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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Three things I learned at the school cafeteria over the last three days


Regular readers (if I indeed have any) will remember that I accepted a job as Lunch Lady Extraordinaire (or LLE for short) and my first day was this Monday.
Since I have a whopping three days under my belt and feel like an expert on the subject I will enlighten all of you with useless information about the school cafeteria.
  • The amount of food wasted by K-3 graders could feed a small country.
  • Kindergarten students often have no idea what their first AND last name is.
  • Kids love hot dogs; I, on the other hand, hate hot dogs; they make me a little nauseated. I served 191 of them today.

Do you feel enlightened?

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Post It Note Tuesday -- Wachovia Bank has no customer care


An Open Letter to Wachovia Bank:

I don't even know how to begin. Part of me wants to cut to the chase and tell you right up front that this conversation is being recorded to prove that you have no customer quality assurances.

The other part of me wants to ask how you can be so...what's the word...uninformed?



Why on earth would you let someone charge $97.80 on my credit card, via the internet, in the UK and not even once consider this might be fraudulent? Do I often order things from overseas? Do I frequently visit the UK? Nope, Nada. Ever hear the term "Red Flag?"

Not only did you allow the charge you added the conversion rate? Seriously? Thanks.


After I reported it, you closed my account and offered to send me another card....yet again. But let's not talk about that. You also offered to send me the necessary paperwork when we all know that you can fix this with a mouse click.

The "Paperwork" asked two questions. Did you contact the merchant? No. I didn't. All of the phone numbers are bogus as is their website. Hmmmmm....I'm sure that is just a coincidence.

Did you return the merchandise? WTF? How can I return it if I didn't really charge it? If I didn't have it sent to me? If I didn't authorize the charge. Raise your hand if you think this is the stupidest question you ever heard. My hand is raised quite high.

I apologize for replying in black sharpie marker, but I was a little pissed.

The new card conveniently got lost in the mail. We all know what really happened.

Seriously.

Of course, this meant that you had to close that lost account and send yet another card. My third card this year. It also meant that no one could verify my account, could look at it, could open it, could charge on it and ever so important could pay on it.

Let's be perfectly clear, if you charge me a late charge because of this, we are gonna have more than words.


Post It Note Tuesday is brought to you by SupahMommy, click the button below for more info.



Monday, September 28, 2009

Weekend Update - crushing soccer, shitty football, chilly temps, and chicken fries

Happy Monday.

I guess.

It is cold and rainy on this side of Pennsylvania. After surviving my yard sale on Friday, it was time to take Little G. to swim lessons.

I called Becky and said, "Hey do you want to ride together."

She, of course, said "yes" because she loves me and then I asked her if she could drive because there was a Harley parade downtown and last year I got stuck in it trying to get to swim lessons and have yet to recover.

Imagine if you will 3000 motorcycles and one minivan. Would you want to drive during that again?

She said "sure no problem" and then it took us an hour to get to the YWCA. We both couldn't stop laughing. Our kids missed their lesson and the instructor decided to talk really slow to me in order for me to comprehend time, space and the movement of the earth.

She is lucky she was in the deep end. I told her I'm not an idiot, I know his lesson starts at 6 p.m. I'm asking can he swim at 6:40 because I left at 5:30 and this is as soon as I could get here. Bugger...is that so hard to understand.

She again started with this slow tone thing and finally one of the other instructors just said they can swim in my class. I think the slow tone thing was getting on her nerves too.

Because Friday wasn't fun enough with the whole Yard Sale from Hell thing and swim lesson during the Harley Parade my mother in law and her sister decided to spend the night.

This meant there was a strong possibility that I would have to cook dinner but alas my husband did.

Saturday morning we went to soccer in the cold and lost 7-2; I think those girls were eating their Wheaties as they were HUGE! And when I say huge I mean like seriously she is under 10 I would probably serve her in a bar big.

We came home and excitedly got ready for the PSU game. Moved some furniture to project it on the wall and had some friends over. And the game SUCKED. Seriously. The Hawkeyes. It's hard to live in Pennsylvania when Penn State loses. It's like a national day of mourning.

Sunday hubby and the girls went to Sunday school and church. I stayed home with Little G whose nose was draining like Niagara Falls. We watched some TV and then I made him lay down and he was asleep in no time.

The Steelers were on at 4 p.m. and decided to lose two weeks in a row and this time to the Bengals. The Bengals. UGH. This was not a good weekend for football.

Today was my first day as Cafe Lady Extraordinaire and I served 191 lunches to K-3 grade today. The kids are cute and they get excited when they recognize you. I had an entire table of 3rd graders waiving to me and my son, who is in Kindergarten, hugged me like 50 time and told everyone he knew I was his mom.

So being a lunch lady is sort of like being a celebrity only different.

What did you do this weekend???
Friday, September 25, 2009

Friday High Five -- why I hate having a yard sale



It's time for Friday High Five over at Angela's blog and you should be playing along. Why aren't you? It's fun?

Today I had a yard sale.

Ugh.

I hate having yard sales and I'm not sure why I waste my time with them. Every time I do, I always say "I'm not doing that again."

  1. I need a small army to get ready for a yard sale. Small armies are not easy to come by so I always end up doing everything myself.
  2. People will try to barter over $1.00. I had two bar stools in my garage forever. I put them in the sale for $1.00 a piece and someone actually asked if she could have them both for $1.50. I realize that getting a deal has some bragging rights but really...seriously. Who you gonna brag that one to? After all of that she has the nerve to ask me if I can break a $10.
  3. A quarter here and a quarter there equals 50 cents. I mean seriously if you add up the hours it took me to get ready and the hours I wasted sitting there I made about $1.25 an hour.
  4. What you think will sell will not. Why did someone by my random miscellaneous box of string but not my daughters old bike? I have the bike listed for $5.00 frickin dollars and someone had the nerve to offer $3.00. Seriously? Do you want me to break a $50 for ya too?
  5. I can never sell enough. And by enough I mean every piece of crap I hauled out to the driveway.

What did you do today? I made $18.25 and I'm thinking about drinking it.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Writer's Workshop - If I were a superhero...



This week over at Mama Kat's I choose the prompt -- If you were a superhero, what would your power be and why?


When I was a young child, I wanted to fly, then I became tall enough to ride a ride that let you feel like you were flying and I realized I didn't like it.


When I was a tween, I wanted the power to become invisible. I blame this commercial for that request. [***stands up, clears throat***] "Hello, my name is Wendy and I am small chested.








Throughout middle school I was tormented with the phrase "Hey Wendy, where's the boobs?" And yes, they yelled it just as loud as this little old lady yells "Where's the beef?"




After successfully nursing all three of my children, I thought about asking for the power to teleport. Thereby, creating the possibility that I could just pop up next to one of those assholes on the golf course, kick his jewels into next week and say "Hey, Brett, where's the balls?" and poof disappear just as quickly.




[And yet he wonders why I don't want to be his Facebook friend...but alas that is another post.]




As a young mother with three kids under five, I thought about wishing for the superpower to sleep while awake -- to recharge my battery while vacuuming or doing laundry or nursing. But the need and the time for that passed.



It's funny how when I look back at what I would have asked for I realize that they were all for me. The power to fly, the power to be invisible, the power to teleport, the power to sleep...they only benefited me.




But now that I'm pushing 40 years old (gulp) I think I would like a power that would benefit others. If I find a magic lamp while cleaning my basement today (ugh) my wish will be this -- the power to heal.




The power to heal diabetes with a whisper:





The power to wipe away cancer:






The power to touch someone and let them hear.


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Wordful Wednesday - my favorite vacation destination


This was the best trip ever! We had the park practically to ourselves. We had smiles on the entire time. We visited all the parks, we had breakfast and lunch with characters of our choosing. Don't tell my kids, but I would go to Disneyland even if they didn't want to come!

What is your favorite vacation destination? Click on the button below to play along or to read other great participating blogs.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Post it Note Tuesday --- what will you say today?

It's Post It Note Tuesday over at Supahmommy and here's your chance to play along. Why bother getting wordy when no one is listening. Just put your gripe on a post it note and call it a day. Here's a few to get things rolling.

Seriously, they are so fun and once you get started you won't want to stop!



Monday, September 21, 2009

Weekend Update: beautiful weather, soccer excitment and a prayer request

Middle G. had her first soccer game this Saturday. She is in orange and wearing number 4. The ages are U10 so everyone on her team is either 8 or 9. I'm not sure how old number 20 is. I'm hoping almost 10....since my kid comes up to her frickin' shoulder.


The blue team had not only a height advantage but also seemed to actually know how to play. Something out team isn't yet sure about. LOL We lost 1-0; which all things considered isn't too bad.


This picture cracks me up. What do you think Middle G and her friend B are saying? "Do you want to chase that giant with the ball or should I?" B is my friend Becky's daughter. I'm so glad they are on the same team.

My prayer request is for the little boy on the left. He is my dear friend Rachel's littlest guy and he woke up Saturday unable to walk. Since then he has been admitted to Hershey Children's Hospital and has had fluid drained from one of his knees. He may have some type of acute synovitis, which is apparently similar to a viral arthritis, or he could have Lyme Disease.
He's in pain and he is four. Please pray that he feels better soon.
Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sunday Citar - Friendship


True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton


"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

"My friends are my estate."
- Emily Dickinson

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out"
-Walter Winchell

"A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else."
- Len Wein - Sent by Paulo Louro



To read more Sunday Citar posts click here
Friday, September 18, 2009

Friday High Five -- five things that I've thought way too much about this week



It's Friday and time for Friday High Five. How do you play you ask? You make up a list of five things, whatever five things you want. Post them to your blog and link them here.

Sounds simple enough.

My brain has been racing a lot this week. I'm not sure why. I feel overly emotional and easily annoyed. Again, I'm not sure why. Here are five things I've thought about far too often this week:

  • To lunch lady or not to lunch lady: I was offered the PT everyday job at the elementary school two of my kids attend. Though I have accepted the offer I have mixed feelings about it. First it's everyday and I am lazy and there is also the fact that I'm pretty sure I was 3rd or 4th fiddle on this. Just how many people passed on this job before you offered it to me? What does that say about 1) the job and 2) me??
  • My beach trip is falling apart: Twice a year I go to the beach with a bunch of girlfriends. It's better than therapy and so much fun your face hurts from laughing when you come back. I don't know if it's the economy, the timing or just everything but a lot of people can't come and this makes me sad.
  • My book. I am writing a book, I am writing a book, I am writing a book. Why is this so hard to do? Why can't I be more disciplined? When I start this every day work will I ever take time to write?
  • My hubby: He has not been a happy camper this week and I'm not sure what I did to wrong him. He didn't even acknowledge my "job" offer and he has been working like a dog. Maybe it's not me, maybe it's just his super early mornings catching up to him.
  • My mom. She is so sad and I'm not sure what will ever make her happy again. She had to get rid of her dog and she is really taking it hard. Any suggestions on how to bring her out of her funk?

What has been weighing on your mind this week?

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Writer's Workshop: If you give a mom a moment...


  • If you give a mom a moment she may actually get a shower;
  • If she's gonna get a shower, she'll probably want a clean towel;
If she looks for a clean towel, she'll probably realize that she needs to do laundry;
If she is going to do laundry she'll probably want to get it all out of the way before she takes a shower,
If she is gonna collect the dirty laundry, she'll probably want to wash the sheets;
If she changes the sheets, she'll probably open the linen closet to find clean sheets;
If she opens the linen closet, she'll most likely get covered head to toe in a mound of mismatched pillow cases and rolled up fitted sheets;
If she looks hard enough, she may find something to put on the beds.
If she makes all the beds, she may realize that she is hungry and hasn't had breakfast.
If she goes into the kitchen to make breakfast, she may realize that she left her tea in the microwave,
If she gets her tea out of the microwave she may forget why she came into the kitchen in the first place;
If she hears the dryer buzz, she'll probably get the laundry out and think "Why didn't I wash the towels first?"
If she folds all the laundry, shell think I guess I should put this away;
If she carries all the laundry upstairs she'll think, "When is the last time I ran the vacuum?"
If she decides to run the vacuum, she will spend the next 20 minutes looking for it and the next 49 minutes pushing it around.
If she spends all that time vacuuming, she'll probably realize that she missed hearing the dryer buzz;
If she gets the laundry out of the machine and decides to fold it in the living room, she'll probably realize that it's time to walk to the bus stop;
If she gets the kids off the bus and walks them home they will probably ask what she did today;
If she's honest she'll say, "I tried to take a shower."
More stories like this one can be found at here
Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Wordful Wednesday - Halloween


I know it's early for Halloween posts, but when Becca at Made With Love started talking about the mystery costumes her girls were going to wear this year it made me flash back to Halloween 2002 when my girls were Snow White and the Evil Queen.
Notice Middle G took a bite out of her own poisonous apple.
mmmm....I wonder if I can convince them that they really want to be match this year...
Eight ball says unlikely.
To read more Wordful Wednesday posts click here
Monday, September 14, 2009

Tuesday Tribute - Patrick Swayze

Dancing together again. RIP Patrick.


Weekend Update: Un-Fair Weather at the Fair

It seemed as if Mother Nature knew how sad September 11th makes people feel and because of that she shed tears all day.

From the moment I woke up until we finally returned from the fair around 11:30 p.m. IT. RAINED.

When Kelly took the stage she said there was only about five people she would stand in mud and rain to see and that she was flatter we had all come out for little ol' her.



It could have been worse. We were mostly under the grandstand roof. When the wind blew the rain still hit us, but we weren't drenched. We just look drenched...LOL



Yep, that's my daughter. I know it was supposed to be an adult only trip to the fair, but my friend Rachel couldn't go because her husband had a temp of 104 and she felt guilty leaving him with the three kids.

So Big G got to go instead.



Me and Becky. Doesn't my hair look great! I'm trying to bring back those famous Farrah Faucet's wings. I mean with my hair and Becky's camo have you ever seen a hotter picture???



Here's my mom and Big G. They complained about the rain and the cold ALOT! Apparently they are only fair weather concert goers.

Despite that complaining and the annoying kid behind me shouting all the lyrics to every song, we all had a great time.

It's a good thing Becky was there because if she wasn't I would have turned around and screamed the lyrics to the songs that little brat didn't know right in her face. I mean, seriously, how old am I?

In my defense she sounded like one of the munchkins from munchkinland! I paid to hear Kelly sing not a helium filled six year old!





Sunday, September 13, 2009

Sunday Citar - to write


There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein. ~Walter Wellesley "Red" Smith


You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you. ~Ray Bradbury


So often is the virgin sheet of paper more real than what one has to say, and so often one regrets having marred it. ~Harold Acton, Memoirs of an Aesthete, 1948


The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~Anaïs Nin


Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. ~E.L. Doctorow



Friday, September 11, 2009

Friday High Five - Kelly Clarkson comes to the fair


Kelly Clarkson is playing my fair tonight. Even though it is currently pouring down rain I am so excited to go! My mom is coming up from Virginia and my friends Becky and Rachel are also going.
Here's the plan:
  1. Have supper at the fair: When I say supper I really mean a fried Oreo.
  2. See the crafts: I love to walk through the building with all the crafts.
  3. Dance through the raindrops: Seriously--no kids and good friends--who cares if it rains
  4. Try to keep my camera dry: H.A.T.E. getting my camera wet.
  5. Sing this song as loud as possible: I love, love, love this Kelly song and I'm hoping she belts it out tonight!


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Writer's Workshop - Share a recent conversation you had


I interviewed today for substitute lunch lady.
After filing out a pop quiz on hand washing techniques (which I'm confident I aced) I was asked the following:
  • Working in the cafeteria can be loud, distracting and fast paced; what qualifies you for this type of work? Me: "I've been home with children for nearly eleven years. Loud, distracting and fast paced describes my every day life.
  • How are you a team player? Me: "I'm good at following directions? I listen to everything Mama Kat says....LOL"
  • Name three words your friends would use to describe you? Me: self-centered, moody and slightly absentminded popped into my head but I went with Funny, energetic and dependable.

That one may have been an over kill. Oh well.

This post is part of Mama Kat's writer's workshop? Are you playing along?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Nine things I did on 09-09-09

In honor of the fact that I will never see this date again in my lifetime, I thought I would share with you nine things I did today. I'm sure you are jumping up and down with excitement in eager anticipation.

  1. Dusted my ceiling fans. I know I'm crazy like that. Is it wrong to admit to you that giant dust balls fell from my fan onto my bed?
  2. Five loads of laundry: For all of you out there with just one kid this may sound like a lot but for those of us with more than two kids this is just a normal "Oh crap I haven't done laundry all weekend" kind of event.
  3. Swept my kitchen floor: And here I thought my dog wasn't shedding all that much. If you would have seen what I swept up you would realize just how wrong I was.
  4. Had lunch with my good friend Jean: Egg salad and chips. I mean do I know how to entertain or do I know how to entertain.
  5. Had a doggy play date: Jean brought Olive over to play with Copper. He was very excited.
  6. Avoided the computer all day: Sorry about not commenting on your blog. I was starting to feel like I was in an episode of "Clean House" and needed to do a little work around this place.
  7. Vacuumed: After cleaning out my disgusting vacuum I vacuumed the entire upstairs. The dog is definitely shedding.
  8. Spent a combined total of 2 hours on the phone: I'm trying to sort out a medical bill and you would think that I was trying to sort out a lunar landing.
  9. Walked to the bus stop in the rain: Seems I've misplaced all of my umbrellas. Does anyone know where I can find a cute one with turtles on it?

What did you do on 09/09/09???

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Weekend Update: Labor Day in the South

We are back from our whirlwind trip to North Carolina for my nephew's birthday. It was a wonderful time and we got to hang out with lots of good friends. Everyone should spend Labor Day Weekend like that.



Obviously, Copper came along. He did really well in the car for such a long time. My niece and nephew were very happy to see him and he enjoyed hanging out with cousin dog, Desi! In fact, I think he is a little lonely today.



No you aren't losing it. My nephew had a Goosebumps party so my sister bought this fugly candle for him to blow out. It's a human hand and it melts red wax and once melted it looks like a skeleton hand. I wanted to take a picture of the after, but the kids got to it and it was a messed up in minutes.


We had a great time in my sister's new salt-water pool. Very refreshing and very cold! This is oldest trying to get me not to take her picture.
A safe trip to and from. Can't ask for more than that!
What did you do this weekend?

Monday, September 7, 2009

A Labor Day Meme

In honor of Labor Day, I hope you will play along with this meme.

How long were your labors?

Kid #1, 8 1/2 hours.
Kid #2, almost 5 hours
Kid #3, 6 1/2 hours.

How did you know you were in labor?

Kid #1, extreme pain.
Kid #2, was induced; had my water broke at the hospital
Kid #3, started fast contractions at church

Where did you deliver?

All of them were born in hospitals in Ohio. After all, that is where they keep the drugs.

Drugs?

With all three of them and I'm not the least bit ashamed to admit it. In fact, I often joke that I tried to get an epidural during the last trimester with my third because he was on my ciatic nerve and causing me grief.

C-section?

Thankfully, no.

Who delivered?

I had the same doctor for my first two and then one of her partners for my last one. Sadly the doctor who delivered my girls died of breast cancer about two years ago.

If you want to play along with this meme, just cut and paste the questions into your own blog, and leave a comment so I can read your answers!

Happy Labor Day!
Sunday, September 6, 2009

Sunday Citar - Happy Birthday Sweet C!

A picture of my nephew, on his birthday last year.
I can't wait to celebrate with him again this year!
PLeas'd to look forward, pleas'd to look behind,
And count each birthday with a grateful mind. - Alexander Pope



Saturday, September 5, 2009

Let's Get Crafty Saturday - Wow that is a lot of pictures!!


This is a layout featuring my kids and some others at a local pizza shop. We had a party and they all got to make their own personal pizza.

I had too many photos from this event. (obviously) However, I didn't want to cut anyone out. There are 20 photos on this page. Some have two beside each other. I know it is overwhelming, but I still like it and it's my book.

What is the most amount of photos you have ever used.

kisatrtle




Friday, September 4, 2009

Friday High Five - all the crap I need to do

Angela's Adventures
I'm really not sure why I'm online right now. I, quite frankly, have too much to do and don't feel like doing any of it. But alas, the computer is a good distraction.
We are getting ready for our Labor Day trip to North Carolina. We will be celebrating my nephew's birthday and hanging out with friends and family. I can't wait.
My sister recently put in a salt water pool and my kids are bursting at the seems to jump in! I promise a picture filled post on Tuesday.
In the meantime I need to accomplish the following:
  1. Pack, pack and pack.
  2. Rig up the video player in the van (love that thing!)
  3. Fill the van with gasoline.
  4. Wrap and try not to forget my nephew's present.
  5. Clean up the entire house so I don't have to do it when I get back.

Anyone want to come over and help?

What do you have planned this weekend?

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Writer's Workshop - some friendly advice



Dear Rent to Own Violin Company:


Thank you for allowing my oldest to rent a violin starting in 3rd grade. We have enjoyed listening to her pluck it and bow it (is that the correct terminology?) over the course of the last two years.



Now that she is in 5th grade and her music teacher is dangling band instruments in front of her she no longer wants to play the violin. The noise music was amazingly loud from such a small instrument and we are eternally grateful.
The good news is my middle daughter, who is in 3rd grade, is itchin' at the bit to start the violin. She can't wait to take said violin to her first lesson.

Being the wonderful, honest mom that I am I decided to call you up and tell you that oldest would be handing the violin down to her younger sister and that since they were are at different school buildings I thought you should know. Can you please update your records to reflect this change?
No.
That is not our policy.
What?
You need to return that violin and rent another one and forfeit the $200 + you've already paid on it.
Have you been smoking crack?
Why would I return a violin that I've been paying on for two years so I could turn around and rent it again? Starting at the beginning? Who in their right mind would ever agree to that?
So being the wonderful, honest mom I am, I simply took out oldest's name tag and inserted youngest. Lesson start next week.
Now does anyone have a cheap clarinet I could borrow?

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Wordful Wednesday - zoo to you


This is a picture I took at a recent visit to the Maryland Zoo in Baltimore. I love the way he is standing at attention and not letting anyone pass him by unnoticed. It reminds me of this line from Ferris Beueller's Day Off. Spoken by Ferris' friend Cameron when he decides to stand up to his father.

"I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it. "


Happy Wordful Wednesday. Click on Angie's site to play along.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Tuesday Tribute: my friend Rachel

Today is a shout out to my friend Rachel who is most likely going to kick my ass for posting this picture of her.

In my defense, I love this picture!

It is the one I have on my cell phone. Her sarcastically smiling face pops up on it every time she calls me.

She has three boys 8 and under. (Feel free to send Advil.)

She is a no nonsense, tell it like it is, kind of person and I enjoy being around her.

Her boys are silly and super cute. She makes me laugh with her stories about life, work and being a mom.

Her middle son and my son are in the same kindergarten class. I hope they are friends forever!

If I've had a bad day or just need to vent she is always willing to listen!

Who is in your inner circle of friends? Why not post a tribute to them?


Tuesday's Tribute

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kisatrtle
I'm a 41 year old (gasp) freelance writer, school cafeteria manager, wife and mother. I have three children and one anxious and overweight beagle. I use my blog to make others laugh, to share some cool crafts, to document my lunchlady adventures and to lament about the challenges faced by us all on the journey called life. Thanks for visiting. Please leave some crack...um...I meant some comments.
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