis and I'm not sure I want to attract them. 

Anyone know what tracks volunteers?

They always say that time changes things,
but you actually have to change them yourself.

~Andy Warhol~

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Almost Wordless Wednesday: Do you instagram?

I really don't need anything else I can spend a lot of time doing nothing on.

I mean there's Facebook and all that drama.

There's pinterest calling my name...especially in waiting rooms of torture.

There's this blog and all my bloggy friends I have been neglecting.

Not to mention real life obligations, which include things like PTO crap, field trips, baseball, instrument lessons and that pesky thing called work.

Let's not even talk about the laundry.

And even though I know I should be doing something else, I just love instagram..

Instagram and an occassional Red Bull.

Do you instagram? Follow me @kisatrtle

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Dear Judy Blume, I didn't know you wrote soft porn

We have talk before on this blog about, dare I say it, censorship. I have shared before my disapproval of the book Al Capone Does My Shirts. Many of you disagreed with me, saying no matter the content (that book implies a relationship between a convict and an autistic child) that restricting it would only make it more popular.

I felt, and continue to feel, that it is not appropriate for 4th graders.

I shared with you my utter dislike of for Alexander and his wind up friend.

Today we are going to talk about Judy Blume and her 1975 sex manual entitled Forever. This is a young adult fiction book in which Judy describes in great detail the first sexual encounters of Katherine and a boy name Michael, whom she believes is her forever.

The book is very dated. There are no cell phones. The siblings actually like each other. Most of the parents are married to each other. Katherine's parents spend evenings together making hook and latch rugs that apparently their daughter will have wild sex on later.

The book is graphic and contains very adult concepts including abortion, teen suicide teen pregnancy and birth control.

The opening paragraph:

Sybil Davison has a genius I.Q. and has been laid by at least six different guys. She told me herself, the last time she was visiting her cousin, Erica, who is my good friend. Erica says this is because of Sybil's fat problem and her need to feel loved--the getting laid part that is.

I read the entire book and I personally found the dialogue to be choppy and brisk. I found the likelihood that Katherine would be allowed to spend a weekend with her boyfriend and his sister unbelievable. I found the likelihood that they were always having sex in someone's bed, whether it was his, his sister, or hers unrealistic.

I found the fact that her parents would just go to bed and leave the two jack rabbits alone unlikely.

At one point Michael teaches Katherine how to give him a hand job.

When I kissed his face it was all sweaty and his eyes were half closed. He took my hand and led it back to Ralph (the name he gave his penis), showing me how to hold him, moving my hand up and down according to his rhythm. Soon Michael moaned and I felt him come--a pulsating feeling, a throbbing, like the books said--then wetness.

The above passage is PG compared to some other more R rated scenes.

This time Michael made it last much, much longer and I got so carried away I grabbed his backside with both my hands, trying to push him deeper and deeper into me--and I spread my legs as far apart as I could--and I raised my hips off the bed--and moved with him again and again--and at last, I came.

I will spare you anymore details including the passage in which Katherine decides to climb on top. This book, as you can tell, is exceptionally graphic and when I checked it out of the library I was floored when my ten year old daughter told me her friend read it.

"Did she like it?" I asked, out of curiosity.

"Not sure," she said, "Why? What's it about?"

"It has a lot of sex in it," I said, a topic I have talked to my daughters about.

"Ewww," she said, "I don't like that word." She picked up the book and read the back. "Did you like the book?"

"Not really," I replied honestly.

Not really at all.

In conclusion, I am not sure I'd want my middle schooler reading this book let alone my fifth grader.

The funny thing is if I saw either of my girls holding a Judy Blume book I probably wouldn't even flinch.

So where are you, Judy? It's me, Mommy and I want you to explain the word "laid" to my 10 year old...


Friday, April 13, 2012

Lessons from the Lunchlady: anything is possible as long as you take the damn temp

We were only in the kitchen for three days this week but, like always, I have learned a lot.

About a year ago, I shared this post about school hamburger. Two products posing as the same thing but containing totally different ingredients,


Pink Slime IS NOT in all school burgers. This week we served 100 percent beef patties that were not precooked. They looked just like the hamburger many of you would buy at the local grocery store. Considering the negative publicity concerning pink slime I expected our hamburger count to plummet. Nope. The count was up. Who'd have thought?

Towels not folded properly can be upsetting. Remember when I talked to all of you about toilet paper and how I don't care about the way it rolls. I kind of feel the same way about the cleaning towels at work. If they are clean and if they are folded I am happy. Apparently, my boss really gets annoyed by my inability to line up all the towels by width and stripe and color. Um..I swear...I didn't know.

Take the temperatures, dammit! In case you didn't know, we temperature EVERYTHING just like I am sure you do at home. Wait? You don't temperature your tots? Seriously? How do you know they're done? LOL All the temps need recorded and sometimes we get distracted. My boss, who rarely says anything harsher than fiddlesticks, told me she didn't give a damn who got the item out of the oven/steamer it still needed recorded. Holy crap...between the towels and the temps she may be looking forward to retirement.

What would you do for a marshmellow treat? The kids were soing funny faces or silly dances for Rice Krispy treats this week. Some of our first graders dance like this. Funny and disturbing all at the same time.

Kids believe anything is possible. . An elementary is an amazing place and often I am so grateful that I get to hang out there. Most of those kiddos believe wholeheartedly that anything is possible. The smallest 1st grader can be a monster truck driver. The goofiest kindergartener...future President of the United States. The smartest sencond grader...they just might cure juvenile diabetes. Having a bunch of third graders telling you to not give up on your book...well it doesn't get much better than that.

What did you learn this week?

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

What the crap? There's beaver anal secretions in my tea! And probably my ice cream...


I have lamented often on this blog about the evils of Facebook. It has gotten me in trouble more than once and I am certain that multiple people on their have me blocked.

Sometimes I find valuable info on Facebook like great apps to download, meatless recipes and confirmation that I am not the only person addicted to Pinterest.

Today I found out about Castoreum and apparently it might be in my tea. Seriously?

What is castoreum ? Apparently it is the extract of the anal glands of a beaver. It is used in perfuming and as a "natural flavoring" in quite a few items.

It is found in a variety of foods including: alcoholic beverages, baked goods, frozen dairy, chewing gum, candy, beverages, meat products, pudding, gelatin, ice cream, vanilla flavoring, raspberry flavored food

Um...it takes a lot to make at a loss for words but I truly am.

How did this ingredient find it's way into food? Who decided this was a good idea?

I am imagining a bunch of suits sitting around wondering how to make the diet raspberry tea taste more like raspberry without actually spending money on raspberries.

Ugh...I am at a loss here...

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Tuesday Query: It's true...I did it!

Today I looked fear in the face and laughed.

Today I jumped in with both feet and sent out six queries regarding my young adult novel.  After the manuscript made it to the top 25 in the NAESP book of year contest I pinned my hopes on winning that bad boy!

Then I felt a little crushed when it didn't get any further.

Today, I decided that top 25 is pretty damn good and I'm not going to be afraid to continue to pursue this.  Today, I sent a query letter to six different literary agents in hopes that one of them might want to see more of the book.

I will keep you posted on the process.  I am going to try to send out some feelers once a week until I start getting some feedback.

Here's hoping someone picks up the book before my 40th birthday at the end of July!

The dream is not dead.
Monday, April 9, 2012

I found it on Pinterest....

I, like many, have found another way to waste time on the Internet--Pinterest.

Here are some of my food and drink pins. Looking forward to trying them on my beach trip, which is coming up in just three weeks!
Peanut Butter and Chocolate Parfait. Everybody loves a parfait.
Rainbow jello shots...with a freakin cherry!
Individual seven layer dips...no more double dipping. Keep your staph to yourself!
Blue Moon and Corona cupcakes!
Vodka soaked gummy bears
Not sure what's in it but it's sooo pretty!
Friday, April 6, 2012

Lessons from the Lunchlady: a hopin, fruit guzzlin', artificially flavored good time

This week we had the kitchen open for four of the five days. School was closed today in observation of Good Friday.

Here's what I learned...

Applesauce is a fruit. A kindergartener asked me with total sincerity if the applesauce he was holding was a fruit. "It's made with apples," I replied. "I know, but is it a fruit?". "Um...yes."

Dear Michelle, we are trying but we ain't quite there. As I walked around breakfast this week I noticed only four kids with white milk. The rest either had strawberry or chocolate. There is something utterly repulsive about Fruit Loops floating in strawberry milk or Rice Krispies bathed in chocolate. How do I get the kids to buy breakfast without offering flavored milk?

Autism Awareness. This week a group of kindergarteners visited barring gifts. Magnets supporting autism awareness. Since we have a autistic class in the building, it is very important that all the kiddos in our building understand the things that make us all unique. My magnet had a paper attached that said 1 out of 88 kids will be diagnosed with autism. That's staggering.

A hotdog and 2 oz of fruit. Does that sound like lunch? According to the National School Lunch Program it is. It has three elements--a protein, a grain and a fruit. Personally, I couldn't be happier that the regulations change next year to include at least one more element.

Again, I encourage you all to ask your child what they were offered vs. what they chose. You will probably be surprised.

Easter Egg hunts gross me out. Let me explain...no there is too much...let me sum up. This part of PA insists on using REAL hard boiled eggs in all of their hunts. Not what I am accustomed to. Those eggs arrive at our school before noon. They seldom get "hunted" before 1:30. They don't go home until 3:30. Now I am just guessing, but something tells me they aren't even close to 45 degrees.

What did you learn this week?

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Pish Posh's Get Fit Challenge: Week Five -- are you shittin' me?

I'm linking myself up again with Pish Posh's Get Fit Challenge and I am encouraging you all to do the same.

Do you have any left over New Year's resolutions that are nagging at you? Do you find yourself complaining more than rejoicing? Do you need to write more? To whine less? To take your own advice and avoid people who make you unhappy?

Link up with Pish every Thursday. We can encourage each other. We can share our successes and our failures. She's giving away a cool prize and best of all when it ends, you might just be in a better place than where you were when it started.

PERSONAL GOALS

I am pecking away at my book and more determined than ever to finish it before the end of this challenge.

On a similar note, I have found some awesome websites that might just help me with the publishing of my other book. Since thing didn't work out with the NAESP contest I really need to get serious on finding another outlet.

Query Tracker and Agent Query may need to become my stomping grounds.

I was beating myself up about not getting on the treadmill but I decided that walking in our hilly neighborhood is probably even better for me.


PROFESSIONAL GOALS

I KICKED ASS on the ServSafe test and got a 92%. I don't think I have ever gotten a 92% on anything. It was a challenge and I am so happy that it is complete. Certified for five years.


MENTAL HEALTH

I am happy to have the house back. All company is gone. We are not traveling for the Easter holiday. It is just a chillaxin' kind of time. I think I need it. The basement project continues and little by little it is starting to look like a room!

Yeah!

Looking forward to hearing how everyone did this week!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Hump Day Craft post: Have a Hoppy Spring

This is a simple board that can be left up even after the Easter holiday. The bunnies are from the create a critter cricut cartridge.

Thanks for stopping by.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Why I hate math and a teacher named Gus

This might shock you.

I have never had algebra. I have never had calculus. I have never had trigonometry. In fact, I had to look up how to spell that last one.

Last week, I hinted that I would reveal more about my learning disability in math and today I am keeping my word.

I am not a great test taker. I really need to put a major effort in to take a test. It's not something that comes naturally to me and it require concentrated effort on my part. A lot of effort.

When I was in high school, we were separated into business tracks and college tracks. Basically, if they thought your grades reflected little hope that you would continue your education you were placed on the business path.

Sort of a contradiction as even in 1990, furthering your education to garner employment seemed like a probability.

I had a ninth grade teacher who for this blog post we will call Gus. He delighted in making fun of my inability to solve even relatively easy math problems. "How much change would you give a person if their bill was $3.47 and they gave you a $20. This is third grade stuff. You're a freshman."

In my head I know that it is 3 pennies, 2 quarters, a dollar, a $5 and a $10. However, if you want me to say $16.53 that just ain't gonna happen unless I have some paper.

I loathed that man. Still do.

My standardized test results forced my placement in a remedial class. I still remember thinking that I couldn't possibly be as inept as the people I shared that room with.

Here's what I know:

I am okay with it. I realize that we all have our strengths and we all have our weaknesses. Where I am weak in math, I excel in the written word. I might not be able to figure out the area of the room I am currently sitting in, but I can write an article on just about any topic...including speed humps.

It is much easier to make change the way I do it. I worked as a cashier and we had to figure out our own change. Counting up like I do is significantly easier than subtracting.

No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them. Do I think Gus was an asshole? You bet. Do I think that my placement in that remedial class was necessary? You bet.

But they way I responded was totally my choice and if given the opportunity to do it over, I think perhaps I may have put forth a little more effort.

Perhaps if I did, the idea of being in charge of all of the food ordering next year, as well as keeping track of where all the food goes might not feel as intimidating.

Really glad I'm allowed to use a calculator. That bread order is like a word problem...if 210 student order toasted cheese and there are 24 slices of bread in a loaf then...


Monday, April 2, 2012

Once Upon A Time: The Stable Boy

This week we final learn just why Regina hates Snow and quite frankly, it's a little justified.

IN STORYBROOK:

It opens with Regina fiddling with a simple ring and we flashback a week and hear how she and Gold came up with a devious plan to get rid of Kathryn.

Back in the present, David whines a lot about Mary Margaret, Regina spends what too much time mocking MM and I continue to be amazed by the fact that Emma gets paid to be a Sheriff.

Sydney brings Emma flowers because he has nothing else to offer. Gold sets up a pretrial interview with the DA who happens to be King George or Charles Widmore depending on the show.

August tells Emma that when he gets writer's block he starts at the beginning and retraces his steps. She heads back to the dig where Ruby unearthed Kathryn's heart. She finds a piece of a shovel. She and August break into Regina's house and located the broken shovel. Like any good sheriff, she returns the next day with a warrant.

The shovel has been replaced.

She accuses August of being a traitor, but finds out Sydney is the traitor. She located a bug in the flowers he brought her.

Mary Margaret apologizes to Regina saying that she is sorry for whatever she has done to her. Apology not accepted.

In a major turn of events, just as MM was headed to court Kathryn is found alive in the alley.

IN FAIRYTALE land....

Regina is actually likeable and somewhat friendly and nice. Her mother on the other hand is pure evil. Regina is in love with Daniel, the stable boy. She is afraid to tell her mother.

I can't say I blame her as she is a wicked sorceress with a very bad temper.


Maxine from Wizards of Waverly Place comes barreling through her land on a runaway horse. Regina saves her.

Because she saves her, the king proposes. We learn that Maxine is really Snow White, the motherless daughter of King Leopold (whom I just love). Regina's mother accepts on her behalf and Regina is devastated. After all her true love, the stable boy, has not yet been capture by the dread pirate Roberts.

Regina rushes off to tell Daniel they must flee. Snow witness this and is very upset. Regina consoles her and tells her some ridiculously Disney-like crap about true love and how love is the most powerful magic of all and it creates happiness.

Honestly, I gagged a little.

Snow promises she will never tell anyone that Regina loves Daniel, but her cuteness is no match for Regina's evil mother, who gets the truth out of Snow after just one commercial break.

Regina's mother pulls Daniel's heart from his chest while Regina looks on. She tells her that love is weakness and that power endures.

Snow is surprised to learn that Regina is now marrying her father. She tells Snow that Daniel ran off and that she is surprised to realize she does, indeed, love King Leopold. Snow is happy. Snow tells her that she knew her mother would understand about how love works and Regina realizes the child did not keep her promise.

She has been dreaming of making her pay ever since.

We are on hiatus until April 22nd but return with a little more info on Rumple and the mysterious, yet oh so sexy, August.

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kisatrtle
I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some crack...um...I meant some comments.
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